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    Bad Romance
    Bad Romance
    Bad Romance
    Ebook63 pages52 minutes

    Bad Romance

    By C L Raven

    ()

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    About this ebook

    Three disturbing stories about the dangers of falling in love - an incompetent Cupid prepares for Valentine's Day, but his arrows melt faces, not hearts; a man's art exhibition conceals a macabre secret; and a betrayed bride makes unfaithful lovers regret their vow of 'til death us do part'. All their victims are bound by an unsettling truth - too much love can kill you.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherC L Raven
    Release dateFeb 14, 2013
    ISBN9781301511686
    Bad Romance
    Author

    C L Raven

    C L Raven are identical twins and mistresses of the macabre from Cardiff. They’re horror writers, as ‘bringers of nightmares’ isn’t a recognised job title. They spend their time looking after their animal army and drinking more Red Bull than the recommended government guidelines. They write short stories, novels, and articles for Haunted Magazine and have been published in various anthologies and horror magazines. They’ve been longlisted in the Exeter Novel Prize twice, the Flash 500 Novel competition twice, and the Bath Novel Award. Soul Asylum was shortlisted in the 2012 National Self-Publishing Awards and Deadly Reflections was highly recommended in the 2014 awards. Several short stories have also been long and shortlisted in various competitions. They recently won third prize in the British Fantasy Society Award. In 2015, they were published in the Mammoth Book of Jack the Ripper, which makes their fascination with him seem less creepy. Along with their friend Neen, they prowl the country hunting for ghosts for their YouTube show, Calamityville Horror and can also be found urb exing in places they shouldn’t be. They also unleash their dark sides playing D&D/RPGs and gracefully fall off poles as they learn PoleFit.

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      Book preview

      Bad Romance - C L Raven

      Bad Romance

      C L Raven

      Published by C L Raven

      Smashwords Edition

      Copyright 2013 C L Raven

      Cover by Ryan Ashcroft of Fireclaw Films

      Smashwords Edition, License Notes

      This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold

      or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person,

      please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to

      Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

      All characters in this book are completely fictitious. Any resemblance to any person living or dead is purely coincidental.

      Table of contents

      My Bloody Valentine

      Still Life

      Kill the Bride

      About the author

      My Bloody Valentine

      How many Customer Services employees wish they could gun down irate customers and leave them writhing in agony? I get paid to do that. One problem. They're not supposed to die. I wish someone would tell them that. Because I'm on my final warning.

      ***

      I waited in the tree, raised my hood and tried to look like a squirrel. Judging by the glares and language the resident squirrels were using, I failed.

      "You think I want to skulk like one of the merry men? They screeched, chasing each other around the trunk. Show some respect. I'm a professional." Although arguing with squirrels counteracted that statement.

      My victim jogged around the park as I freed the lead arrow from its sheath and rested it against my bow. I eased the string back and released the arrow. It zipped through the air, straight into my victim's heart. They needed me on the Olympic archery team. I would win medals and hearts. Though there's not a market for hearts on eBay.

      My target shrieked and crumpled like a crushed paper bag as a female jogger approached. I grabbed another arrow. They could finish their workout together. I hoped they didn't dive into the dying shrubbery. People may believe a burning bush once talked, but they would doubt the genuineness of one that shook, moaned and screamed God's name.

      She ducked. The arrow twinkled before disintegrating into glitter.

      Crap bandit.

      In cartoons, when someone falls in lust, hearts bubble from them. My victim's skin bubbled. And slid from his body in a way that definitely wouldn't feature in a sexy calendar. He looked like a melted waxwork model. He rolled around squealing and clutching his face as his skin formed a puddle on the path. His hands flopped to his sides, his bulging eyes and fixed grin seemingly disrespectful on a man who no longer had a face.

      Flying Fraggles!

      I swung out of the tree, my black PVC cloak billowing like a superhero's cape as the hysterical woman fled the park. I landed softly and stole away into the woods. I would never get a superhero comic now.

      What's this week's cause? Heart attack?

      I swore and faced my boss, conscience and regular pain in my codpiece. Her arms were folded across her short PVC jacket. I think she had picked her expression from Gurner's Digest. This month's issue came with complimentary wrinkle cream.

      Not unless it has a rare side effect of face melting. Perhaps he's allergic to lead, I retorted. Maybe I've shot him before. Too much love can kill you.

      "He was supposed to shed his clothes, not his skin."

      It wasn't my fault!

      "You shot him."

      I've shot millions of people. How many of them died?

      Five this week.

      I'm helping funeral directors during the recession.

      Their makeup artist needs overtime. What about Mr. X? You turned him into an obsessed stalker.

      All stalkers are obsessed. It's their thing. Psyche shot a glare so withering I swear the trees died. I'll cure him.

      Like you 'cured' Mr. N?

      That was...regrettable.

      "He took a shop full of people hostage then threw himself off the roof, turning himself and his 'one' into 3D pavement art. Because you forgot to shoot her too!"

      She ducked! It's in the accident report.

      You'd better regain your spark, or they'll hire Eros.

      I swore so loudly I frightened dinosaurs. "Mr. 'I'm so

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