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    Rule 1: Megan and Emmett Volume II
    Rule 1: Megan and Emmett Volume II
    Rule 1: Megan and Emmett Volume II
    Ebook118 pages1 hour

    Rule 1: Megan and Emmett Volume II

    By Kathy Steinemann

    ()

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    About this ebook

    Rules, rules, rules!

    Don’t feed the cat bacon. Don’t grab the closest fortune cookie. Don’t give Lisa milk.

    And then there’s Rule 1: Emmett is always right.

    Ha! Megan has her own take on that.

    Join retired couple Megan and Emmett, along with their family, as they conquer the challenges of retirement, neighbors who overstay their welcome, and dogs who leave poop landmines in the yard.

    Emmett says he married Megan for her wicked sense of humor.

    We know better.

    Will Emmett ever finish the chores in the job jar? Will he win his bet with Megan and get to buy a new Harley? And what will they do about the demanding cat monopolizing Megan’s lap? The answers will amaze you.

    Oh—we can’t forget the strawberries and whipped cream.
    Sorry. No spoilers.

    Are you ready for belly laughs, chuckles, and a tear or two?

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherKathy Steinemann
    Release dateOct 21, 2016
    ISBN9781927830215
    Rule 1: Megan and Emmett Volume II
    Author

    Kathy Steinemann

    Kathy Steinemann, Grandma Birdie to her grandkids, is an award-winning author who lives in the foothills on the Alberta side of the Canadian Rocky Mountains. She has loved words for as long as she can remember, especially when the words are frightening or futuristic or funny.Her career has taken varying directions, including positions as editor of a small-town paper, computer-network administrator, and webmaster. She has also worked on projects in commercial art and cartooning.Kathy’s website: KathySteinemann.com

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      Book preview

      Rule 1 - Kathy Steinemann

      Rule 1

      Megan and Emmett Volume II

      By Kathy Steinemann

      Smashwords Edition

      ISBN 978-1-927830-21-5

      © 2016 Kathy Steinemann

      All Rights Reserved

      Foreword

      Nancy N. Fudge

      With your purchase of this book, the author grants you the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read it. You may not duplicate, transmit, transfer, download, decompile, reverse-engineer, or store in or introduce into any storage and retrieval system, in any form, by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, currently available or invented in the future, any part of this book, without the express written consent of Kathy Steinemann.

      Dedicated

      To all the families in the world

      who see themselves in these pages.

      Thank-You

      Many thanks to Nancy N. Fudge

      for writing the foreword.

      It was a pleasure to work with you.

      If you like this book,

      please remember to leave a review

      wherever you purchased it.

      Thanks!

      Table of Contents

      Foreword

      Introduction

      The Walpoles’ Christmas Letter

      Un-Retirement

      Rule 1

      Charades, Anyone?

      Gator’s Gift

      Energy Conservation Mode

      Fortune Cookie Rules

      Let Tiffany Take Care of You

      Megan’s Mom Is Always Right

      Darn You, Dennis!

      Just Like Home

      My Mind Was Elsewhere

      The Cat Conundrum

      We Live in a Pigpen

      The Interview

      Strawberries and Whipped Cream

      Out with the Junk

      Free Stories

      Team Building

      Mission Report

      The Price of Satisfaction

      Why Earth?

      Afterword

      About the Author

      Books by Kathy Steinemann

      Foreword

      I met Kathy on a writing website, where she works with new writers to improve their craft. Her exceptional skill has helped me beyond the words she sets to a page. She took her time to get me through my writing struggles. Her eye for detail and ability to see what I needed brought me to her stories.

      And what a joy to read her writing!

      Her short story of a grandmother’s love for a little boy had me laughing throughout. At the end, the boy hands his grandmother a mud pie, a symbol of his innocent love, and I burst into tears. Her captivating description of his lively eyes and dimpled smile drew me in and wouldn’t let go. This story introduced me to her writing, and I was hooked. You can't start reading Kathy’s stories and put them down unfinished. They are the type you must read to the end, the type that stay with you long after you finish reading them.

