He's Got Her Goat

Chapter One

Twenty minutes before the Grand Opening of the Vancouver Farmers’ Market, Paige Lindon emerged from her rusty hatchback, juggling six large boxes. She dashed past the florist, waved at the jewelry maker, cut through the Teriyaki stand and stopped cold in her tracks. Her booth, a white canopy with cheap aluminum display tables, looked to have been touched by Midas himself, only instead of gold, everything had turned to cedar.

In the center, her friend Joe stood with arms outstretched in a sleeveless tee and shorts, showing off his lean sinewy limbs. His shag cut had grown sun-streaked during the winter months, probably from skiing on Mt. Hood. He was alone. That should have been her first clue. Hey, babe, what do you think?

Being called ‘babe’ by him was as surprising as his latest construction project. A mixture of confusion and dread balled in her chest. Nice? You must have been working on this for weeks.

Longer, actually. He bobbed his head. And it’s all for you.

She couldn’t tell if he was referring to the updated booth or himself personally. She scanned the twelve by twelve space. In addition to two planked display tables and a comfy-looking Adirondack chair, Joe had built an entire structure replete with exposed poles and a cedar shingle roof. Off to one corner, a small fountain that looked like an old pump poured water into a rustic wooden bucket. Wow.

She relaxed enough to let herself smile. It’s beautiful, and you’re incredibly talented.

I know. He grabbed her shoulders and gave her a little shake, not even noticing that he almost caused her to drop her boxes. Then he strutted over to the pump and worked the handle. Get it? You sell soap, and this is water. A robust stream of clear liquid rushed from the pump’s mouth, hitting the water below with enough force to create a small tsunami which splashed over the bucket’s sides. Soap and water. Cool, huh?

Yeah. Cool. She placed her load on one of the tables, impressed by the filled bucket. The closest water spigot was five booths down. With a gift this big, there had to be strings attached. She reached in the pocket of her coveralls to retrieve her wallet. Even though she didn’t have much, she’d learned the hard way not to become indebted to friends. Her new neighbor who had volunteered to milk her goats in the morning was already becoming a problem. I’m so grateful. Really. But, I’d feel better if I could pay you for all this.

His brief hug caught her off guard and with good cause. Joe’s girlfriend was as well known for her jealousy as for her parent’s philanthropy. You can pay me with dinner tonight.

Will Julie be okay with that? Paige had heard they were all but engaged.

Most definitely.

By the time she turned around, he had already begun walking toward the market entrance. In the far distance she could see a milling crowd waiting for the barriers to be lifted. She called to him, Uh, aren’t you going the wrong way? Your booth’s over there.

No, I’m windsurfing on the Columbia with some friends. He jogged back toward her. You know what they say about all work and no play.

Yeah, that you’re going to miss the first day?

Nah, it’s all good. He gave a crooked smile that exposed a single dimple. I put my phone number on a big sign, so people can call if they’re interested in my stuff.

Paige could think of so many problems with that plan that she couldn’t even count them, but given how much effort he’d gone to in outfitting her new stall, she chose to be supportive. That’s one way of doing things.

Out of the blue an idea seemed to hit him so hard it made him literally jump in the air. Hey, you could do the same thing. Want to come with? I’ve got an old bikini and an extra wetsuit in the car.

I think I better stay here and actually sell something. Gotta pay the bills, you know? By the look on his face, she knew he didn’t. Son of one of Portland’s elite, Joe had never wanted for anything in his life, and if the gossip around town was at all accurate, Julie’s family had enough money to keep it that way. But, you have fun.

He bent over, pecked her on the cheek and lingered before speaking in a practiced suave tone she’d never heard from him before. I will when I get back. Her eyes followed him until he was lost in the waiting crowd.

Stunned, Paige dumped the contents of her boxes on one of the cedar tables and started arranging hockey puck-sized disks wrapped in thick paper, making sure the little goat surrounded by purple flowers on each label faced the right direction. Maybe, for someone like Joe, a gift this big was nothing. She could feel the moisture on her cheek where he had planted the kiss and wiped it away.

A woman’s low voice buzzed in her ear. Since when are you and Joe a thing?

Don’t be crazy. Paige didn’t even have to turn around. I think his girlfriend would disagree, Elaine.

"They were the cutest couple ever, matching trust funds and all. The middle-aged woman clucked her tongue. But that’s been over for months. At the gym I heard her say that his ‘little obsession’ was too much for her. Funny. Must not have been his woodworking hobby she was referring to." Elaine lowered her designer sunglasses and raised perfectly shaped eyebrows.

