Hook, Line and Stinker: Lily Thistle Cozy Mystery, #1

Tuesday, August 25

Chapter 1

THE SMALL SEASIDE TOWN of Port Peculiar was just waking up the day the body washed ashore. But for Lily Thistle, who was starting her first day as the new fifth grade teacher at Port Peculiar Primary School, her day began by tripping over the body on the beach.

Her day went downhill from there.

Minutes earlier Lily was walking along Port Peculiar’s rugged beach letting the cool breezes drifting off the water ease her mind. You’ll do fine. You’ve been teaching for nearly twenty years, she told herself. Her little pep talks always did the trick. ‘When in doubt, don’t pout’ was her motto. And it was making her feel better. . . until. One minute she was walking at a good clip thanks to her long legs and lean body, enjoying the moist air, cool against her skin, the aroma of the typical fresh sea air she loved. Then she caught a whiff of something. Something stinky. Really stinky. All other thoughts of school and her move to this new town flew out the window as Lily grasped her long brunette hair out of the way as she leaned down to get a better look.

A body. Blue with tinges of purple and gray, bloated and bare except for the seaweed strategically, and luckily, wrapped around him in all the right places. And yes, Lily could tell the body was a he from the large broad chest and, well, from the parts that were not all that well hidden. After taking a moment or two to get over the shock of stumbling upon this body on the rocky beach, Lily knew she had just minutes left to scramble to the school. Her mind told her to hightail it out of there. Get to school, girl, now or you’ll be late, raced through her mind. But her gut told her to stay.

Dang it, she muttered.

Being a good citizen won out, and reluctantly Lily Thistle dug her cell phone from her front pocket and punched in the three numbers. She inched back a few steps, away from the body, careful not to get the hem of her navy slacks wet in the water. I’m glad I don’t know this guy, passed through her head as she waited for someone to answer her call.

9-1-1, what’s your emergency? a woman’s voice commanded.

I’ve found a body. On the beach, Lily said, hoping she didn’t sound as nervous as she felt. At forty-one, Lily thought she’d seen it all, or at least most of it, but finding a dead body was a new one, even for her. She tucked her brunette hair behind her ear and continued. It’s a man, he’s, well, he’s naked and he’s all seaweedy. Seaweedy, really? You sound like an idiot, Lily silently admonished herself, then addressed the 9-1-1 operator again by explaining, I mean, he’s covered in seaweed. Well, parts of him are. While she wondered if that fact was even relevant, Lily missed what the 9-1-1 operator said next.

Ma’am, ma’am, hello? Are you there? I need your name and the exact location of the body, the operator said. She added, And I need your phone number in case we need to reach you.

Man, I’d hate to get on her wrong side, Lily thought as she listened to the demanding voice. Oh, yes, sure. I’m here. My name’s Lily Thistle and we’re on the beach, she said, looking around. Why did I use the royal we? Lily wondered. I should have said I’m standing here, on the beach, and the body is lying there. Right there, Lily realized and stepped back some more. Once, twice, and looked around for a landmark. She then added, I’m near the fountain at Wharf Park, but on the beach, not in the park itself. I can also see the massive homes on the hill. You know which ones I mean. They’re huge. Wood shake shingles, stone, wood, three stories tall . . .

Lily was interrupted by the dispatcher. All right, I know that spot. I’ve dispatched officers to your location. Please stay where you are until they arrive. They’ll want to interview you. And your phone number is?

Lily rattled off her cell phone number, Portland, Oregon area code and all, then said, Oh, of course. But there’s just one thing.

What’s that, ma’am?

I have to get to school. I can’t be late on my first day. Lily looked around at the splendid pine trees, the waves crashing against the rocks, the wharf just up the beach, hoping a police officer would materialize before her eyes, and allow her to simply point to the body, say something like ‘Him, that’s him, right there,’ and they’d wave her on. Let her be on her way.

