The Bells Are Ringing For Me And My Pal

BOOK ONE

FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE

"There are many variations and degrees

of Spiritual and Physical Attraction

The following examples are just a few of

them!"

Perley J. Thibodeau

CHAPTER 1

NIGHTCLUB

An electric lighted parking lot with cars outside a one story nightclub building is the scene that a movie camera would carefully record, while a seeming voice over has a male singing in a female voice. The camera would come through the nightclub door. and record an older female impersonator on stage in costume singing Please Don’t Talk about Me When I’m Gone. Camera would now pan the singer, nightclub, and night club audience sitting around at small tables watching the performance, cutting back and forth between the drag queen singing, and a roughly good looking older man sitting at a table, while he’s paying close attention to the singer in the spotlight.

The man is dressed in clean looking construction type work clothes. The much younger girl sitting at the small table with him is dressed in skimpy top, jeans, and rope colored Espadrille type shoes that 21 year old girls wear with halter tops, and tight jeans. Each has a bottle of beer in their hand. Everyone applauds when song is over and the singer in the spotlight to sing the second song of the set.

PLEASE DON’T TALK ABOUT ME WHEN I’M GONE

"Please don’t talk about me when I’m gone,

Though our friendship ceases from now on.

If you can’t say anything real nice.

It’s better not to talk at all, that’s my advice.

We’re parting, you go your way, and I’ll go mine,

It’s better that we do. Here’s a kiss,

I hope this brings lots of luck to you.

It makes no difference how I carry on.

Remember:

Please Don’t Talk about Me When I’m Gone!

Repeat

"We’re parting, you go your way, and I’ll go mine,

It’s better that we do. Here’s a kiss,

I hope this brings lots of luck to you

It makes no difference how I carry on

Remember:

PLEASE DON’T TALK ABOUT ME WHEN I’M GONE!

The impersonator bows when the song is finished, recognizing the applause. She turns, and steps down from the small platform, and makes her way to a small table at the back of the room.

The strobe lights start flashing, the dance music starts up, and both young same sex couples, and opposite sex couples get up, and onto the small dance floor.

The singer sits down at a small table at the back of the room where a man in a business suit has been nursing a beer while waiting for her to finish her act and to join him.

This is where you were born. The man says to the now seated performer. How does it feel to be back in Bangor again?

Strange. The singer replies, with an almost tinge of wonder in her voice. I’ve been away for so long the whole place has changed. It’s not the Bangor that I remember. Most of my friends and acquaintances have moved or passed on. It’s all different.

Time and tide wait for no man, or female impersonator. He employs the old axiom in reply.

Besides, even you’ve changed your professional name from Lenny to Singer.

Everybody’s taken to it. She agrees, with somewhat of a pleased tone in her voice. I just feel I now make a better Singer than I do a Lenny.

Yes, He shrugs almost imperceptively. Well that’s debatable, but…………

She looks at him glaringly now from across the small table with an almost steely threatening glare. George…… She speaks his name.

Smilingly while changing the subject, George glances across the crowded room at the construction worker, the looks back at Singer. Who’s Mr. Gorgeous over there with the young chick?

Don’t know. She states, almost overly dismissively. It’s my first night on the job, remember?"

I can’t call it construction drag. George muses. On him it looks natural.

You want to talk about him, or do you want to talk about gross receipts? She demands, curtly.

We can’t talk about both?

Not on my cash register. She states emphatically.

Relax. He advises her softly. The new place is a hit. The young people are crowding in, and they’re spending money to have a good time

That’s what we’re here for, to make money; and see that everyone has a good time.

Nodding his full agreement, George adds. So, now can we talk about him?

Why? She asks, trying hard not to show her exasperation on the subject. I’ve already heard about him. And she goes on to add. Bangor is still a small town in a lot of ways. As usual, the gossip starts in Sears and Roebucks; it spreads to the hairdressing salons, the club women pick it up, and take it to their luncheons, and then it’s all over town.

In that order? He asks, almost wide-eyed.

Yep. Bangor has always been a clubby club town!

Amused, he says. I can see why. So, what did you hear?

So, what do you care? Real or imagined frustration is now showing in her voice as she speaks.

He’s just another fore flusher who happened to come in here tonight with his latest young bimbo. Don’t ask me why. I hear he’s got half the young girls in town on the line. Apparently, the other half hasn’t seen him yet. He’s been married a couple of times. I’d assume he must be divorced almost the same number. He owns a local construction company that employs a lot of cute butch guys in hard hats, and tight jeans, and he has a reputation of being a real great guy, but perfectly straight. She ends up hotly replying, slightly peeved to think that George, her business manager would have forced her to admit to knowing about the other man like she does.

Knowing that he’s gotten his point across, and now laughing lightly, he asks. Since when did you start falling for the perfectly straight routine?

Since I left New York City deciding I want to come back to my home town to live part time, and start up a nightclub here.

No room for romance? He inquires, pointedly.

George, she now speaks in a firm and level tone of voice. Starting right here in Bangor, I’ve turned down more fortunes than Chase Manhattan Bank has millionaires!

I know. He says, if only to placate her. I’m your business manager, remember?

And I’m your client, remember?

Smiling broadly, he now feels it’s safe to go on. I’m not talking about money; I’m talking about someone to love.

Oh, George. She tries not to wail. Don’t tell me you’re still interested.

Yes, as a matter of fact. And now that our imagined romance has changed locales, I want to know who the new competition for your attention is!

Bursting out laughing, she says. I can assure you it’s not him! Looking in the construction worker’s direction she is surprised to see him looking directly back at her with a big grin on his face. Embarrassed, and confused, she looks down at the table, and starts to whisper. There is one thing I’ve heard in his favor. If you’re ever caught in a bar fight, and he’s there just step aside. He’ll clean the place out!

Laughingly, he replies. Maybe you should hire him as a bouncer!

Singer gives him an amused fish eye?"

I didn’t mean it that way. He does wail.

