Make It Home Before Dark

9.

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Introduction

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Ihave a great burden that I want to discuss in these pages. That burden is reflected in the following nine reasons for writing this book. In the words of my dear friend Bobb Biehl, these indeed are the things that make me pound the table and weep with regard to the whole issue of repentance.

First, what is often passed off as repentance has nothing to do with what the Scriptures say repentance is. This book is by no means a complete scholarly treatise on the nature of biblical repentance. But it is my prayer that as you read through these pages, God will speak to your heart and make clear the nature of repentance from a balanced biblical perspective.

Second, we need authenticity in our walk and relationship with God. We need to work on erasing the line between what we say and who we really are. We must return to authenticity. We must walk in reality. I believe that repentance is the key to opening and unlocking this reality. I believe genuine repentance will lead to the authenticity where Christ can be demonstrated in all of His beauty and all of His power. I believe that power is found through a humble, genuine, honest, transparent walk in relationship with Him.

Third, I want to offer hope to discouraged, defeated pilgrims. In my travels, I meet so many Christians who have been beaten down by sin and rejection in their lives. They scream out as the apostle Paul did in Romans 7:24, Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death? Through the pages of this book, as you read, I want to offer biblical hope to anyone who is struggling with life-controlling sin. I am here to remind you that whatever the issues are that bring discouragement and defeat to your life, there is hope.

Fourth, I am writing this book to underscore the wonderful, positive nature of repentance. We tend to view repentance as something dark, gloomy, and extremely painful. To be honest, the process of repentance can be very painful. It hurts to have to deal face-to-face with sin and disgrace. But it’s also beautiful. Repentance opens the door to great joy, to great release. Burdens are lifted when there’s true repentance.

Fifth, I want to underscore throughout this book that repentance is the primary vehicle to both personal and corporate revival. There can be no revival without the repentance of sin. No program or process in the Christian life can produce revival and renewal, no matter how good the Bible study program is, no matter how wonderful the outreach strategy may be, no matter how great the seminar or workshop that you attended may be. The key to all renewal, the key to all wholeness, the key to all awakening in the Christian life has to do with dealing directly and biblically with sin.

Sixth, I want to speak to the destructive, false repentance of legalism. Legalism is an extreme that keeps people in bondage. It’s a tool of the Enemy that is prevalent throughout the body of Christ. Legalism is the archenemy of grace. It fuels false guilt. It is rooted in rules and regulations and standards that cannot be supported by the Scriptures.

Seventh, I want to identify and dispel some of the common barriers to true repentance. In the pages that follow, we’ll take a more detailed look at barriers to biblical repentance. We’ll talk about what they are, how we need to deal with them, and how to get rid of them. In that way, we can get onto the path to wholeness and renewal.

Eighth, I want to underscore the awesome majesty and holiness of our great God. Truly, this is the ultimate reason to repent. In our popular approach to Christianity in our culture, God has been trivialized into a bosom buddy and a lifelong pal. We have made God sort of a folk hero, and we have allowed the culture to relegate Him into that role. Therefore, we shouldn’t be surprised that our needs now demand our first attention, nor that we have lost the awe and the respect and the reverence we once held for the God of the universe.

Finally, I want to point toward the indescribable mercy and grace of God that is released and experienced through repentance. Freedom is a great by-product of forgiveness. God wants His children to be full, free, and forgiven.

When I left the house as a teenager, my father always said, Son, you make it home before dark. Sometimes that seemed like a restriction. But it also gave me great freedom to do the right thing. Because Dad made it eminently clear that I was accountable to him, his statement allowed me to avoid much that might have tempted me after the light was gone from the day.

In this book, I pray you’ll begin to understand that repentance isn’t a restriction, but the pathway to wholeness.

As God’s children, let’s all make it home before dark. Robertson McQuilkin wrote a prayer that I think can speak for all of us. I’ve quoted it here with his permission.

LET ME GET HOME BEFORE DARK

It’s sundown, Lord. The shadows of my life stretch back into the dimness of the years long spent. I fear not death, for that grim foe betrays himself at last, thrusting me forever into life: life with You, unsoiled and free. But I do fear. I fear the dark specter may come too soon—or do I mean too late? I fear that before I finish I might stain Your honor, shame Your name, grieve Your loving heart. Few, they tell me, finish well. Lord, let me get home before dark.

Will my life show the darkness of a spirit grown mean and small, fruit shriveled on the vine, bitter to the taste of my companions, a burden to be borne by those brave few who love me still? No. Lord, let the fruit grow lush and sweet, a joy to all who taste, a spirit-sign of God at work, stronger, fuller. Brighter at the end. Lord, let me get home before dark.

Will it be the darkness of tattered gifts, rust-locked, half-spent, or ill-spent, a life that once was used of God now set aside? Grief for glories gone or fretting for a task God never gave? Mourning in the hollow chambers of memory, gazing on the faded banners of victories long gone? Cannot I run well until the end? Lord, let me get home before dark.

The outer me decays—I do not fret or ask reprieve. The ebbing strength but weans me from mother earth and grows me up for heaven. I do not cling to shadows cast by mortality. I do not patch the scaffold lent to build the real, eternal me. I do not clutch about me my cocoon, vainly struggling to hold hostage a free spirit pressing to be born.