Me? That’s ridiculous. Paige sputtered. As long as she’d known him, Joe had some tall blonde in designer clothes under his arm. Most of them were her customers. In fact, that’s how they’d met. She wasn’t blonde or tall, the only designer name she knew was Levi, and she got those from the thrift store. We’re friends. That’s it. You know he only dates rich girls.

Well, you could be one, too. Elaine clasped her arm with a vice grip and stared into her eyes with an intensity that was new, even if she’d made the offer a dozen times. Let me buy you out. Seven hundred thousand in your bank account by the end of business today, and that’s only for 51% of your existing formulas. It’s my last offer. She gestured to the booths around them. If you want to continue your foray among the little people, fine. We’ll write that into the contract. Come on, what do you say?

Paige laughed and gently removed her hand. Elaine had known her late Uncle Bill as long as she could remember, only he seemed to endure her more than like her. She was beginning to see why. Elaine, I’ve told you before, I’m not selling the formulas. I will sell you as much product as you want, although a large order may take a few weeks.

What do you think I am? Walmart? She smoothed her short bleached hair while her harsh features seemed to grow more angular. I’ve already got a license agreement in the works. Sign it, and we’ll both be rich.

If only it were that simple. Paige knew it couldn’t happen yet. The secret, which she’d never shared, laid as much in the formula as in the milk only her goats could produce. As of now, there was a limited supply, so scaling nationally would be impossible. Do you need anything else?

Elaine sidled up next to her and pointed downward with French-tipped nails. Just curious. How’d you get the back of your pants covered in mud?

What? Paige pulled at the fabric trying to see how bad it was. It must have happened in the back meadow this morning.

And why were you out in a meadow?

My new neighbor. Paige could feel her forehead growing tight, and she had to clear her throat to continue. She bought the emu farm next door and has been trying to help me out. Lately, she’s been more of a liability than a benefit. It’s like she doesn’t listen to a thing I say.

I hear you. Elaine seemed satisfied. Some women need a man to tell them what’s what or nothing happens. When I run into those types, I fire them.

Before she left home that morning, Paige had told Blanche that she wanted to hire someone else. Her neighbor had begged to be given another chance. Something in her undertone gave Paige the feeling that if she hadn’t reconsidered, Blanche might not have spoken to her again. Putting my foot down could be the beginning of World War III. She lives right next door, and I don’t want to create an enemy.

Enemies build character, Elaine said it as if proud of the fact.

But she volunteered. I offered to pay her, but she wouldn’t let me. Can you fire someone who’s working for free? Paige felt trapped all over again. It makes a difference.

It certainly does. Elaine wagged a finger. Free help is nothing to complain about.

Only this is the third time Blanche let one of the goats out. Paige plopped down in the cedar chair. My stock is irreplaceable, and I’m not talking from an emotional perspective.

Elaine folded her arms across her chest. Whatever you say, crazy goat lady.

Paige straightened in her seat. You do remember I finished my masters in bio-chemical engineering last year. There is significant science behind everything I do.

Yeah, abnormal psychology. Elaine chuckled under her breath. Go on. Not about the science, about your neighbor.

Who keeps losing my goats. Paige unclenched her fists and tried to calm herself. So this morning, my prize nanny goes missing. Blanche didn’t even notice! Luckily, the ground was wet enough that I could follow her tracks through the woods to the hidden meadow. If it wasn’t so muddy, I might never have found Petunia.

Petunia? Elaine gave a low chuckle under her breath. So, you have no emotional investment in this creature, but you give it a name? You need a boyfriend.

And you sound like Blanche, but you’re both wrong. What I need is an assistant. Paige felt certain of it as soon as the words left her mouth. One who could help milk the goats so Blanche would go home and cover my booth and update my website and… She thought about her financial situation and leaned back in the chair, more tired than before. …who would work for next to nothing. I doubt I’ll find any takers.

Well, Joe seems to be applying for the position.

Paige didn’t even hesitate. No.

Why not? Elaine turned toward the soaps and started picking through them. He’s adorable and rich. What else could you ask for?

He doesn’t have dreams or want to become anything. Paige got to her feet, straightening up the stacks that her friend had destroyed. I want someone who knows what they want and is willing to reach for it.

Watch out, my dear. You’re reaching too high. Elaine looked at Paige through the corner of her eye. The only things I expect from my husband is that he stays out of jail and that his checks cash.