Still slightly perturbed. I’m sure you didn’t. Look, George. I’ve been down the road with that love ‘em and leave ‘em type. Believe me the game is great fun, but it only ends in heartbreak. Mine. No more, George. I’m your platonic friend forever. All those guys can go straight to hell, or the nearest men’s room urinal or rest stop. Which ever they happen to prefer when they’re not jumping willing young girls! A new thought now enters her mind. Besides. What makes you think that he and I are even interested in each other?

Oh, just the way the two of you were looking back and forth at each other when you were singing. He tried now to sound non committal. I was wondering if you, he, and the piano player were all going to finish on the same note at the same time.

I’m used to handling piano players. She philosophizes. It’s business managers I seem to be having trouble with these days.

Well, he offers, drawing his words out slowly. You’re both the same age, and I just thought…….

That’s not what you’re paid to think about, George!

I’ll try to remember that. He reluctantly agrees.

Good boy! She says, holding her finger in the air at the bartender to show him she’s ready for a drink.

CHAPTER 2

FIRST ATTEMPTED PICKUP

Dressed in work boots, cargo pocketed grey sweat pants, a black tee shirt, grey hooded sweat jacket, and blue baseball cap Singer exits the front door of the closed nightclub. He’s surprised to see the construction worker standing alone, and sitting against the front fender of a beat up rusted old pickup truck that has coils of copper wire, and other construction debris stored in the back open space. With his arms folded firmly across his chest. He has a big friendly grin spread across his handsome face.

Give you a ride home? He asks, in a smooth and friendly manner.

Surveying the scene before his eyes, Singer in her male persona tries not to sound too awfully amused as he replies, in a completely non committal manner. I have a ride home, just as soon as you move your truck so I can back my car out!

Teasingly, the hard hat dressed construction worker asks. Are you in a condition to drive?

I am: are you? Singer challenges the man standing slightly spread legged before him. Are you?

Yes. He insists, still grinning. Let me give you a ride home, and I’ll show you!

That’s what I’m afraid of. Singer says, skeptically. Now, will you please move your truck out of the way so I can get my car out of its parking space?

Shrugging his shoulders in mildly shown defeat, he replies. Alright, if that’s the way you want it! He gets behind the wheel of the truck, backs it up, turns It around, and drives off.

Singer goes over to her car, and wondering what that had all been about unlocks the door, gets into the driver’s seat, slams the door shut and starts the engine up for the short trip to her fairly new Bangor home.

CHAPTER 3

SECOND ATTEMPTED PICKUP

It’s late the next night when Singer comes out the side door of the now darkened and locked down nightclub building. She is dressed like a girl this time, with cocktail dress, wig, and high heeled shoes. She’s carrying a big pocket book, and has her car keys in her gloved right hand.

Speaking loudly over her shoulder to George who’s still back in the club she says. Okay, George, call me after you close the club, and get home. We’ll talk about it!

She’s surprised to see the construction worker standing in the same spot as he was in on the previous night, his arms again folded across his chest, and a matching grin on his face. He’s dressed in a white shirt, suit and tie. This time he is sitting against the closed door of a vintage Cadillac Eldorado Convertible with its top down..

Give you a ride home? He repeats the same offer as the night before, and in the very same casually presented tone of voice.

Where’s your girl friend? She asks, knowingly.

Oh, I took her home an hour ago. His grin widens. School tomorrow, you know.

That’s quite a boat you’ve got there. She now says, admiringly. Would you please float it out of the way so I can get my car out so I can drive myself home??"

With quiet sincerity he replies. My name is Scott. I’ve been coming to your club for the past couple of nights, and I’d like to get to know you.

That’s very nice, Scott. Thank you. She matches his sincerity exactly. Now will you please move your car so I can get mine out of here, too?

He downheartedly opens the front door of the big flashy car, and without another word he drives off.

Just as she did the night before, Singer opens the door of her car, and backs it out of its parking spot;, and drives off, too.

CHAPTER 4

THIRD AND FINAL ATTEMPTED PICKUP

It’s now the next night and Singer is onstage singing, Put Your Arms Around Me, Honey. She is wearing a multi layered full skirted silk outfit. The bottom skirt is burnt orange, the second layer is light flame orange, and the full poncho/cape is a matching light flame Orange.

PUT YOUR ARMS AROUND ME HONEY.

"Put you arms around me honey, hold me tight.

Huddle up, and cuddle up with all your might

Oh, oh won’t you roll those eyes?

Eyes that I just idolize.

When they look at me my heart begins to float.

Then it starts in rocking like a motor boat.

Oh, oh I never knew anyone like you!"

Reprise "Oh, oh, won’t you roll those eyes?

Eyes that I just idolize/

When you look at me my heart begins to float.

Then it starts in rocking like a motor boat.

Oh, oh I never knew anyone like you!"

When the song is over Singer bows to the applause, then comes off stage to where George is standing.

I want to cut out early tonight, George. Do you mind if I leave now? She asks, tiredly.

No, go ahead. I didn’t see the boyfriend in here tonight; It’s obvious that for some reason George is lying to her. Did he give up the chase?

Heading for the door she speaks over her shoulder. I don’t know. Maybe his young girl friend didn’t have school tomorrow. She now announces almost curtly. Good night, George!

Good night, Singer. He answers, quietly.

Singer stops dead when she steps out the door. She can’t believe what she sees in front of her. It’s a two hundred, and ten ton capacity hydraulic crane truck. A great big Yellow/Orange truck/crane rig taking up half the parking lot. The construction worker named Scott is sitting inside the closed door cab, his head, and face resting on his arms, which are on the sill of the opened window. He’s wearing a Yellow/Orange hard hat. He lifts his head so his forehead and eyes are showing, then slowly lifts it so his mouth is exposed. Then quietly and emotionlessly says. TAXI?

Singer’s face can now be felt by her as it registers emotions ranging from blank to slightly quizzical, charmed by what she sees, to slight smile, to outright laughter. She raises her right arm with the forefinger extended upward, and hollers; TAXI.

