Discovering Ansley: Discovery Series, #2

Chapter 1

2013 Nov 13

Ansley

OMG!! Really that is all I can say. You selfish SOB! You take my life you bastard. You tell me I am not worth being married to any more. Where the fuck was this two years ago or even six years? Did you even really love me? I still don’t understand why? Why Heather? Why now? How long? So many damn questions running through my head. My one sanity is Nix.

I felt like shit for calling him at one in the morning, but I didn’t know what else to do. My family pretty much told me to suck it up and deal with. What a great support system I have!!! Anyway, here it is four in the morning; I have three suitcases packed and a carryon bag. This is what my life has come down too. Really! FML!

Nix said we would get what I didn’t bring with me out there. God I love that man like a brother.

At this point, I have cried and cried and I can’t cry anymore. Jase left last night and said he would give me a few days to decide what I wanted to do. REALLY! Bastard. While my life is torn apart, he is happily fucking my best friend. Yes, my best girlfriend. I should have seen this coming. She was everything I wasn’t. Tall, long legged...and part of the corporate world.

I am sitting here looking at the smashed picture of our wedding day. I don’t know whether to scream or cry. I threw my rings at him as he walked out the door, with his bag. I have never felt so worthless in my life.

I destroyed the house. I didn’t care. I mean really...why should I care what kind of mess I leave his house in. If I forget anything I pray he burns right along with the house and him in it.

I tossed the damn picture across the room and glass shattered all over. I don’t care. I looked at my bare finger as more tears roll down my face. You can see where the impression of my rings has been for four years. The tears tumbled down my cheek splattering the back of my hand. I had to call a cab, because I didn’t even own a car and my plane leaves in two hours.

What would I have done without Nix? My one true constant... my best friend even though he is a guy. Without him, I would be homeless.

I sat in the dark silence. I hate this. I am so used to Jase’s snoring that I don’t know how I am going to get through this silence. Utter silence. FUCK me!

The doorbell just buzzed and I must go. I must leave the only home I have known as an adult. Standing in the doorway, my heart is breaking in two. I really can’t breathe. I feel myself start to hyperventilate. I bend at the knees trying to catch my breath as the cabbie takes my stuff to the car. How can I leave? If I leave this is a permanent thing. My life, my love... everything is gone!

The flight across the states seems to drag. Every time I closed my eyes in attempt to sleep, I couldn’t get the image out of my head of my husband walking out the door. I couldn’t erase the words he spoke from my memory. You mean nothing to me. I have never loved you. You are nothing but a fat bitch.

I didn’t move as he spit out those vile words. I stood in utter shock as the words just rolled off his bitter tongue. He told me I would never be a mother, a wife or anything of importance to anyone. He knew how to cut without making a physical mark on me. I tried to hold the tears back as he explained to me I had just forty- eight hours to get out of his house. He said he had a life to live and wanted me out of his.

No matter how many times I fly... I hate it! I didn’t even really know where I was going. Nix booked my flight. I just followed instructions like I am so good at doing, or so I have been told.

I exited the plane and walked aimless for a few minutes around LAX. Damn Nix!  Did he have to send me to the largest airport in the whole entire universe? I milled my way through trying to get to the baggage claim area. Not like I had much to grab. I found my two large bags. Dragging them behind me, I carried my smaller bag across my chest and head toward what I prayed was the main entrance of the airport where Nix was supposed to meet me.

When I had called Nix, the first word out of his mouth was motherfucker. No other words were spoken at first. He put me on hold, then when he came back on the line. He then promptly told me he would fly back here and kick Jase’s ass, but I told me he better not. He then proceeded to tell me he had booked me on the first flight to L.A. he could get and said don’t worry about anything.  I was more than a little surprised he had kept his word. I love Nix, but he was often forgetful about things.

So here I stood with my three bags, my purse and a carryon bag. I didn’t want anything else to remind me of a life that really wasn’t mine. As I stood in the airport I really began to wonder what the hell I was thinking. I didn’t know what I was doing. I wasn’t the same person Nix knew. We had both changed over the years.

