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    Night of the Squirrels
    Night of the Squirrels
    Night of the Squirrels
    Ebook424 pages5 hours

    Night of the Squirrels

    By Rachel Smith

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    About this ebook

    Above ground, the dance is on. Sam is waiting for his lady and the confirmation that no more of their friends will die. Kaye is attempting to have fun. Underground, the alarms are going off. Nurse Dash is reminiscing. Colby and Regan are doing their best to find a way out of the lab without getting bitten, inhaling poisonous gas, being murdered by a robot, or exploding. Will Regan make it to the dance? Will anyone make it out of the lab alive? How many surfaces will be covered in blood? Is Mr. Tuxedo going to be okay? Dude, the squirrelpocalypse is now.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherRachel Smith
    Release dateApr 5, 2016
    ISBN9781311847805
    Night of the Squirrels
    Author

    Rachel Smith

    Rachel Smith is a Queer cartoonist living on the unceded territory of the Mi’kmaq and Wolastoqiyik (Maliseet) Peoples (Cambridge, Nova Scotia). They’ve had illustrations and comics published in anthologies from Cloudscape Comics and Vagabond Comics, among others. They are also the creator of the autobiocomic Skull and the cozy forest fantasy comic Pog & Zella. Rachel has a certificate in Comics & Graphic Novels from Camosun College.

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      Book preview

      Night of the Squirrels - Rachel Smith

      The Colonel took stock of the archive. He had to go through several filing cabinets to find what he wanted, but he finally found the McWikken family Bible. It was the only thing he thought he should bring with him to the outside world. It wouldn’t implicate him in any wrongdoing; perhaps at some point it would be seen as a nostalgic object by someone who had no idea what the McWikkens had truly been responsible for and what they were willing to sacrifice to keep their line going. At the least, Regan had stopped that from happening.

      He wasn’t going to tidy up. He had spent enough time making things orderly for Steve McWikken. He wasn’t going to do that anymore. Soon, he thought, I will be the only one left.

      The only person aware of the roaring rampage of ridiculousness and bad science that was the McWikken family and their so-called academy.

      The only one who knows how hard we tried to stop them from unleashing their evil genetic monstrosities on the world.

      I shall be the Shelley to Steve McWikken’s Ozymandias, the bearer of the story, the endurer of the cold sneer.

      When the lights went out The Colonel felt along the back wall of the library, searching for the loose board in the paneling that lead to the tunnel he’d dug between the garage where his MG was stored and the archives. His escape hatch. It wasn’t as easy to locate as he thought. Of course, he really hadn’t needed it as much as he suspected he would when he began his tenure.

      Poor Yorke, the academy librarian, was stationed above ground when they were hired; he couldn’t dig into the wall unnoticed. Yorke and The Colonel had made a pact after a few months of employment – they would get out, under the right circumstances. One could not simply be fired from McWikken Academy- one was consumed, skinned, or fired in a more traditional sense in the incinerator. Even then, there was no guarantee that the lab full of morons Steve and Nurse Dash hand-picked to carry out their nefarious ends wouldn’t use what was left of you for experimentation or parts, as that obnoxious Ethan used to chatter. The path they had chosen for getting out involved finding someone to lead them, someone who could destroy Steve McWikken and stop the experiments and the plague virus that was created as a result.

      It was Mr. Yorke who noticed the change in the academy climate. The interns were more cynical, there seemed to be at least two that had a moral center. The students seemed different too, less content to sit idly by while their compatriots disappeared and reappeared vastly changed or didn’t reappear at all. Miss Krieger, in particular, stood out. She had been in and out of the lab on many occasions for brain alteration and she kept coming back. There was something special about her, something irreversible that fought against the scarred tissue and committed the fact that this place was evil to her very core. The Colonel thought if any time was the right time, it was now, when the interns were restless and the students had a potential leader. They hadn’t counted on the leader to be shy and relatively unpopular and the less combative intern to be the one who avoided the virus.

      The Colonel heard scuffling in the corridor and Nurse Dash came running into the library. The emergency lights didn’t penetrate the darkness of the stacks and The Colonel was sure Nurse Dash didn’t realize he was still there. He pushed a wooden book cart as hard as he could; it caught the back of Nurse Dash’s heel and sent him to the ground. The Colonel could hear Regan and Colby clattering down the corridor after Dash, he hoped this would be enough to help them.