Like I said, the officers will want to speak to you. Take an official statement. Stay put. You’ll just have to be late for school. The woman’s voice took on a timber Lily didn’t like. She sounded like a principal reprimanding a student, a bad student, a bully maybe, who had hit the pretty, quiet little girl that everyone loved.

Okay, got it, Lily said and disconnected the call. Just weeks before her own school in Portland, Oregon was due to start, the elementary school in the upper Washington coastal town of Port Peculiar had an opening for a fifth grade teacher. Since Lily was ready for a change from the busy city elementary school in Portland where she’d taught for most of her career, she applied for the job. And to her surprise, she got it. Not that she wasn’t qualified or experienced, but she thought surely someone local would nab the job.

She’d wanted to stay in the Pacific Northwest where she’d lived her entire life, and Port Peculiar, Washington, funny name aside, was home to killer vistas and just over 12,000 residents. Lily had always coveted living in the town with its boats in the harbor, quaint homes, and mom and pop businesses. The place felt like home each time she visited her sister and brother-in-law, Rose and John Wisdom, who ran the popular inn, the Port Peculiar Bed & Breakfast, where Lily was staying till she found a place of her own. But a dead body? That was the last thing she imagined greeting her on her first week in town.

Port Peculiar was situated north of the Olympic Mountains on the north side of the Olympic Peninsula in western Washington. Most days in the sunny seaside village, the air felt soft and damp and smelled like the sea, fresh and crisp, and yes, sometimes a bit pungent depending on what the tide and breeze brought in. About a half hour earlier, an innocent thought went through Lily’s mind as she dressed for her new job in front of the full-length standing mirror in her room at the inn:  A walk on the path near the water. Yeah, that’s what I need to settle my nerves. Now she thought, Ha, fat chance. Since when does finding a stinky dead body settle your nerves?

While Lily resigned herself to the fact that she had to stay with the body until the police arrived, she watched a man of ambiguous age approach her. He had long brown hair and a scruffy beard laced with wiry gray hairs. When he was within earshot, he lifted his tattered ball cap off his head, waved it a few times, and yelled, What’d you find there?

He slipped the cap back on and kept coming, so Lily waited to answer till he was close enough to hear her. She didn’t feel like broadcasting to the universe that what she had indeed found on the rocky beach was a dead body. He stopped a few feet from the body, so the two of them were buns, the man partially bobbing in the water, partially ashore was the meat.

A body. Lily looked down and got a better look. She grimaced. He didn’t look particularly disgusting, not for a dead body. And he was actually a little on the handsome side. At least for being stone cold dead. But this was certainly different than seeing a body in a hospital bed, like with her dad after he’d died, or in a coffin, like her mom. At least this guy was freshly dead, which she assumed helped matters in the looks department. But Lily couldn’t help but think that this guy, sure, a stranger to her, but to someone out there, they had to be missing him. Surely they were, she figured.

Huh. Don’t see that every day, do ya? The man peered at the body then looked up.

No, you don’t.

So, you new around here. Don’t remember seeing you before. The man peered out from beneath the bill of his ball cap at Lily.

Yes, just moved to Port Peculiar from Oregon, she said. No specifics. Give him no specifics. Lily chided herself for even mentioning Oregon.

Ah, you moved from one pot friendly state to another. Good move. The man pulled out a small pipe from one ratty jeans pocket and what looked to Lily like a prescription medicine bottle from the other pocket.

Lily rolled her eyes but didn’t respond.

He sure stinks, don’t he?

Yes, he does, but I’ve got a strong stomach, I guess. She thought about when her dad was dying. The sweet smell gradually started filling his hospital room, and she was the only one who could stand to be in there for any length of time. Rose couldn’t. She brought the kids, who would pinch their noses. But that was understandable. They were little. His friends came to see him and when they caught a whiff, they usually thought of somewhere else they needed to be. They’d say their goodbyes and leave.