He owned three nightclubs from coast to coast, is a great surfer and a chick magnet.  Oh and a great business man as well. Which how could he not? He was six-three and 250lbs of solid muscle. Carbon colored hair; his eyes the color of dark emeralds.  Everyone asked why we didn’t hook up in high school. Why not?  He was my Nix. I mean really. I saw him go through puberty and was his best friend when we he was the short guy and everyone picked on him. Liam Nixon Anderson stayed small until the summer before our 12th grade year. In one summer, he went from this tiny scrawny little boy to what he looks like now. Poor guy went through some horrible changes.

Me? Polar opposite. I hit my height around the age of eleven. Standing at five foot three... well on good days anyway.  I won’t tell you what I weigh. Let’s just say it is not where I want to be or where I should be. Two lost babies later and my body is not where I was the last time Nix had seen me. For over twenty years I believe I am the only to ever call his Nix.  It happened by accident. I got tired of yelling Liam and several guys turning around. So one day I said Nixon and somehow it got shorten to Nix. He will probably be pissed off at me. Why? I am not going to say I let myself go, but I did change over the past five years. Maybe that was the issue with Jase and why he started having an affair with Heather. I mean really. She was the stick thin super model looking person all the time. I lost myself and forgot who I was. I guess that happens when you’re trying to be the doting housewife and pregnant. I did what he wanted and my life wasn’t my own. I became a good housewife. I tried to work a few times over the past five years, but nothing ever lasted.

Hell yes I am angry, hurt and I am sure every emotion in between has ran through me. The reality of life now hadn’t hit me yet. I was waiting to crash. Not sure when, or if, I will ever be okay.

As I stood in the airport I really didn’t know why I was here. I had a huge money order in my purse and no idea what I was going to do with my life. My family really thought I was crazy. But what the hell did they know? My mother who didn’t give a shit about anyone but herself told me to suck it up and get divorced all the time. I just hung up and decided my relationship with her was done!

Nobody could help me deal with this but myself. Jase, my husband, or soon to be ex-husband and I lost two children over the past six years. Everyone told me to get over the loss. Really, how do you ever get over it? You don’t.

I glanced at my watch...where the hell was the stupid shit? My plane landed nearly twenty minutes ago.  Yes, I had wonderful names for him at certain time. On no certain terms, I have called him bastard at least once a day. We really did have a love hate relationship. I checked my phone one last time. Nix was now over thirty minutes late. No message. No call. He was going to get a piece of my mind.

Sending a quick text: Hey piece of shit.... Where are you? We had a date at the airport at 10:30 this morning. Did you forget me? Ass. You better get it here quick or I will kick it.

I hit sent and stewed a few minutes longer. Really! I mean did the asshole really forget me. I grabbed my bags and started walked out of the entrance to figure out how the hell to hail cab and get to the beach house. Seeing as I didn't have a clue as to what the hell I was doing or if anyone would be home. I had only gone a few feet when I heard his voice.

A smile spread across my face. I didn’t even have to turn around to know it was Nix. I dropped all my luggage turning to see him strolling towards me with really bad, just fuck hair, in a pair of gym shorts, a tank top and Adidas sandals.

So you think you can kick this piece of shit’s ass? He chuckled as he walked towards me with a cocky ass grin on his face.

Oh my god Nix! I raced to him. He threw his arms open as I jumped into them. Picking me up, he spun us around like I weighed nothing.

Look at you girl. Not so little anymore. Nix sat me back on the ground. We walked together towards my luggage now strewn about on the ground.

Bite me. So where the hell were you? I quipped. By his appearance I knew what he had being doing...well at least overnight.

I don’t think you really want to know details. Nix winked.

Raising an eyebrow I knew better. I really didn’t. After listening to some of his sexual conquest stories... God knows I didn’t want to know the details. No, never mind. But at least you could have tucked your dick back in long enough to not keep me waiting.

I have missed you. Trust me, in no time you will forget who Jase was and he is going to be so pissed off that he left.

I stopped dead letting him pass. I didn’t need a reminder of the past twenty-four hours. Really can we not talk about him? I haven’t cried for hours now and I don’t want to start again. We had talked all the time but being with him, made me feel ten times better. Maybe this was the best thing for me. As soon as we made contact, we fell back into our normal which was as crazy as it comes.

