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    This World of Hurt
    This World of Hurt
    This World of Hurt
    Ebook51 pages42 minutes

    This World of Hurt

    By Jeff Hurt

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    About this ebook

    THIS WORLD OF HURT is a collection of humor columns by journalist, Jeff Hurt as he reflects on balancing his busy career with the dramatic, funny, and endearing world, of a father, his wife, a son, and six daughters.

    In stories like Conversations on a One-way street, Jeff uses witty anecdotes and the simplicity of male reasoning to explain the complexities of the female mind. Read the sidesplitting, Who Needs a GPS? as Jeff gets lost, receiving driving directions such as—thataway. And in Dangerous Fashion, discover how in his world, not even a vacation is without its perils, and belly laugh with Jeff’s insightful observations, and comical coping mechanisms, while dealing with relationships, parenting, and society.

    Join Jeff as he presents a series of true stories about the chaotic, confusing—but always hilarious—situations he finds himself in living in a house dominated by women.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherJeff Hurt
    Release dateOct 22, 2016
    ISBN9781370812837
    This World of Hurt
    Author

    Jeff Hurt

    Jeff is the editor of the Fisher County Chronicle, a weekly countywide newspaper in western Texas and is a member of the Texas Press Association. He is also the father of seven children and husband to the world’s most supportive wife. To expand his writing skills, he returned to college at the age of 39, and received his BFA in creative writing two and a half years later. In addition to writing a spectrum of news articles and the humor column, This World of Hurt, Jeff also is an active freelance writer working with a wide range of clients. You can read his fiction work in e-publications such as Heater Magazine and websites like everydayfiction.com. See more of his work at www.carpenterofwords.com.

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      Book preview

      This World of Hurt - Jeff Hurt

      This World of Hurt

      By: Jeff Hurt

      Copyright © 2016 Jeff Hurt

      First Smashwords Edition

      ISBN: 9781370812837

      All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

      Table of Contents

      Title Page

      Copyright Page

      Table of Contents

      Conversations on a One-way Street

      It Cost How Much?

      Dangerous Fashion

      Chicktography

      Who Needs a GPS?

      The Human Walkie Talkie

      Communication Sandwiches

      Size, Shape, and Matter

      What Good is a Contingency Plan if You Ain’t Planning on Using It?

      Books, Shoes, Life and Death

      Area 51… Or Maybe Just My Bathroom

      Hello Joe

      About the Author

      Conversations on a One-way Street

      Let me give you a quick explanation of the structural breakdown regarding my children, how they are grouped, and the corresponding nicknames that accompany those groups. Together there are 7 of them, and their groups are as: The Oldest—because she’s the oldest, The Boy—because he’s the only boy, The Middles—because they are in the middle, The Littles—you guessed it, because they’re younger than the Middles, and The Baby—this should be evident.

      The other night I was part of a conversation, which took place between my wife, the Middles, and myself. The conversation was a fairly typical one that takes place between teenage girls and their parents all across the nation at the end of a long hard day: part personally informative, part gossip and conjecture, and part motivational and inspirational.

      Admittedly, I was doing a bit of writing during this conversation, but I was keeping up with the exchanged dialogue, and I even chimed in when I had something worthwhile to contribute. In fact, I had just raised a question, posing it to my wife while she opened the door to the refrigerator. Then, all the sudden, something happened: a long pause occurred, and then it got weird.

      Have you ever been following directions to some destination in an unfamiliar city? And let’s say the final part of these instructions was to make a right turn onto a one-way street—how about we use Washington Ave? Cities love to name streets for presidents. So, you make a right turn onto Washington Ave, and you don’t stray from this one-way street. You think you’re getting pretty close to your destination, and you look up at the street sign to discover you are now traveling down Kennedy PKWY. It is a terribly disturbing recollection, correct? This is what had just taken place in our conversation.

      I had asked a question, yet we were no longer engaged in the same conversation we were just microseconds before. My wife’s response had absolutely nothing to do with the question I had asked. To make me even more confused, the Middles seemed to move right along without missing a beat.

      I immediately brought this to the attention of the group, because I am a man after all. I’m not afraid of anything. … Apart from arithmetic, that is.

      Wait a minute, I said. That didn't have anything to do with what I asked.

      Yes it did, my wife said. Don’t you remember the conversation we were having in the car on Saturday?

      A conversation from the car on Saturday had just completed itself in the kitchen on Monday. Fortunately, I did, in fact, remember the conversation from

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