Finding Recovery and Yourself in Torah: A Daily Spiritual Path to Wholeness

Praise for

Finding Recovery and Yourself in Torah:

A Daily Spiritual Path to Wholeness

Lively, highly readable…. Challenges us to create lives of purpose, meaning, integrity and transparency…. A unique, valuable addition to the spiritual treatment of addictive disorders.

—Dr. David Friedman, addiction psychiatrist;

assistant clinical professor, UCLA Geffen School of Medicine

The strength of the commentary is in the straightforward messages [Rabbi Mark] teaches from Torah…. Certainly needed.

—Arnold Eisen, PhD, chancellor,

The Jewish Theological Seminary

Provides a simple yet profound spiritual practice to facilitate recovery…. I will keep this book on my breakfast table, for daily nourishment and inspiration!

—Rabbi Laura Owens, Congregation B’nai Horin,

Children of Freedom; chair of the board,

Academy for Jewish Religion, California

Weave[s] stories from the Torah with issues confronting us every day. Intriguing questions stimulate self-reflection, encouraging you to look inside in a non-threatening way. Read this book and it will surely enrich your soul. I know it did mine.

—Dr. Susan Krevoy, founding director,

Susan B. Krevoy Eating Disorders Program

An essential companion for anyone who wants to experience the life-changing gifts of daily practice that leads to holiness and wholeness…. There is no more sure-footed guide to the immersion of Torah and recovery in our lives.

—Rabbi Jodie Siff, Reconstructionist Synagogue

of the North Shore

Offers … immediate access to the power of Torah to repair the world—the world of the individual and family seeking recovery…. Remarkable…. Anyone who seeks guidance will find it here in abundance.

—Leonard Buschel, certified substance abuse counselor; founder, Writers in Treatment;

creator, Reel Recovery Film Festival

This richly buoyant book propels us all forward to find luminous meaning in our lives. So at home in both the Torah and the 12 Steps, this book will help a wide audience live in the soul and discover joy and wholeness there.

—Fr. Gregory Boyle, SJ, founder/executive director,

Homeboy Industries; author, Tattoos on the Heart

A wellspring of inspiration and practical, spiritual guidance certain to support all who walk the path of recovery.

—Rabbi Edwin S. Harris, PhD, visiting assistant professor

of pastoral counseling, Hebrew Union College–Jewish Institute of Religion, Los Angeles

Rabbi Mark’s … extraordinary teaching brings Torah to life. His book is a gift to all who search for a truth to live by.

—Rabbi Edward Feinstein, author, Tough Questions Jews Ask:

A Young Adult’s Guide to Building a Jewish Life and

The Chutzpah Imperative: Empowering Today’s

Jews for a Life That Matters

Give[s] you the right questions in order to enhance the way you live. I’ve worked with Rabbi Mark in various ways and he has helped me in ways I never thought possible.

—Jimmy Iovine, record and film producer; co-founder,

Interscope Records; chairman, Interscope Geffen A&M.

An invaluable resource for all of us who yearn to live with a sense of meaning…. [I]nvites us to grapple with questions that help us integrate the wisdom of Torah into the fabric of our lives.

—Rabbi Mychal Springer, chaplain;

director, The Center for Pastoral Education

at The Jewish Theological Seminary

Who Should Read This Book

You don’t have to be an addict to find recovery in Torah. You don’t have to be Jewish to learn from the wisdom of the Hebrew Bible. This book is meant for all seekers—anyone searching for a deeper connection with themselves, with their communities, and with a power greater than themselves, that is to say, God. This book offers a clear path to receiving the wisdom of the Jewish tradition to everyone willing to be honest with themselves, asking the questions laid out for each day and allowing for time to reflect and listen to the answers contained within their souls.

• People living in recovery from addiction.

• People searching for a Jewish path to recovery.

• People wanting to be immersed in the wisdom of the Torah.

• People who are seeking a path to connect with their soul.

• Families of people living in recovery or who are still in active addiction.

• Clergy who want to help their congregants find recovery, and the families of those who have struggled with addiction.