Sorry, but it’s his loss. Not yours babe.  The boys are excited to see you again.

I watched Nix grabbed the two larger suitcases and carry them towards the door. I picked up my purse, the smaller suitcase and the small carryon bag following him out the exit. 

I am park in lot D. He nodded towards the left. I shook my head.

What? Don’t look at me like that. I said I was sorry.

You can be sorry all you want, but still doesn’t change the fact that you are over forty minutes late and now I have to walk a mile to your car. I don’t forget easily. I tried to keep my laughter back, but it was no use... a loud giggle escaped me.

Shit!  Just shut up and walk. He groaned and then smiled.

I followed his stupid ass down the sidewalk as the fall air nip at me. Although it was fall by the calendar, the weather didn’t agree. The warm sun greeted my face as we walked across the parking lots to his car. Thankfully I didn’t have on a dreadful pair of heals and I was able to keep up with the long legged giant. It took five minutes to maneuver through the parking lots and find his car.

My mouth dropped open as he fumbled for his keys and unlocks a brand new Ford Mustang Cobra. Playboy?

You would think that about me... wouldn’t you?

I don’t have to think about anything. The fact you are driving a car with a value of what... like sixty-five grand plus and the fact you showed up with just fucked hair? Don’t give me that I am not a playboy shit.

He threw up his hands. I give. Yes I am a playboy. I like sex what can I say. I have ‘girlfriend’ but I don’t do relationships. I have always been bad at them, so why even bother. I am not brave like you.

Brave. You think I am brave? That is a crock of shit. I scoffed. Brave? Seriously. I screwed my life up by marrying someone I never should have!  I just stopped for a moment. His words didn’t settle well. I had really begun to believe he had inhaled way too much salt water over the past nine years.

Nix stopped and turned to face me. You didn’t screw up your life. I am telling you right now Jase is the stupid one. Just because things haven’t happened the way he wanted.  He walked around the car and paused as he opened my door. I followed him and he let me step inside. Anyway...He is the mother fucker who is losing out. He slammed the door.

I watched him jog around the car. I really was waiting for him to slip out of one those stupid sandals and fall flat on his face. Would I get out and help his stupid ass? Probably not because I would be laughing my ass to the point I couldn’t stand up.

I don’t care how much time had passed. Nix and I would always be Nix and I. Our relationship would always be a non-typical.

He opened the door and slid into his seat. I paused for a moment trying to process what I should say next. I really think all the salt water has messed with your brain or you think too much with your dick. I shook my head at him as he started up the car. I watched him back out of the parking spot not speaking. Finally I asked, Cat got your tongue?

No I was just thinking about the last time we were together. I think December of 2006 or something like that.

Did he have to go there? The winter after Brandon died. Damn him. No you flew out for a day... I don’t know a few years ago. Plus I had come out during the summer I think after Brandon died.

Oh yeah douche bag. Well I don’t think he really was. I just liked calling him that.  He winked at me.

I sat silent for the longest time. I missed Brandon. I remember his death as if it happened yesterday. Halloween had never been the same since his life was taken. God love Nix. He had come out to recuse me from the deep hell I was in after his death.

Hey, smile. You got me and I am all you need. Nix reached over and patted my leg.

Nix, you?  What the hell am I going to do with your stupid ass? I can’t stay with you forever, nor can I stay out here. I will have to go home at some point in time and really face the music. I covered his hand with mine as we drove the California highway.

You can stay as long as you need or want. There is no need for you to go anywhere else. I have wanted you out here with me since I moved out here, so now that you’re here, I am not going to let you leave quickly. He laughed while squeezing my hand.

You are a freaking stalker! I mocked him as we cruised along the ocean view to his house.

Not stalker. I just know you and your life wouldn’t have been so.... Nix stopped in midsentence.

So shitty? Fucked Up? So what Nix. Just say it. I growled out at him trying to keep my tears at bay. I yanked my hand back. The whole trip out here I really debated if I should have flown out. I know I didn’t have a place to go or a job, but I am sure I could have crashed on a friend’s couch. Maybe I should just stay out here for just a bit get my shit together and go home to face the reality of what my life was, which nothing was at the moment.

