Genesis

SECTION III - DARK

35. MOVIN' ON

36. PEACE OF MIND

37. DON'T LOOK BACK

38. HERE I GO AGAIN

39. WE GOTTA GET OUT OF THIS PLACE

40. WILD NIGHT

CHAPTER 1

It's the End of the World as We Know It

Are you kidding me? When was this decided? Don’t I have any say in this? So many thoughts were going through my head at the moment, but I couldn't deal with her right now. She was so good at ruining her own life, now she wanted to start on mine.

I stomped up the stairs of our crowded little house, kicking some of the items left on either side of them. Apparently, the stairs are an extra storage unit, I thought caustically. Nobody ever bothered to actually pick up the stuff that my mother put there to be taken upstairs. Thankfully, my brother and sisters weren’t home at the moment. I went into the small bedroom that I shared with my sister, Jennie, who was only one year younger than me, and slammed the door. I threw myself on to my bed and screamed into my pillow.

It was the first week of the summer between my junior and senior years of high school. I had earned the coveted position of editor of the school newspaper. I was a straight A student. I had three best friends and a decent car that my dad had given me, probably out of guilt for not being around more, but I digress. Life was good. I didn’t want to start over. Not now.

What could she possibly be thinking? Ugh!

My mother, Caroline, was the younger of two daughters born to my grandmother, Muriel, a trendsetter of sorts back in her generation. Twice divorced with two girls from two dads, the apple didn't fall far from that tree. From the little my mother had shared about her childhood, I was aware that Grammy wasn’t the best mother, although she was always great with me. Before she died, I’d slept over at her apartment on a regular basis. It’d been five long years since she passed away, but I could still picture myself brushing her hair — fifty-six years old and it was still mostly brown. Hopefully, I’d inherited that gene. She loved pea soup, and she’d let me make it for her. I never told her that it made me gag just looking at it. I was just so proud that she trusted me with that task. She always treated me like a grown-up. In the midst of my current anguish, those memories still made me smile.

Caroline always treated me like a grown-up as well. She depended on me for advice on any number of topics. Many nights, we’d sit at the kitchen table drinking coffee after the younger kids had gone to bed — her, sharing; me, secretly wishing she had another confidant. Today, however, she didn’t wait for our evening chat to tell me of our impending move.

Compose yourself, I chided. I sat up, pulled my knees into my chest, wrapped my arms around my shins and looked pensively around the bedroom that I had painted a dark cranberry more than a year ago. Jennie and I had twin beds separated by a shared nightstand that was cluttered with my laptop, cell phone and a picture of me, Jane, Peggie and Annie. A silver Best Friends ornament was attached to the bottom of the black frame. Great! Just great! I could feel the tears that wanted to escape, but I wasn’t about to give in to that reaction. No, crying didn’t help anything.

I decided to suppress my anger in my usual way so I grabbed my secret stash of Whoppers, then my phone, pressed the music icon, and hit play. Love is All Around was queued, just what I needed to feel empowered in my currently powerless state. I turned up the volume and let the music pulse in my brain, took a deep breath and, once again, studied the room. Under my current scrutiny, it looked as if an imaginary line had been drawn down the middle. A good part of the wall on Jennie’s side was covered with a huge collage in the shape of a butterfly that was comprised of photos of friends and family, pictures and words cut out from magazines, even a few greeting cards. By comparison, my half looked rather austere, with only two prints ― The Storm and Springtime by P.A. Cot ― that I had purchased during my last trip to the Museum of Fine Arts in Boston, tacked up on the ceiling over my bed.

Jennie was outgoing and easy to get to know. I guess it’s easy when there’s not that much to know, I thought, and immediately regretted the hurtful reflection. It wasn’t that there was anything wrong with her; it’s just that there wasn’t much to her, nothing much below what you saw on the surface. We were polar opposites, especially when it came to unnecessary drama.

That’s why Jane and I were the best of friends. She wasn’t into drama either. But every group of friends had to have a drama queen and ours was Annie. Despite her sometimes irritating antics, we loved her. And then there was Peggie, our very own gossip girl. If there was something to know, she knew it, and she didn’t have a problem sharing it with anyone who would listen. She also had a tendency to exaggerate every detail of a story to make it more interesting to her listeners, who were usually hanging on her every word.

