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    Never Assume
    Never Assume
    Never Assume
    Ebook45 pages36 minutes

    Never Assume

    By Keren Joseph and Jonathan Joseph

    ()

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    About this ebook

    In Never Assume, the first story in The Absurd Tales of Mr Griffs series, Mr Griffs and his difficult neighbour, Steve Moran, go head to head. Mr Griffs loves everything his neighbour hates. While Mr Griffs enjoys wearing baggy clothes, Steve only dresses in designer suits. Mr Griffs relishes his privacy and Steve regularly snoops on people. Mr Griffs appreciates wildlife whereas Steve sees wild animals as pests. Their long-standing rivalry escalates when Steve accuses Mr Griffs of digging holes in his garden. In response, Mr Griffs uses a particularly hot batch of his wife’s spicy nuts to get back at Steve. Mr Griffs and Steve Moran rarely see eye to eye, but they do have one thing in common. They’re both guilty of assuming. Absurd and quirky - this is just a typical day in the life of Mr Griffs.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherKeren Joseph
    Release dateApr 26, 2016
    ISBN9781311768711
    Never Assume
    Author

    Keren Joseph

    Jonathan and Keren Joseph are a brother and sister team from Sydney, Australia. They are the authors of The Absurd Tales of Mr Griffs - a series of short stories.

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      Book preview

      Never Assume - Keren Joseph

      About Never Assume

      Mr Griffs loves everything his neighbour hates.

      While Mr Griffs enjoys wearing baggy clothes, Steve Moran only dresses in designer suits. Mr Griffs relishes his privacy and Steve regularly snoops on people. Mr Griffs appreciates wildlife whereas Steve sees wild animals as pests.

      Their long-standing rivalry escalates when Steve accuses Mr Griffs of digging holes in his garden. In response, Mr Griffs uses a particularly hot batch of his wife’s spicy nuts to get back at Steve.

      Mr Griffs and Steve Moran rarely see eye to eye, but they do have one thing in common. They’re both guilty of assuming.

      Absurd and quirky – this is just a typical day in the life of Mr Griffs.

      Confirming his suspicion that Steve had in fact been spying on him the other day, Mr Griffs said loudly, ‘Next time you decide to snoop around my garden, you ought to change your cologne. It’s a dead giveaway. It’s so stinky!’

      Visit www.mrgriffs.com

      Dedication

      To the Griffs in all of us

      Edited.jpg

      Chapter 1

      It was early on a Thursday morning and Mr Griffs was sprawled out in his backyard enjoying an unscheduled nap. With each exhale, his lips would make a drawn out popping sound.

      ‘Poooahp . . . Poooahp . . . Poooahp.’

      His pocket radio, which was on top of his bare chest, was moving up and down in time with his breathing. Before falling asleep he’d been listening to his radio with a pair of flimsy headphones. They had quickly fallen off his ears and were now awkwardly sitting on his head.

      Turning around in his chair, Mr Griffs stirred slightly. He began to mumble; even in his sleep his Northern English accent was pronounced. ‘Don’t throw out my shirts . . . I love the bagginess . . . It gives me room to move.’

      Draped over the back of his chair was one of his many loose-fitting shirts. As he was always afraid that Mrs Griffs, his wife, would throw them away, he had begun to hang his clothes on all the chairs and door knobs in the house. Mrs Griffs would still try and get one up on her husband. She would sometimes move the shirts around and turn them inside-out.

      Still asleep in his backyard, Mr Griffs murmured, ‘Sooooo stinky! Change your cologne, Steve. It stinks. It stinks.’

      As an eccentric and quirky man, many people misunderstood Mr Griffs. Although he considered himself to be a man of the people, Steve Moran, his confrontational neighbour, often said otherwise.

      Everything about Mr Griffs aggravated Steve. The way he dressed, his behaviour and his nonsensical ramblings. Whatever he did, Steve would take his neighbour’s antics as a direct insult. He was obsessed with proving Mr Griffs wrong and took every opportunity to show his superiority. In fact, just the other day, he had dared Mr Griffs to solve a Rubik’s cube. Although this challenge was relatively minor,

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