• Clergy of all denominations who want to begin or deepen their recovery through Hebrew Bible study.

• Rabbis and educators who want to teach a living and relevant Torah to their students.

• Psychiatrists, psychologists, therapists, and counselors who seek practical tools to introduce clients to a spiritual practice rooted in scripture.

• Jews and non-Jews alike who seek tools to help themselves live well.

• Anyone who has read any of the books in the Jewish Lights Publishing Recovery Series including:

Twelve Jewish Steps to Recovery: A Personal Guide for Turning from Alcoholism and Other Addictions

100 Blessings Every Day: Daily Twelve Step Recovery Affirmations, Exercises for Personal Growth and Renewal Reflecting Seasons of the Jewish Year

Renewed Each Day: Daily Twelve Step Recovery Meditations Based on the Bible

Recovery from Codependence: A Jewish Twelve Steps Guide to Healing Your Soul

Recovery—The Sacred Art: The Twelve Steps as Spiritual Practice

Recovery, the 12 Steps and Jewish Spirituality: Reclaiming Hope, Courage and Wholeness

A note on the cover art: Many recovery programs and treatment centers throughout the world use recovery medallions to mark sobriety anniversaries and to provide hope and encouragement to people struggling with addiction.

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This book is dedicated to all of my teachers of Torah:

Rabbi Neal Borovitz

Heather Garrett

Harriet Rossetto

Rabbi Mel Silverman, z"l

Rabbi Jonathan Omer-Man

Rabbi Edward Feinstein

Rabbi Harold Schulweis, z"l

Dr. Garrett O’Connor, z"l

Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel, z"l

Alumni and residents of Beit T’Shuvah

Board of Directors of Beit T’Shuvah

Community of Beit T’Shuvah

Contents

Foreword

Acknowledgments

Introduction

Bereshit

Noach

Lech L’cha

Va-yeira

Chayei Sarah

Toledot

Va-yetzei

Va-yishlach

Va-yeishev

Miketz

Va-yigash

Va-yechi

Shemot

Va-eira

Bo

Beshalach

Yitro

Mishpatim

Terumah

Tetzaveh

Ki Tisa

Va-yakhel

Pekudei

Va-yikra

Tzav

Shemini

Tazria

Metzora

Acharei Mot

Kedoshim

Emor

Behar

Bechukotai

Bemidbar

Naso

Behaalotecha

Shelach L’cha

Korach

Chukat

Balak

Pinchas

Matot/Mas’ei

Devarim

Va-etchanan

Eikev

Re’eih

Shofetim

Ki Teitzei

Ki Tavo

Nitzavim

Va-yelech

Haazinu

My Covenant

Afterword

The Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous

Secular Calendar of Torah Readings: 2016–2020

Glossary

Suggestions for Further Reading

About the Author

Copyright

Also Available

About Jewish Lights

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Send Us Your Feedback

Foreword

If the Torah is the all-encompassing moral compass that it claims to be, and I believe it to be so, then we can find anything in it, including the support needed for recovery. Jewish resources, especially in sacred literature, are available for those in recovery from alcoholism and other addictions and compulsive behaviors. We just have to help people access those resources. That’s why the Rabbis quipped, referring to Torah, Turn it, turn it—for everything is in it (Pirkei Avot 5:22). The great medieval Jewish philosopher and physician Moses Maimonides went so far as to say, Torah is a healing balm. In it are the remedies for all spiritual maladies—we just have to probe the text, dig deeply in it, and drink of its life-giving waters. Some even suggest that the Torah is like a love letter. We handle it the way we would a missive from our lover. Every aspect of it offers meaning, particularly in its nuances and subtleties, all expressions of love.

The process of recovery shares a great deal in common with the practice of Torah study. This is clearly demonstrated in the pages ahead. Both the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous and Torah study are lifelong endeavors that carry us forward, providing spiritual buoyancy for our lives—one hour, one day, one week at a time. We read these texts over and over, digesting each word, searching for meaning and insight, as if we have never reviewed them before. The Rabbis provide us with this guidance about the study of Torah, loosely translated from the Hebrew as There is no before or after in the Torah. In other words, chronology doesn’t get in the way of our understanding the lessons of the sacred text. We read the Torah as if its stories unfold in a linear sequence of events. Yet, we also read the Torah as if the stories happen somewhat simultaneously or even in a different temporal order. At the same time, we follow the entire Torah narrative and the journey of the Jewish people as if we don’t know what will happen next while fully aware of all of the Torah’s dramatic events.