Scott’s face brightens into a huge smile as he realizes he has finally been accepted. He quickly opens the door of the rig, steps down, and holds the door wide as he helps Singer get up into the cab of the rig. She pushes over to the passenger’s side. Scott gets in. The big engine roars to life, and he drives out of the driveway to the edge of the two lane highway. He stops the rig there, and his voice is heard asking invitingly..

Which way?

Matter of factly answered by Singer’s voice saying. The scenic route!

YEOW! He flips on the tape recorder in his pocket and sound permeates all through the small cab of the big rig. I recorded it earlier this evening at the club. I hope you don’t mind. He says, as Singer’s voice is heard reprising the song, Put Your Arms around Me, Honey, as the rig turns right out onto the two lane highway.

The voice and music are heard lustily singing and playing the previous song of the evening’s performance.

"When you look at me my heart begins to float,

Then it starts in rocking like a motorboat.

Oh, oh, I never knew:

Scott speaks quickly between musical notes. A real down home girl!

To which she replies, just as quickly. Ayuh!

Any one-like you!

The honky-tonk piano continues playing as the rig rolls merrily down the highway.

CHAPTER 5

WOODED PARKING AREA

An isolated rest stop area just off the Maine coastal highway. The Crane Vehicle is parked in a section to the farthest corner of the clearing that is surrounded by dark woods. The stars are shinning thick and brightly in the pitch black night sky. It’s well before midnight, and all the surrounding area is still except for the two voices coming from the huge bright yellow/orange vehicle.

I’ve heard all the stories that have been going around town about my being a lady’s man. Scott’s voice breaks the stillness that until then had only been pierced by the noise of crickets, and other insects hidden carefully among the surrounding bushes and trees. That I’ve been married a couple of times, that I have a bunch of loose moral young girl friends, and have several illegitimate kids. His voice goes on. Even that I’m a hard drinker, and a good time Charlie. I know the stories because I invented them, and nurtured all of them. He now confesses. I just feel that it’s expected of me as a bachelor in a small town who owns a construction company, and employs a lot of guys who are both married, and single. There’s stillness as he pauses to catch his breath. I was married once. My wife died young.

I’m sorry to hear that. Singer’s voice is heard saying. I admit I have heard that you are a local colorful character. But that doesn’t take much doing to acquire that tag in a city the size of Bangor. I’ve known a lot of local colorful characters in my time. She adds, They were interesting, and fun. I guess I’ve even been accused of being one myself. But the stories that make up the reputation that I acquired are all highly exaggerated. All a person has to do is be a little larger than life, and have the guts to live their own lifestyle, and the stories are all made even larger by people retelling them. Everybody has to have someone to tag their fantasies onto. The fantasies that they can live vicariously by accusing someone else of. She now pauses for a quick breath of air. I don’t think it’s just Bangor. I think it’s human nature. That way all over the world. When I was going through all the trouble that caused me lose my house for taxes, and made me leave town the second time, I had the newspaper, and television cameras parked on my front door step. The whole city was talking about it. People were saying they saw me at the 6 o’clock mass at John’s Catholic Church. Others saw me at the 7 o’clock mass and still others at all the masses including 8:15, 9, 10, and 11 o’clock. It was just their way of being able to show they had something to add to the local gossip

Amused, Scott has to ask. Were you at all those masses?

Laughing, she says. God, no. Just the 7 o’clock mass on Saturday night. You know, I think one of the most amusing things that happened during that time was when I was in a local pizza store. I was recognized by a man whose family I knew all my life. They all used to live in the old neighborhood when I was growing up. Without going into it too deeply they weren’t really the most highly accepted people in local society, but they treated me decently, so were nice people in my book. Charlie told me he was sorry the trouble I was going through. I thanked him. He said, sincerely: You are just about the nicest person I’ve ever known. You treated my elderly mother, and father with respect, my two former wives, and my kids the same way; too They all liked you, and always spoke highly of you. I respect you for that. And he shook my hand. Well, he was so sincere that it really made me feel wonderful to think somebody thought so highly of me in my then present vulnerable position. Then just about the time I started to get afraid he was going to ask me to walk on water, he said. I don’t care what anybody says about you; I always defend you, and tell them that they are wrong. You’re not the person they think you are! Without changing the expression on my face I thanked him, and left the store with my pizza. I was pleased to know that Charlie, and his family liked, and respected me. As for what ever bad things he implied the others were saying, like Mae West once said, Yes, but they couldn’t prove it."

Laughing out rightly, he opens the door of the rig and steps down to the ground. Enough true confessions for tonight. Let’s get out, and walk around. I’m starting to get cramped up!

After helping Singer get down out of the vehicle’s cab, they start to walk away from it.

Their short journey brings them to the shoreline of the coast where the waves are rolling up, and smashing high into a huge rock, and then the white foam that settles back into the slightly receding tide. They stand on the top of another nearby huge rock: the ocean in the background. They turn to face each other with their arms holding each other in a lover’s embrace. Scott reaches into his pocket and flips the tape recorder back on. The Tony Bennett recording of, "For Once In My Life starts to play on the hidden portable recorder.

"For once in my life I have someone who needs me.

Someone I’ve needed so long.

For once unafraid I can go where life leads me,

And somehow I know I’ll be strong.

For once I can touch

What my heart used to dream of,

Long before I knew, someone warm like you.

Would make my dream come true.

For once in my life I won’t let sorrow hurt me,

Not like it’s hurt me before.

For once I have someone I know won’t desert me,

I’m not alone anymore."

You seem to have all of the appropriate music for a seduction scene, Singer smiles, both coyly and a bit amused.

I’m really good at seduction scenes, He looks down at her eyes in the starlit darkness.

I can see that. She agrees.

The record continues as her mind is filled with visions of hoped for future activities, Singer alternately dressed as a man, or a woman in the different things they are doing. Things like sitting at a picnic table eating lobster outside the lobster shack Trenton. In winter clothes throwing snowballs at each other. Both falling into the deep snow and laughing as they make snow angels like a couple of kids. Decorating a Christmas tree. They pass each other a broken bulb, look at it, and hang it on the tree anyway. And, of course having their picture taken together in front of the Paul Bunyan statue on Main Street.

