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Lauren's Creed, Wings to Fly
Lauren's Creed, Wings to Fly
Lauren's Creed, Wings to Fly
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Lauren's Creed, Wings to Fly

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Lauren's Creed Wings to Fly is a story of what can be achieved when one dares to believe in one's child.
Lauren Winbanks is an inspirational young person living with Autism and Intellectual Disability.
On the second day of grade prep, Lauren’s parents were “counselled” by the local school to avoid holding any expectations of their daughter who, because of her significant special needs, would “amount to nothing”.
With a twin brother, Matthew, to factor into such a heart wrenching decision it was never going to be an easy road to travel. Indeed, it was akin to riding a rollercoaster of emotion, blood, sweat and tears!
This is the story of a family forced to ride the rollercoaster that is disability. Somehow, Lauren’s mother Dianne (with the support husband Jeff) had to find the resolve to remain true to one’s convictions in the face of the overwhelmingly loud, negative voices ‘lowering the bar’ on young Lauren.
This story is about believing, about setting a child up to succeed and what is possible when those working with a special young person like Lauren, put all their energy into working together collaboratively.
Importantly, this book is a powerful statement, which Dianne refers to as “Lauren’s Creed” - based on all that the Winbanks family learnt to be true as a result of an incredibly tough journey. To this end, Lauren’s Creed Wings to Fly is filled with useful, practical, easy to implement support strategies that make it a must read for anyone working with a child with special needs.
Lauren has made a habit out of proving the doubters wrong. In doing so, young Lauren and mother Dianne challenge all to re-frame how we support the disabled. The success story that is Lauren Winbanks will challenge, provoke and inspire. Lauren’s Creed Wings to Fly will move the reader to share the vision of a world where Lauren is not the exception but the norm!

LanguageEnglish
Release dateMar 10, 2016
ISBN9781311310590
Lauren's Creed, Wings to Fly
Author

Dianne Winbanks

I have studied extensively and educated students in a range of settings since starting my teaching career in 1986. Yet nothing prepared me for the learning curve that was required upon the birth of our twins in 1995, one of whom was later diagnosed with Autism and an I.D.I am also consciously aware of the different people we have become because of this life with disability. For this I feel blessed. Lauren has taught me more about life, about perspective and about myself than any other source in the world. Lauren is a wonderful story; an inspiring, enlightening story and I felt proud and compelled to write it.

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    Book preview

    Lauren's Creed, Wings to Fly - Dianne Winbanks

    Lauren’s Creed

    Wings to Fly

    Dianne Winbanks

    Winbanks Publishing

    All rights reserved. No paragraph of this publication may be

    reproduced, copied or transmitted save with written permission

    of the Copyright Act 1956 (as amended), or under the terms of any

    licence permitting limited copying issued by the Copyright Licensing

    Agency, 33 – 34 Alfred Place, London WCIE 7DP. Any person who

    does any unauthorized act in relation to this publication may be

    liable to prosecution and civil claims for damages.

    First Published in Melbourne. Australia. Dec 2008

    Copyright ©2008 Dianne Winbanks

    This book is dedicated in loving memory of

    Annalisa Tonietto

    (April 62 - July 01)

    Dear Friend and ‘adopted Aunty’ of Matthew and Lauren

    Guardian Angel watching over my beautiful children

    I still feel you holding them in your care

    You were one of the chosen few Lauren allowed into her world as a young one

    You would calm her like a second mum

    Lauren knew how special you were

    We still remember how precious you were

    …. And we miss you more than any words can express

    Gone from our sight,

    But never our memories –

    Gone from our touch,

    But never from our hearts.

    This labor of love is in honor of you.

    "This book is the one I wish I had to read when my child was first diagnosed with Autism". Dianne Winbanks

    Dianne Winbanks (M.Ed) has studied extensively and educated students in a range of settings since starting her teaching career in 1986. Yet nothing prepared her for the learning curve that was required upon the birth of her twins, one of whom was diagnosed with Autism and an I.D in 1995.

    Contents

    Part 1: The Story

    Introduction

    1. The Early Days

    2. The Mother and Daughter Relationship

    3. The Gap Widens

    4. A Whole New World

    5. What Doesn’t Kill Us Makes Us Stronger

    6. If at First You Don’t Succeed

    7. These Are The Things I Believe to be True.

    Part 2: Lauren’s Creed

    8. Parents Can Make a Significant Difference in the Lives of their Special Child.

    9. The Most Positive Difference occurs when a Child Is Set up to Succeed.

    10. One Needs to Concentrate on a Child’s Strengths, not their Weaknesses.

    11. One is Best Working with a Child when they are Traveling Well.

    12. The Best Approach is to Keep It Simple.

    13. All Children Thrive on Certainty and Structure;

    14. One Should be Opportunistic, making the Best of Every Situation.

    15. The Key to Success is Readiness:

    16. Unrecognised Anxiety is the Root of Many Behavioral Issues.

    17. Sensory Integration, or Lack of, is a Huge Issue.

    18. The Dream is Alive.

    Postscript (Two Years On).

