In Search of Hidden Gods: The Midgard Born Series, #2

Chapter 1

KYR THREW HIS cup against the wall.

The soft thunk of wood on wood wasn’t as satisfying as he’d hoped. The pale ale that used to be inside the vessel coloured the wall darker as it dribbled to the floor, leaving a sweet and sticky puddle for the ants to fight over later. This is not what we should be doing, he said. Sitting around discussing this gets us nowhere.

Or, more accurately, it was getting them nowhere sensible.

Kyr, while you are a guest in my town, you will do as I say. Now, sit.

Aydn sounded tired rather than angry. It wasn’t surprising. They were all tired. Bone tired. Brain tired. Emotionally tired. They’d only just arrived back from their long journey north. Leaving Yggdrasil behind and returning to their normal lives had been difficult. None of them had wanted to stray from the powerful influence the tree had upon them, the energy it gave them, the pure pleasure of being in its presence. None of them had wanted to get back to the normal lives they were supposed to live in order to gain some unknown knowledge so they could rule over Midgard again.

None of them, apart from Siri, who hadn’t even been up close to the Tree of Life, who’d acted like it had a disease she could catch, who hadn’t once touched the hallowed surface of its bark and felt the pulse that held everything together, who’d been the one who eventually started walking home on her own in the hope that everyone else would follow. It had worked, but only after he’d looked round one time and realised she was no longer there and that Mo was gone, as well. He’d had to pull the others away, literally drag them by their arms out of the radiance of the light, to Mimir’s great amusement. He’d probably seen it happen many times. He did nothing to aid them. He might have been all knowledgeable, but he certainly wasn’t all helpful.

Kyr felt sorry for Siri. She didn’t know what it was like to have the spirit of the gods coursing through your body, to feel with no doubt at all that you were a once-powerful being that roamed the streets of Asgard … or trekked across the wilderness of Jotunheim. That was the one thing that really gnawed at his brain. He hoped so hard that he was a god rather than a giant. Giant sounded clumsy and thick-headed. God sounded light and airy and—

Kyr, are you even listening?

Huh? He sat down again, taking his place at the large meeting table, under the gaze of multiple sets of eyes.

It had been inevitable, of course. They all wanted to know. How could they not? Well, everyone apart from Elsa. She found it highly amusing that they were even trying to guess. But it was tantalising. That one fact that was out of their reach. The one thing they couldn’t know for certain. Who they really were. Except, the act of trying to work out who each one of them was had turned out to be a bore, because no one could agree, no matter how many times they went over the facts. Yes, they had all come to the conclusion that it seemed highly likely Aydn was the fabled Odin, what with the dodgy eye and the eight-legged horse that echoed his life as his godly form — unless someone was playing a huge joke on them, which was possible. Apart from that, they’d all been arguing their own case for what they considered to be the best positions. Trying to prove they were this one, or that. As if it made any difference to the outcome. What were the best positions? Who were the best gods to be?

Well, Thor, for starters, according to the majority of the group. Who wouldn’t want to be the wielder of the mighty hammer, Mjolnir? To make thunder and lightning course across the skies? To be able to crush mountains with a single blow? That was power. That was the ultimate. As long as you didn’t mind that clever wasn’t a suitable tag to your abilities. And Kyr did mind. He did not want to be Thor, not in a million reincarnations, even if he did think Siri was the golden-haired Sif.

Then, there were the other main contenders. Freyr. Frigg. Baldr. Heimdall. Modi. They were all powerful in their own way. In their own domain. Being any one of them would be … amazing, brilliant, more than he’d ever imagined possible.

It turned out no one wanted to be Loki, even though he’d been named as their next leader, as decreed by the all-powerful one. Kyr found it amusing that they’d actually started plotting what they would do to get him out of power when they returned. How was that for forward planning? How was that for trying to change what had been preordained? He approved wholeheartedly, especially if Loki turned out to be Hog’s alter ego.

Which brought to mind another big question. Was the future set? He had no idea. He didn’t know what he believed anymore. If it was, it meant there was little they could do to influence anything.

Which brought up yet another question — there were seriously too many questions. If that were so, what was the point with all this subterfuge? The all-powerful one had to know how this was going to pan out. They couldn’t not. You could go round in circles on the meaning of life with that one.

The conversation needed spicing up if Kyr wasn’t going to die of boredom. So, he threw one of his random brain ramblings into the mix, the Hel in him coming to the fore. What if our human forms, here on Midgard, bear no resemblance to what we are in our other lives? What if it’s all a trick? What if the men are women and the women are men? What if the weak are the strong and the strong are the weak? He leaned back in his chair, gesturing wide with his hands, encouraging opinions, and arguments. Arguments, at least, would keep him awake.

Hog grunted. Why would they do that? What would be the point?

