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In Your Eyes
In Your Eyes
In Your Eyes
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In Your Eyes

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Jase Jergensmeyer was the bully that tortured me growing up--the kind of boy who would pull my pigtails and call me names in elementary school. He was never supposed to be anything other than a menace. He wasn't meant to be anything other than the definition of what I didn't want.

Things don't always happen the way we plan, and sometimes we ask God why he puts things in our path, but the most important thing to remember is: Life is an adventure, and if we all knew how it would play out, we never really would be living, would we?

You know me as Shelby, the eight-year-old girl that went through hell with my sister, Ari, but I have my own story to tell.

LanguageEnglish
PublisherBarbara Speak
Release dateJun 21, 2016
ISBN9781311222947
In Your Eyes
Author

Barbara Speak

I never felt I had time to read until one day my sister in law threw the Twilight saga at me. She demanded I give it a try and a new reader was born. An obsession would be a better word for it. While I still love a good YA book from time to time, contemporary romance is where I have found my home. Living through a characters life in real situations draws me in and holds on to me. One day an idea came to mind for a book I had not seen out there yet. After the first few chapters, I was hooked. Finding Solace was written in less than seven weeks. I just couldn't stop once I started, and have yet to stop since.

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    In Your Eyes - Barbara Speak

    Chapter One

    I can’t believe this is the end. You promise you won't forget me? I mean, I will hunt you down and strangle you if you do. You know that, right? Izzy promised.

    I took my best friend in my arms as we both cried on each other's shoulders.

    You already know that I'm not staying there forever. I just need to find a job. You better not get another roommate!

    I would never. Well, unless some hot ass man decides to stick around for once, then we might need to revisit this conversation.

    We both started to giggle as I pulled back and pushed her jokingly away before I pulled her back in.

    I'm going to miss you so much.

    Me too, Shelby. Me too.

    A knock on the door snapped us out of our pity party. When I turned to see Canyon in the doorway of my dorm room, I faintly heard Izzy whisper, Hot damn! 

    I couldn't help but laugh—she's had a crush on my sister's husband since the first day they dropped me off.

    Talking out of the side of my mouth, I responded softly, That's disgusting, and you need a man stat.

    If your sister's willing to share, I'm all in.

    Eeewwww!

    Wearing his trademark smile, Canyon asked, You ready, kiddo? Not at all letting on that he heard us, that smile gave him away; I knew it all too well.

    Picking up my purse from the bed, I swung it over my shoulder and then spun around to give Izzy one last hug goodbye before I joined Canyon at the door. I refused to look back at her, knowing she would be crying, only making it harder to walk away. She and I had said our goodbyes all morning, but no amount of time would be enough to make the pain of leaving my best friend ease.

    Yeah, I guess I am.

    Then let's get you home.

    With the truck all packed up, I slammed the tailgate closed then turned and looked back at the university I had called home for the last five years. Wiping the mascara from under my eyes, I took one, long, last look and blew a kiss to the memories I was forced to leave behind me. 

    Don't be so sad, Princess, your life is just starting! You have no idea how excited we all are to have you home.

    I couldn't produce words; I simply climbed in the passenger seat and closed the door behind me.

    Canyon followed me and started the truck, allowing me some much-needed time to process everything. All of the friends I had made along the way were moving to their career towns or back home, but none of them would be in po-dunk Montana. Don't get me wrong, growing up there was the best thing that could ever have happened to me, but there was nowhere to go from there except be a farmer’s wife or work at the local tavern. I didn't go to college to aspire to nothing.

    After thirty minutes or so of quiet, Canyon startled me when he, out of nowhere, blurted out, Okay, I've given you time, but now you need to start talking. What's wrong? I thought you would be excited to finally come home. I know Gabriel and Amelia can't wait to see you.

    In those few choice words, my guilt rose. Leaving those two would rip me to shreds. I thought leaving for college was bad, but even then, I promised the two of them I would be back. How could I break their hearts and tell them it was a lie?

    The truck abruptly stopped on the side of the highway when Canyon turned to me.

    All right, you're practically in tears over there. Talk to me. Please, hun. I hate seeing you like this.

    Canyon had always been like a father to me since my own went to prison fifteen years before. He was released nine years later on good behavior, we were told, but he never took one step to find me. That was better than okay with us, though. Either Arianna or my mother would have killed him had he tried.

    I'm waiting.

    As I looked into his eyes, it was clear he was expecting the worst. I was just afraid what I was about to tell him would confirm his suspicions.

    I'm not staying. I blurted it out as fast as possible, petrified that if I thought about it for one more second it would never happen. 

    What came next, I didn't understand how to process. I watched as Canyon put his hand on the gear shift and placed the truck in drive before he slowly pulled back out onto the long stretch of highway ahead of us.

