The Prisoner of Zenda: Level 4

Red, Red Hair

When are you going to do something with your life, Rudolph Rassendyll? asked Rose, my brother’s wife.

Why should I do something? I answered. I am very happy. I have enough money, and my brother is Lord Burlesdon. I don’t need to do anything!

You’re twenty-nine years old, she said, and you have done nothing. This was not quite true, but I could understand why she said it. I had learned French, German, Italian, and Spanish. I could use a sword, I could ride a horse as well as anybody, and I was a good shot with a gun. However, my brother, her husband, worked very hard at improving the family fortune. He got up early every day and worked before breakfast.

He and I were very different. The most obvious difference was in the color of our hair. His hair was black, but mine was red. It was very red. It was unusual, and so was my long, sharp nose. In the history of our family, however, there were several people who had the same red hair and sharp nose. To understand why there were people like this in our family history, you need to know about the Elphbergs, who were the royal family of Ruritania.

About two hundred years ago, a tall, red-haired, sharp-nosed Prince of Ruritania came to visit England. His name was Rudolph Elphberg. He was very friendly with Lord Burlesdon and even friendlier with his beautiful wife, Lady Burlesdon. His visit ended suddenly, and he quickly returned to Ruritania, where he later became King Rudolph the Third. He married and had red-haired, sharp-nosed children. Lady Burlesdon also had a child. He had red hair and a sharp nose. He was clearly an Elphberg, and so was I. The black-haired Rassendylls, including my older brother, Robert, now Lord Burlesdon, did not want to remember this scandal. However, they could not forget it when red-haired, sharp-nosed Rassendylls like me were born.

My brother’s wife was a nuisance. She thought I should work as hard as her husband. She told me that her friend Sir Jacob Borodaile was going to be an ambassador soon and wanted me to be his assistant. She thought that I should accept the position.

Where will he be an ambassador? I asked.

He doesn’t know yet, replied Rose, but it is sure to be a good place. Will you do it?

When would I have to start?

In about six months.

I thought about it. Six months was a long time. Many things could happen in six months. I agreed to do it because it was the only way that I could stop my sister-in-law, Rose, from complaining.

But first, I will go on holiday to Switzerland, I told her. I might even write a book about the politics of Switzerland, I said. None of this was true. I did not want to be an ambassador’s assistant. I did not want to go to Switzerland, and I certainly did not intend to write a book!

I suddenly realized that I wanted to visit Ruritania. Nobody from our family had ever visited it. I had read in the paper that Rudolph the Fifth was going to be crowned King of Ruritania in the palace at Strelsau in about three weeks. It would be interesting to see it. However, I did not want Rose or Robert to know where I was going. They would try to stop me. They believed me and trusted me. They were happy with my plans to go to Switzerland to write a book and helped me to prepare for my holiday.

This shows how difficult it is to know the future. I never became an ambassador’s assistant, and I did not go to Switzerland, and although I am writing a book, it is not the book that my sister-in-law imagined.

Paris and Ruritania

On my way to Ruritania, I passed through Paris. My Uncle William always said that you should never pass through Paris without staying there for at least one day and one night. I agreed with him and stayed with an old friend called George Featherly. We had dinner together and went to the opera, and then we went to visit Bertram Bertrand. Bertram was a poet, and he was sad. He told me that he was in love. George Featherly laughed at him.

Are you still in love with Antoinette de Mauban? Give it up! She is leaving Paris tomorrow.

I know, said Bertram sadly.

Even if she stayed, continued George, you would have no hope. I think she wants somebody a lot richer than you!

I know, repeated Bertram, even more sadly.

I saw her at a party with the Duke of Strelsau. His father was the King of Ruritania, so the Duke is very rich, and Antoinette de Mauban is very interested in him. I think she likes him a lot.

I know, groaned Bertram.

He was becoming annoyed, but I was becoming interested. The Duke of Strelsau? Strelsau is the capital of Ruritania, where the King would be crowned.

Yes, replied George. He is the new King’s half-brother. People say that he wants to be King of Ruritania himself, but because his mother was the old King’s second wife, he can never become King. The old King made him a Duke instead. People call him Black Michael, because he has black hair instead of the red hair that the Elphbergs have. He would be a very good catch for Antoinette de Mauban, but don’t worry, Bertram. I don’t think he will marry her.

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