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    Uncle Bob's Red Flannel Bible Camp - From Eden to the Ark: Uncle Bob's Red Flannel Bible Camp, #1
    Uncle Bob's Red Flannel Bible Camp - From Eden to the Ark: Uncle Bob's Red Flannel Bible Camp, #1
    Uncle Bob's Red Flannel Bible Camp - From Eden to the Ark: Uncle Bob's Red Flannel Bible Camp, #1
    Ebook96 pages1 hour

    Uncle Bob's Red Flannel Bible Camp - From Eden to the Ark: Uncle Bob's Red Flannel Bible Camp, #1

    By Steve Vernon

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    About this ebook

    If you really want to know what happened on the day Noah built that big old floating zoo you REALLY ought to talk to Uncle Bob.

    While you are at it get him to fill you in on all of the inside information on what REALLY went on in the Garden of Eden - because he knows that too.

    This is the story of the Old Testament as retold by the red flannel storyteller his-own-self - namely, Uncle Bob.

    "I laughed until I cried." - Veronica Dorval

    "One of the most refreshing interpretations of the Book of Genesis that I have read in a long while." - S.D. Hintz

    "Jeff Foxworthy REALLY should have written the introduction." - Christine S. Tryon

    True stories, truthfully told - with only a few lies sprinkled in for interest's sake.

    Remember - God invented giggling.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherStark Raven Publishing
    Release dateOct 18, 2016
    ISBN9781536592665
    Uncle Bob's Red Flannel Bible Camp - From Eden to the Ark: Uncle Bob's Red Flannel Bible Camp, #1
    Author

    Steve Vernon

    Everybody always wants a peek at the man behind the curtain. They all want to see just exactly what makes an author tick.Which ticks me off just a little bit - but what good is a lifetime if you can't ride out the peeve and ill-feeling and grin through it all. Hi! I am Steve Vernon and I'd love to scare you. Along the way I'll try to entertain you and I guarantee a giggle as well.If you want to picture me just think of that old dude at the campfire spinning out ghost stories and weird adventures and the grand epic saga of how Thud the Second stepped out of his cave with nothing more than a rock in his fist and slew the mighty saber-toothed tiger.If I listed all of the books I've written I'd most likely bore you - and I am allergic to boring so I will not bore you any further. Go and read some of my books. I promise I sound a whole lot better in print than in real life. Heck, I'll even brush my teeth and comb my hair if you think that will help any.For more up-to-date info please follow my blog at:http://stevevernonstoryteller.wordpress.com/And follow me at Twitter:@StephenVernonyours in storytelling,Steve Vernon

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      Book preview

      Uncle Bob's Red Flannel Bible Camp - From Eden to the Ark - Steve Vernon

      Introduction

      Everybody in the world needs an Uncle Bob.

      He isn’t much to look at.

      As near as I can tell he is ALWAYS dressed in red flannel. His shirt looks like he might have picked it up at Wal-Mart about three days following the first Mesopotamian War. My Uncle Bob is just a little teapot of a man with a sort of a question mark slump in his shoulders, a breath that smells a little of tobacco and Listerine, and a belly-bulge that looks as if a medicine ball had given birth to quadrupal-quintuplets inside of his stomach

      Uncle Bob is a straight talker – which means that he ALWAYS says just exactly what is on his mind at that particular point in time - even though sometimes you might feel that he is taking the long way around the barn to get to his ultimate point.

      In fact – Uncle Bob can be counted on to say out loud just EXACTLY what everyone else in the room is quietly thinking.

      Some stories need to be told straight out, Uncle Bob told me once. And some stories need to be snuck up on and some stories need to be shouted out loud. The only problem is knowing just exactly WHICH stories need to be told straight and which need to be rambled out and snuck up on. In fact there have been more wars and arguments started by folks trying to ramble around a straight out story than a fellow could count on a whole handful of fingers and toes times a whole entire pocketful of pocket calculators.

      Yes sir, the man has pure talking talent. I could listen to my Uncle Bob talking all day long – and sometimes I actually have.

      Occasionally, I even had a choice in the matter.

      But – if you want to boil the truth long enough the simple fact is that my Uncle Bob has taught me nearly everything there is to know about everything important in this world – and he’s just getting set to tell me about the rest of it.

      Let me give you an example.

      Let me tell you about my Uncle Bob’s Red Flannel Bible Camp.

      This whole thing started when he caught me running away from my Sunday School. I had stuck my hand up and asked to leave the room and then I had gone ahead and left the entire building – namely, our town church – and if I have any sort of say in the matter I might keep on going until I have put an entire continent between me and Sunday School.

      You see – I had NEVER really understood that whole concept about having to go to school on a Sunday. I mean I already went five days a week for most of the year. Why in the heck did grown-ups think that a fellow really needed an extra day of schooling?

      I didn’t like it in there, I told Uncle Bob. The preacher kept on talking about loving your enemies and forgiving and such.

      Well, loving and forgiving is important, Uncle Bob said. Especially when it comes to talking about your enemies.

      I shook my head.

      I don’t know about that, I said. Benny Jeeters is always pushing me around at school.

      He’s a bully, all right, Uncle Bob said. His Daddy was before him, too.

      Well how am I supposed to forgive THAT? I asked. The way I see it the only way I can truly forgive Benny Jeeters is maybe after I have snucked up behind him with a big old rock and maybe thumped him maybe thirteen or fourteen times – and then I might forgive him with a few kicks to the ribs and maybe show him my new baseball bat about five or six times fast before he could up and surprise-hit me back.

      Is it really a surprise if a fellow sees it coming? Uncle Bob asked me. That whole process doesn’t sound very sporting to me.

      It all depends on hold your mouth while you’re doing it, I told him. He who gets in his first hits fastest doesn’t get hit back come the lastest.

      Uncle Bob could see the truth in that.

      That still doesn’t tell me about why you hate Sunday School so much, Uncle Bob said. Why don’t you try and explain it to me?

      The way I figured it that would take me at least a month of Sundays to properly accomplish – but I figured I had better do my best to explain it to Uncle Bob before he took it into his head to take me back into Sunday School.

      I know all the stories already, I said. I’ve heard them at least a hundred times or so. I know that Eve got Adam in trouble by listening to a snake and then Cain hit Abel with a rock and God got upset and rained down buckets and drench-loads for forty days and forty nights and then Moses snuck out of Egypt after drowning the Pharoah and his army in the Red Sea – and I think the Tower of Babel fell down somewhere in between the hello and amen.

      That’s pretty close, Uncle Bob told me. I guess you’ve been listening.

      It was true.

      I liked listening to those stories just fine – the first two or three dozen times I went to church and actually listened – but after hearing them told every Sunday year after year after year I just had begun to think that maybe that preacher ought to find himself a whole new book.

      You like going to the library, don’t you? Uncle Bob asked.

      Sure I do, I said. Books are like television that you can watch without ever having to worry about commercials. Books have special effects and fierce battles and sword fighting and gunplay and bank robbing and dragons and war. Books are cool – all day long.

      Some of the kids at school laughed at me about how much I loved books but the simple truth was I would spend a day curled up inside of a book than having a half a dozen birthday parties every year – unless those parties happened to happen inside of a bookstore.

      Well don’t you know that all they are talking about in Sunday School is the Bible? Uncle Bob asked. And the Bible is one of the best books in the whole wide world?

      I knew about the Bible.

      Heck, I had even tried to read it once but I got all confused about all of that talk about begetting and smiting and such.

      "The Bible is

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