    Minutes passed by us without a sound other than my heart beat as it raced from my anxiety. Just when I had finally bucked up the nerve to face him, he spoke. 

    They saw it coming.

    He didn't look at me, but it was clear that it pained him to speak those words. I wanted to ask who, but he continued, Ari always told me you needed to spread your wings and fly. I just didn't want to believe her.

    He let out a deep breath, and I knew him well enough to know I needed to give him space. So that's what I did. Turning my head to look out the window as the fields rushed by, I wished for something grand to say, something to make him understand with only a few words. They never came.

    It was an hour before we pulled off the highway to get gas. Canyon got out leaving me inside to wallow. I couldn't anymore, though. I hated that I was hurting him, but it was my life, and I deserved to do it my way.

    Climbing out the passenger door, I slammed it shut, grabbing his attention. 

    What was your dream? What did you want to do more than anything?

    He put the pump in the truck and then turned to me.

    Marry your sister.

    Before that! I walked slowly toward him closing the space between us. You wanted to be the best bull rider this world had ever seen. That was your dream, and we were there to support you. We didn't hold you back with guilt. Arianna begged you to continue—

    You can scream at me all you want, but you will never understand. It's not that I don't want you to be happy, I just don't want to lose you.

    And there it was, the sobering truth. After the accident, the doctors told Canyon he would never ride a bull again. The injuries he sustained to his spinal cord were almost paralyzing. His dreams changed that day, and all he wanted from that point on was a family. He was wrong, though, I did understand. His dream was taken from him but mine wasn't. He was the one who needed to understand.

    You're not going to lose me, Canyon. You will always be one of the best things that ever happened to me. I just need to find my own place in the world. A degree in architecture can't thrive in Montana.

    So the whole state is out of the question? Helena couldn't work for you? You need to move, what, thousands of miles away?

    San Diego.

    Get it the truck.

    He didn't even look at me as he threw the pump back on its holder and walked away from me to go pay. 

    Ugh!

    I did as he demanded but wasn't happy about it, that's for sure. Sitting in the cab waiting for him to come back, I couldn't help but remember a time when he would have supported me doing anything that made me happy. That was so long ago that I am surprised I can still remember it like it was yesterday. Don't let me paint him as a jerk by any means. Canyon would die for any of us before he thought of himself. It's just … Things changed when he finally got to come home from the hospital. He clung to us like we were his only chance at happiness, and that hasn't changed. I knew he was just scared. I was too. But fear can't hold me back from living, and that strength was something I learned from none other than the man himself. 

    When we were back on the highway, I expected it to be hours before I would hear his voice, but once again, I was surprised. 

    I'm sorry.

    It was barely audible, but I caught it.

    Tears welled in my eyes as I turned in my seat to face him.

    I'm not doing this to hurt you.

    I watched intently as his hands closed around the steering wheel in fists before they relaxed and he palmed the wheel, stretching his fingers back out.

    I know you aren't. In fact, this is my fault and I know it. If I would have just accepted all along what Camille and Ari saw in you this wouldn't have come as a surprise. You have always been independent. These five years have been preparing me for this, I guess. Damn, I'm sorry. I want you to be happy, Shelby. It's all I have ever wanted for you.

    Thank God he caved that quickly. I had been expecting days before he was willing to see any side of this but his.

    I'm not leaving right away. I haven't accepted a job yet.

    Thank the heavens for that! Gabe and Amelia would be devastated.

    And there went my happy moment.  

    They will be fine. They're young and resilient to change. Just think about how many times I moved and started over at that age. I will miss the hell out of them too, but Canyon—

    I know. Adding guilt isn't helping.

    No, it’s not. Please support me on this. I love all of you. It's got nothing to do with that.

    I know that. So, let me change the subject because I can't stay on that one and I'm sure you would be grateful to do the same. Have you any prospects in San Diego? I mean, what's pulling you there, of all places?

    He had no idea how happy he had just made me.

    Well, Izzy will already be there, so there would be no worry of me moving to a strange city and living by myself. Also Chect, Turner, and Cline, is one of the largest architecture firms in the country. I don't know if you remember, but I did my internship through them last year. They are opening a new branch in San Diego, and from what I have been hearing, it looks like I will have my own office very soon.

    When he turned to look at me, the only thing I saw in his expression was pride. He was beaming from it.

    I am so damn proud of you, girl. You have always set goals higher than we ever thought you could reach, and you have proved us wrong every time.

    He shook his head back and forth still smiling with his cheeks. 

    Thank you. But it's not set in stone yet. It could be weeks before I hear anything.

    Well then, that gives us a few weeks to cherish you then, doesn't it? Besides, Ari has plans for the two of you anyway. I would hate for her to be disappointed right now. A lot is on our plate.

    What do you mean? Is something wrong? She didn't say anything on the phone yesterday when I talked to her.