The Torah and Twelve-Step spirituality are a perfect fit. They both provide us with a spiritual discipline that helps guide and anchor our lives. They both offer us community and fellowship. While those who study Torah—whether student or teacher—know that the study of Torah can aid recovery, only those in recovery know that the process of recovery can also enhance our study of Torah. And that is what is mystical and even magical about this book by my colleague Rabbi Mark Borovitz. He is immersed in both Torah and recovery; he has journeyed through both and continues to do so. Torah fuels his recovery, and recovery feeds his study of the Torah. Both nurture the individual who is in recovery, who is a student of Torah. Rabbi ­Borovitz—and the pages that he has penned for all of us—is a testament of both.

—Rabbi Kerry M. Olitzky

Acknowledgments

This book is a book of love and learning. I have to acknowledge so many people. First and foremost I want to acknowledge my grandfather, Abe Borovitz, z"l, for always wanting to learn and instilling that thirst and hunger for learning in my father, Jerry Borovitz, z"l. My dad taught me the joy of learning and how to immerse myself in whatever was/is in front of me. I forgot those lessons for a period of time, and this is my t’shuvah to both of these great men.

This book would not be possible without the sages of our tradition, from the Rabbis of old to the rabbis of today who continue to teach and inspire me. Rabbis Harold Schulweis, z"l, and Abraham Joshua Heschel, z"l, taught me how to immerse myself in text and to recover my authenticity through the Torah. I cannot thank them enough; they saved and grew my soul, my intellect, and my humanity. Rabbi Heschel continues to inspire, motivate, and disturb me.

I have been blessed with amazing teachers along this journey. My love of Yiddishkeit (Jewishness) was nurtured by Cantor Saul Meisels, z"l, at Temple on the Heights in Cleveland, Ohio, and by the old men of the minyan that I attended to say Kaddish after my father died. My teachers at rabbinical school were (and still are) fantastic and taught me so much. Rabbi Alan Shranz, z"l, taught me the beauty of Torah, and I hope that I have done him proud in my writing. I also need to thank Rabbi Daniel Gordis for taking a chance on an ex-con for the first full year of the Ziegler School of Rabbinic Studies and, of course, Ruth Ziegler for her gift of an opportunity for me to become a rabbi.

I am blessed to be a student and friend of Rabbi Edward Feinstein. Ed has taken me by the hand and guided me in what it means to be a rabbi, teacher, and friend. Thank you so much, my friend. My other rabbi, who is also my brother, Rabbi Neal Borovitz, has kept holding on to me my entire life. I am so grateful for our love and connection. I am honored that my friend and colleague Rabbi Kerry Olitzky has reviewed this work and contributed the foreword. Kerry has done outstanding work to help advance the integration of Torah study with Twelve Steps, helping many with whom I work to discover their own truth and path to wholeness.

Harriet Rossetto and Heather Garrett are my wife and daughter, respectively, and each continues to push me beyond what I believe I am capable of. You both are my rock and my go-to people. You have pushed me for years to finish this book, and I am so grateful to have you both in my corner.

Chloe Grey has done an amazing job putting everything together and editing my writing. Thanks so much, Chloe, for keeping me on task. The people at Jewish Lights ­Publishing—beginning with Stuart M. Matlins, publisher, and Emily Wichland, vice president of Editorial and ­Production—have been so amazing and patient with me. Your enthusiasm for this project has meant everything to me.

Jon Esformes and Matt Shapiro represent two groups of people who have taught me and learned with me over the years. Jon represents all of the alumni of Beit T’Shuvah, who have pushed me to keep it real and useful for the past fifteen years. Matt is the quintessential rabbinic intern, who has challenged all of my ideas and thoughts and actions to better understand how I live Torah and how our interns can spread the word of a Living Torah throughout the world.