The imagined scenes of what could be fade from her mind, and her thoughts come back to Scott , and her standing on the rock, as Tony Bennett continues to croon.

For once I can say this is mine you can’t take it,

Long as I know I have love I can make it,"

The wind ripples the hem of Singer’s sheer multi layered orange silk costume, getting stronger and stronger as it gets closer to the end of the song. Looking into each other’s eyes Singer touches Scott’s chin affectionately, and their faces draw closer; with Tony Bennett’s voice still singing: For once in my life I have someone who needs me.

They kiss on the song’s crescendo; the wind whips the orange silk layers of Singer’s costume into the air over their heads making it look as if the couple had burst into flames. A huge orange sun has come up over the bay in the background turning the entire scene bright orange as the two lovers mutually bask in the mid summer night’s glow.

CHAPTER 6

The club is open, but it’s still early in the evening and a very few customers are sitting around the tables in the room. The house music is playing soft romantic songs so as not to interfere with any shared conversations that the patrons may be having with each other as they just relax and have drinks with each other.

Singer still wearing a stylish street dress and a nice looking young man are sitting at a back table. They are in an animated conversation.

Everything is okay with you? She asks, out of true concern.

Yeah. He answers in an off hand sort of disinterest that young people always seem to display with their elders. I got in an hour ago. The trip exhausted my ready cash situation, so I’m broke.

Everything exhausts your ready cash situation, and you’re always broke. She responds, with a guarded tone of voice, almost as if she wants to be a slight distance from anything he might be complaining about, if only to better access the situations that he might possibly going through at this time of his life.

The young man shrugs dismissively, as he replies, succinctly. Yeah, well?

Reaching into the bodice of her evening gown, and bringing out paper money, she keeps her hand covering it as she slips it across the clothed table to his accepting hand. Here, try to make this last a while will you?:

Everything’s so expensive now a days He says, pocketing the money indiscreetly into his right trouser pocket.

Laughing at the oldness of his words she averts his gaze by glancing across the room. You’re out of college now. You’re going to have to start working at what you learned. Her voice softens with this having been stated, and she glances back to his smoothly chiseled northern European type features. I’m glad you’re back. I’ve really missed you. She puts her hand over his hand on the table, and squeezes it gently.

She’s been so engrossed in the conversation and presence of the young man she’s with that she doesn’t see that the construction worker of the previous several nights had come into the club with the same young girl that he had been with on those several other occasions. They had sat down at a table, ordered beers, and the construction worker had witnessed the affection she was showing the young man, and the money that had changed hands.

She glances around the room again, but now counting the house, and her surprised eyes fall on the construction worker, with the young girl. Her gaze freezes into a set emotionless expression. The construction worker takes that as a cue to get up from where he’s sitting, leaving the young girl still sitting there, as he comes over to Singer’s table.

Sarcastically speaking, he says gruffly. What ever you gave him, I wouldn’t have cost that much!

Still looking down at the two clasped hands on the table, He doesn’t change the determined look on his face as he pulls up a chair, and sits down firmly between them. The young girl comes over, pulls up a chair, and joins them.

Looking at the construction worker, but motioning to the young man. Glenn, I want you to meet my friend, Scott. Scott this is my son, Glenn. Then to Scott who is now looking at her with even more concern. I’m divorced. She announces. Just in case anyone should be interested.

A big relieved smile spreading across his face, as he puts his hand out to Glenn, he almost shouts robustly. Glad to meet you, son!

Looking down at his hand still being pumped vigorously, Glenn answers in a slightly confused tone of voice. Thanks, He pauses, as he quickly glances in wonder at Singer, then back to Scott. Then he hurriedly adds. Dad!

Indicating the young girl sitting with them, Scott says. Cathy, this is Singer, and her son, Glenn. Singer, Glenn: this is my daughter Cathy. He announces proudly.

Quickly grabbing the young girl’s hand, and pumping it happily, Singer now gushes. I’m so happy to meet you, daughter!

Glancing shyly at Glenn, then at Singer Cathy says. I’m so happy to meet you, she pauses briefly as she looks at her father, then to Singer, and announces firmly. Mom!

Everybody’s grinning happily at this point.

Suddenly very serious, Scott looks full face at Singer. I’ve got something to talk to you about, but I’m not very good at words. What I mean is, he falters slightly. I’ve thought this over very carefully, and----- He reaches into his breast pocket, and pulls out a small dark blue box. I mean----I know this is very sudden, but I’m really serious about this. He opens the box displaying it’s contents, rather waiting for singer’s reaction.

Staring at the ring in both wonder and confusion, she replies. It’s beautiful. Thank you!

Stammering fully now he explains needlessly. It’s an engagement ring.

Whispering softly in a surprised and pleased tone of voice she answers. I know!

Still showing an awkward sincerity to his words and actions he adds. They’re doing it in Canada, and Massachusetts, now!

Completely overcome by the unexpected suddenness of it while trying hard not to both laugh and cry at the same time, she readily assures him. They’ve been doing it in New York City for a lot longer than that! Seeing that Scott missed her point of trying to lighten his heavy emotions just a little, she sees that he has lowered his eyes with a slightly hurt expression. This prompts her to reach across the table and place her right index finger on his chin. I’m just teasing. She explains softly

Well, I’m not. He musters his composure and casts aside the traces of shyness, as he takes the ring out of the box, and indicating Singer’s left hand he politely asks . May I?

The three of them are staring at Singer now, as the mood becomes even more hushed and expectant, each waiting for the anticipated correct answer

Nodding her head yes, she responds barely perceptively I wish you would!

Scott takes her left hand, and puts the ring on the 3rd finger, as everyone sits silently barely allowing themselves to even breathe for fear of breaking the sanctity of this cherished of life’s moments.

Thank you. He says, quietly.