    His smile grew even bigger which I didn't know was possible. 

    No, nothing is wrong. Absolutely nothing is wrong.

    He wouldn't elaborate any more on the subject, leaving me curious beyond measure, but it wasn't long before I would find out, and let me tell you, leaving was going to be even harder.

    Chapter Two

    It was dark by the time we pulled into the driveway of my childhood home. Canyon had stirred me awake once we hit town giving me a chance to be alert for when we got there.

    Minutes later, I could hear the comforting sound of gravel crunching under the tires. Standing next to the house were all of my most cherished love ones, waving to us through the blinding headlights shining upon them. Gabriel had ahold of Amelia's hand while my mother and Ari stood behind them, all wearing smiles that matched my own. When the truck came to a stop, it was game on to see who could reach who first.

    My door flew open before I sprung from the truck and caught Amelia in my arms as she leaped all too soon. Gabriel clung to my waist at the same time Ari and my mom wrapped their arms around me.

    You're finally home!

    Auntie Shelby, I missed you.

    Auntie Elby, want to see my new pony?

    Why don't we all give Shelby some space to gain her sorts? She's had a long drive back.

    They were all talking at the same time making me laugh uncontrollably from happiness. The chaos that ensued was more welcoming than anything. I missed them so much. The few times a year I got to come back wasn't enough. The tug on my heart from just how much I missed them proved it.

    My gosh, Gabriel, you have grown so much! The baby face that once defined him was morphing into more of a young man. It was almost sad, but looking into his deep set green eyes that had been there all along, I knew nothing would really change. No matter how much he grew, he would still be the first baby I ever held in my arms.

    I looked up at Arianna, and asked, Is he really tall for his age or is it just me?

    No, he's actually on the short side for eight. You just haven't been around much so it seems like it to you.

    I'm big too, Auntie Elby.

    Little Amelia was only five so growth spurts hadn't had their fun with her yet. But her dark brown hair was down to the middle of her back just like her mother's, and the tooth fairy must have been a busy bee, because she was missing at least six. 

    "You both have gotten so big."

    I set Amelia down and maneuvered myself through the masses to get to my mother who was standing back in the distance. 

    Speaking of growing up … My God, Shelby, you are absolutely stunning.

    I knew in a mother’s eyes their children would always be perfect, but having my mom say it still meant everything to me.

    Mom. It was one simple word, and it would never get old holding her in my arms. She had aged too but was still nothing short of spectacular. 

    Hey, don't leave me out.

    Ari had walked up behind me. When I let my mother go and turned to her, my jaw dropped to the ground.

    "You're pregnant again?"

    The giggles from the children were all too sweet as Canyon closed in on the space between us.

    I told you all was right with the world.

    This is what you wouldn't talk about. You guys are crazy. Another baby? Oh, my gosh.

    I felt my mom's hands rest on my shoulders before she said, Another gift from God.

    I couldn't believe it. I had missed so much being away, and it hurt far worse than I wanted to admit to myself. 

    Yes, it absolutely is. Do you guys know what the sex is yet? How far along are you? And how could you not tell me? We talk all the time.

    Ari looked up at Canyon, and I watched as they shared a smile between each other before she looked back at me.

    I'm six months, and he will be here around Labor Day.

    My arms reached for her and pulled until she was wrapped within them.

    "He? God, another boy. I am so happy right now." 

    Why don't you come inside? We can leave your things for later. I want to hear all about your plans now that you are a big college graduate. And, by the way, I know I've said this a thousand times, but I really am sorry we couldn't make it up for your graduation ceremony. Things just weren't the best here after we had to put him down.

    I had tried to put Magnus' death behind me, but I knew once I stepped foot in that barn it would have resurfaced anyway.

    That was a sad day for all of us, and I will never hold that against you, Ari. I'm sorry I couldn't be here for you.

    Now that's just silly talk, and you know it. Graduating Cum Laude is something I could only have wished for.

    I know full well you would have been Valedictorian had you stayed in school, so don't make it a big deal. Besides, if I was that great, I would have my dream job already.

    My mother, Ari, and I had walked to the back porch and were following the kids in when the dreaded question arose.

    So, where is this dream job?

    My mother took a seat at the table waiting for an answer. 

    I licked my lips, which, unfortunately, was a dead giveaway of mine that I didn't want to answer. 

    Shelby. She drug my name out, knowing I was stalling. At the same time, Ari came to the table with a pitcher of iced tea and two glasses. 

    Why don't we all just sit and chat? Canyon, would you mind getting the kids to bed? It's late, and they can see Auntie Shelby in the morning.

    He kissed her forehead before saying, Gabriel, Amelia, get upstairs and brush your teeth. It's time for bed.

