No Color For Me
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No Color For Me - Claudia Harris
review.
NO COLOR FOR ME
If someone had asked me if my road had been smooth, I would have answered a resounding, Yes!
Of course, there were challenges, and I was a workaholic. But I feel like my family made the most of every minute of every day. And we had a great time doing it. There were so many once in a lifetime
memories. But, then the rug was pulled out from under me. And the real journey began to somewhere. I was looking for answers to questions I couldn’t ask, and certainly not answer.
As I was struggling to understand why I’m writing this book, my friend Jeredith asked me, What is your favorite color?
At first, I gave her some standard reaction, but she wouldn’t let me get by with that. Although, she insisted that I answer the question, I couldn’t imagine why my favorite color mattered. She knew it would ask and answer the questions I needed to know. When I stopped talking and thought about what she asked me, an image of my soft baby blue shoes given to me when I was very young was all I could see. It was then that I realized that I must wear those shoes as I tell you about my journey.
Those soft baby blue shoes I had must have been magic, because wherever they are, they have lasted and lasted. They would be too small now, but I’m going to put them on, anyway, as we move ahead finding the color that fits now. I’ll try different colors, and ask questions.
I want that search to make you laugh and cry in the same breath…if not now, maybe when you need a new color.
THE SEARCH
We don’t have a color…
not pink, it’s taken
not red, the ladies have it for hearts and hats
…so I’m trying Green.
But, Green is the ooze that comes from envy. I’ve even been envious of people with cancer. I thought "at least they have treatments that give them a chance at a new start. I only had
we don’t know what causes it, everyone is different, and maybe someday someone will figure out a ‘cure’". But, I truly believe that’s not the real story.
When I’m not watching, glimpses of green appear behind me. Green won’t do at all, even if it is a primary color. I must run forward away from it.
No! Green also means I am naive, simple, unsophisticated and immature.
SO, I’LL START LOOKING AGAIN …
THE JOURNEY JUMPSTARTS
Everything seemed backward. Ahead was a sharp U-turn with jagged bends in the road to finding my color.
When the doctor first gingerly approached me to reveal the news about my diagnosis…my reaction was surprisingly one of relief. I was so glad that I didn’t have mad-cow disease, with the horrible images that had been on TV of the stumbling cattle, or the dreaded brain cancer, which in my mind was going to require complete brain removal!
It took me a while to process that I had something serious
. It doesn’t deserve to be called by name.