Now staring deeply into each other’s eyes, she answers. Thank You!

Taking full command of the situation now, Scott reaches for Cathy’s right hand. Places it in the middle of the table. He then takes Glenn’s right hand, and places it on Cathy’s hand, then places Singer’s right hand on the first two, and now places his rough work calloused hand on top of the other three hands. Singer reaches over slowly, and places her left hand atop all the other hands as the attention of all four participants are now riveted on the joined hands in the middle of the table, with the diamond in the engagement ring flashing happily in the dim lights of the night club.

CHAPTER 7

WEDDING IN MASSACHUSETTS

Bridal music is heard playing over the hidden speakers of a stereo as Scott, Singer, Cathy, and Glenn are standing In front of a Justice of the Peace, a fireplace mantle with a fire burning in the hearth behind them. George is standing to one side with Singer’s mother Kay, as matrimonial witnesses, and Kay’s young gentleman friend standing as an escort to Kay, with Glenn and Cathy; the two of whom are soon to become members of a newly joined four member family.

The Justice of the Peace is wearing a dark business suit, as does Scott, Glenn, George, and Kay’s young gentleman friend. All have boutonnières pinned to the lapel of their suits. George. Glenn, Kay’s young male friend, and the Justice of Peace have a red rose, and Scott’s is white. Kay is wearing a smart winter cocktail suit, and hat, and black faux fur stole. Cathy is wearing an ice blue cocktail dress, with a small pink bouquet of roses. Singer is dressed in a glittering silver skirt suit, a huge silver crystal fox Fur Russian Hussar hat, and a matching over sized square fur muff with oversized tails hanging from it. Her wedding bouquet is white lavender throated orchids pinned to the fur muff, and another small matching corsage pinned to her left shoulder.

These seven and the Justice comprise the now fully assembled wedding party.

With a white Bible in hand the Justice speaks to the assembled group. On behalf of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, I now pronounce you lifetime partners to cherish, and to hold in sickness, and in health till death do you part. He now pauses for the final pronouncement. You may kiss each other, now!

The bridal couple takes each other into their arms and kiss very briefly, as the assemblage looks on approvingly.

I’m so happy. I should have done this year ago! Singer gushes forth happily.

But you did, darling! Apparently not hearing the Justice of Peace say the wedding’s final words, a new woman has just entered the room, and hearing Singer’s joyously breathless pronouncement replies in kind, while still standing in the doorway with a big gaily decorated wedding present in her hands. She is smiling happily.

GLORIA! This said from Singer, and sounding much more like a out and out accusation than a warm friendly greeting among friends.

I distinctly remember it was the two of us in Manhattan, The new woman named Gloria prattles happily on. It was a chilly winter night just like this, we had a couple of drinks, and with nothing else to do; we got married. She continues to take everyone in with her gaze as she speaks. It was a good thing I’d been carrying the license around in my pocketbook for months. She confesses, and then adds triumph fully And we have Glenn here as living proof.

All eyes are now on Gloria, who is also dressed in cocktail clothes, and fur coat appropriate for a winter wedding

Quickly composing herself, Singer takes over for the formal introductions Scott, I want you to meet Gloria. Gloria is one of my dearest friends, and my wife. Stammering slightly, she recoups her composure, and goes on. I mean, she is my first wife. Well, what I mean is she is my first former wife. What I mean is; she is my ex wife! This said accusingly, while staring directly into Gloria’s happy and proud face.

Taking Gloria’s hand in his, Scott says gallantly. I’m so happy to finally meet you, Gloria. Singer has told me so much about you.

Looking at Cathy with a matter of fact tone, Glenn says. And I’m sure what Singer said was all true.

Gloria absently passes the huge present she has been carrying to the Justice of Peace to hold while she goes over to her son Glenn, and kisses him lightly on cheek. Oh, Glenn, darling. You always speak so highly of your mother. Quickly glancing toward the beautifully decked out Singer, and adds quickly. The both of us.. And who is this beautiful young girl? she asks looking at Cathy.

Apologizing in tone for not having made the introduction sooner if he had been given the chance, Scott answers. This is my daughter, Cathy Cathy and Glenn are step brother, and sister now that Singer and I are married. Perplexed, he adds. I don’t know what that makes Cathy to you, Gloria Almost patronizing in tone, Gloria answers. Well considering that I’ve never been divorced from my son Glenn, then I’d say Cathy is my daughter in law, She now laughs lightly. But there really isn’t any need to be that formal with each other. She goes on to brush her words off. Why, I’d say my good friend, darling. My very very good friend. She kisses Cathy on cheek. She then proceeds to kiss George, and turns to Kay, and her young male friend. Warmly kissing Kay on cheek, also she continues. Hello, mother darling. It’s so good to see you again. And who is this handsome gentleman, may I ask?"

Introducing her escort, Kay says. Gloria, this is Justin: Justin, this is my dear former daughter in law, Singer’s first wife. Correcting herself quickly. I mean: former wife, Gloria.

Everybody smiles, nicely.

Interrupting all the forced wonderful warm feelings, Singer now takes commands. Yes, well, I’m glad you’re here, Gloria. It just wouldn’t have been a wedding without you!

Been a wedding? Past tense? Don’t tell me the ceremony is all over? Seeing that everybody is nodding yes, she goes on.Oh, dear. How could I have been late this time? I mean, New York is so close to Boston, and all.

Matter of factly, but with great patience, Singer answers. Just across a couple of state borders.

Delighted at the totally unexpected sudden nonsensical fun, Scott now chimes in. I can see you’re not a geographical whiz, but past tense? Are you an English teacher?

Gloria, who, to her own delight, has now taken over all of the attention, says. Oh, heavens no. I was terrible at English. Particularly dangling participles. I nearly had to drop out of school over those!

To which Singer resignedly replies. I’ve had a few difficulties with some of those myself!

A dangling participle is when the wrong subject is performing the action. Scott offers, helpfully.

I’ve had a few troubles with that, too! Singer admits, off handedly.