      Nurse Dash cursed and scuttled out the door, never bothering to search for The Colonel.

      He sighed. Silent witness.

      The Colonel turned his attention back to the wall and began whistling the little tune that he’d used to lure Regan down into the library from the original McWikken home. It was from one of his favorite films, not his favorite scene, but one that stood out with every viewing and gave some disturbing insight into the mind of a person who couldn’t accept themselves for who they were and took that out on unsuspecting women.

      Colby and Regan came in just as he found the loose panel. He whistled once more at them and slipped into the tunnel. The garage was across the road from Wilde Hall, the building above the lab. It would have taken ages to make his way out of the labyrinthine hallways of the lab to get there, this tunnel cut that time down to nothing. It had taken him several years to dig, clearly an errand he was right to pursue.

      He unlocked the MG and sat in the driver’s seat. Aboveground, it looked like nothing was happening. A regular evening on the campus of McWikken Academy. They had no idea what they were in for once those animals found their way out. And they would. They would destroy everything in their path.

      The Colonel drove through the gates to the academy grounds and debated stopping to close them. Someone should try to keep what was about to happen contained.

      He swerved the MG to the side of the road and got out.

      Before he could shut the door, a Winnebago crested the hill. It slowed down as it reached him, clearly someone didn’t have a clue where they were.

      Hey, man, is this the road past McWikken Academy? We’re trying to get to my cousin’s new cabin. It’s supposed to be north of the school.

      Yes. The Colonel steeled his gaze and focused on the driver’s eyes. He was so full of life, so unaware of the melee that awaited him. You don’t want to go that way.

      It’s about the only direct route I can find on the map. We’ve heard the stories about that place. Are we going to be attacked by nutball science geeks if we go that way? The driver smirked.

      You’re going to die if you keep going that way.

      What?

      You will die. Like the others. You should turn around and forget about camping or doing anything else in the McWikken Forest.

      The others? Whatever, man. Later. The Winnebago shuddered as the driver sped off, as if it understood The Colonel’s warning when the driver obviously didn’t.

      The Colonel glanced down at the pavement. Everyone would be dead soon. He and Mr. Yorke were complete fools to believe that girl could stop anything. They should have known Steve’s fail-safes would be set off by his death. Steve had always been a narcissist, even when his body had dwindled down to only his head. He thought the world wouldn’t need to go on without him.

      Maybe it didn’t.

      ***

      Carry On Wayward Son

      So why are we doing this again? Jenkins tossed one of the biohazard bags over the side of the metal dumpster.

      Because if you keep dead things around they start to smell. Colby shifted a bag before tossing it. He felt the knobby squirrel carcasses tumble over each other inside and grimaced.

      No, why are WE doing this? Isn’t there anyone else?

      Not after the cafeteria incident. Colby hurled his bag upwards; it caught the edge of the dumpster and hung. A small line of brownish black goo dripped down the side.

      You better get that before you’re covered in guts. Jenkins snorted. You know, I’ll never understand why, even in a place like this, hospital staff don’t appreciate a good chase sequence.

      Colby jumped and swatted at the stuck bag. More goo sloppily drizzled out toward his boots.

      Well, Jenkins, you weren’t so much having a chase sequence to them. And I don’t think you should have screamed like a maniac and jumped onto Nurse Juliet’s table.

      I was trying to get a good shot.

      At the synthetic werewolf girl you injected with adrenaline instead of Thorazine.

      Jenkins shrugged and slapped at the still-dripping bag. He landed a smack and decomposing squirrel bodies coated with goo and fur remnants glopped onto Colby’s boots. Colby glared at Jenkins, who put a hand to his mouth in a halfhearted attempt to stifle his laughter.

      Really? Colby asked.

      Jenkins hopped up toward the bag again; the lost weight helped him slide it over the edge into the dumpster. You want me to get the shovel?

      We have a shovel? Colby’s eyes narrowed.