    APPENDICES

    1.The ‘Maybe’ Game

    2.The ‘I Feel’ Game

    Acknowledgements

    INTRODUCTION

    When I was pregnant, expecting twins, I hoped furiously for two boys. At the bare minimum, my heart was set on having at least one boy. I desperately wanted a son! When I gave birth in August 1995, to first a son and then a daughter, it occurred to me that perhaps I was blessed to have one of each. Our twins, Matthew and Lauren, were born only slightly premature at 36 weeks and the future looked bright. After a short stay in hospital, my husband and I took home our instant family and life was never to be dull or boring again.

    Matthew and Lauren quickly became the centre of our world. Having two babies the same age was damn hard work. Fortunately, my husband Jeffrey had taken six weeks Long Service Leave. During this time we developed a reasonably united stand on what we deemed to be important and what we were prepared to be flexible on. Because the twins were so full on, the highest priority for both of us was our sleep. While we knew that a full night’s sleep was a thing of the past, we also knew the importance of staying on top of things. We both felt that our chances of getting a reasonable amount of sleep were greatly enhanced if we set about establishing and promoting a routine. Little did we know at that stage that our little Lauren would later be diagnosed with Autism and an Intellectual Disability and that our commitment to routine would forever more be a cornerstone of our family life.

    People often ask when it was that we suspected that something was amiss with Lauren’s development. It is a difficult question to answer. Although there were certainly many indications from day one, it was only when Jeff repeatedly made comments and observations relating to Lauren that I felt we needed to start seeking professional support.

    This happened when the twins were about 18 months old. By this stage there was an evident developmental gap between Matthew and Lauren. While a part of me wanted to believe that even though they were twins, they were their own individuals too, I was not so naïve as to not notice what Jeff was getting at. Ironically, I had studied Autism as part of a postgraduate degree and I could see that Lauren had some autistic traits, even at an early age. They were only little observations but enough to start the faint ringing of bells in my head.

    It should be mentioned that Matthew suffered from asthma and eczema and our hands were already full dealing with his medical needs, particularly as he had been admitted to hospital on a number of occasions.

    The thought that both our children had issues of concern played on our minds but we decided that we didn’t want to worry until there was good reason to. On the same token we knew that Lauren’s chances of 'catching up' would be enhanced if we started working with her earlier, rather than later. So when Lauren was about 19 months we contacted Specialist Children’s Services and thankfully so, because it was our first experience with the dreaded waiting list! By the time she made it to the top of the list there was no doubt that Lauren was going to need a great deal of support.

    At the time of writing the twins are turning 9. This stage of our lives was only seven years ago, although it seems much longer. But it was at this time that we began the journey, the hard emotional journey, of coming to terms with having a special needs daughter, a daughter who was never going to catch up. It is a journey which has consumed our whole life, our every waking hour since. I would describe this life as akin to being on a rollercoaster ride because of all the constant ups and down, twists and turns and blind corners where one feels perilously close to tipping over the edge. While I would not wish this life on anyone, I am also consciously aware of the different people we have become because of this life with disability. For this we feel blessed. Lauren has taught me more about life, about perspective and about myself than any other source in the world. Lauren is a wonderful story; an inspiring, enlightening story and I feel proud and compelled to write it.

    While Lauren plays the leading role, I know that this book is also the story of our family. One of the things I have learnt is that when you become the parents of a special needs child, the life of everyone in the family is so adversely affected, that in reality one becomes a special needs family. This piece of writing, therefore, will inevitably be about our whole family and how we have ridden the troughs and crescents of this rollercoaster ride together. So sit back, keep arms and legs inside the carriage at all times, as I invite you to share in what has been a most amazing ride for our family.

    PART 1

    CHAPTER 1

    THE EARLY DAYS

    When I think back to the very early days, I vividly remember the feeling of being so in love with my babies. The eight months of pregnancy had been the happiest days of my entire life. So come the time when the twins made their way into our world, I was as ready as I could be to make the adjustment to being a mum. I embraced my new life with a quiet, sure confidence that I could be everything my children would need me to be.

    As early as of four weeks of age, it was already becoming increasingly obvious that Matthew and Lauren had their own individual personalities and needs. Their differences were evident even in the most basic day after day activities, such as feeding and sleeping.

    From the outset Matthew was the one who could be relied upon to feed reasonably well and quickly. He went about feeding the same way I have come to expect him to go about most things in life: That is, with enthusiasm and skilful efficiency. He was a beautiful baby to hold and I enjoyed his outgoing personality immensely. His eyes were intense and curious, forever taking in the environment. From a very young age he was switched on to everything around him. He loved being held and was a delightful baby in the sense that he interacted on so many levels. By daylight, he was such a happy go lucky baby. He didn’t even fuss too much when his milk would reflux, which was unfortunately a regular event at the end of each feed! Despite his reflux problems, he was clearly getting enough milk as he rebounded from each reflux and was putting on weight. It didn’t bother him in the least. It was more Jeff and I who would become annoyed and frustrated with Matthew’s reflux as each and every item of clothing we owned became spotted and stained!