Not to even mention split infinitives. Gloria goes right along with the word game now being played.

Nostalgically breathless, Singer replies. Oh, split infinitives.

Entranced that she has Scott’s attention, Gloria takes over again. No, no my dear. I’ve devoted my entire adult life to becoming ex wives!

Thoroughly charmed by now, Scott says. May I ask how many times you have been married?

A little disgustedly, Singer explains. She nearly had to drop out of school because of dangling participles, poor thing. She can’t count that high. and now spoken just a bit haughtily. Gloria, can we get the conversation past your sex life?

Ahem! The Justice interjects while indicating the huge present he has been unwillingly forced to hold.

Obviously you brought us a present. Singer says, while not offering to take it off the Minister’s hands. May I ask what’s in the package?

It’s a cook book." Gloria states, plainly.

Isn’t it wrapped rather elaborately for a cook book? Singer asks, but entirely without malice.

Simply put, Gloria says. It’s an elaborately illustrated cook book. Oh, don’t fear, Darling. You’ll understand. It’s told in very simple terms. Starting right out with how to boil water. Singer gives her the fish eye, but busy turning to Scott, while speaking confidentially, Gloria doesn’t even notice. You know Singer loved to cook, but was absolutely terrible at it. She was forever cooking UFO’s.

Laughing outright, Scott asks. UFO’s?

Unidentified Fried Objects! She further confides.

The aunt who raised me was Irish. If you couldn’t fry it, then you boiled it. Singer defends herself. I’ve always been a very good cook. She goes on. I never told you this before, Gloria. She stage whispers with a tinge of fierceness in her tone. But I was trying to poison you! Then I came to the rightful conclusion it was quicker, and easier to just get a divorce!"

Completely ignoring the threatened histrionics of the previous statement, Gloria speaks blithely on. Why, do you know when I sold our honeymoon house right after the divorce: the kitchen stove was still practically brand new? Singer always cooked everything on the high burner!

Excluding split infinitives, and dangling participles, of course! Singer adds, sweetly.

Sudden laughter from the small group causes Singer to draw herself up regally and to announce, Alright every body. The ceremony is over. Let’s all go out and have a drink. I know-that- I-can –certainly- use- quite- a- few- of –them, myself!

CHAPTER 8

LIVING ROOM-DINING ROOM

Scott and Singer are sitting and lying on the couch, she’s sitting and he’s lying stretched out with his head in her lap while she strokes his forehead gently. She has on a hostess outfit consisting of form fitting velvet toreador pants with a full over skirt that extends from the side of the hips around to the back, ala Rosalind Russell in the 1950s film Auntie Mame.

You look beautiful tonight. Scott croons softly, in keeping with the tenderness of the moment. Just the way I want you to look.

You look beautiful, too! She says back, now staring down at the rest of is handsomely chiseled face.

Is that what attracted you to me? He asks, teasingly.

No. She answers, quite matter of factly. I liked the heavy equipment you were showing!

Laughing and snuggling up even closer to each other he replies, playfully. Good thing I’ve still got it. After the two of them stop wrinkling their noses and making faces at each other, he says in all seriousness. If anything happens to me I want you to promise me that you’ll wear a beautiful black dress, and hat to my funeral.

Alright, but, she says, refusing to stop the fun occasion they are sharing. You’ll have to promise me that if I go first you’ll wear work boots, faded jeans, and a hard hat to mine!

Jokingly, he adds. What about a jock strap?

Laughing and pushing him away slightly, she tries to straighten up her sitting position. Well, you don’t have to go that far! Not unless it’s a private viewing!

They again kiss happily

Are you happy with the way things turned out, Singer? He asks, in all earnestness.

Of course, I am. She insists. But I do feel like we’re bigamists. We’re married to each other in Massachusetts, and only living with each other in the state of Maine

Maybe someday Maine will realize how many tourist dollars there are in it for them, and then we can get our marriage approved of right here in Bangor.

Whispering confidentially in his right ear, she replies. In the mean time we’ll just enjoy living here in sin!

Laughingly he announces. No, In the meantime, George called a few minutes ago. He set up a recording session at the studio for eight tonight. What’s that all about?

Oh, George wants me to record a couple of songs. She explains. That way, if I have a cold, or just don’t want to sing live any night, I can just lip sync them.

Sounds good. I’ll take you over to the session. He agrees, readily.

Now rubbing noses, she says. Sounds good to me, too!

The middle aged housekeeper now enters the room and looks at the wall over their heads so as not to impolitely interfere in their private moment together.

Dinner’s ready! She says, in a neutral friendly like professional tone of voice.

Pushing at Scott to sit up so that she can stand up she does so, and begins straightening her dress, and wig. I’ll call Glenn and Cathy. She says, to the housekeeper, and to Scott. I’ll meet you in the dining room.

Scott heads for the dining room as Singer goes to the foot of stairs and calls up to Glenn, and Cathy.

Cathy- Glenn: come down to dinner, your father, and I are already in the dining room! Speaking aloud to herself now as she heads for the dining room. Those two kids are always together, and it’s wonderful, but I wish they would cultivate other friends, too!

Scott and Singer are now sitting at dining room table when Glenn and Cathy enter, and sit down.

The housekeeper puts the food on the table, and the four diners pass the serving plates around, each taking their share, and putting it on their plates. When they are ready to eat, Glenn looks at Singer, and with both his, and Cathy’s eyes cast down to their dinner plates, Glenn speaks, haltingly

Mother-Dad. Cathy, and I have something important to tell you.

Brightly, Singer asks. Oh, what is it?

Softly spoken and barely audible he answers. Cathy and I are going to have a baby!

Absent mindedly, she says. Yes, dear. Then as his words register in her mind she replies. A what?

Quietly, eyes still down, Cathy says. A baby. I’m -------- Taking a deep breath for strength she finishes her sentence while glancing to Glenn. We’re pregnant!