Lily watched the man fill the pipe with a pinch of pungent green leaves from the bottle that Lily could smell, even over the stench of the body. Using a lighter, he lit the pipe and inhaled deeply. He held his breath for longer than Lily thought possible and then exhaled, releasing a stream of blue-gray smoke behind him. Even though the air was still and the smoke wasn’t likely to drift in her direction, she stepped back and fanned the air in front of her while his back was turned. That’s all I need, to go to school smelling like reefer, she thought. Speaking of school, I really should call.

Wrapped up in her thoughts she missed what the man who was now facing her said next.

Did you hear me, miss?

No. What? Lily looked up and saw that he was adjusting his ball cap low on his head, shading his eyes from view.

You never saw me here. Got that? He pointed at Lily using his thumb and pointer finger as a gun then didn’t wait for her to answer before he turned and left the way he’d come.

Well, that was strange, Lily muttered when he was halfway down the beach. She watched as the man disappeared from sight.

Chapter 2

WELL, WELL, WOULD YOU look at him, Lily thought. Her heart thumped happily, beating harder as she watched a tall dark-haired man with a chiseled jaw approach her. He was dressed in a blue uniform, and Lily raised her hand slightly and gave a small wave. Come to momma, came to mind as she smiled and noticed the hunky cop smiling back. I’m glad I spent the extra few minutes on my hair and I wore this top, Lily thought after she glanced down at her usual monochromatic attire. Today the color was navy blue:  slim slacks and a simple V-necked tee that loosely hugged her body but not so much that it wasn’t appropriate to wear to school.

When Lily looked up, she saw movement next to the hunky cop. Wait, what? Where did he come from? she wondered. Another police officer, also dressed in the telltale blue uniform, though not nearly as put together looking as the hunk, was waggling his fingers in Lily’s direction. She decided this guy was decidedly unhunky, about as pasty white as raw bread dough. He looked like a typical cop, not a hot dude playing one on TV. No, this one looked more like one who frequented the proverbial donut shop once too often. Well, maybe I shouldn’t have waved if this guy is waving back. But Lily plastered on a grin for his behalf and pointed to the body, as if they hadn’t seen it already.

Ma’am, you found the body? This came from the pasty police officer. Lily glanced at him then quickly moved her gaze back to the hunk and nodded.

It’s Greg Lindstrom, the hunky cop said as he bent over the body, addressing his comment to the other officer. He looked at his watch. Okay, who wears a watch in the age of smartphones? Lily wondered. He said, Seven thirty three a.m. Got that? to the second officer who was actually writing down the information. At least we know who’s in charge here, Lily thought, admiring the hunk’s take-charge demeanor.

The hunk stuck his hand out. Pardon me, ma’am. I’m the Chief of Police. Nick Thomas. This is Officer Sam Burnett. And you are. . .?

Lily rushed to answer, but her words stumbled over the other officer’s who spoke at the same time. She managed, I’m Lily Thistle.

She’s Lily Thistle, Sam said simultaneously then apologized to Lily with a nod and smile and motioned with a beefy hand for Lily to continue.

That’s okay, Nick, Sam, she said and smiled at both men. Just to be polite. You know, I have to get to school. It’s my first day. I’m the new fifth grade teacher. There, that should do it. I’m sure now they’ll let me go. I’m already late but not too late. While the thoughts circle Lily’s brain, she hoisted her backpack that held her lunch and some supplies she decided to add to the collection already in her room, Chief Thomas raised his hand.

I’m sorry, Lily, but we’re going to have to interview you. You’re not going anywhere. Now, tell me exactly what happened, the police chief said looking even better, if that was possible, when he was looking directly at her. What a smile. What fine lips.

But, Lily began but was cut off at the pass by Officer Sam.

No buts, ma’am.

Lily cringed. She hated being called ma’am just about as much as she hated being called Mrs. Thistle by her students. She always wanted to tell the kids, ‘Hey, that’s my mom’s name! I’m Miss Thistle.’ Instead now she said, "Like I said, I’m the fifth grade teacher, the new one, and I have to get to my classroom. I was just out for a quick walk. I didn’t know I’d stumble on