Alone I Break: Alone I Break, #1

Prologue

Four years have passed in a blink of an eye. I glance around at my nearly bare dorm room. The stark white walls look sterile and lifeless to me now. I can still vividly picture the electric blue and yellow sticky notes that my roommate and I had covering the walls, directly above our built-in, scratched up wooden desks. Inspirational posters have been taken down and packed away in sturdy brown boxes. An empty peg board that at one time boasted concert ticket stubs, pictures of friends and boyfriends, scribbled notes to each other, now hangs cockeyed on the wall. Two rows of neatly stacked banker’s boxes, filled with all of my worldly possessions, line my side of the dorm. In front of the boxes, I place the last of the white garbage bags that are stuffed with my pillows, sheets, and comforters. Sighing, I glance at the other side of the room. The place looks ransacked. Empty boxes sit toppled over each other on the ground waiting to be filled. Clothing is strewn all over the bed and pouring out of her closet. My roommate, Lisa, is off with her boyfriend, and with any luck soon to be fiancé. I never understood how she lives like this, and after years of trying to get her to organize her life, I’ve given up and accept it for what it is. I on the other hand, need organization in my life. I like knowing that everything has its place. This is why I was completely thrown off course when my boyfriend, Travis, dropped the proverbial bomb on me last week.

I reach up and untack my wall calendar.  Scratch that, nine days ago, the bomb was dropped. Willing myself not to cry, I put the calendar on top of other miscellaneous papers. Going over that day in my mind I’m instantly transported back, I can even smell the scent of grass in my nose. I close my eyes, lost in the moment.

A small group of us were sitting outside on the lawn, talking about what our plans were after finals. Travis was sitting Indian style facing me. He was more quiet than usual, but I chalked it up to he must have been nervous about his finals.

I’m really excited to move to Georgia, sip iced tea while I sit on my porch swing and-

A burst of giggles escape out of Lisa, as her boyfriend, Greg pins her to the grass and tickles her. Finish that sentence and prepare to suffer the consequences. Laughing, I watch Lisa grin mischievously up at Greg. She’s teased him relentlessly about being a Southerner since the first day we all met. We know she’s joking and just having fun with him. I’ve been told countless times the reason she agreed to go out with him in the first place was because he was a southern gentleman.

Jules, what about you?

I pick at a couple blades of grass tossing them over my shoulder and stretch my sun kissed legs out in front of me. I’m pretty fair skinned so that fact I was finally able to get some color this year leaves me with a great sense of accomplishment. I smile inwardly, pleased that when we take the boat out in a couple of weeks for Memorial Day, which also happens to fall on my 22nd birthday this year, I won’t have to be slathered from head to toe in SPF 60 sunscreen.  I’m moving back in with my parents. I want to keep working at the club until I tweak my resume and start applying for jobs.

I hear Lisa snort behind me. Twisting, I turn and face her.

What’s that for?

Shaking her head at me with a small smirk on her face, I bet they want to charge you rent too. I don’t get it, Jules. They are the nicest people, successful, welcoming, truly I feel like I’m a part of your family. But...they’re awfully determined for you to learn how to stand on your own two feet. They could give you a break sometimes. Take the summer off, recharge your batteries, ya know?

I roll my eyes at Lisa, Look, they’re successful because they work hard, and they want me to have the same work ethic and an understanding of responsibilities. My parents agreed to pay for college, as long as I maintained my GPA, which I did. I wanted spending money, so I took the job at the Crypt, and I love it. Tom’s like a second dad to all of us, besides I want to keep busy in the summer.  I run my fingers through my long brown hair pulling it up into a ponytail. Shielding my blue-green eyes from the sun, I smile at Travis.

Okay, Trav, what about you? Any big plans we don’t already know?

Travis tucks a strand of his golden brown hair behind one ear then moves his hand to the nape of his neck and sheepishly smiles.

Travis?

Ah, well, actually, he exhales a deep breath, I met someone new Jules, and I’ve applied to grad school closer to her so we can be together.

I can’t breathe.

I try sucking in air through my nose, but I feel like I’m being strangled. My heart physically aches with every beat. I’m too focused on my breathing to realize all hell has broken loose around me.

What the hell Travis? Lisa is standing over him and he is shirking away from her, attempting to crabwalk to make his getaway.

I’m acutely aware I haven’t even responded to his declaration.

Get the hell out of here Travis, unless you want me to beat your sorry ass! Lisa’s fists are clenched at her sides, and I see Greg stand up behind her, disbelief and anger flashing across his features.

Nodding my head, over and over, like an idiot I dash away into the safety of my room and cry my heart out. At the time, I never thought to ask how long he had known her, or, when was the exact moment he thought I wasn’t worth it anymore. I just nodded my head, tears filling my eyes, and turned on my heel running away from someone I believed I would be spending my future with.

Yes, Mom. I’m loading the last of my stuff now. I have my cell phone wedged in between my shoulder and ear, balancing a box with my knee and hands.

My mom’s familiar cadence in my ear reaches deep inside me and wraps around me like a well-loved blanket. God, I can’t wait to get home.

