I Have What?!!: My Breast Cancer Discovery
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I Have What?!! - Cassandra McElroy
brave.
1
I HAVE WHAT?!
So what did it feel like to be told you had breast cancer?
I had my annual mammogram on Monday, November 3, 2014. The following day I was asked to come back to have more images taken. I was used to hearing this request since my breasts are dense (that word always makes me chuckle) and often my mammograms were difficult to read. I was leaving town the next day and made an appointment for Thursday, November 20, to have another mammogram of my left breast when I returned. I had the mammogram, followed by an ultra sound. I still wasn’t nervous about anything. They then told me I had to come back to have a biopsy done because something looked suspicious
. I took the next day’s appointment, which was a Friday, to get it over with. I thought to myself, Well, I know that I do not have cancer. I don’t even feel the lump!
I usually get nervous and am dripping wet in sweat when I have my pap smear, BUT for this I was very calm. The doctor gave me a little Lidocaine and then did the biopsy. It was nothing to be afraid of. No sweat!
On Monday, November 24, late afternoon, I got a call from the Radiologist. He asked me how I was doing after having the biopsy done. I told him I was fine, not even a bruise. He was happy to hear that and before I could ask him about his day, he wanted to know if I was someplace where I could talk. He asks, Can you talk? Are you sitting down?
(I could talk but what did sitting down have to do with it?) I realized immediately that this was not a good thing for him to be asking. I knew as soon as he said that, it was bad news. He immediately said that the biopsy showed it was cancer. There was a silence and pause between us. He interrupted the seconds of silence by saying that I needed to see a surgeon as soon as possible. Before I knew it, he and I had made appointments with the surgeon, the oncologist and the radiation doctor. I knew nothing about any of these people and how was I to know I even wanted to see these particular doctors. Oncologist was a foreign word to me. After saying thank you, I hung up the phone. I don’t remember walking down the stairs, but before I knew it I was in my husband Jim’s office and told him the news. It was surreal. It wasn’t happening to me. I couldn’t even cry.
Jim pulled me onto his lap and said he was so sorry to hear that I had cancer. He assured me that we were in this together and he would go along with whatever I needed or wanted to do. He was by my side. I told him I was NOT going to have chemotherapy!
My husband Jim and me
Right off I felt brave. I mean I knew I had to believe it but didn’t know what to expect. I couldn’t even think of what I might be facing. It never occurred to me that I wouldn’t get through it. I remember the way I felt on my first day of school, the first day of a new job, going into labor, getting through a divorce, moving out of state and feeling like an orphan when my last parent passed away. All of those things were overwhelming and I felt I didn’t have a choice but to get through them, one step at a time. That was how I faced the