The Ideal Order

The Ideal Order

CHRISTOPH BARTNECK

Copyright 2015 by Christoph Bartneck.

Version 1.01

ISBN-13: 978-1-329-69770-6

LEGO® is a trademark of the LEGO Group which does not sponsor, authorize or endorse this book.

All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

"To be highly organized is, I should fancy,

the object of man's existence."

Oscar Wilde, The Picture Of Dorian Gray

Part One

Sunday

No, you can’t buy any more LEGO! Maki grouched. Why don’t you build your old sets first?

But these new Arctic sets are so cool and the children will love them, I protested.

I looked again at the toy brochure that had come with the mail this morning. The girls and I had studied every page carefully. Studying the new offerings and discounts of the local toy shop was our weekly ritual. Little Poppy loved the 60062 set with the huskies and Camellia had her eyes on the 60036 Home Base. Camellia would usually favour the largest set since she knew dad’s weak spot and had a better understanding of money than her younger sister.

You are a grown man, Robert, Maki said. Do not waste all this money on toys. You already have more than enough bricks.

The annoyance in her voice tinted my heart with sadness. I looked down on the breakfast table, trying to evade Maki’s gaze and trying to hide my melancholy. Maki didn’t share my naive pleasure of playing with LEGO. She hadn’t grown up with it and couldn’t feel the distant memory of a happy childhood. Now that I had children myself my own fascination with the brick had returned. Maki’s emphasis on me being a grown-up only meant the opposite. We had been married for far too long for me not to pick up on these subtle jibes.

But there was another reason why sadness slipped into my heart. I enjoyed playing LEGO with my daughters. It had been difficult for me to engage with the girls by playing with dolls or role-playing school. I truly loved the two, but dressing dolls and participating in tea parties challenged my patience, and even though the girls could not yet articulate their frustration, they certainly sensed my disinterest. It was no fun playing dolls with Daddy, but when the bricks were out, the table turned, Daddy was full of enthusiasm and the girls were sometimes more happy about being able to play with me than the actual LEGO models. I enjoyed connecting with the girls but Maki’s criticism was as effective as a 630 Brick Separator in separating them.

I shook my head and tried to put my feelings aside. Maki was right. I did have a lot of bricks and I could indeed build all of my old models with the girls before buying new ones. I had kept the building instructions and all the bricks were in the big plastic container.

I swallowed my pride, looked up and said, You’re right, Maki. I could build those models.

Maybe you can help me first, cleaning up the table?

Of course.

We cleared the table and brought all the dishes to the kitchen. The children had already left the table and were playing in the living room. Maki opened the dishwasher and randomly put cups and plates inside. I observed the scene and sighed. When Maki returned to the table to pick up the remaining plates I stepped forward and reordered the dishes, putting all the large plates in the bottom right rack, the pots in the bottom back and the small plates in the bottom left rack. The cups went into the top left, the bowls right next to them, glasses on the right and the large knives in the gaps. Everything went into the optimal spot, maximising the number of items in the machine while ensuring that the water jets would reach them all. Maki returned to the kitchen and observed my actions without words. But her face spoke volumes.

Here she goes again. She will probably give me the Is anything I do ever good enough for you? scene. This isn’t a big thing. Nothing to make a big fuss about. I’m not trying to humiliate you.

Maki’s shoulder tightened and her face relaxed. She put the last plates down on the kitchen counter with a marginally but distinctly louder clang than necessary.

You might think that I didn’t notice the clang, but I did. And I know what it means. I just didn’t dare to react.

She left the kitchen, walked by the girls who were playing in the living room and entered her bedroom. I could hear her falling onto the double bed. She is probably going to escape into her Facebook feed.

I put the remaining dishes into the machine, cleaned the counter, wiped the table, washed the cloth and hung it over the tap to dry. Then I dried my hands with the kitchen towel and hung it back onto the oven’s handle bar.

Is Maki still on Facebook? She left me with all the kitchen work.

I walked through the living room. Poppy and Camellia were role-playing school. Camellia was, of course, the teacher and little Poppy the student. A smile flashed over my face as I passed into the entrance corridor. The door to the bedroom stood ajar and I peaked into the room. Maki laid with her back on the bed, holding her phone into the air, using her thumb to scroll through eternity.

Are you finished reading the interweb? I joked.

Hmmm.

Is everything okay?

Hmmm.

Silence. I didn’t know what to do. How could I make the reality of our relationship more appealing than her Facebook universe?

My shoulders fell down. I slowly put my right foot across the left, turned around my body and my left foot followed my intended path. I returned to the living room, but the smile would not reappear on my face.

Camellia looked at me and asked, Can you play with us? You can be the teacher.