I am humbled by this opportunity to share what I have learned with all of you.

Introduction

This book is the result of a spiritual awakening that I had in December of 1986, after my last arrest for fraud, forgery, and bad checks. An LAPD detective, Jim Bashira, who had arrested me in January of 1981, again arrested me. He saw me crossing a street and remembered a wanted poster that was sent from Santa Barbara County about a month before. Everything clicked for him in an instant, and I was arrested for the umpteenth time. While sitting in a holding cell and speaking to my first wife on the phone, I uttered these words: Don’t call anyone, the Man Upstairs is trying to tell me something, and I have to sit here until I figure it out. To this day, twenty-nine years later, I have no idea where those words came from, except from God/my Soul. This spiritual awakening would mean nothing if I did not stay committed to it. I knew right then that I had to change my life and my actions.

I spoke to my brother, Rabbi Neal Borovitz, and asked him to send me a Chumash and a prayer book. He did, and I began to study Torah again and pray again, each day that I was in the Santa Barbara County Jail and in state prison. I also began to read the writings of Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel, z"l, and learned about being immersed in Torah and that prayer had to move us forward in our living. Rabbi Harold Schulweis, z"l, taught me that study is a form of prayer also. This started me on a journey of recovering my soul, my search for truth, and finding myself in the text of the Torah as my story/our story. The Bible is a book of eternal wisdom and truth; many of us feel too inadequate to unlock this wisdom and truth, yet we all have the tools to do so. The Torah is not for the learned to study and take apart with biblical criticism; rather, it is a gift to immerse ourselves in. I found that being immersed means seeing the Torah as my guidebook for living. I have found that the more I am immersed in studying and seeing myself in the text, the more I am able to grow and have solutions to situations that used to baffle me.

This book takes all of us on a personal journey through the first five books of the Bible. In each of the fifty-two weeks of the year, we find the text speaking to both our inner and our outer worlds. From one of my teachers, Rabbi Jonathan Omer-Man, I learned that the text is the answer and we just have to find the right questions. This resonated deeply with me. I began to understand that I always had the right answers, I was simply asking the wrong questions. I set my mind, emotions, and spirit on the quest to find the right questions that each chapter/section of Torah was asking. This book is the result of my quest thus far. I still study and pray each day; I still seek new and deeper questions of and for myself and the world around me. I am still recovering my spirit and my questions in these five books of the Bible.

The format is to read a page each day and to either answer the questions that I have put forth or ask yourself the questions that come to you. I have given you my understanding of different parts of each section of Torah, based on my life and the work I do helping people recover their passion and discover their purpose, in my role as the senior rabbi and CEO of Beit T’Shuvah, a residential addiction treatment center in Los Angeles. I use these questions and understandings with people who have been residents and congregants, people who seek me out for spiritual and life coaching, the staff at Beit T’Shuvah, and the many rabbinic interns who have come to Beit T’Shuvah to learn and help grow their spirits and the souls of our residents.

I have been honored and humbled and joyous to be on this journey. Rabbi Mel Silverman, z"l, my first rabbi as an adult, was the Jewish chaplain at the California Institution for Men, and he encouraged me to look at the text in a personal way. We studied together for two and a half years, and each day I was amazed and awed to learn with and from him. Rabbi Jonathan Omer-Man was my first rabbi in Los Angeles. Not only did he teach me the importance of asking the right questions, but he also encouraged my insights and my work. Rabbi Edward Feinstein has been my rabbi and friend since 1993. Ed and I have learned together and argued together. Ed pushed me to go to rabbinical school and helped me in all of my darkest hours. Ed is, in my opinion, one of the greatest teachers in America, and I am blessed to have him and to have had Rabbi Mel and Rabbi Jonathan as my mentors and guides.

My hope is that this book shines some light on your greatness and gives fuel to the inner spark of holiness and divinity inside of you. I further hope it spurs you on to engage with a teacher, and others, in the magnificent exploration of how to live well, which can be found in the pages of our Bible. I am inviting you to find your own questions and recover the revelations that help guide you to find the purpose for which you were created.