Nix just shook his head and cleared his throat. That is not what I meant. Yes, I believe your life would have been different. Ansley, after Brandon you changed. You have never been the same.

What the fuck did you expect...? I tried to regroup and not scream at him. I lost the love of my life. I lost everything. When I met Jase I just prayed I would find what I had with Brandon. No one will ever give me what he did. I went on with my fucking life like the best I knew how.

Whoa, hold up there. I am just trying to talk. No need to jump my ass. Nix pulled over to a side of the road and placed the car in park. I brought you out here to clear your head. In a few weeks, if you still want to leave, then fine. I am just trying to giving you support, but if you don’t fucking want it then fine.

He didn’t speak another word. He slammed the car into drive and spun the tires spraying rocks everywhere. I knew I had pissed him off, but damn, it was my life. He knew so little of mine. He had no clue as to what I had been through. I mean we had talked over the years, but he doesn’t know the hell... the hell I lived in every day since the tragic day when my world changed so much. If I remember correctly we were fighting about Nix. Fuck! I didn’t want to bring him down. His life seems so perfect. Why the hell would I want to mess that up?

I watch as we drove along the coast not speaking. The tension between us could be felt. I’m not sure what he wanted me to do or how to act. This is me and if he couldn’t accept it then maybe he needs to grow a big set of balls and tell me the truth.

Thirty minutes later, we turned down a side road that took us along a winding view of the coast. The drive lasted only a few minutes before we pulled into the drive. My eyes widen at the lay out of the house. Jase and I owned a very nice house, but this house.... I was lost. I had no accurate words to describe the house in front of me.

The beachfront property seemed to be three stories high. He pulled up into the four-car garage with an additional garage behind. Did they really own like eight cars?

Welcome to my home, but until you decide what you want to do...this is your home too.  Nix popped the trunk as he opened his door. I followed suit and opened my door. I climbed out of my side and I didn’t wait for Nix. I walked to the trunk of his car and pulled out my luggage. Of course he protested as I glared at him.

He grabbed my hand and stopped me from pulling out the other bag. Look I am not pissed at you. I am pissed because Jase took your life. He pretended to be a man he was not.  He is a big fucking puss. You deserve so much more than the piece of shit he is. I just want you to be happy.

I know Nix. I just need to figure out what I want in life and that sometimes, is the hardest to do. I looked down at the luggage avoiding eye contact with him. The hardest thing to do is to keep the tears at bay. If Nix saw them he would freak out. He hates to see me cry.

Well take all the time you need. I have taken the week off so I don’t need to be in the office. I do have a few things to do the rest of the week and I have meeting next week, but when I am not working you have my undivided attention. Nix didn’t even flinch as he picked up both bags. I grabbed the last bag, my carryon along with my purse and followed him into the house.

As we scooted around the mustang, I noticed two other cars in the garage were just as expensive, if not more. One looked to be a brand new Audi and the other a BMW, I think. I couldn’t really tell. I thought to myself besides the three clubs what the hell do these guys do. Four steps up and we were in the house.

The door opened into a very open floor plan. The kitchen and living room ran into one. The glass windows were floor to ceilings and faced the beach. I shuffled across the dark oak floor following Nix to a staircase. He paused and turned to face me.

Pointing to the underside of the stairs, Three offices down the hall to your left. At the other end behind the kitchen is a gym, bathroom and a mudroom. My office is the last one on the end. Up these stairs there are four bedrooms.

I followed him up.  It took everything I had just to keep up with him. Damn I hated the fact his legs were like twice as long as mine. At the top we stopped abruptly.

James and Hendrix’s rooms are on the south side of the house and mine is just down this hall. There are four baths in this house.

And my room?

Your room is just down the hall next to mine.

He turned and I followed him down. He shoved opened his door with a kick of his foot. Clothes were thrown about like he had in high school. I laughed because his room was perfectly Nix.

You haven’t changed that much. Your room...

"Is a damn mess? I know.