I’ve been trying to keep myself busy with studying for finals and packing up my room. Lisa has tried to get me to go out and celebrate our last college days, but I can’t muster the energy to do so. I’m hiding out, truth be told. My heart races at the thought of bumping into Travis. The quicker I’m off DePaul’s campus, the better. I want to be at home, surrounded by sights and smells that have remained true and steady throughout my life.  Curling into one of the Adirondack chairs on the front porch with my mom, while I tell her every miserable detail about my breakup is what I really need in order to purge myself of Travis.

Dad’s going to grill steaks for dinner, honey, so don’t stop and eat before you get here.

I won’t, Mom. The drive from DePaul University to the suburbs of Chicago, where my parents live and I where I grew up, is a little over an hour.

Okay honey well I have to run. We’re going to run to that restaurant you like to get your favorite pie for dessert.

Mom, you guys don’t have to do that.

Nonsense, it’s not every day our only daughter finishes college!

Okay, Mom see you in a bit, love you.

We love you too honey.

The drive home is familiar and quick. I pull in the driveway noticing my parent’s car isn’t in its usual spot. They must still be out. I grab my purse off the passenger seat and head up the brick walkway to the front of our house. Unlocking the front door, I’m greeted by the warm smell of home. I walk into the kitchen and see all the ingredients to make a salad, sitting on the counter top. I quickly wash my hands and start washing lettuce and vegetables to cut up for the salad.

After I make the salad I call my mom’s cell. I let it ring several times then I’m connected to her voicemail.

Hi Mom, I’m home, where are you guys? I end the call and throw my cell back in my purse.

I guess I’ll start bringing my boxes in. 

As I am lacing up my shoelaces, a sharp knock on the door brings my head up.

I get up shaking my head and laughing, it’s just like them to forget their house key. 

Forgot the house key again-

I catch my breath at the sight of two police officers standing on my front porch.

Good evening, miss. Are you Julia Stone?

Y-Yes?

Your parents names are Robert and Cynthia Stone?

Dread clutches my heart and I feel blood rushing in my ears. I reach out and grab the doorframe for balance.

I nod. What happened?

"May we come inside and talk miss?

No. Please, just tell me what happened.

The older officer steps forward and takes one of my hands in his. My hand is engulfed in his large, meaty, sweat-slicked hand. I force myself to make eye contact with him. The pity in his soft brown eyes undoes the last scrap of strength I have left in me.

Tears wash over my face and I can’t see out of my eyes. I’m sobbing and I haven’t even heard the news yet.

Please don’t let anything happen to them. Please don’t let anything happen to them.

Your parents were involved in a head-on collision. There were no other vehicles in the accident. For some reason or another, they swerved off the road and crashed straight into a tree. The impact was fatal. I’m sorry, miss. We need to take you to the hospital to identify your parents.

Black spots dance in front of my eyes and I hear a freight train roaring in my ears. I feel my knees buckle and then absolutely nothing.

After the funeral, I drive straight to my parent’s lawyer’s office. I saw him briefly at the cemetery, but he must have left to get paperwork ready for our meeting at noon. I pull into an empty parking spot and check my reflection in the rearview mirror. My hair lacks its usual luster and now appears haggard and stringy. I loop it all into a low bun at the base of my neck.  My eyes are empty and bloodshot from crying. Glancing out my window, I take in the shops and cafés that my mother and I used to go to together. I see mom and daughter duos walking and talking together, and the sharp pain in my chest is unbearable. I’m utterly alone. I don’t have aunts and uncles to call or siblings to help me move forward. 

I gather myself together and walk briskly into the lawyers office. I take a seat at the chair positioned at the front of his desk and listen to him drone on and on. I’m the sole beneficiary of my parents house and their possessions, including the building on the north side of Chicago that they utilized as a rental property. The apartment is currently unoccupied. There is a bakery that shares a wall with the apartment building, which has been rented by the same family since my grandparents turned it into a rental space before I was born. The lawyer clears his throat and hands over a piece of paper. I look up and reach over to accept it.

Oh my God!

The amount of money listed on this paper is mind boggling. I never have to work again, hell, I could hole up somewhere and never have to worry about anything again. I smile as I feel tears form behind my eyes. My parents, always pushing me to be independent, actually prepared to take care of me, very good care of me, for the rest of my life in the event something happened to them.

I would trade it all if I could just have them back.

I meet the lawyer’s eyes. Please see to having my parent’s home sold.  I can’t stand to be there knowing they’re never coming back. Watching their caskets descend into the earth killed any hope that this was some messed up dream.

I’ll move into the apartment, I stand and leave. Once I get in the car, I drive straight north.

Chapter 1

Present day

I need to get a roommate. I’ve been putting the idea off for a couple of months. I always end up talking myself out of putting an ad in the paper or hanging flyers, or God forbid advertising online. My thoughts always gravitate to, with my luck, I would end up with some weirdo who eats their toenails or even worse chops up people and stores them in my freezer.  Of course my perspective roommate would be stellar during the initial walk through, answer every question correctly so that I inevitably would find out after said roommate would move in, that they were a serial killer or preferred alternative sources of protein.