I’d rather stay single.

And you just might. Oh, Honey Jojoba. This is new. Elaine tucked the soap in her purse and kept shopping. You know, one of the perks of being single is that you can pretend to like people and get all sorts of free stuff.

What are you talking about? Paige scrunched up her nose.

Well, put the moves on Joe, and you could get a handful of five star dinners and maybe even a new barn, if you like cedar.

Paige recoiled at the thought. No, I want the opposite. When Joe had a girlfriend, we were great friends. Why can’t it be like that again?

It can. Elaine’s sharp cheekbones seemed to become more defined. You said you needed to hire help anyway. So what if your new assistant happens to be a young, muscled stallion, and you happen to treat him like your boyfriend? Then, you and Joe would be back to normal. She tilted her head in a calculated way. Problem solved.

Paige shuddered at the thought. I won’t fake my feelings for anyone.

Who said anything about faking it? Didn’t you hear me? I said find someone who’s physically appealing to you. Elaine licked her thick lips. He’d only pretend to be your boyfriend anyway. Like when your neighbor’s around. Or here at the market. You could even make public affection a condition of employment.

Paige took a step away from her customer. I’m pretty sure I could be sued for that.

People can sue you for anything. When it comes right down to it, I say do what you want. Elaine drew close again. You know, if you agree to our deal, I’ll have enough money to leave my husband and get a pretend boyfriend, too. She seemed to almost chuckle. Not a bad idea.

Not happening. Paige restacked the soaps.

We’ll see. The smile on Elaine’s mouth didn’t match the glare in her eye.

Paige was a little surprised there were no other customers around. She pulled out her cellphone to check the time and saw that she’d gotten a text message. A friend from college was planning on dropping by later. Paige grinned at the thought as she confirmed there were still two minutes before the farmers’ market officially opened. Uh, Elaine, how did you get in?

Vendor parking. I figure if I get a ticket, I can afford it. She stuffed a half dozen more bars in her purse and handed Paige a hundred-dollar bill. Keep the change.

For how much soap she took, Paige knew Elaine was getting a discount but let it slide.

You can thank me for the free advice later. Now don’t you dare make a deal with anyone else before you counter to me. I have a feeling you are going places, Paige Lindon, and I’m not being left behind.

Elaine retreated as the first wave of customers descended in force, scrambling for their favorite herbal blends and asking details about Paige’s three new formulas. The rush focused all her energies on what she loved, and Paige could feel the stress of the morning drift away. Only one thought continued to itch in the recesses of her mind. She did need to hire someone. And if that someone could keep her new neighbor from taking over her barn and stop her friendship with Joe from turning weird, all the better.

***

Chapter Two

The Northwest sky was clear for a change, enticing far more visitors to the farmers’ market than Paige ever remembered. By noon the two-day supply of soap she had brought was almost gone. She might have simply left the booth unattended to run home and get more, if it weren’t for Joe’s pump. Somehow every out-of-control kid from toddler to teen had to work the handle and experiment with it.

It wouldn’t have been a problem except that her booth sat right over a part of the sidewalk inlaid with a brass crest of the city which got slippery. Two kids had skinned their knees, and an older woman had stumbled because of it. The girl from the Teriyaki place had lent her a roll of paper towels, and, since then, Paige had spent as much time wiping the ground as talking with customers. The last thing she needed was a lawsuit.

A group of three young mothers entered her canopy with a bevy of kids around them, of course drawn by the water pump. Paige knelt, so she’d be eyelevel with the youngest and showed the towheaded toddler how it worked. He clapped his hands in delight and started to laugh. Naturally, she laughed too and invited all the children to try the device and wash their hands with her soap, accepting that she’d have to clean up the floor later. While she engaged the kids, their mothers walked around the booth, lifting the bars, smelling them and talking among themselves. Paige kept an eye on the women while she passed out paper towels for the kids to dry off with.

Hempseed and Meadowfoam? I’ve read about these, one mom said.

Paige approached her. Yes. It’s a new blend I developed. It softens scar tissue and reduces skin discoloration.

No way. The young mother’s eyes widened. If this works on my C-section scar, I will go through the moon.

One of them seemed skeptical. Sometimes these herbal places make claims . . .

The children were getting soaked, and the overspray was leaving puddles, but Paige had to explain. Not many people know goat milk contains beta-caseins that are easily absorbed into the skin. They act as an agent to allow for greater delivery of known healing agents.