Scott doesn’t react, but instead keeps his eyes on his plate, and starting to eat more determinedly. With out any further word or show of emotion Singer reaches into her dress bodice, extracts a small cell phone, presses a speed dial number, then waits

And all this time I thought you two were playing tidily winks. She mutters to herself. Now speaking into the phone she talks clearly. Yes, darling. It is I. Then quickly says. Hold on a minute. Turning her eyes to look at Cathy, and Glenn, whose eyes are still downcast, she holds out the telephone to the both of them across the table. It’s Gloria. She explains. Do you wish to tell her, or do you want me to do it? Glenn and Cathy Indicate silently for Singer to do it, so Singer puts the telephone back to her ear. Gloria, dear. Your son is getting married! She listens .To whom? Why, Cathy, of course. Can you imagine it? Are you happy about it? Looking at each as they are mentioned. Scott’s happy about it, as are both Glenn, and Cathy. She listens, again. Me? Oh, I’m delirious. Deliriously happy, that is She listens again briefly, then says quickly. Baby? What baby? Who told you? Rapidly recovering she states. Oh, Glenn is our baby. Well, he isn’t our only baby anymore. She continues, alternately listening, and then answering quickly. What? When? Oh, they told Scott and me just now. Oh, you mean when they are getting married. Before she starts to show. What? I said: I’ll tell you what I know. They definitely plan to get married in three days. Just as soon as the license comes through. No, No darling. Don’t fret if you can’t make it to the civil ceremony they’ll be a formal church service in a week. Of course, they are rushing it, dear heart. You know how these young people are now a days. They want to do everything last month: She pauses. So to speak! Alright, you come here as soon as possible. We’ll all be anxious..... She pauses .... to see you. She now looks at Scott who’s taking a second helping of food, and Cathy, and Glenn who both look relieved. Snapping the phone shut, she firmly says; Mazel Tov!

CHAPTER 9

GLASS WINDOWED SOUND PROOF ROOM

Singer is now standing in a glass enclosed sound proof recording room. She has just finished a song, and has sheet music in front of her.

George’s voice is heard over the intercom Okay, sweetheart. One more song and you’re finished.

Wearily from the long recording session she replies. In more ways than one. What’s the song?

Ahh, His voice stalls. Don’t Blame Me.

The music starts. Singer has turned off the headphones, so the music can be heard while she’s singing the words.

Don’t Blame Me.

"Don’t Blame Me, for falling in love with you,

I’m under your spell, so how can I help it,

Don’t Blame Me."

Scott, who is seen on the other side of the glass talking to someone turns to look at Singer full face. He’s reacting favorably to the fact that Singer is now singing the song to him.

"Can’t you see---------

When you do the things you do,

If I can’t conceal the thrill that I’m feeling

Don’t Blame Me."

He smiles at her full face.

"I can’t help it If that dog gone moon up above.

Makes me want-Someone like you to love.

Blame your kiss-As sweet as a kiss can be.

And blame all your charms-That melt in my arms,

But, Don’t Blame Me.

No, Don’t Blame me."

Scott puts his face to the big pane of glass, and puckers up. Singer draws closer to Scott as he presses his lips to his side of glass. Singer presses her lips to her side of glass, their lips meet with the clear glass between them.

George’s voice is heard again over the inter com. I forgot to turn the tape on. You’re going to have to do it again!

Singer and Scott look at each other, and burst out laughing. Scott puts the palms of both hands flat against the glass. Singer puts her hands on the glass to match his. He presses his lips against the glass once, more. She does too. And they are again kissing with the glass between them.

CHAPTER 10

CATHY AND GLENN’S CHURCH WEDDING

Singer and Gloria are standing together at the back of the church. Singer is wearing a lavender lace full skirted 1950’s dress, with a large white cartwheel hat, white pocketbook, and gloves. Gloria is wearing a smaller flowered cloche hat. A princess style pink dress, with matching handbag, shoes, and white gloves.

Oh, dear. Gloria says, worriedly. Two weddings, is there going to be a funeral?

A barely muttered aside to herself has Singer saying. More like a baptism!

What, dear? Gloria asks.

I said, don’t be silly, Gloria. You’ve been married four times, and you haven’t buried any one of your ex husbands, yet! Suddenly looking down the long aisle, and seeing four men sitting on the groom’s side of the aisle. ‘‘Gloria. You didn’t" She accuses openly.

Absent mindedly, Gloria asks. I didn’t what, dear?

Invite your entire ex husbands to this wedding. With no response she asks again. Did you?

Well, of course I did. She says matter of factly. They heard you were coming, and they wanted to be here, too.

Gloria, I’m the father of the groom, not to mention the mother of the bride. I have every right to be here. She insists, almost heatedly.

Placatingly, Gloria responds calmly. I know you do, darling. I’m not saying you don’t. It’s just that it only seemed the normal thing to do to invite them. I mean, after all they were all Glenn’s step fathers at one time, or other. They were all attached to him, and he was attached to all of them at different times of his life when he was growing up. It was male bonding. She goes on. I just didn’t want Glenn to see they weren’t invited, and have a trauma

Unconsciously touching her own stomach, Singer tries to clarify the situation. Darling, I doubt that Glenn will ever have another trauma, again.

Repeating herself in self defense, Gloria goes on to explain. It just seemed the proper, and normal thing to do.

When did you ever know what was the normal thing to do? She asks, with a slight tinge of exasperation clouding her voice. Besides, now accusingly. There are four men sitting there. You have four ex husbands, including me. Who is that fifth one?

Oh, Gloria says, brightening up considerably. The fourth one there is Jake. She pauses to admire the back of his head at the distance. Isn’t he cute? She pauses. He hasn’t asked me to marry him yet

Glumly, Singer replies. I’m sure he will!

Well, I invited him along, anyway. Just in case he asks me to marry him: I didn’t want to leave him out!

The formally dressed usher comes up to where they are standing at the back of the church, and speaks softly to them. The ceremony is about to begin ladies. Will you please take my arm, and I’ll escort you down the aisle to where you’ll be seated.