How was I going to tell them that I was moving to Georgia? the South? I couldn’t bear to think of it right now. Just listen to the music…

I had eclectic taste in music — currently into a lot of the stuff on VH1 Classic — thanks to my mother. She was born in the 70s, but went through various phases, from oldies to hip hop to classical to country. I’d tease her every time she decided she was bored with one genre and moved on to another because she wouldn’t mix it up. It was all or nothing for her. The hip hop period was particularly embarrassing. I mean, my mum’s just not that cool. But when I was in first and second grade, she was into the 50s. I couldn’t help but smile when I thought of her singing If You Want to be Happy (for the Rest of your Life). She would make me laugh uncontrollably at the end of the song when she’d sing the yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah part. She could be crazy like that.

Reality check. She’s being crazy now. Georgia??? Georgia is so… southern! I could never fit in there. I didn’t want to fit in there. Why couldn’t she wait one more year? I’d be at UMass then and it wouldn’t matter where she moved the family.

Breathe. My main go to song was on now and it always calmed me down. Just listen and relax, I told myself. Don’t worry, baby, everything will turn out alright… I loved the way this song in particular travelled through my earbuds, different vocals and instruments came through each one. When the sounds met in the middle, it was like a Jacob's Ladder in my brain and my whole head was happy. I closed my eyes.

I awoke, startled, when my phone rang, not having intended to take a nap. It was Peggie. Did she know? My brain was foggy at the moment. No, I didn’t think so. My mother hadn’t told anyone else yet. I needed a minute to wake up. Luckily, she was oblivious to my haze and prattled on without requiring any response from me. I would miss Peggie, I brooded, as my thoughts drifted to my new future.

Caroline was offered a big job as an administrator of some hospital in Savannah. She thought it would be the best thing for us. After all, she’d be making a lot more money. And that is what’s most important, I thought sarcastically. We’d have a big house in a small town called Eden. I’d finally have my own room. Peggie would be impressed. She’s an idiot, I thought, and, for the second time tonight, regretted the slight. I was in a foul mood. But Peggie would try to look on the bright side for me since I was obviously unable to see any bright side at the moment. After what seemed like an eternity of her talking and me feigning interest with an occasional uh huh, I was able to conclude the conversation by telling her that I’d call her back after dinner. Dread. I didn’t like to chat on the phone. That was the great thing about texting. It was abbreviated, quick. Save the chatting for when you’re actually hanging out. I knew, though, that I’d have to tell them soon and that conversation would be anything but abbreviated.

I felt only slightly less venomous after my brief nap and chat with Peggie. I needed to do something to snap out of this mood. I’d kept a journal for as long as I could remember, and now I leaned over to open the top drawer in the nightstand to retrieve my current one, along with my fake quill pen.

What would Joan do? I began scrawling in large, curly letters, taking up an entire page. One thing I knew for sure was that she wouldn't cry. Joan Jett was a woman whom I truly admired. She was so cool and always did things her way, regardless of what other people thought. That was one thing I felt we had in common. Where we differed totally was in coolness. The sad fact was, like my mother, I just wasn't that cool. I guess I was more conventional, but a Joan spirit lived in me, desperate to get out once in a while.

Music was also a calming influence in my life; everything was more bearable when I listened to my favorite songs. And songwriters were my favorite poets, authors, inspiration. Near the top of one of my many to-do lists was to create a short story based on one of my favorite songs. After digging my pen into the pages for several minutes and quoting Joan once or twice, I turned off Don't Worry, Baby which had been on infinite repeat. I was ready to venture downstairs again. Ready to talk to my mother again. I'm calm. I think.

Caroline was making dinner when I walked quietly to the edge of the kitchen. I watched her prepare the evening meal for the six of us. A roasted chicken, mashed potatoes and green beans. That was the younger kids’ favorite. I guessed she was going to break the news to them over dinner. They probably wouldn’t even care. They’d probably be excited.

Laurie, Hollie and Danny were considerably younger than me. Laurie by five years, Hollie by six and Danny, my mother’s only son, by eleven. I had another brother, Nate, by my dad and stepmother. He was a year older than Danny.