I’m not sure if I would be a good teacher.

You can also be a student, Poppy offered.

Maybe we could play something else?

Like what? Camellia asked.

I do have some great LEGO models we could build.

Are you sure?

Yes, just let me get the box and the instructions.

I walked to the garage and picked up the large plastic box that contained all my bricks. The unique sounds of the bricks rattling in the box filled me with anticipation. I put the box down in the middle of the living room and returned to the garage for the binder with the instructions. They were in the shelf right next to the binder containing the instructions for the various machines and devices in the house.

In a tidy house nothing gets lost.

I walked back to the living room, sat down in front of the plastic box and opened the binder on top of it. The girls made their way over to me and looked curiously at all the illustrations that I unfolded in front of them.

Camellia, Poppy, what do you want to build?

I’m not sure, that’s all boys’ stuff, Camellia complained.

These are Star Wars sets. We watched the movies before and you liked it. Look at this cool 7140 X-Wing Fighter. I bought them when they were just released, I explained.

Hmm, okay Daddy, Poppy agreed.

We can try, Daddy, Camellia conceded.

It is going to be fun girls! Here’s page one, what bricks do we need?

My eyes filled with nostalgia. I had bought this model back in 1999. George Lucas had just released Star Wars Episode I and the LEGO company, for the first time in their history, had caved in and bought a license from another franchise. I had been on a vacation when I first noticed the new LEGO Star Wars sets in the shelves of a toy store and I simply could not resist this unholy marriage that would deplete my wallet for many years to come. But that was a long time ago and all those models had been built, admired, disintegrated and stored. I looked at the open box full of bricks. Somewhere in there was a complete X-Wing Fighter. I only had to find the bricks.

All right, first we need the Minifigures. Camellia, can you look for Luke Skywalker and Poppy, can you find R2-D2?

Their hands dived into the box, swirling around, enjoying the loud rattle they produced. For a while the noise was the main attraction for the girls and I had to remind them to look for the Minifigures. Poppy dug up a handful of bricks from the bottom of the box.

Stop it Poppy! Camellia exclaimed, You’re messing up my spot. I can’t find anything this way.

You stop it! I have to get to my bricks, I think I saw the robot down there.

Poppy! Take your hands out of there, that’s my area!

Girls, wait! I have an idea.

I got up and returned with a large, white bed sheet. I spread it out on the floor, took the box and emptied it on top.

Maki may not like a middle aged man, still with full hair, but certainly with too much padding around his waist, spending all this money on expensive plastic toys. I always explained that I bought the LEGO sets for the girls, but to her it was clear that I only served myself. I knew that she wants to fly to Sydney for all of her shopping needs. And she would drag us to the museums, the opera and every restaurant in the city centre.

As we dug through the mountain of bricks, the initial peak slowly eroded into a lake of colours and shapes.

I found him, I found him! Camellia yelled.

Great job! Let me have a look, I said, taking the Minifigure and turning it around in my hand.

Whoa, this is Biggs Darklighter, not Luke Skywalker, but we need him too.

Why can’t I find the robot? Poppy complained.

Just keep looking. You’ll find him.

They continued to plough through the bricks until I discovered Luke in his bright orange jacket and gave it to Camellia. Poppy continued to search, but got increasingly distracted by other bricks.

Look Daddy, this brick has a face on it.

That’s great Poppy.

How long do we have to search?

Until we found it.

Hmmm.

I finally noticed the robot and pointed towards it.

Look Poppy, what’s over there?

R2-D2! Daddy, you found it!

No, you found it!

What do we do with them?

We need to build the X-Wing and put them into it. Here, step one, we need a grey 4x6 plate. Can you help me find it?

They started searching again and after a short while I fished the plate out.

Here, maybe I search for the parts and you put them together? What’s next?

Step two required four black, round 2x2 plates with rounded bottoms. I hunted right away while the girls patiently waited with the grey plate in their hands. It took me more than a minute to find the first one and even longer to find the remaining three. Finding black bricks was difficult because I could barely make out their shape in the pile. The girls put the bricks together but their patience with me finding the right bricks wore thin.

They started to browse aimlessly around the bricks. At times a brick would catch their attention for a little while, but they would quickly throw it back into the pile. I noticed that the girls were starting to get bored and hurried to find the parts.

This isn’t working. Surprising how long it takes me to find anything. Either I underestimated the number of bricks I own or I overestimated my searching ability.

I’m going to see what Mummy is doing, Camellia said eventually.

I’m going to join you, Poppy said.

But we’re not ready.

Well, you keep on searching for the bricks and we’ll be back. Is that okay Daddy?

Okay.

The girls got up and left the living room. I remained hunched over the building instructions and the partly assembled model.