      It’s in the car. Jenkins backed away while Colby stared at the pile on his feet. He wanted to move; the rotten sweet smell was wafting up his nostrils and tempting him to cry. He hadn’t been remotely responsible for the cafeteria incident. He’d even told Jenkins he had the wrong syringe. He was definitely not supposed to be doing this today.

      Jenkins returned with a small camp shovel and scooped one of the decomposing squirrels off Colby’s left boot. He swung the shovel over his head, slapping the front of Colby’s lab coat with drippings.

      Son of a bitch, Colby muttered.

      Jenkins continued to shovel and splattered Colby’s shoulder.

      You know what, Colby?

      What?

      We only have six months left of this and then we can do our own thing. Really start something worthwhile. Jenkins smiled.

      It’s seven months.

      Jenkins ignored him and hit Colby’s shin while trying to scrape up some errant entrails. "We could really get something going. Mick showed me a part of the lab where they have frozen samples of all kinds of megafauna. We could resurrect a ground sloth and a mammoth and make a fuzzy Jurassic Park!" Jenkins threw a hand in the air, demonstrating the wide reach of his vision.

      "A fuzzy Jurassic Park, huh?"

      We could ride the sloth around – imagine- a megatherium of your very own. Call him Clancy.

      Megafauna are not pets, Jenkins.

      Resurrected megafauna could be pets.

      Colby stared at his feet, the goo was almost dry. They’d be demanding but docile. Like gigantic guinea pigs.

      Always with the guinea pigs, Colby, but now you’re cooking with grease. Jenkins slapped his friend’s back. You have to move, Colby. Jenkins stared into his eyes. Colby thought he looked blurry.

      But my feet are still wet.

      We have to MOVE- Jenkins shook Colby’s shoulders and suddenly he was staring at Regan.

      Colby looked at her and then down at his feet- they were wet, but not with dead squirrel goo, just water, and he was not outside.

      Regan smacked his cheek. Where are you?

      What?

      The Steve-water’s getting in my socks and you’re like nowhere to be found. Focus! Move your ass. Let’s go, Colby, who actually knows his way around the lab! Regan pulled on his arm.

      Colby shook his head. Jenkins and the crusty liquid of decomposition drifted away.

      We have to follow Nurse Dash! Regan yelled and spun around. Her hair whipped into his face as they stumbled back down the dirt tunnel into the archives.

      The emergency lights along the floor didn’t illuminate much of their surroundings. Colby rapped his shin against the open bottom drawer of a filing cabinet. It seemed like The Colonel knew the place was going down and had some secrets to steal.

      Colby squinted, trying to focus. He could hear some whistling and caught a flash of white to his left. Nurse Dash, maybe, on his way out. Colby started that way and Regan grabbed him.

      What’s he doing? Regan was facing straight ahead. Colby could faintly make out a figure along the back wall.

      He’s whistling.

      Not that. The other thing, see his hands?

      Um, no. But I thought I saw Nurse Dash go that way, let’s go. Colby turned.

      A flash of light distracted Colby and he noticed the figure of The Colonel slipping into the wall.

      If he has an escape pod he’s not telling us about- Regan exhaled.

      Maybe he pushed the ‘self-destruct’ button.

      What a dick, Regan said. I guess he’s no longer interested in helping us out.

      Come on. Colby pulled Regan after him. They navigated their way through the detritus on the floor and into the hallway where Colby thought he saw Nurse Dash. Colby could see a limping figure in white disappearing around a corner far to the right of the archives entrance. He and Regan glanced at each other and took off running.

      He looked like he was hobbling. Regan increased her speed as they watched Nurse Dash’s lab coat disappear around another dimly lit corner.

      It would be nice if we could see. I’m not sure the lab invested much into its emergency light system. Colby panted.

      Agreed.

      They reached the end of the third or fourth or fiftieth hallway they thought Nurse Dash ran down and looked left and right. There were more halls stretching both left and right. There was no sign of Nurse Dash’s presence.

      Hey, stop breathing for a minute. Colby put his hand on Regan’s chest.

      She glared at him.

      I can’t see any clues. I want to hear.

      You stop breathing then. You’re breathing harder than I am, Regan said.

      Colby sneered at her. He tried to stop his lungs from needing so much air and focused his ears on the space. Nothing.