I hated cooking. Maybe it was because it was such a chore to cook for so many. And it’s not like they were ever grateful. They were all picky eaters and never had much nice to say about dinner. How could someone have five kids? That’s about four too many as far as I was concerned. When my mother turned to get something out of the fridge, she saw me standing there. Apparently, she read the look on my face and instinctively knew better than to talk to me now. That’s right. I'm not ready. Instead, she asked me to set the table.

I set the plates down noisily as I thought about the fact that I had less than two weeks to pack up my life and say goodbye to my friends. I had so many plans for the summer — planning/research for the opening edition of my high school's newspaper, sleepovers, parties at the lake — key word being had. Those plans were gone now. It was doubtful that I’d meet any new people over the summer in a small town. Two long, boring months in some southern hick town. Once again, I despised my mother.

As I doled out the silverware, I thought of her many hastily made decisions. The fact that my three youngest siblings had two different fathers, and different from mine and Jennie’s, was the first thing that came to my mind. My mother was pretty but, for some reason, she apparently didn't realize she had so much more to offer. I didn’t understand that. She was bright and self-motivated. She began her career at the local hospital as a registered nurse and worked her way into management over the last fourteen years. Why couldn’t she see that she was more than a pretty face?

I was the oldest, and I exhibited all the common characteristics of the first-born child ─ a reliable, responsible, cautious, over-achieving control freak. Yay, me. Because of the maturity I had exhibited, even as a child, my mother always treated me like her friend instead of her daughter. I resented that more than I would ever admit. She depended on me to pick up the slack with my siblings when she was working. She confided in me things that she should have saved for her girlfriends. But she didn’t have any girlfriends. Between work, five kids, and three dads, she didn’t have much time to socialize.

As soon as all the kids arrived home from their various activities, we sat down to dinner. The usual arguments between the younger ones began. I want a leg, Danny whined, looking to Mum, as Hollie yanked one off the chicken. You got a leg the last time, Laurie gently reminded him, her tone sounding older than her eleven years.

I tuned them out and let my thoughts wander to Georgia. I knew it was hot there. I guess not having to bear another Massachusetts winter could go on the plus side of this life altering event. That’s one. Was there anything else that I could possibly consider a positive? Well, maybe a cute southern accent like Kelli Pickler’s. Would all the girls sound like her? Did they dress differently, like some of the girls in those country music videos on CMT? Was my wardrobe appropriate? Did I need to buy cowboy boots? By the time I found out, it would be too late. You know what they say about first impressions.

Geez! Stop already! I silently rebuked myself and tuned back in to the dinner conversation.

Mum had the kids' attention now after her Guess what? I have a big surprise for you statement. We’re moving to Eden, Georgia. I accepted a job at a hospital in Savannah and we’re moving in less than two weeks! Isn’t that great?

"Where’s Georgia?" Danny asked curiously.

"It’s about 1,000 miles south, and close to the ocean, just like here," she said enthusiastically. Only it’s pretty warm most of the year there. You won’t need your heavy coats or boots or mittens like you do here, she continued, doing her best to brainwash my siblings into thinking this unwanted move was some exciting adventure.

Of course, Jennie seemed to be on board immediately. I wonder what the kids are like, she mused aloud, sounding hopeful. It seemed to be so easy for her.

"I’ll bet they’re just the same as your friends here," my mother offered, only with southern accents. I’ve been talking with a couple of people that I’ll be working with at the hospital, as well as our real estate agent. Their accents are precious.

"Cool," all the kids said in unison. I, on the other hand, sat silently, pushing the food on my plate around. I couldn’t eat. I could only think. I wish I could just shut my brain off sometimes. It was working overtime at the moment.

"So," I began tentatively, this is a done deal and we have less than two weeks to pack up our lives? What about the dads? Don’t they have any say in this? I knew this question would bring the focus back to reality.

"Of course I’ve already discussed the move with the dads. They’ve all agreed that this is a great career opportunity for me. They want what’s best for this family. And they’ve each promised to visit as often as possible. And it goes without saying that you’re all allowed to come back here to visit them and your friends as time and money permits."