Because that way, we learn more? What better method to learn the way women think, if you’re really a man? Not only put yourself in the shoes of a human form, but also put yourself in the shoes of someone who’s the opposite of yourself. That’s the best test of all. That will bring the real answers regarding how we can learn to get along better.

Hog looked down at his body, a distinct uncomfortable air to his whole demeanour.

Kyr did the same with his own relatively puny body and imagined himself as Thor, his muscles bulging so big that he could barely see his own elbows, and sniggered.

Aydn shook his head, again. However, his response was surprising. You have a good point. It could be a double bluff. We’ll never know. But there are those amongst us who have expressed ourselves as other genders already, in various ways. That’s nothing new. Many of us are fluid.

Aydn was mainly thinking of Loki, he was sure of it. Kyr had forgotten about those parts of the myths, but Loki was a law unto himself. Kyr huffed. Look, all of this is pointless. Trying to second guess what’s going on is a fool’s game. We should be doing something useful, like living these lives we’ve been given and learning our lessons.

Their great leader grunted. Yes, well, you’re a lot younger than me. You’ve got more of a life left to live. I need to think about these things. I want to be prepared for what I’ll become. I could be in my rightful place much sooner than you. My hair is already beginning to grey.

Hey, Yda leaned over and pushed back a strand of Adyn’s long locks, Don’t think of it as grey, think of it as silver.

Aydn’s face coloured.

Kyr couldn’t stifle his snort.

Siri, who had been keeping very quiet up till then, elbowed him in the side. I don’t think any of us should be worrying about anything, she said. You could spend seasons trying to work this out and not come up with the right answers, if it’s even true.

Precisely, Kyr said.

Aydn rested his elbows on the table. So, you’re with Kyr. You think we shouldn’t even try? That we should do nothing?

Siri sighed deeply. No. Not exactly. If you all believe this is true, I think you should be looking for the others. This table isn’t even a small portion of the gods and giants who are meant to be going through this test.

We should look for the other gods? Rad leaned forward, making only his second contribution to the whole conversation.

Siri slapped the table. And the giants. You keep presuming you’re gods. There’s no guarantee that’s true. After a pause, she added, Much as I hate this whole thing, we’re all in this together. What if … what it we try to find them all, or as many as we can, and we get to know them in this world? We become friends, so that wherever we end up, we can be friends there, too. Even if it’s only Hel. Wouldn’t that be the best thing? Humans are good at forgiving others’ failings much better than the gods and giants. We need to do something more than these ridiculous guessing games.

Even I know you can’t be friends with everyone, Hog said. It’s an impossibility. Some people just rub you up the wrong way.

Kyr noticed Hog shot him a look as he said that.

Siri continued. All right. Yes, that’s true, but you can be friendly, even if you’re not best friends. That’s what I’m saying. Forgive others for their faults and you might be able to take that with you. Anything you can do to smooth the process will be good.

Yda leaned forwards. But I don’t see how we’d manage it, unless we left someone by Yggdrasil the whole time. We don’t even know if everyone will be born into the same generation. We’re already split by a number of seasons. What if half of us haven’t even been born yet? What then?

I still think we’d be better off working out who we are, Hog said, thumping at his chest. Then we’ll know what problems we’re supposed to be sorting out.

That was it. Kyr was sick to the teeth of this. Oh, and I suppose Baldr is meant to work out how to not be so beautiful is he? And Sif how not to marry such a brute? You really don’t get it, do you? All we have to do is be nice to each other. We have to stop fighting. Siri’s right. That’s all this is about. Why can’t you see that? This is not about you. It’s about the existence of this world. The world that, despite its faults, he loved living in. I’m done with it. Kyr stood up again, but this time he didn’t take his frustration out on the table furniture, he strode out of the building.

KYR WIPED AT his face and sniffed deeply. Leaving the town had seemed like the best idea, a way to get away from the madness. He’d only just unpacked his meagre belongings and here he was packing them up again. He had no idea where he would go, or for how long, but he knew why. He felt frustrated, constricted … ruled over. He couldn’t think clearly with people breathing down his neck the whole time. He needed to feel like he could breathe without each intake of air being regulated for him. He felt that he’d been better off how he was before, travelling on his own. Back then, he hadn’t had to deal with politics. He hadn’t had to deal with other people. There was a lot to be said for being the master of all your decisions.

The wolf lay at his feet, looking up at him expectantly. It’s all right, Fen, we’ll soon be on our way. He pulled the tie tight around his pack and braced to swing it onto his back.

Where will you go? There’s no north to find anymore.

The voice made him jump. He’d thought he was alone. He hadn’t heard the door open, but he had been deep in his own thoughts. He didn’t turn for a moment. He had no idea what to say to Siri. How could you tell someone you were about to abandon them for an indeterminate length of time without it sounding anything but unkind?