But will I reach the gate in lingering pain—body distorted, grotesque? Or will it be a mind wandering untethered among light phantasies or grim terrors? Of Your grace, Father, I humbly ask . . . let me get home before dark.

CHAPTER ONE

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Wholeness Versus

Compartmentalization

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A TALE OF TWO CHRISTIANS

Henry Jordan grew up in a Christian home. At an early age he made a decision to commit his life to Christ.

Henry and his family attended a wonderful church. It was full of great Christian activity and solid biblical teaching and was host to an exciting youth group. Henry took full advantage of that group as he grew up. He did the whole thing: planned activities, missions trips, and summer camps alike.

After his graduation from high school, Henry attended a well-known Christian college where he majored in business administration and marketing. He excelled in college. In fact, he was considered a leader on the campus. Henry served as president of both his junior and senior classes, and was a member of several prestigious academic fraternities.

Henry entered the real estate business after college. Before long, he was a successful real estate developer. Within a relatively short period of time, Henry became a very wealthy man. He became a community leader. He was involved in evangelistic outreaches. His company funded various Christian initiatives, missionaries, and organizations. Henry was also an elder in his local church. He had made major contributions to the church through years of leadership and his generosity with his personal fortune.

Then tragedy caught up with Henry’s personal life. The community was shocked when they heard that Henry had been caught with a high-priced call girl. The local newspapers, radio, and TV covered the story.

The shame and embarrassment were almost too much for Henry to handle.

When he was confronted by the leaders of the church, Henry admitted that what he had done was wrong. Still, he quickly began to make excuses for his sin. He even blamed his wife for her lack of warmth.

You see, Henry had lived with this problem for years—and that was the problem. He had developed a private addiction to pornography, and he had never forsaken it. Rather, Henry just managed it. Whenever he indulged in this sinful activity, the shame hit him. Henry’s response was to privately claim a verse, but he never seriously sought help.

Pride stood in Henry’s way. Oddly enough, as he managed the sin, it became increasingly unmanageable. His appetite for sexual activity—and his desire to live out the fantasies he read about—began to grow. Henry kept all of this a big secret, of course. He acted out these fantasies mostly when he was on out-of-town business trips. Away from home, he indulged his sexual appetite with prostitutes.

Henry was a bright man. So, through the years, he had become adroit at manipulation. Not even his wife knew this dark, private side of Henry. He felt trapped. He was driven to keep his big secret because of his visibility and his reputation as a Christian leader in the community.

Compartmentalized Christianity

After Henry was discovered and the news was out, some of his Christian friends had a hindsight insight. They remembered that, despite his outgoing nature, Henry was evasive (sometimes even strangely silent) when the issues of accountability were raised. You see, Henry knew how to hide his sin. He could keep it in the back, compartmentalize it, and still look like and act as if he was a wonderful, effective Christian.

Let’s contrast Henry’s story with that of Judy Hallsey. Judy is a thirty-four-year-old single parent with two children. Judy has been a Christian for just over six years. Prior to coming to Christ, she experienced a broken marriage to her high school sweetheart, Kevin.

The Hallseys’ marriage started out as if it would last forever. Judy and Kevin were the ideal couple. They were both popular in high school, but shortly after the wedding things began to fall apart. Kevin wanted to spend more time with the guys than he did with Judy. It seemed as if he was running from something. Predictably, a noticeable distance developed between the two of them.

Kevin wasn’t the only one at fault, however. Judy contributed to the breakup of the relationship too. Since childhood, Judy had engaged in a pattern of lying and dishonesty. For as long as she could remember—and for a variety of reasons—Judy had lied about almost everything. Judy’s dishonesty as an adult drove a wedge in her relationship with Kevin. It fed Kevin’s desire to spend more time with his friends than with his wife. Judy didn’t tell the truth about where she was, what she did, or even what happened with their money. She constantly lied in an attempt to impress other people. Kevin sought refuge with his friends, never really knowing whether he got a straight story from Judy. Finally the distance between them overwhelmed their marriage, and they divorced.

The divorce left Judy an emotionally broken person. She carried an enormous amount of guilt because of her dishonesty. Although she tried to comfort herself by focusing on Kevin’s neglect (and an assortment of his other faults and shortcomings), she still could not rid herself of the guilt and shame associated with the lies she had so often told.

Before long, Judy’s sense of guilt and shame became almost unbearable. At times she felt totally hopeless and in the pit of despair. Then one day she ran into Beverly Hawkins, an old friend from high school, at her youngest son’s baseball game. During the game they renewed their acquaintance and caught up on old times.

Judy was delighted to see Beverly once again. It had been quite a while. Over the next two weeks, they talked as they waited for their sons’ practice to end. They talked throughout their sons’ games. As the baseball season ended two weeks later, they made an appointment to meet again.

Beverly met Judy for coffee the following Saturday morning. In tears, Judy told of the pain that she was going through. Judy had not talked to anyone about the anguish that was in her heart since her marriage with Kevin had ended. Judy was somewhat embarrassed. Yet as she spoke, she also felt a great sense of relief and release. She poured her heart out to a dear friend. Beverly sat, listening to every word, empathizing with Judy.

Judy felt so much at ease. She felt as if she was drawn to Beverly’s heart. In fact, she said to Beverly,