    Matthew was the funniest baby who could pull the best faces. He was intensely aware of his sister, who was usually nearby. He would reach out for her and smile at her. He was very cute and very amusing. By night he was not so charming. He proved quite partial to having company at sleep time and didn’t particularly enjoy falling asleep alone in his cot. We initially had both babies sharing the single cot but Matthew’s sleep patterns were very different to Lauren’s. Once Matthew was asleep, he slept well. But from the moment Matthew opened his eyes, he would simultaneously let out a loud constant cry, letting the household know that his royal highness had awoken. There was no middle ground with Matthew. He was either asleep or wide eyed and ready to play! So long as his tummy was full and there was something to occupy his attention, Matthew’s needs were seemingly met. Needless to say, we invested in a second cot without too much delay and he took ownership of our third bedroom.

    Lauren’s needs were significantly different from the very outset. Unlike Matthew, Lauren found feeding painfully, indeed excruciatingly, difficult. Lauren was very much an eat-and-sleep type of baby. In fact, it took her so long to feed that she, and I, would end up exhausted! The up side to this was that she was a fantastic sleeper. We would put her down to the sound of a meditation CD and could count on her sleeping soundly for hours.

    When she woke, Lauren was content to lie in her cot and wait for as long as it took to be picked up. She was the most cuddly, snuggly baby who loved being swaddled. She had dreaming blue eyes and the hours we spent looking into each other’s eyes were too many to count. It is something that has always puzzled me in relation to her autism, although I am equally aware that this fixed eye contact never existed with anyone else in those early days but me.

    Lauren did seem to be aware of Matthew as well. She would look at Matthew with all the love in the world. She thought he was the ant’s pants and he knew it! He would play up to her, demanding her attention and getting it. It was such a delight to witness their awareness of each other, even in the very early days. I would sit and watch this special twin bond and think how lucky am I!

    Had the differences between my twins been this simple, I would have put it down to the fact that they were individuals first, twins second, and thought no more of it. We were fortunate to be members of the local Multiple Birth Club and so we had enough social contact with twins to know that it is not unusual for twins to be so different. But with Lauren there seemed to be some intangible extra layer of difference and it was this that seemed to set her apart from all of the other twins we knew.

    For example, while most children love music, I can recall that Lauren seemed to be mesmerized by music. Rather than participate in the music, she would seem to get lost in it. She particularly loved soft, calming music (like that of the meditation CD) to the point where it was as if the whole world had closed its door, as she locked in on the beats and melodies. The impact of music on Lauren was truly mystifying. At the time, I did not become concerned about this and in fact, the effect of music on baby Lauren was something I was delighted about. Music quickly became a vital part of our daily life. Time has proven that Lauren loves, moreover needs, music. So it is quite fortuitous that the revelation of music in Lauren’s life was uncovered at the earliest of ages.

    Another significant difference that I only came to understand much later was Lauren’s reliance on her senses. Because most babies are very sensory, I thought no different at the time. But I certainly recall a baby who needed to have something in her hand or mouth all the time. She had the longest tongue I had ever seen and she loved sticking it out and licking everything. She could do the outstanding party trick of spinning her dummy around and around like a spinning wheel and it was truly hysterical to watch. But she didn’t seem to pick up on the fact that we all thought it was cute and funny. She wasn’t spinning her dummy because it drew her attention. She did it because she clearly liked the sensation it brought her.

    These were just two of the differences that set Lauren apart from her twin brother. Yet it was one particular aspect of her nature that troubled me the most. When one has a child with a special needs diagnosis, much time is spent reflecting on what life was like before 'the label'. One looks back recalling anything that identifies any clues or hints about what lay ahead. I reflect back on Lauren and remember a very placid baby, most of the time.

    Having said that, she was also the sort of baby who seemed to have no rebounding ability, no resilience whatsoever and who, as a result, seemed to 'loose it’ very easily. She seemed so fragile. It was this lack of resilience that troubled me the most about my beautiful little girl.

    I will never forget the day the Maternal Health Sister did a home visit to do a heal prick test on both Matthew and Lauren. For Matthew, it was a single second job which was over and forgotten within the blink of an eye. Lauren, on the other hand, bellowed and continued to bellow for the remainder of the day. It was as if someone had inflicted some mortal wound on her. Long after the Maternal Health Sister bid her farewells, my head was left pounding with Lauren’s constant crying, distress and her fickleness that lasted the whole day. It was one of the many curious days when a single occurrence would carry over to the rest of the day and the whole day

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