A lump in his throat began to grow. He didn’t want to leave her. She was the one good thing that had happened in his life, after Fen. Come with me. You and Mo. We can find somewhere to live on our own. Even build a house, if that’s what you want. We can farm and have goats. A new life. Just not here. Not with, he waved his arms at the expanse that lay beyond the walls of the building they were in, all this.

You realise you’re contradicting yourself? You were only just agreeing with me about getting to know each other properly, about learning to be friends. She sat on the edge of his bed. She clasped her hands in front of her, the way she often did when she was trying to reason things out. And what would we learn, out there on our own? How to be hermits? We already know what that’s like. We’ve been doing it all our lives. You believe in all this. You believe what Mimir said, and that means you have to believe you have something to learn.

He slumped down beside her. But I don’t like being around people. They make me angry.

She cocked an eyebrow. Then, what am I?

You’re different.

No, I’m not. I’m just another person you met on your journey. Look, I don’t feel entirely comfortable in amongst crowds of people. I’m not used to it either, but I think we have to try to get along with these people. They’re our friends now. We’ve been through a lot in a short space of time. You must feel that bond. If you really want to be separate, maybe we can build our own house here, so we can shut ourselves away when it gets too much.

He turned towards her. Our house?

Well, not straightaway. But you did propose to me, remember?

Kyr grinned. I did, didn’t I? I think I might have been a little drunk from the Tree of Life.

So, you’re saying you didn’t mean it?

No. I did mean it, but the words wouldn’t usually have spilled out from my mouth quite so easily. We haven’t known each other that long. I’m not usually … rash.

She laughed. Really? In my experience, words often spill from your mouth without much thought.

Oh, you …. He let go of his pack and pushed her back onto the bed. He leaned down over her. For that, you owe me—

Come on, you two lovebirds, Yda said.

Kyr rolled onto his back. He was clearly going deaf. He hadn’t heard her enter, either. No. No more meetings. If you tell me there’s another meeting, I’m going to—

Yes, more meetings, but you might be more amenable to what we’re discussing now. You won’t know if you don’t come and join in. The playful tone in Yda’s voice did not make him feel any better about it.

Why can’t you just tell us? I don’t want to go and sit around that damned table again.

Get up, grumpy head, Siri said, and proceeded to drag him moaning and complaining all the way out the door.

Chapter 2

SIRI HAD THOUGHT there would be at least one other person who was sceptical about what the so-called Mimir had said, but that wasn’t the case. The others, they were all completely over the top about it. In the end, she’d been forced to join in with the conversations or feel like an outsider. She didn’t want to feel like that again, not when she’d found somewhere she thought she belonged.

She suspected the others had all been en-spelled somehow and that she’d been the only one unaffected. Either that, or they’d been given some drug that messed with their minds. Although, how either of those could’ve happened without her being affected, she had no idea. She was immune? Mimir had to be a master magician, just the same as Fidr had been, except he preferred cajoling, rather than violence. What the benefit was to them believing, she couldn’t even begin to imagine. None of it made sense and she hated things that didn’t make sense. There was also no telling when the effects would wear off, or if they even would. They could spend their whole lives like this, thinking they were something they weren’t. They were going to be so disappointed when they died and ended up in Hel. If Hel existed. Which she suspected it didn’t. In which case, they’d never know.

The others did think it odd that she hadn’t gone up to the ‘Tree of Life’ and basked in its glory, but they didn’t know why she’d chosen not to. Kyr was the only one who knew anything about her true feelings. She was glad he hadn’t told. He could keep his mouth shut sometimes. She hoped her lack of enthusiasm, her barely shielded disbelief, didn’t stand out too starkly, but she suspected it did.

By the time she’d dragged Kyr all the way back to the meeting hall, her arm ached. He’d resisted up until the last step, when she let go of his sleeve and he straightened his shirt before she opened the door. The others stared at them as they re-entered. She couldn’t imagine what else they’d discussed that was so important it had to be imparted at that precise moment.

She pushed Kyr to his seat and took her own. Well? What is it we have to know? she said.

Aydn took the lead. We have decided your idea might be a good one.

Siri screwed up her face. Which idea was that?

We believe we should try to find the others of our kind.

All right.

We intend to send out a couple of scouting parties to find those others.

Oh.

We want you and Kyr to be one of those parties.

Huh?

Kyr grinned. Her own expression was more of a scowl. But we’ve only just got back. I don’t want to go out travelling again. I need a rest. She crossed her arms as belligerently as she could manage.

This was not what she’d been expecting. It didn’t seem in the least bit sensible to be rushing off again so soon. And what was the rush? They all had to live out their lives. That was what they’d been told. Another few days would make no difference. She really wished she hadn’t said anything at all, that she’d let them bicker and bite at each other until they were all so tired and mouth-weary they couldn’t speak anymore.

Aydn slammed his fist down on the table. It shook everything on it a little closer to the edge. Almost everyone there grabbed for something. "I