      Do you hear anything?

      No. Regan scratched her head. He has to have run into one of these rooms. He’s hiding. Let’s kick in all the doors.

      That’s an excellent plan, Regan, let me tell you why we aren’t going to do that- Colby put his hand on her shoulder. Because this lab has a lot of potential zombies in it that need to be let out in order to eat us and escape.

      Do you know that for a fact? Regan asked.

      Sort of. Jenkins used to tell me stories about the things he found out working with Mick and Nick.

      Did he use the zed word?

      We can use the zed word. Colby sighed. Zombie superstitions.

      No you can’t! A voice came from up the hall.

      What? Colby turned around to see Ethan hanging out of a door down the hall.

      Come on! Ethan waved his hands in a come-here gesture.

      Is that happening because he said the zed word? I didn’t, so I should have immunity, Regan said.

      Colby sighed, grabbed her hand, and raced down the hall.

      After they made it in Ethan slammed the door.

      What’s happening? Colby gasped.

      The emergency system is on, which means the fail-safes have been triggered and we’re going to die, Ethan said.

      What? Regan asked.

      I thought it was the containment breach emergency shutdown noise, Colby said.

      There’s only one noise.

      Are the ‘fail-safes’ something I should know about already? Was there a meeting I missed? Colby asked.

      Colby, did you read your manual the whole way through?

      Nope. Colby inhaled deeply.

      So, you didn’t make it to the fine print in Appendix Twelve where they describe what happens if the lab’s mission is not accomplished or if Steve McWikken, the last male, dies before the mission is accomplished?

      No…

      I didn’t either. Brian told me about the fail-safes a long time ago, but I thought he was kidding because they seemed so- well- stupid. I was told we were here to make Steve a new body and that didn’t really comply with the whole ‘obliterate the academy, scorched earth if we don’t sort out the strongest, hairiest, partially robotic so he’s totally immune to the Fade’ idea. Now, I know Brian wasn’t joking.

      So now that Steve is dead- Regan said.

      Steve is dead? Ethan asked. That’s what started the emergency system. Thanks, Regan, thank you. Very sweet of you. Did you know that he was the last of the family? Do you know that when he died-

      Regan held up her hand at Ethan. I cut him in half.

      Great. When you cut him in half you triggered the fail-safes. And I’m sure Mick and Nick know and since they’re completely insane they’ll open the cages and finish off the rest of the plan if Nurse Dash doesn’t do it first. Thanks so very much. I’m glad you thoroughly planned this situation and I definitely won’t push you out into the hallway as a sacrifice to the squirrels if what I’m doing doesn’t work and I’m not going to get out in time to avoid the poisonous gas. Ethan smiled.

      You’re welcome. Regan smiled back. Poisonous gas?

      There are all kinds of lovely little insanity-based self-destruct mechanisms built into this place. The McWikkens went batshit crazy sometime in the 1980s and had Nurse Dash install all the fail-safes that I’m sure he’s working on right now.

      The squirrels are really just a fail-safe? Regan asked.

      No, Ethan said.

      But you mentioned opening cages.

      Yeah, they’re step one, well, not really, they’re step two, but step one is locking us in here. Thanks, again, Regan, I really appreciate your assistance. Now I definitely have to figure out how the hell we can keep the little homicidal maniacs in their cages.

      It’s not her fault, Ethan.

      Except literally.

      We’re locked in here?

      Not yet.

      Good. We were following Nurse Dash so we could brutally murder him, but we lost him.

      You’re in the best room to find Nurse Dash. We might even get to see him destroyed by his own life’s work. He gestured for them to turn around and pointed to a row of screens. The surveillance system.

      Colby smiled. I never got to come in here! Can you see everything?

      Yes, you can see everything.

      Look, there’s Myers! Colby pointed. He’s still knocked out from when I punched him before!

      Regan patted him on the shoulder. I’m sure that’s it. He’s not the type to play dead when shit hits the fan. She walked to the corner opposite the screens and slid to the floor. Do you see Nurse Dash?

      We’ll find him. We’ll kill him, Colby said to Regan. He squinted at the screens; searching for any flash of lab coat.