Both smile sweetly as they each take one of the usher’s arms, Gloria on the left, and Singer on the right. They then proceed gracefully down the aisle. When they get to front pew. Gloria steps into the front pew on the left, followed by Singer, as directed to by the usher. Each beautifully dressed lady is smiling sweetly at the guests who have already been seated for the formal ceremony. Singer turns left to make a comment to Gloria, and when she does, she sees that she is on the outside seat on the groom’s side. Gloria is seated on her left, as are all three of Gloria’s former husbands, and Jake.

Gloria, this isn’t right! Singer whispers, urgently.

Whispering right back, Gloria asks. What isn’t right, dear?

I’m sitting here in this pew with three of your ex husbands, and Jake, the imposter

Patiently, Gloria explains as if speaking to an errant child. Well, there’s nothing wrong with that. After all, you are one of them.

Well, I didn’t invite my entire ex wives to this ceremony. She says, hotly.

Well, of course you didn’t. I’m your only ex wife, and I’m sitting right here.

Testily, Singer says. Gloria. I really don’t need you of all people to describe reality to me. I’m going to ask the usher to at least put me over on the bride’s side where I’ll be sitting properly with my husband."

Dismissing the whole thing with a mild shrug. Well, do what ever you want to do, dear. You always do anyway!

Singer gives Gloria the beady eyes at that one, and then she sees that the usher who seated them is standing very close by in the middle of the aisle. He is conversing lightly with yet another formally dressed usher. She tries to quietly get his attention, but to no avail.

Usher.

Continuing his whispered conversation with the other young usher whom he’s obviously trying to impress, he slips him the word) Well, actually I’m only filling in today. I’m not usually an usher at straight weddings.

Oh, Usher. Singer repeats, with a bit more volume and persistence.

Still ignoring Singer, the usher talks on. Yes, I live in Manhattan, New York. The big time, so to speak...

Now, even more persistently. Usher?

Now proudly proclaiming. I’m an actor!

A new thought enters her mind and she says. Waiter?

Smiling, and turning quickly to Singer, he answers. Yes?

I seem to be on the wrong side of the aisle. She settles back to compose herself. I should be over there on the bride’s side.

I thought you were the father of the groom? He queries, confusedly.

I am the father of the groom. She says, patiently. I am also the mother of the bride.

Whispering confidentially. Incest?

Indignantly, she answers quickly. I heard that!

This causes the young man to stammer slightly. What I mean is: I understood that this other lady is the mother of the groom, and she is your former wife. Wouldn’t you like to be seated with the mother of your son, who is the mother of the groom, and who is your former wife?

Of course I would. But I don’t wish to be seated with all three of her ex husbands, also!

Snippy, snippy! He looks at the men seated in a row. There are four of them.

The fourth one is Jake. He’s an imposter. He hasn’t asked her to marry him yet!

Helpfully, he adds. He will!

By now almost completely defeated Singer draws in a sharp breath. I know he will. She pauses slightly. But that’s entirely beside the point. I still wish to sit over there on the bride’s side, that’s where I belong.

Well, then who is the white haired lady who is already sitting over there?

That’s my mother. She’s the grandmother of the groom!

Then what is she doing on the bride’s side? He asks, dubiously.

"Because, that’s where she wants to be. I have known her for years now. Believe me:

She has a mind of her own!"

Who’s the young gentleman with her, He now inquires. Her grandson, too?

That’s her boyfriend.

Questioningly Boyfriend?

I told you she has a mind of her own! Singer insists.

Interesting family. He now mutters. I wonder if I can sell this story to Modern Bride Magazine.

Of course you mayn’t. It’s a private family matter! Singer is now completely indignant.

Well, you’re the only one complaining. He says, nonconcernedly.

Well, I’m the only one paying for this wedding!

The wedding music has started. Singer jumps up, brushing past the usher. Separating the maid of honor group, and the flower girl she strong arms Scott with the palm of her flattened hand to halt as she brushes in front of him, and the white gowned and veiled bride on her way to sit down firmly in the opposite first pew in front of Kay, and her young male friend.

Excuse me! She says firmly, but imperiously to Scott, and Cathy, as she’s pushing past them.

After she is seated Kay gives her a slight look of bewilderment. Then turns her eyes to the front, again!

The maids of honor and ushers now seated on opposite sides of the aisle, and the flower girl having stepped aside, Scott and Cathy continue the bridal walk up to the foot of the altar where he passes the bride over to the groom who is waiting at the foot of the altar with his groomsman, George. He then turns, and sits in the pew on the outside seat next to Singer, In front of Kay, and her young friend.

Facing the bride, groom, groomsman, maid of honor, and congregation, the priest now intones solemnly. We are gathered today in the presence of God----------

Turning and whispering to Scott on her left, Singer says. I hope so. I sincerely hope so!

The priest hears Singer’s stage whisper, and glances disapprovingly in her direction. Singer quickly lowers her eyes repentantly, as the ceremony commences as originally planned.

CHAPTER 11

HOW YOU GONNA KEEP ‘EM DOWN ON THE FARM ?

AFTER THEY’VE SEEN PAR-EE?

The Club Announcer’s Voice is now heard over the room’s loud speaker: Ladies, Gentlemen, and Significant Others: Here are Singer and the Boys!

The music to the verse of the production number’s song begins to play as the club’s room lights dim, and the stage area illumination comes up brightly.

"Rueben, Rueben, I’ve been thinking:

Said his wifey dear

Now that everything’s peaceful and calm;

The boys will soon return to the farm:"

Scott and George are sitting at their usual table at the back of the room that affords a full view of everything that happens on the small raised platform used as a stage, and also the surrounding tables filled with club goers table. Out of the corner of his eye George sees a male customer pass a small packet of drugs to another guy as the second guy drops money on the table. George gives Scott the high sign, both get up, walk over to the two guys, and motions them outside, with a slight physical assist.

When they get outside into the quietness of the parking lot with nothing but cars surrounding them, the drug pusher is warned sternly by Scott. "Don’t