Well, that’s it, I thought, defeated. The Dads, as we referred to them collectively, wanted what was best for the family. Yeah, right. All they ever seemed to want was what was best for themselves. They were minimally involved in our lives up till now. It didn’t actually come as a surprise that they wouldn’t fight for us to stay close. I wondered what Sam, Jennie’s and my dad, would buy us to assuage his guilt over allowing 1,000 miles to come between us. I didn’t want his stupid presents, I wanted his presence. But I guess that was more than he was able to give. With his replacement wife and my little brother, Nate, there was little time left for me and Jennie. Would absence make the heart grow fonder?

After the expected question and answer session was concluded, I started robotically clearing the table.

When everyone was situated — doing homework, bathing, or watching tv — my mother joined me and started drying the dishes. We had a dishwasher now, but this had become our routine prior to the addition of the brushed steel appliance. Her silent companionship was comforting right now and I felt guilty for hating her earlier. Despite her many perceived screw-ups, she was always present. Always.

"Essie," she whispered, as she stopped drying and looked over at me cautiously.

"I’m sorry, Mum," I said sincerely. I’m sure this was a difficult decision for you and I’m not making it any easier.

She laughed a brief, quiet laugh. That’s my girl. I can always depend on you to be mature and responsible. Thank you, sweetie.

"You’re welcome," I sighed. Then I took a deep breath and cloaked myself in the mantle of maturity that she had bestowed upon me. So, give me the details. Sorry for running off earlier before you had the chance.

"That’s okay," she said, her face lighting up as she began. Let’s see. The hospital is paying for the entire move. That means that professional movers will come in and pack everything for us, drive it down to Eden, and put every last thing where it’s supposed to go. Cool, huh?

"That’s a definite plus," I agreed encouragingly. Tell me about the house.

"Well, like I tried to tell you earlier, it has five bedrooms, five and a half bathrooms, and it sits on seven acres. I’ll show you the pictures that the real estate agent emailed, if you’d like. It’s beautiful, all brick with a huge front porch and back deck. There are even rocking chairs on the porch that the previous owner left for us."

She had barely taken a breath. That sounds amazing, I admitted. Did you have to look at many houses?

"Actually, that was the only house for sale in all of Eden, which I thought was very odd. But, apparently, it’s a pretty small town. I haven’t had a chance to google it yet. Maybe you could do that for me," her voice ending on an up note that I understood to mean my job would be to find out as much as possible about the area that was soon to become our new home. Good thing I was a natural investigator of sorts, that same inherent trait that fueled my decision to pursue a career in journalism.

"I’ll get working on that," I said as cheerfully as I could manage as I finished wiping down the counter. She smiled. It was easy for me to make her happy and I was usually glad to do it.

Why did you choose Eden?

I didn't really choose it. I've been thinking that it chose us.

What does that mean?

Well, one of the people that I've been in contact with at the hospital gave me the number of a real estate agent who's a friend of hers. He's the one that suggested Eden. He told me that it's close to Savannah so my commute would be short, but it's in the country so it's a nice place for kids. He also said the schools were good. One other thing ― the price was right. I guess it was meant to be.

I guess it was.

I walked up the stairs to my room, this time taking two armfuls of stair stuff with me. I put the items in the appropriate bedrooms, saving mine for last. I grabbed my laptop and plopped myself on my bed.

I googled Eden, GA. The first site listed was a community profile of Effingham County. Fact number one: We would be living in Effingham County. I made a note of that. The website, however, provided no further useful information. Companies and businesses? Click. Apparently, there are a whopping twenty-three companies and/or businesses in Eden, none of which looked promising as far as part-time employment was concerned. How many people lived in this town? I googled population Eden Georgia. According to one random real estate site, the population was only 837 and they kindly broke that down into white, black, Hispanic, Asian, Hawaiian, Indian and other, of which there were three. Others, that is. I wondered what an other was. Androids, I hoped. There were 412 males, 425 females and the median age was 35. This was not looking good. I worriedly wrote those details in my notebook. Wait. My mother said we’d be close to Savannah. That’s where her hospital was located. I needed to find out how close was close. I clicked on google maps and waited impatiently for the site to load. Please don’t be too far, I thought anxiously. I clicked on directions and entered Eden, GA to Savannah, GA. It made me wait for several long seconds before finally informing me that the driving distance between insanity and civilization was twenty-two miles. I had never appreciated my car the way I did at this moment. I scribbled twenty-two miles into my notebook and then decided to check out the high school. With a total population of 837, I was afraid.