      Wait, the fail-safes haven’t really been triggered, have they? If the first one hasn’t happened? Colby asked.

      Ethan sighed.

      The emergency system is the warning that the fail-safes have been triggered. If you aren’t out within a certain amount of time, lock down happens and you’re stuck. That’s what I’m working on. First things first, we have to lock the squirrels in. If we can’t get out and they can- Ethan shook his head. We - we have to concentrate on keeping them down here. If even one group gets out it will be catastrophic. If the first group gets out, it will be worse.

      For who? Regan asked.

      Everyone.

      Awesome. Colby ran his hands through his hair. What do you mean ‘the first group of squirrels’? How many groups are there?

      Right, you never got to ‘Project Abattoir,’ did you? That was the other one.

      Jenkins.

      Ethan nodded.

      The answer is several groups. Be glad that you never had to clean their cages. The newest group hasn’t been too messed with, so they have the intelligence level of an average squirrel. They’ll be looking for flesh to store for winter, nice potential dens, etcetera-

      EW, Regan said.

      Colby frowned at Ethan. And the other groups?

      Slightly altered. They’re smarter and seem to like working in teams. Valentine and Spencer injected the first group, the Old Ones, with the least diluted version of the Q virus. They’re unstoppable. And they haven’t managed to break out of their cages yet. Which is why I’ll break in to the normal electrical system, re-route the encryptions for the cage locks, and get everything shut tight down here. We can probably survive if we keep them down here, and if they don’t get out they can’t start the re-animation. It’s our only chance really. If the Old Ones get out... Well, we’re not going to let them get out.

      Then re-route or whatever already, Ethan, geez. Regan sighed. This is so not what I came down here for. I was supposed to take care of the Steve McWikken problem and then go to the dance.

      The dance? Ethan rolled his eyes. It’ll be pretty hard to dance when you’ve been partially devoured by squirrels or later when you’re suffocated by poisonous gas. ‘Take care of the Steve McWikken problem.’ Ha ha.

      Again I have to ask, there’s poisonous gas? Regan frowned.

      Nurse Juliet’s idea. 245 Trioxin. It’s step four. Step five is incineration. Ethan turned back to the circuits.

      Awesome, Colby said.

      What’s step three?

      Re-animation.

      So first we’re going to be locked in here, then we’ll be bitten and possibly consumed by infected squirrels, then we’ll re-animate like everyone at the basketball game, be suffocated by 245 Trioxin, and finally, incineration, Regan said. Did I follow you correctly down the path of madness?

      Yep, Ethan said. But the re-animation step isn’t specific to recently infected victims.

      Great. Regan put her hands on her hips.

      Regan, I think we can call this a total success.

      Only when we get Nurse Dash, she said and crossed her arms over her chest.

      Only when we get Nurse Dash, Colby repeated.

      He scrutinized the screens more carefully and saw a runner tearing through the labs on his way toward them. He could see a familiar skullcap of ice blonde hair.

      Simon’s coming.

      ***

      Withered Hand of Evil

      Nurse Dash eyed the pill bottles Mick and Nick held out to him.

      Really, Nick? Tylenol? Do I look like a fussing baby to you? Nurse Dash huffed. Get the opiates. AND the amphetamines. This has to be finished correctly and I don’t want to feel like I even have ankles anymore.

      Nick and Mick nodded in unison and walked with their index fingers pressed together toward the sub-labs where the medicine chests were kept. He hoped one of them had remembered to bring the keys. Surely their addled brains remembered that controlled substances required keys, even in this facility.

      Nurse Dash pressed on his hastily bandaged ankle and gritted his teeth in regret. This would never have happened if that idiot girl pirate and the stupid white knight intern hadn’t found each other. He’d done his best to keep them apart. It was a wonder Regan could even think at all considering the number of times Ethan had rummaged around inside her head. They hadn’t had time to finish Intern Colby before it all went wrong. Nurse Dash pressed his fist to his teeth. So wrong.

      He’d done his best with the role of Nurse Dash. He wasn’t his father. He wasn’t a brilliant scientist sent off to study at Miskatonic Medical School. He was born in Wilde Hall- he would probably die in Wilde Hall, or at least underneath it, in the lab built for his father. The McWikken family never offered to send him for any schooling. There hadn’t been time; Steve started fading well before his father’s predictions. They had just brought in their first crop of interns, the academy had just opened its doors to the first class of malcontents and unwanted children- it all happened so fast.

