Coming to Grips with Marital Conflict
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About this ebook
No one plans to have an unhappy marriage, yet marital conflict is common even among Christians. Some couples despair of finding hope even after years of personal struggle.
This eBooklet identifies several of the pressures that ignite marital conflict and points the reader to biblical solutions. Dr. Lutzer believes that even long-standing differences can, in many instances, be overcome through the power of Christ. Even those who live with relationships beyond repair will be encouraged to prove that Christ can give grace in the midst of a failed marriage.
Erwin W Lutzer
Dr. Erwin W. Lutzer is Pastor Emeritus of The Moody Church, where he served as the senior pastor for 36 years. He is an award-winning author and the featured speaker on three radio programs that are heard on more than 750 national and international outlets. He and his wife, Rebecca, have three grown children and eight grandchildren and live in the Chicago area.
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Coming to Grips with Marital Conflict - Erwin W Lutzer
Notes
Introduction
He’s so oppressive sometimes I think I’m in a concentration camp, and yet he expects to have sex with me! It’s like a guard at Auschwitz wanting to have sex with a woman prisoner and expecting her to enjoy it!"
With all of her might this woman tried to be the good Christian wife she was taught to be. For years she lived with a demanding, hot-tempered husband, trusting God to change him. But her submission seemed to have little effect on his attitude and actions. Her question was one that many married partners ask: When is enough, enough?
Although the male species at times may seem to be the most difficult to live with, many women make impossible demands on their husbands, thereby blocking all possible avenues to harmony and mutual respect. Everything I do is wrong,
a man told me. I receive no affirmation, she is constantly undermining my authority, and hates sex. Some day I would like to catch her in a good mood!
No one plans to have an unhappy marriage. Yet marital conflict exists everywhere. Even those who appear to have a fulfilling marriage often live with anger, mistrust, and disharmony. Many wives say they have no one to talk to, they are neglected, and despair of finding help even after years of struggle. Husbands in turn complain that they are weary of being nagged, weary of being compared to Robert Redford, and exasperated when their wives accuse them of being sexual animals.
We would be startled if we knew the amount of verbal and even physical abuse that goes on in homes. Yes, even Christian homes. When the curtains are drawn, only God knows what happens behind the closed doors. And for the most part, it’s not a pretty picture. If marriage is to mirror the relationship between Christ and the Church then many (most?) marriages are a tragic failure. Surely God intended something better.
Marital conflict is as old as the human race. But our fallenness
is having a greater impact on this generation. Look no farther than your daily newspaper and you will see the symptoms of marital discord.
CAUSES OF CONFLICT
Why all this conflict? Five factors contribute to discord in marriage: the fractured family, unrealistic expectations, sexual immorality, an inadequate understanding of conflict, and the belief that change is impossible.
THE FRACTURED FAMILY
Ever since Cain killed Abel, broken homes have existed, with abuse and hatred spilling into the lives of the children. But thirty years ago here in the United States, this breakdown began to permeate all areas of society—rich and poor, black and white, educated and uneducated. Divorce, which always carried