As it turned out, I would be attending South Effingham High School, Home of the Mustangs, which was located in Guyton. This was obviously a very rural area, but my continued research indicated that there were more than 1,400 students at SEHS. Promising, I thought, encouraged. And not too far off from the 1,850 enrolled at Haverhill High School, my current alma mater. I added these facts to the growing list of information I had quickly been able to compile on my future home.

Sufficiently armed with all the relevant details, I reached for my phone and pressed the favorites star, where I found Jane, my bff. I could feel my heart beating faster.

"Hi, Essie," she said with a smile in her voice.

"Jane, I have something really big to tell you and there’s no easy way to say it."

"Oh, my gosh. What?"

Like ripping off a bandage, doing it quickly might make this less painful. I blurted out, My mother got a big new job and we’re moving to Georgia in a couple of weeks. There, I said it. It was now real.

"You’re… moving… to… Georgia?" She said each word slowly and with confused disbelief.

"Yes," was all I could manage at the moment.

"When was this decided?"

"Mum just told us over dinner. Well, she tried to tell me before dinner, but I lost it and spent the afternoon pouting in my room. I’m really going to miss you, Janie."

"I don’t even know what to say. I think I’m in shock."

"Me, too."

"Well, do you know any of the specifics? I mean, do you have a house already? Do you know where you’ll be going to school? And where in Georgia are you actually moving to?"

"We’re moving to a small town called Eden. I googled it before I called you. According to a real estate website that I found, the population is 837."

Jane laughed loudly.

"Hey, don’t laugh! It’s only twenty-two miles from Savannah, so at least we’re not too far from the city. And I’ll be attending a county high school with about 1,500 students. I’m sure it won’t be as bad as it sounds."

"Sure, it’ll be great," she said convincingly. Maybe your mother will let me come visit before school starts.

"I’m sure she will. You should ask your parents and we can start planning right away," I said, excited for the first time since I heard the news.

"I wonder if there are any cute boys in Eden," Jane pondered. With a population of 837, the potential is low. She paused for a moment, then continued, trying to sound optimistic. But I’m sure you’ll meet lots of people once school starts.

"Hopefully," I sighed. Listen, I need to call Peggie and Annie before they hear about this from somebody else. Let’s get together tomorrow, okay?

"Okay. I’ll call you in the morning. See you, Essie."

"See you, Jane."

As soon as I hung up, I called Peggie. Of course, she freaked out. But I was prepared for that. What I wasn’t prepared for was Annie’s reaction. She started crying and telling me that I was her best friend and that she didn’t know what she was going to do without me. I knew she was just being sweet; after all, she and Peggie were closer, but I didn't care. After assuring her that we would never lose touch, she composed herself and agreed to meet me, Jane and Peggie in the morning. I was mentally exhausted by this time and felt like going to sleep. Could I sleep? My entire life had shifted from the course I thought it would take in just a few short hours.

I thought of my three best friends and how close we all were, always spending the night at each other's homes, borrowing each other's clothes. There were no secrets between us.

I thought of the day that Jane and I met at the bus stop on the first day of high school. We were unlikely friends. She was tough and would pick a fight with anyone who looked at her the wrong way if she was in a mood. She also smoked and cursed, habits she picked up from her older brother. But she had a sharp wit and could make me laugh till I cried, as well as a tender side that she kept hidden from most of the world.

I thought of seeing Peggie day after day in the C-Wing girls' bathroom, smiling politely at first, engaging in small talk after a while, eventually trying out each other's lip gloss, ultimately becoming friends. Peggie was chatty and made friends quickly. She had an easy way about her that could make you feel as though you'd been friends forever. Her mother did hair out of her home, and she always did ours for free.

I thought of the first time I met Annie, smoking a cigarette, wearing a trendy denim jacket, her curly golden hair swept behind her shoulders, perfectly framing her flawless face. She and Peggie were best friends, as unlikely a pair as Jane and I. Annie could put an outfit together like no one else. Every single thing was coordinated. She also had no problem breaking into song whenever the urge struck, no matter where she was. She exuded a confidence that was rare in a girl of only sixteen years.