      Her side-splitting escapades of retired couple, Megan and Emmett, captivated me with their zany world of misunderstandings and comical scenarios. From Emmett’s obsession with butter to their mischievous grandchildren and Siamese cat, Kathy had me laughing out loud. I know her stories will touch your heart as well and bend you over with the giggles.

      She captures the humor in any situation and speaks to both young and old. Her effortless style captures the imagination, while grounding us to the things that are truly important. Everyday scenes are turned into heartwarming tales under her creative pen. You’ll want to read her stories again and again.

      I enjoyed them so much I bought a copy for my retired parents. Reading her stories is enjoyable, but hearing my parents laugh over the antics of a retired seasoned citizen interacting with technology and family is priceless. All of Kathy’s stories are infused with that mix of the touching and the hilarious.

      Where some people see the ordinary or the mundane, Kathy helps us see beauty and humor behind everyday life. She evokes those special memories, that joy in the sparkling eyes of the people we love. She will give you a glimpse of that joy with her consistently engaging style.

      It is my honor to be associated with such a talented writer.

      Nancy N. Fudge

      —

      Nancy N. Fudge is the Director of Education for American Space Education Experience, or ASPEX, an international student exchange organization. She conducts a children’s lecture series about Science and America’s Space Program. She also organizes and runs international educational programs across the United States and Taiwan. She is in the process of publishing her first children’s book in May of 2017.

      Introduction

      Rules, rules, rules!

      Don’t feed the cat bacon. Don’t grab the closest fortune cookie. Don’t give Lisa milk.

      And then there’s Rule 1: Emmett is always right.

      Ha! Megan has her own take on that.

      Join retired couple Megan and Emmett, along with their family, as they conquer the challenges of retirement, neighbors who overstay their welcome, and dogs who leave poop landmines in the yard.

      Emmett says he married Megan for her wicked sense of humor.

      We know better.

      Will Emmett ever finish the chores in the job jar? Will he win his bet with Megan and get to buy a new Harley? And what will they do about the demanding cat monopolizing Megan’s lap? The answers will amaze you.

      Oh—we can’t forget the strawberries and whipped cream.

      Sorry. No spoilers.

      Are you ready for belly laughs, chuckles, and a tear or two?

      The Walpoles’ Christmas Letter

      An unabridged, unedited version of Emmett’s 2015 Christmas letter, accompanied by his mental meanderings (in italics) as he writes it. Every spelling and grammar glitch is pure, unadulterated Emmett.

      Dear Friends and Family,

      Since it’s January allready, I guess I should call this a New Year’s letter. Had it on my to-do list, but forgot all about it.

      Another year has passed, and me and Megan are still getting used to this retirement gig. She said I should write the Christmas letter this time because she’s tired of me getting underfoot and watching everything she does.

      Wonder what Meg used to do while I was at work. Did she vacuum in the nude? Or watch soap operas all day?

      I must admit the soaps are kinda addictive; I wonder if Charles will propose to Katie tomorrow; maybe she’ll elope with Jordan instead.

      Oh—letter. Better get this done before Megan gets back from buying a new colander to replace the one I used for scooping out Sabrina’s litter box.

      Meg’ll check the spelling and grammer in hear and probably cross out a bunch of stuff before I print it and mail it. If we can afford to mail it. What’s with the postage rates? In the old days, I could send a Christmas card for less than a nickel.

      Crap! I used to buy a cuppa coffee for two nickels, and a gallon of gas was less than fifty cents. I should start drinking gas. It’s cheaper than coffee.

      I could have fired up my dictation software for this, but a couple of weeks after I used it to write to the National Security Agency last year, 2 young guys in dark suits showed up at the door, supposedly with good news. They didn’t even look old enough to use a razor. Good disguises. I’m sure they were undercover NSA spies. I mean, they both had the same first name, Elder. Really? Who did they think they were kidding?

      They kept staring at my cigar like maybe it had a hidden camera or something. I offered them a beer. They told me it wasn’t healthy for me, and asked a bunch of suspicious stuff. Like: Do you know where you’re going to end up when you die? I got tired of all their questions and started to tell a joke—you know the one about why blondes don’t get coffee breaks? Anyway, the

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