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    The Watson Letters Volume 1: Something Wicker This Way Comes
    The Watson Letters Volume 1: Something Wicker This Way Comes
    The Watson Letters Volume 1: Something Wicker This Way Comes
    Ebook120 pages1 hour

    The Watson Letters Volume 1: Something Wicker This Way Comes

    By Colin Garrow

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    About this ebook

    In a not quite Post-Victorian, steampunk parallel universe, Holmes and Watson continue their fight against crime.

    Based on the infamous Blog of the same name, this indecorous take on the Holmes and Watson stories pitch the detecting duo into Whitechapel, the Western Isles and the Village of the Damned. Adult humour throughout.

    THE WATSON LETTERS is book #1 in this Victorian comedy adventure series.

    If you love historical mysteries, buy something else instead, but if you're into fart-gags and innuendo this'll be right up your Victorian street. Download your copy or buy the paperback version of The Watson Letters - Volume 1: Something Wicker This Way Comes now. Just scroll to the top of the page and select BUY to start your adventure today!

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherColin Garrow
    Release dateMar 8, 2016
    ISBN9781311761262
    The Watson Letters Volume 1: Something Wicker This Way Comes
    Author

    Colin Garrow

    Colin Garrow grew up in a former mining town in Northumberland. He has worked in a plethora of professions including: taxi driver, antiques dealer, drama facilitator, theatre director and fish processor, and has occasionally masqueraded as a pirate. All Colin's books are available as eBooks and most are also out in paperback, too. His short stories have appeared in several literary mags, including: SN Review, Flash Fiction Magazine, Word Bohemia, Every Day Fiction, The Grind, A3 Review, 1,000 Words, Inkapture and Scribble Magazine. He currently lives in a humble cottage in North East Scotland where he writes novels, stories, poems and the occasional song.

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      Book preview

      The Watson Letters Volume 1 - Colin Garrow

      The Watson Letters

      Volume 1: Something Wicker This Way Comes

      By Colin Garrow

      In a not quite Post-Victorian, steampunk parallel universe,

      Holmes and Watson continue their fight against crime...

      Distributed by Smashwords

      Copyright 2016 Colin Garrow

      Smashwords Edition, License Notes

      This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to your favourite ebook retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

      The Watson Letters is based on the Blog of the same name and features manly characters, crude language and adult inclinations. It is not, therefore, intended for persons of a delicate nature.

      Contents:

      1—The Butcher of Olde Londen Towne

      2—Fairies, Photographs and Overrated Novelists

      3—The Laird and the Wicker Mannie

      4—American Psycho, Crippen and Perilous Packages

      5—The Case of the Queen's Ransom

      6—The Case of the Green Bicycle Murder

      7—Breakfast at Jellaby's

      8—Something Wicker This Way Comes

      9—The Poo of Fu Manchu

      Excerpt from Book 2

      Other Books by This Author

      Connect with Me

      About the Author

      Dairy of Doctor John H Watson

      Marlborough Hill

      November 1889

      Looking back over my adventures with Sherlock Holmes (as I sit here by the fire in my little house in St. John's Wood, my dear wife warming her muffins on the stove), it occurs to me that the Great Detective has become rather uncommunicative of late. His pretended disdain for my habit of recording our exploits seems to have diminished the regularity of his own contributions to such an extent that he rarely allows me a glance at anything written in his own hand. While the habit is not so obvious in this first volume, I now take more care in acquiring and preserving all documents relating to our cases. Nevertheless, in an effort to maintain some semblance of continuity, I have occasionally resorted to 'filling in the gaps' myself.

      I point this out merely as a precursor to the narratives that follow (detailing as they do a few of the more interesting cases we have encountered over the twelvemonth now past), since I would not wish to imply that, of the two of us, only I take time to put pen to paper. Only the other day, Holmes guffawed loudly at my expense after perusing my account of The Case of the Curse of the Hound of the Hall of the Baskervilles in The Strand Magazine, a story he deemed nothing more than 'a feast of gore and gullibility.' In solving the mystery, he himself contributed his natural genius (of course), but took great pains in keeping from me articles that might have proved useful in committing the tale to print.