      When Nurse Dash was younger and still used his own name, Troy, instead of the heavy mantle he was now under, everything seemed as though it was moving so slowly. He followed his father around on the daily chores: gathering eggs from the chicken house and bringing them to the cooks, feeding and watering the horses while breakfast was made, overseeing the servants as they served the breakfasts and making sure they never made direct eye contact with the more faded members of the family. Although when Troy was younger, there were very few members of the family at any time missing more than a shin or an ear. At that time, it was assumed that the disease was loosening its hold over the family.

      Previous generations of McWikken women might have a whole baby one time, but the next time only a foot would be born, or worse, an elbow. And when most of the whole-born children turned twenty, they would start to lose pieces. Sometimes it would begin with a toe, or a finger. They’d wake up and it wouldn’t be there anymore. Breakfast was a very pivotal time because pieces tended to disappear overnight. Ten years earlier, Tucker McWikken lost an arm up to the elbow overnight. A servant girl gasped at him while serving his oatmeal and was later found beaten to death in the root cellar stationed between the main house and the family cemetery. The no eye contact policy helped the current Nurse Dash recognize which members of household staff needed to be dismissed or assigned to other work duties to avoid that sort of incident. When Tucker’s children Trudy, Rachel, and Steve had all been born whole one after the other, the entire household breathed a sigh of relief.

      After breakfast Troy would help the groundskeepers and the stable hands while his father escorted Steve, Trudy, and Rachel during their morning and afternoon activities. Troy was never allowed to come along on their excursions through the woods. When he was very young he would kick and scream about it, although now that he was older, he thought it sounded like babysitting. He was happy he didn’t have any babysitters at thirteen. He was waiting to begin bodyguard training and it seemed like thirteen was a good age to get going on that.

      Thaddeus McWikken was always asking about how Trudy- never Rachel- felt at breakfast. It seemed to Troy that she, and probably Rachel too- even though she’d made it past thirty without any missing pieces- was in need of protection if she felt that weird all the time. Troy could have been a big help to his father if a bear or a mountain lion ever attacked while they were in the woods. Thaddeus was family patriarch although he was uncle, father, nephew, and brother to several of the current family members, and he thought it was imperative that the latest whole three have protection from a Nurse Dash at all times. He abandoned that idea when Steve suggested they send Troy’s father to medical school.

      Steve was a few years younger than Troy’s father; they had grown up together more like friends than caretaker and master. Troy’s father was always talking about interesting things Steve said while they were out and about how he wanted to leave a mark on the world outside the McWikken family compound. Steve didn’t think that the disease should be ruling over their entire family or the legacy they would leave. He argued that they should be using the first-rate correspondence education they received to eradicate the disease and help other families that had too many intermarriages to sort their genetic lines back out into whole children again. He was sure they weren’t the only family this had happened to, although he hadn’t come across any others in his research yet. Thaddeus McWikken offered to build him a library at dinner one evening and Steve counter-offered with an academy. Since Thaddeus believed heavily in keeping the family and their ways safe through seclusion, he didn’t give much weight to Steve’s arguments about the future even though it was clear that without some sort of intervention their time was limited. At Christmas, Melody was reduced to a chin and Thaddeus acquiesced and offered to send Kevin Dash to medical school.

      Troy remembered the day his father left very clearly. There was a heavy fog covering the grounds in the morning and his heavy sweater wasn’t keeping him warm as he poured grain into the horses’ feed buckets. Without his father, he wouldn’t have any company in Wilde Hall but the other servants. And because of the variety of family rules about conversational topics, he couldn’t really say anything to them. Most of them were superstitious and stupid anyway. He’d heard several of them say that Tucker was into the occult and the whole family was the spawn of Satan and that’s why they disappeared. Troy wondered how you could live your entire life on the property, just like he did, and not realize that was impossible. If it was possible, worshipping Satan really wasn’t working out for them. There were virtually no benefits to being hooked up to machines when your kidneys disappeared or being fed through tubes

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