Managing Issues in Your Marriage

Managing Issues in Your marriage

Copyright © 2014 by Florence Foluke Babatope

All rights reserved. Neither this publication nor any part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the author.

Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved. • Scripture quotations marked (NKJV) taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved. • Scripture quotations marked (AMP) are taken from the Amplified Bible, Copyright © 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. • Scripture quotations from The Message. Copyright © by Eugene H. Peterson 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group. • Scripture quotations marked (KJV) taken from the Holy Bible, King James Version, which is in the public domain. • Scripture quotations marked (NIV) are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com The NIV and New International Version are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™

Kindle version

ISBN: 978-1-77069-979-3

Word Alive Press

131 Cordite Road, Winnipeg, MB R3W 1S1

www.wordalivepress.ca

Cataloguing in Publication information may be obtained through Library and Archives Canada.

This book is dedicated to the numerous women

who have gone through painful experiences in their

marriages but have still allowed the grace of God to work in them until their tears were wiped away. Their tests have become testimonies and their mess has become a message.

Acknowledgements

Foreword

Introduction

The First Marriage

The Devices of the Enemy

Contemporary Experiences

Institution of Learning

A Great Mystery

Naughty Issues of Marriage

Managing Finances

There is a Place for Women’s Liberation

Conclusion

Acknowledgements

I thank the Lord very much for the gift of marriage.

It is the best platform to learn about Christ. It is a great privilege to be conformed to the image of Christ. Two are truly better than one.

I’m sincerely grateful to my husband, who has given me the opportunity to experience marriage as we learn and grow together. His courage, patience, and support has brought me this far.

I thank Benjamin and Emmanuel, for their various contributions in helping me learn how to be a mother.

I thank my mother, Mrs. M. I. Dada, for her contribution to the success of this book.

I want to appreciate every woman who has shared her challenges with me, and for the counselling privileges given me which often send me back to seek God’s face.

I also owe the following people a great depth of gratitude for their contributions and assistance in various ways in making this book possible: the women’s Bible study groups, Pastor and Mrs. Bode Orekoya for taking time out of their busy schedule to read through the manuscript, Mrs. Olufunke Cofie, Mrs. Wumi Adekunle, Mrs. Mandy Hayford, Mrs. Funmi Makinde, Dr. Banke Ahove, Cecilia Sabah, Bukky Dada, Mrs. Dele Sannoh, Doris Agumya, Jumoke Lawal, and Mrs Ayishetu Hamid-Musah. God will not forget your labour of love for the Master.

Foreword

I feel highly honoured to be asked to write a foreword to this highly illuminating material. I have known the Babatopes as a family that is totally sold to the Lord. It is a great privilege to be associated with such a wonderful family.

This book is written from a heart that is truly broken. It’s a product of one who has gone through the process of maturity in the Lord. In this book, the issues of marriage are discussed in a highly mature way. Illustrations are backed with scriptural examples of godly women. It correctly addresses women’s response to issues in marriage.

The role of women in marriage is correctly and scripturally depicted. The deep analysis made on godly women like Sarah, Abigail, and Ruth paint the correct picture of God’s expectation of godly women. It contains a demonstration of the right understanding of the concept of women’s liberation. This is why I highly recommend this book for every woman. It is a tool that, if correctly handled, can aid women in attaining God’s purpose for their lives.

Having known Florence Babatope for some years now, I’m not surprised by the depth of reasoning exhibited in this book, backed by strong biblical background. This makes it a must-have for marriage counsellors. I believe you will be richly blessed by reading it.

—Olabode Orekoya, 2013

Introduction

What Is a Christian Marriage?

A Christian marriage is a union of a male and a female

child

of God, bound by a covenant for the fulfillment of God’s divine purpose for their union, in which God is a witness to their vow (Malachi 2:14).

God’s Purpose for Marriage

The idea of marriage is God’s own. Even more, He conducted the first marriage between Adam and Eve. God’s purpose for marriage is eternal. The purpose God had for Adam and Eve’s marriage is the same purpose God has for every marriage today. You need to understand God’s eternal purpose for your marriage and key into it.

God had in mind that Adam and Eve would remain in His image and be an expression of His likeness, displaying His character, fulfilling His vision, and working out His plans and purposes on the earth. For this reason, your marriage is the place to conform you to the image of God until you resemble Him, behave like Him, and take charge as the caretaker of His earth. As you become what God wants you to be, you can fulfill what He has for you to do.

Adam and Eve were to experience and exhibit the union that existed between God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit, showing true unity in different personalities. Accordingly, irrespective of the differences that exist between you and your marriage partner, God is merging you to become one while expecting you to experience and exhibit unity in diversity.

Adam and Eve were also to bring forth godly seed that would display God’s image. Marriage is a means of partnership with God in populating the earth. God seeks godly children from our unions of marriage (Malachi 2:15).

Adam and Eve were also to exercise authority over every creature and subdue or put all things under control. The bedrock of the church is the family. We are the ones who will make Christ to reign in the midst of His enemies (Daniel 7:18, 27). We are kings and priests unto God (Revelation 1:5).

God said that it is not good for a man to be alone. Marriage provides opportunities for fellowship and companionship. Yet she is your companion and your wife by covenant (Malachi 2:14, NKJV). God gave us marriage to enjoy on earth. He called it a reward in this life:

Live happily with the woman you love through all the meaningless days of life that God has given you under the sun. The wife God gives you is your reward for all your earthly toil. (Ecclesiastes 9:9)

Adam and Eve were to serve the purpose of God together as they kept and tended the Garden of Eden. Marriage provides us with an opportunity to attain ultimate service to God. Scripture says that one could chase a thousand, but two could put ten thousand to flight (Deuteronomy 32:30). When you work independently, you lose eight thousand or you labour nine times over.

God started a good work in Adam and Eve. His intension was to use them to perfect each other. In marriage, we can have a foretaste of eternity. We can engage heaven as two people define their destinies by agreement—and not only theirs, but also the destinies of others, such as their children or the people in their ministry. If two married people learn to agree concerning anything, as Christ promised, it will be done (Matthew 18:19).

Marriage is an institution in which you learn on the job. Many issues come up in marriage which you must graciously learn to manage. The process of learning is also the process of maturing, as God’s attribute is imputed in you to make you a partaker of the divine nature. How you manage issues in your marriage will determine whether such issues become transient or whether the marriage deteriorates. Having a good understanding and clear picture of what God is doing through marriage will help you a great deal in making your own marriage work.

The Builder of the Home

A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands. Those who follow the right path fear the Lord; those who take the wrong path despise him. (Proverbs 14:1–2)

Given the fact that every wife is a co-manager in her home, it becomes important for a woman to learn to manage the issues in her home. There is a right path to follow in building a home in the fear of God. It is also possible to take the wrong path, but the Bible says it amounts to despising God. This book is particularly addressed to women, because of the unique responsibility given them in their marriages as builders of the home. The Bible uses the word build to describe the labour of a woman in her home.

It takes wisdom to build a house, and understanding to set it on a firm foundation; it takes knowledge to furnish its rooms with fine furniture and beautiful draperies. (Proverbs 24:3–4, The Message)

As a result, the woman sets the mood and creates the environment. It largely depends on the woman to determine whether her home is peaceful for every member to live in harmony or full of strife, complaint, and fighting. The woman is given the great responsibility and privilege of designing her home and giving it structure.

In order for a builder to do a good and thorough job, that builder must possess knowledge in construction, as well as a good understanding of what to do and the wisdom to plan how he or she will embark on his project. Similarly, you need to know God’s purpose for instituting marriage, His vision for your own marriage, and an understanding of His expectations of you as a