      I trust that you, dear reader, will make up your own mind, and not be swayed either by the derisory comments of Holmes himself (which I have as far as possible preserved), or the recent spate of pun-packed newspaper headlines which pepper our column inches in the gutter press.

      John Horatio Watson

      Chapter 1

      The Butcher of Olde Londen Towne

      Marlborough Hill

      Friday, November 23rd, 1888

      Doctor J. Watson to Sherlock Holmes Esq

      Holmes,

      Here, as requested, is a copy of the first of my journal entries made last evening, detailing the events and our involvement in what must surely be our most grisly case yet. I believe at least one of the dailies is running with the headline, 'Jack the Ripper', which I think is mere sensationalism, however, history will demand the truth.

      Having been brought up to date in the brougham by the effervescent Sherlock Holmes, he and I made our way to Whitechapel. I began to list some aspects of the crimes reported via our friend Lestrade, Mr Lungcutter the police surgeon, and Constables Armstrong & Miller (first on the scene at the most recent murder). There have so far been five murders—including the two last night—and various items were found at each murder scene. These items include:

      A bucket and spade left near the corpse

      A quantity of porridge in the victim's breast pocket

      A lock of hair tied round the victim's ring finger

      The words—yore neckst—written in porridge across the victim's chest.

      Several incisions have been made to the bodies of all the victims, leading Lestrade to believe the murders may have been committed by a crazed doctor. Lestrade even questioned me, albeit briefly, as to my whereabouts on the dates in question and is satisfied (thank God) that I am not a suspect. He is currently questioning several hundred medical doctors to ascertain their movements during the last forty-eight hours.

      We arrived at Jones the Butchers Yard and were able to inspect the murder scene. Holmes spent several minutes lying prostrate on the ground, examining the cobbles for evidence. The police claim to have been quite thorough, but Holmes discovered a quantity of what he suspected might be French tobacco and two cigar stubs bearing a royal crest.

      My old war wound is playing up, so I shall continue this narrative in due course.

      Baker Street

      Monday Nov. 26th

      Sherlock Holmes Esq to Doctor J. Watson

      Watson,

      Received your missives. Will peruse at some point. Have enclosed a jar of liniment which Mrs Hudson assures me will do wonders for your 'war wound'.

      SH

      Marlborough Hill

      Wednesday, November 28th, 1888

      Doctor J. Watson to Sherlock Holmes Esq

      Holmes,

      Many thanks for the ointment which my dear wife has applied liberally to my affected regions. It certainly does have a bit of a pong to it and if it wasn't for my heavy cold and reinforced tweed undergarments, I believe the stench would knock me into the middle of next door's midden!

      To continue my account of the 'Jones' case...

      We took a cab back to Scotland Yard with Lestrade, who by this time had given up on his theory that these heinous crimes might have been perpetrated by a medical man. Spurred on by hot cocoa and a packet of tasty (if insensitively named), Jack the Kipper Biscuits picked up from Mrs Miggins, of Miggins' Cakes and Ales, we worked through the clues gathered thus far and concluded that these can be accounted for as follows:

      The bucket and spade signify the killer's desire to cast the blame onto small children

      The porridge shows his desire to cast doubt on men of Scottish origin

      The red hair tied round the victim's ring finger most likely signifies that the killer does indeed have red hair (which may be an attempt by the murderer to claim the killing as his own, without actually owning up to the crime)

      The words—yore neckst—written in porridge across the victim's chest were more difficult to explain. Holmes decided they were not, as we first thought, intended to direct us towards the identity of the next victim, but rather, the killer's own signature or place of abode. The possible anagrammatical solutions are thus:

      Cyst Ken Roe—a man called Ken Roe who has a cyst

      Tony Creeks—a man called Tony Creeks

      Coke's Entry—being the entrance to Coke's Yard on Murderer's Row, just off Whitechapel Road.

      Having checked out the first two, Lestrade and seven constables accompanied Holmes and I to Coke's Yard. This establishment is located down a dark and inhospitable alley where prostitutes are known to ply their trade. The Yard itself is shuttered by a pair of strong wooden gates, which the constables made heavy work of, before we were able to gain

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