You Matter,

Rabbi Mark Borovitz

Bereshit—day one

In the beginning …

—Genesis 1:1

This week’s parashah (Torah portion) is Bereshit (in the beginning), the first portion of the Torah. I am having a difficult time reining in my enthusiasm as we begin this year’s cycle of reading, learning, and living Torah. Each year in reading this parashah, I find myself excited to learn more about the world and myself. I know that all of the challenges and joys I will experience are found in the Torah. I also know that the new questions about how to live well will be found here. Most of all, I know that I am able to make a new beginning each year.

What are you beginning anew this year?

How will you engage the Torah more to find new truths about yourself and living well?

What questions do you need to ask yourself this year that are different from those you asked last year?

Bereshit—day two

And the Spirit of God hovered over the face of the waters.

—Genesis 1:2

The story of creation in the Torah is that in the beginning the universe consisted only of emptiness, chaos, and darkness, with the Spirit of God hovering above it all. I find this description to be true. Our inventions, our innovations are all created because of the emptiness and feeling of need that we experience. In the chaotic nature of life, we feel empty inside, that we are lacking something we truly need.

What are you lacking in your own life?

What is the emptiness you are currently experiencing?

How are you creating a healthy new solution to this feeling of need?

Bereshit—day three

And the earth was chaotic and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep.

—Genesis 1:2

We learn that darkness gives form and order to the chaos and emptiness of creation. This is an interesting phenomenon. Most of us are afraid of darkness; we think that it is bad. I am reassured by Torah’s teaching of how creation happens. Here we are being told that darkness is not only part of the creative process, it is actually necessary for creation to take place. So, when we are experiencing a dark mood or a dark place, we are really in the creative process, and something is going to happen. This darkness is not totally black; there is actually a pinpoint of light at its core. This pinpoint of light is God, the source of our own creative instincts. We reach down through the darkness and find this luminescence, and suddenly everything becomes brighter and the solution that we are creating comes to light.

What areas of darkness in your life are you running from rather than embracing?

How are you stopping the creative process by trying to run away from your own darkness?

At what times in your life are you aware of your need to stop and reach down and into your soul to find your own creative light?

Bereshit—day four

And God said …

—Genesis 1:3

The Torah teaches us about creation in a way that marries science and spirit. In the progression of the days of creation, we can see an evolutionary pattern leading from a black hole all the way to the magnificence of being human. In the teaching that there is a Creator of the universe, that we are here not as the result of a random event, we learn that we are both part of the pattern and also part of the Creator. The learning here, I believe, is that life is not about choosing sides, selecting between intellect or spirit; rather, life and living well are actually about the marriage of intellect and spirit.

Where do you belong in the divine pattern of life?

When do you find yourself living in an either/or experience of the world?

How can you become comfortable marrying both/and?

Bereshit—day five

And Adonai God … breathed into his nostrils the breath of life.

—Genesis 2:7

In the first chapter of Genesis, we are called tzelem Elohim (image of God). In the second chapter of Genesis, we are created with nishmat chayim (the breath and spirit of life). Tzelem Elohim refers to our intellect, our problem-solving ability. Nishmat chayim is our spirit, our inner light. Therefore, to abdicate either would be to disown the basic foundation and principles upon which we are created. My intellect instructs me, offering creative solutions to my challenges. My spirit tells me things that my intellect can’t yet know. Both intellect and spirit receive messages from God. My mind is bombarded with so many different messages from others, from my emotions, and from my surroundings. My spirit gets blocked because of the walls I build and the schmutz I collect, in order to avoid hearing my own conscience. Both my intellect and my soul need to be open, learning, and developing.

Do you recognize and relate to others as divine images or as objects, and how?

What schmutz still blocks you from your soul and the voice of your conscience or God?

How are you raising your soul, your intellect, and your emotions to better serve God, others, and your authentic self?

Bereshit—day six

And they heard … and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of God.

—Genesis 3:8

Adam and Eve are disloyal to God when they hide from God, not because they did