I heard the door creak and Jennie bounded into the bedroom. She and I hadn’t had a chance to talk since Mum broke the news of our impending move. She walked over to my bed and bounced down next to me. Her whole face was smiling.

"Why aren’t you excited, Ess?" she asked perplexed. Before I could answer, she continued, still bouncing slightly. We’re finally going to have our own rooms! I can’t wait! And I just talked to Dad and he said he’d buy us a four-wheeler since we have seven whole acres of land. Come on, Ess. Get excited! This is going to be great. We’re going to have a whole new life! She was talking so fast that her words were blurring together.

"Why would you want a ‘whole new life’?" I asked slowly, hoping she’d get the hint and calm down just a bit. I thought you liked your life here.

"I do, Ess. But now we’ll be able to meet so many more people and live in a whole different part of the country. The south! Can you stand it? I can’t wait to hear their accents. I wonder if they’ll think we talk funny. And, besides, Dad said he’d pay for us to come back and visit whenever we want."

Still blurring…

I needed quiet contemplation. I’m glad that you’re so excited, Jen. Really. And I’m sure I’ll be excited, too, after I’ve had some time to let this all sink in. Would you mind if I tried to get some sleep?

"Sure, Ess. You sleep. I’ll go downstairs and watch tv for a while. See you in the morning."

"Thanks, Jen," I said softly as she got up from my bed, walked across the room, turned off the light and shut the door.

I don’t remember falling asleep that first night, the first night of my new destiny.

CHAPTER 2

The Final Countdown

I opened my eyes slowly and looked around my room, disoriented briefly. It was just a dream, I thought, slightly bewildered. I laid still for a long moment remembering the beautiful boy with the dark, chocolate brown hair and crystal blue eyes that played the starring role in last night's dream. I had never dreamt that vividly in all of my sixteen years. It felt as though it really happened.

I was wide awake now. The sun was already bright, streaming through the slits in the horizontal blinds that were always open. It was June 21, the summer solstice, the longest day of the year, the first day of summer. There would be a big party at the lake tonight. This was an annual event that was attended by almost everyone I knew. Was that fate? Or some cruel joke, perhaps? No, I wasn’t going to see the move as negative any longer. I had enjoyed my private pity party last night. Today was a new day and I was going to seize it. Although a fly on the wall might have seen it differently if it had been here last night, I wasn’t normally a negative or pouty person. I dealt mostly with facts and I was usually very logical. The fact was that we were moving to Eden. I had no choice in this decision. Therefore, I could accept it and make the best of my new circumstances or I could fight it and make everyone around me miserable. Those were my only two options. Either way, we would still be moving in less than two weeks. What kind of big sister would I be if I chose the latter? No, my mother depended on me and my brother and sisters looked up to me. I would smile and be helpful regardless of how I felt on the inside. I sat up, took a deep breath and practiced my smile.

Jennie opened her eyes. Morning, I said cheerfully with my newly practiced smile slowly making its way to my eyes. She wouldn’t notice if my eyes betrayed me, but my mother would. And so would Jane. I was determined now to commit wholeheartedly to my new life. It was the logical thing to do.

"Mmmmornin…," she mumbled sleepily.

I sprang up from the comfort of my bed and headed to the bathroom to get a drink of water and brush my teeth before doing anything else. After taking care of business, I found a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, grabbed my cell and walked quietly down the stairs. I wasn’t sure who was awake. I looked at the clock on the kitchen wall. 7:25 am. Ugh! I guess that’s what happens when you go to bed so early.

I retrieved the newspaper from the front steps and made a pot of coffee. This was another mother-daughter ritual that began several years ago, after my mother divorced her third husband, Danny’s father. I had shown an interest in current events as far back as I could remember. I used to ask so many questions that she finally ordered the daily paper so I could read the local news for myself. Along with perusing the headlines, I learned to enjoy a hot cup of coffee. When I was younger, it smelled so good to me. After much begging, my mother let me try some of hers one day. Yuck! I had to spit it out. She drank it black and it was so strong. After about thirty seconds of chortling, she made some for me with lots of cream and sugar and I was hooked. I’ve cut down