Why is it so difficult to find those damn parts? I’ll never be able to put my old models back together. It’ll take forever. It’s so much easier to buy a new model since all the parts I need are right there in neatly separated bags. Maybe I can ask Maki to buy some more sets. No, she would certainly not agree to that. But why would I have to ask her?

I tried to stand up, but a wave of pain washed over my knees.

Ohhh, I exclaimed while stretching my legs.

How long did I sit crossed legged?

I got on all fours before lifting myself up, stumbling a bit before I was able to walk safely to the kitchen.

Time for some tea!

I put water in the kettle and switched it on, filled loose green tea into a tea bag and placed it into the pot. I stared out of the kitchen window while my mind drifted off.

If I ever want to build anything, then I will need to reduce the time it takes to find those damn bricks. The girls won’t have enough endurance to search for them and not enough patience with me finding the bricks for them. The only way to reduce the retrieval time would be to sort them up front. But that would also take forever.

The water started to boil and the kettle’s switch clanked into the off position. I poured the water into the pot, holding the tea bag in my other hand, then jammed the bag between the pot and its lid.

I would only have to sort the bricks once and from thereon we could build all the models. What alternative is there? It’s Sunday anyway and I have no other plans. Unless Maki intends to go somewhere.

I took a cup from the shelf and filled it with the light green tea. The scented steam fogged my glasses as I put the cup to my lips. The hot pleasure of the grassy taste filled my mouth. It was an excellent Sencha tea that Maki’s mother had sent from Japan. The tea lifted my spirits and I decided to give it a try.

I walked back to the garage, passing by the master bedroom. The children had cuddled up to Maki and all three stared through a tiny window into the internet. I found four empty boxes, two made of plastic with a lid and two cardboard boxes. I took them back to the living room and sat down.

What now? How am I going to sort them? There are far too many shapes. I could sort them by colour but I only have five boxes in total. Maybe I could put all the reds into one? I seem to have a lot of those.

My hands started to fly over the LEGO lake, quickly picking up red bricks. When I picked one up, I first stored it in my palm before I threw the whole handful into one of the plastic boxes. With the speed of a woodpecker I collected the red bricks as they were easy to spot.

Attracted by the noise, Camellia poked her head through the living room door.

What are you doing?

I’m sorting the bricks.

Why?

So that we can find them easily.

Can I help?

Sure, just grab a box and put all the green bricks in it.

Camellia sat down and started to throw green bricks into a box. It wasn’t long before Poppy walked in and joined the hunt. I asked her to sort out all the blue bricks. For a while we were absorbed by the task and the girls made it a game of who could collect bricks the fastest. Then Poppy picked up big blueish green 4x6 plate.

Poppy, Camellia screamed, you’re cheating! That’s a green brick and it belongs in my box!

No! That’s blue! It’s mine!

That’s not true. That’s green and it’s mine. You’re cheating!

I am not cheating, don’t say that!

Daddy, that’s green, isn’t it?

Well, I’m not certain.

Daddy, that’s blue!

No, green!

Girls! Calm down. Maybe we can put it aside for a little while until we figure this out.

With angry grimaces the girls put aside the plate and the sorting went on, but the good spirit was gone. Maki eventually emerged from her bed.

What are you doing?

We’re sorting the bricks, Camellia answered.

I’m not cheating, Poppy insisted.

Why are you doing this? It will take all day?

So that we can find bricks easily, I replied. Otherwise it takes far too long to search. I made some fresh tea if you want some.

Yes, thanks, she said without gratitude in her voice.

We continued all morning and I had to find more boxes for all the major colours. Only occasionally a discussion broke out whether a certain colour should go into one box or another. They were added to a special miscellaneous box. It surprised me that there was a discussion at all. Most toys, including LEGO, used primary colours, so it should have been clear cut. But even with LEGO colours every now and then a dispute could erupt.

Maki remained absent and I heard her starting to cook lunch around midday. I could hear the pouring of the rice into the rice cooker, the cutting of vegetables, and the stir frying. An irresistible smell of Japanese Curry started to floated into the living room. Maki was a good cook. She had inherited this skill from her mother, but she only really started cooking once she had moved out form her parents. She called us to the table once the rice was cooked. We all sat down and started to eat.

The chicken tastes funny, Poppy bleated.

This is beef and you have to eat it, Maki insisted. I spend a lot of time in the kitchen cooking, so you have to eat it.

But I don’t like it.

Maybe she could eat the veggies? I suggested.

No, she needs to eat the whole dish!

Maki glared at me and I looked down timidly. We continued to eat in silence. Poppy focused on the rice, the vegetables and the sauce. Carefully inspecting every spoon before