Sold, the first woman said. I’ll take three, and if it works, I know fifteen women that will be here next week.

Paige ran the woman’s card and was soon waving farewell to the cute little blonde boy who trotted after his mother and retreating friends. Rolling up her sleeves, she grabbed the quickly shrinking roll of paper towels and got on her knees to wipe up. She had barely begun when a cold hand clasped her shoulder.

Startled, she leapt to her feet. When she saw her friend, Austin Ricks, Paige threw her arms around his neck. He still looked fourteen even though she guessed he was only about six years younger than she was. You came!

Austin patted her back with the warmth of a robot until she pulled away. I told you I would visit. His tone was serious.

How wonderful that he hadn’t changed. Sure, he floundered in most social situations and said whatever was on his mind even if it was entirely tactless, but she adored his lack of guile and his honest heart. And when you say something, it always happens. I remember. She handed him some paper towels and got back to her knees. You can take that side if you want. So, tell me what you’re up to now that you’re a big graduate.

Austin scrubbed the cement and brass ground so hard his towel felt apart. Okay, so another of his faults was his tendency to be a bit too thorough, but that had saved her GPA the last semester of graduate school. He grabbed a second paper towel while he talked. I’m still interning for that firm in the city but finish up next month and hope to get hired full-time. Next month, that is.

An older woman squealed from a distance and dragged her middle-aged companion toward them. I finally found you! Your booth is so different I didn’t recognize it. She marched up to Paige. My daughter’s got this horrible crocodile neck. See it? I keep telling her cream is not enough.

The daughter reddened. Mother.

Paige could see the family resemblance around the nose and cheeks.

Ignoring her grown daughter’s clear embarrassment, the older woman opened her purse. Your Apricot Almond Oil, that’s what she needs.

Paige could feel the heat in her cheeks and imagined she had turned almost as red as the daughter. I’m so sorry. I’ve sold out, but I’ve got five other kinds, two of which might work. Would you like to try some—

Sold out? The older woman snapped her purse shut. It’s only the first day. That’s like going to school without your homework done.

I know. Paige wished now she had left the booth earlier to restock. I can have some here in about half an hour as long as Austin doesn’t mind covering for me.

The obstinate woman looked to her watch. That would be adequate. We’ve got some other shopping to do and will be back. Half an hour, it is.

Paige knew that one bad review on her website could be a real setback. If her predictions were correct, she could double output within the year. Once her inventory was up, she’d need every testimonial. A woman as determined as that could push sales either way.

Hoping Austin wouldn’t mind, she turned back to the pump, but he wasn’t there. She combed the walkway and was surprised to see him huddled beside a man she’d never met before. Going up to the pair, she had a strange feeling they were talking about her. Can I have Austin back for a second? She shoved her hands in her pockets, waiting for a response. He didn’t move.

Austin looked as though he’d sucked on a lemon. I must go, Paige.

Really? Her shoulders slumped. I had hoped you’d cover for me. I’ll only be gone half an hour. Tops.

I can do it, Austin’s friend said.

And who are you? Paige guessed they were close to the same age, but something about this guy was off. His teeth were bleached, and his nails impeccable, but his clothes told a completely different story. The plastic snaps on his wrinkled plaid shirt would have groaned if they could, it was stretched so tight. At least he had washboard abs. But, his too short jeans were so worn she could make out the edges of his wallet. She wouldn’t have considered his offer, except for one thing. His arm was around Austin in a protective, kind way, and Austin was beaming at this guy like at an older brother. She remembered Austin’s reaction to meeting her last boyfriend three years ago. He’d never liked the cheat even before she'd realized he was unfaithful. No, Austin was usually right about people. But was his adoration enough of an endorsement to trust a total stranger?

Austin gestured with a stiff hand. Meet my friend, Sterling Keller. Now I have to go.

You’re sure? It was a long way to come for the short time he had stayed, but there was no use arguing with him. Austin rarely changed his mind. She gave him another hug. Thanks for coming.

You’re most welcome. Sterling will work hard and be very punctual. Austin smiled as if he had told a joke that only he knew the punchline to. Then he shook Sterling’s hand formally. Looks like the booth is yours, Mr. Keller. Without another word, he left.

Standing across from the complete stranger, Paige tried not to stare at his face. Her eyes drifted to his defined pecs and toned thighs, before jolting back to reality. Okay then.

As she headed toward her booth, he hustled to walk