    When they began to whine and complain, he turned into an angry monster and had them running as fast as their little legs could carry them. Canyon looked at us smiling like the devil. Works every time, he said, and then he ran up the stairs after them.

    I turned my attention back to Mom and Ari while shaking my head laughing. It's good to be home. And I meant it. Being away allowed me to focus on my career, but sitting at a table with my family … It's just the little things in life that can be more profound than anything else.

    When do you leave again?

    My head snapped back in shock while my sister looked at me with an all-knowing grin. How could she have known?

    I'm not sure. I haven't heard from them yet.

    My mother wore an expression of confusion and disappointment. 

    Who's them?

    Resting my hands on the table in front of me, I looked her in the eye.

    Please don't take this any way other than for what it is. I can't do anything with my degree here. I need to be in a big city where I can grow.

    Helena isn't that far. Why are you acting like you will be on the other side of the world?

    Ari stayed quiet, resting back in her chair while rubbing her very obvious baby bump. My mother, on the other hand, was sitting up straight in hers ready to go to war with me.

    Your silence speaks volumes, dear Shelby. Are you going to tell us where it is you plan on moving to?

    I am waiting to hear from the firm in San Diego that I did my internship with. It looks like everything is lining up—

    "San Diego?"

    Mom, stop. Shelby has always dreamed of this, and now it's a possibility. We need to be happy for her. I know I am. 

    Ari grabbed our mother’s hand to comfort her, all the while beaming a smile that proved her honesty.

    Rising up from my chair, I walked across the room to their side of the table and bent down between them.

    It won't change. I will still come back to visit all the time. Heck, probably more now than when I was in school.

    My mom turned in her chair and grabbed my face to hold it in her hands.

    I was just so happy to finally have you back home. It's okay, though. I want you to be happy. That's all I have ever wanted.

    Looking into her eyes, I couldn't have produced more truthful words.

    I am, Mom.

    Arianna's chair slid back before she stood and pushed it back in.

    That's all that matters. Now, I am getting extremely tired. I don't know about you guys, but I am ready to call the day over now that you're home. She solidified it with a yawn and then laughed. At least you know I'm not lying.

    I glanced over at the clock and saw that it was already eleven thirty. 

    Yeah, I could use a good night sleep myself. Mom, are you ready to go home?

    Her hand wrapped around mine. 

    Yes, dear, I am. Having both my girls finally here will give me the best night’s sleep I've had in a long time.

    She kissed my cheek, let go of my hand, and walked to the back door.

    I will be right behind you, I just want to kiss the kids goodnight first.

    Sounds good, sweetheart. 

    And then she walked through the door and out of sight. Ari spun me around to face her. Is there a guy? Is that why you want San Diego so bad? You can tell me, you know.

    I couldn't help but laugh. 

    No, there really isn't anyone. Just my dream job. Well, and Izzy.

    Oh, Lord, Izzy is there? Now it all is making way more sense.

    We were walking through the family room, now covered in framed pictures of the kids instead of sad memories of Canyon's past. One picture stopped me from following Ari up the stairs. It was a photo of their wedding day.

    I'm surprised to see this here.

    Ari stopped advancing up the stairs to see which picture I was looking at.

    Oh, that. Well, Amelia found it in closet and asked why I didn't have it hanging up. What was I supposed to do?

    It may have been the worst of timing, but it still is the day you got married. You should have it up for everyone to see.

    Yeah, right, as if it even looks like a wedding.

    She finished walking up the stairs and I heard the floorboards creak over my head, knowing she went straight to her and Canyon's room. I, on the other hand, continued to look at the two of them, remembering the day like it was yesterday. It certainly wasn't the wedding every girl dreams of. If anything, it was their worst nightmare come to life. 

    When my mom got the phone call from the hospital, telling her that the two of them were transported by Medevac and on life support, she went berserk. Not knowing what she had heard over the phone, I was scared to death.  Having never seen my mom act like that, I rushed to Canyon's for a sister that wasn't there. On my way back home, I found my mom screaming for me at her car. I didn’t know if I should go with her or not—I was only nine and terrified. My decision was made when she rushed to me and explained, "There was an accident. Arianna and Canyon are in the hospital. We need to go now."

    That was the longest car ride of my life. I'd never been so scared. My mother didn't speak the whole way. Instead, she just cried. I sat in the back seat wondering if my sister would die. 

    When we finally got to the hospital, we weren't allowed to see them. They both were in emergency surgery.  It was five days for Ari and eleven for Canyon before they woke up. Seven surgeries were performed between the two of them, and a whole lot of prayers were said. Their wedding took place in the hospital with both of them lying in beds side by side. Looking at the picture, they're both smiling even though there were tubes coming from every orifice. It wasn't a great memory to hold onto but neither of them would listen to reason at the time. They were just happy to be alive and weren't

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