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    Marriage Has No Formula
    Marriage Has No Formula
    Marriage Has No Formula
    Ebook99 pages1 hour

    Marriage Has No Formula

    By Naomi K. Molefe

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    About this ebook

    One of four definitions of the word FORMULA is “a general law”, and examples are given of
    mathematical and chemical formulae.
    Another is a list of the substances used in making something, such as a medicine, a fuel, a drink,
    and so on, sometimes also including a description of how they are to be mixed.
    A third definition defines FORMULA as a combination of things, events and the like, that will lead
    almost unavoidably to the stated or expected result.
    And lastly, FORMULA can also mean a combination of suggestions, plans and so on that can be
    agreed on by both sides.
    Let us explore these definitions to find out if we can successfully apply a formula to marriage. As
    you read the book you will realise that sometimes you getting it right, and at other times you have
    got it wrong - but, what the heck? We are all works in progress!
    “Blunt but necessary.” Didi Bilwane
    “A very relevant book in our day.” Thulani and Portia Wilson
    “Excellent work. I think the institution of marriage in South Africa is going through turbulent times
    and its ‘wheels’ are coming off. This is largely due to a lack of Biblical values in the building and
    running of our families. This book brings to our attention that our society’s cohesion and strength
    lies in families that are God-fearing and driven by biblical values.” Pastor George Mahlobo

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherNaomi K. Molefe
    Release dateJul 14, 2016
    ISBN9780620688345
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      Book preview

      Marriage Has No Formula - Naomi K. Molefe

      Marriage has

      no formula

      Naomi K. Molefe

      © Naomi Keamogetswe Molefe 2015

      Marriage has no formula

      Published by Bajadi Investments and Projects cc naomi.molefe@yahoo.com

      082 404 7733

      All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in

      any form by any means electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise without the written permission of the copyright owner.

      Layout and cover design by Boutique Books

      Printed in South Africa by Inter pak Books

      Acknowledgements

      To the three favourite men in my life – the one with whom I live my life and the two for whom I live my life – thank you for your love and support in all matters.

      To the four wonderful women who proofread my book (as well as my husband) – my older sister and confidante, ous Didi Bilwane; my dearest friend and mmamoruti, Conny Malefo; my beloved younger sister and mmamoruti Sbu Mpya; and my darling daughter Boiketlo de Huis – thank you for your valued inputs. Your excitement after reading the book encouraged me to publish.

      To the people whose stories make up some of the main topics in the book: I cannot mention you by name, because I promised you anonymity. Many thanks for your generosity in contributing to the book.

      To Pastor George Mahlobo for the editing of my manuscript. I was afraid you would say it is too blunt for a godly Christian woman, but you read it and made input. Thank you very, very much!

      Table of Contents

      ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

      INTRODUCTION

      CHAPTER 1: Love… .

      CHAPTER 2: Joy… .

      CHAPTER 3: Support… .

      CHAPTER 4: Provision… .

      CHAPTER 5: Extra-marital children… .

      CHAPTER 6: Infidelity… .

      CHAPTER 7: Divorce… .

      CHAPTER 8: A list of substances…2 .

      CHAPTER 9: A combination of things or events…3 .

      CHAPTER 10: A combination of suggestions or plans…4 .

      CONCLUSION .

      References .

      Introduction

      There is a saying that goes, Marriage has no formula, but have you ever stopped to ponder… Does marriage have a formula or does it not, or have you just taken it for granted, at face value, as a fact that marriage has indeed no formula?

      Well, I did stop to ponder, but for me it was over the word FORMULA. Off the top of my head I thought of mathematical formulae that I learned at school, followed by chemical formulae that I used in analyses in my time as a medical laboratory analyst. Suffice to say these proved to be too scientific and simplistic for the complex world of married life. (By the way it is said in marriage, 1+1=1, not 2.) No, I realised, math and science would not add up here.

      It is normally said thank God for Google, but for those of us who have not yet come fully on board the Google wagon, I did as we so often do – reach for the dictionaries – and what do I find? One of four definitions of the word FORMULA means a general law₁ and examples given were of mathematical and chemical formulae as I had contemplated earlier on.

      The next natural question that popped up in my mind was, do we earthlings have general laws? Now, because I am a Christian, I went for the book of books, the Bible. From Psalms

      119:1-8 I came up with the words law, statute, precept, decree

      and command. My curiosity on this word FORMULA not yet satisfied, I had to look up the meanings of these words: law, statute, precept, decree and command.

      Law

      A law is a universal principle or rule established by authority. verse 1 of the above psalm says we are blessed if we walk according to the law of the Lord. We are blessed if we walk according to the rule established by our ultimate supreme authority who is God, and not just that – the law of the Lord will revive your soul (Psalms 19:7). If you feel sad, empty or in emotional turmoil, read the word of God: it will revive your spirit.

      Statute

      A statute is a formally written law. According to verse 2, we are blessed if we keep the statutes of the Lord our God as formally written down for us in the Bible. These statutes are also able to give us wisdom if we need it (Psalms 119:8) because, unlike our worldly statutes, they cannot be amended. They are trustworthy for all situations, through all generations. The word of the Lord is eternal and stands established in the heavens.

      Precept

      A precept is a rule of conduct, or moral instruction. Wow, verse 4 says God has laid down rules of conduct and moral instructions that are to be fully obeyed. Have we heard that we live in the days of moral degeneration? The Word says that if we obey God’s moral instructions it is for our own benefit so that we can have

      joy (Psalms 19:8), because the joy of the Lord dispels uncertainty, sadness and depression (Isaiah 51:11).

      Decree

      A decree is an order given by an authority, or a thing decided and declared. The cry of the psalmist here (v.5) is that if only he can be steadfast in obeying the decrees of the Lord. I bet this is the constant cry of anyone whose desire is to obey the Lord, to be unwavering and persistent in obeying God.

      Command

      Finally, command means to give an order or directive to, or to have authority over. According to verse 6, we will not be put to shame if we obey the orders or directives of the Lord because they are able to clarify the uneasiness or confusion in our hearts (Psalms 19:8).

      Verse 92 goes on to say if we do not delight in or find pleasure in observing the words above, we will perish in our afflictions. What should be trials or life situations that we should triumph over will overcome us. These laws, statutes, precepts, decrees and commands are able to preserve our lives (v.93).

      My hope is that as you read this book, packed with true life experiences of real men and women, some of them who overcame and others who did not, you will be able to identify with them and find solace in knowing that what you are going through is not unique to you. Others have walked that road and have

      prevailed and so can you. Even if others have been overcome by their situations, you can learn from their mistakes and triumph in your situation.

      Sometimes you will get it right and at other times you will get it wrong, but when you do get it wrong, remember that we are all works in progress; our ultimate triumph will be when we stand before the Master.

      Chapter 1

      Love…

      Let us start this chapter by embarking upon a joyous journey of determining what love is. Let us not take the journey of love gurus, but a journey of life experience, solely because we have experienced love, its highs and lows, its candy sweetness and its bitter pill. Let us have the audacity to take this journey because we have experienced both the jubilant shouting and crying from love, as well as the agony of shouting and crying from the same love.

      You might say, what in the

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