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The Strength to Walk Away
The Strength to Walk Away
The Strength to Walk Away
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The Strength to Walk Away

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The Strength To Walk Away is not another self-help book. It's a self-healing tool. An instrument of hope and healing. The book is written for those currently in or healing from a broken relationship. It is a framework for women to make better choices and a call to men to create better standards by which to live.
LanguageEnglish
PublisherBookBaby
Release dateOct 18, 2016
ISBN9780998258911
The Strength to Walk Away

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    The Strength to Walk Away - Jason Scott

    well.

    Preface

    What does a man look like who called off his wedding two weeks before the event? He looks like me! I don’t want you to be under the impression that this book is only about those specific events; it’s about the journey leading up to that gut-wrenching moment. There were several issues that were not worked out. My life was messed up and I could not see that! I was a coward in every sense of the word. This book is not just for the person who needs relationship advice; it’s a book for anyone who needs a new perspective about life in general. I want to share with you my desperation, pain and knowledge. I’m here to help others who are in the struggle. While reading, you may think that I was a jerk. Great! I was. I was the biggest jerk on the planet and had no business being in a relationship. My journey brought me from jerk to gentleman.

    These events started when I was 29 years old. I had no clue about what was needed to be in a committed and successful relationship, let alone a marriage. I thought about marriage before, but did not possess the tools that were needed to keep a healthy relationship alive. Stella (The name given to her for this book) and I lived together for three years in a home that we both purchased (Mistake #1). I was Ken and she was Barbie. We were playing house. I instantly thought once her and I met all of my problems and longings for a real relationship would fade away. Boy was I wrong! I dated numerous women in my past and was disloyal. Why did I think that this relationship would work? That’s the million-dollar question! I did not carefully examine the smoke signals. There were warning signs all around but I was oblivious to them. I did not give my all and was unhealthy and emotionally unavailable. Stella should have run for the front door without looking back, but she didn’t. She stayed and our lives were instantly meshed in a sea of damage and shame. I almost drowned in this sea. So why did I become depressed and feel like the victim after I made this decision? Good question… The answer will be revealed throughout the pages of my story.

    I was the perpetrator. I caused this whirlwind. My immaturity was exposed during these years and I finally told myself that if I wanted to heal, I had to seek help. I wanted to know how it would affect the woman that I emotionally destroyed and how to gain a sense of self-worth and peace. I needed a book to help me understand my decision and emotions, but that book did not exist.

    So I decided to write one.

    There are numerous books, articles, and even a few movies that bring this heartache to life from a woman’s perspective. Like me, a lot of men make promises that they can’t live up to. The pressures are too much and we fold. Most women, from the time that they can remember, would like to be swept away by that handsome prince and have the wedding of their dreams. I feel like it is my duty to shine the light on men who have not upheld their promises to their girlfriends, wives, or fiancés. I have the ability to speak on this because I know firsthand the damage that is caused when lies are told. Stella and I were best friends. Unfortunately, because of my lack of integrity, the relationship had to end. If your plans are destroyed and lives around you are turned upside down, I’m the person who can provide insight. By no means am I making an excuse for the lack of integrity, honesty, and character on my part. I just want to give you my perspective and hope that it will prevent the losses and heartaches that I endured. Many people state that it’s better to end a relationship when there are numerous red flags and strife. As the guy who called off his wedding because of unfaithfulness and lack of character, I could not agree more. The hurt that I caused would not compare to the damage that I would have caused had the wedding taken place. I did not understand this at the time, but looking back, they were absolutely right. And yet, until now, the broken engagement from a man’s perspective (and even a woman’s) has been taboo.

    I get it. I should be put in the dirt bag category. I’ll be the first to admit that. But calling off a wedding is more common than people think. Those closest to me didn’t mention the events that took place. As long as I was happy and made the right decision, they had no obligation to speak about it. Although Stella was a caring woman, we were just not meant to be. She was ready for marriage and fully committed to me; however, I had yet to develop into a man. Maturity was far off my radar.

    Now, years later, with my integrity and character defining who I am, I’m thankful that I experienced these events. I begged and pleaded with God to make the guilt and shame go away without me suffering. Of course that didn’t happen! Perseverance is an ingredient to growth. I had to man up and face reality. Now I have a story to tell and I’m in a position to provide knowledge on the subject. We should not be afraid to talk about broken promises in a world filled with pride and selfishness. Sharing my story is the beginning of reconciliation for the number of individuals that I damaged and a plea to any unhealthy person to get the help that he or she may need.

    We all come to a point in our lives where life-changing decisions have to be made. We get to this point at different stages. Not only is this book written for me, it’s written for you. It gives you my story in raw form. I want to give you advice on how to have a healthy relationship and live a life of peace, honesty, and integrity. As a man, I want to let you know that being in a committed relationship is awesome. It’s a privilege to be able to call that one special person yours. Always remember this.

    To anyone that is currently suffering in an unhappy relationship and to those that have been in an unhealthy relationship, I hope you can find comfort and strength in my story. I urge you to pursue a life that is filled with joy and not pain. It may not be easy, but in the end you will appreciate your courage and perseverance.

    Remember: The decision is yours. Choose wisely.

    Regards,

    Jason D. Scott

    1

    So Who Is The Almost Groom?

    First I would like to state that I am a son of the Most High, Jesus Christ. I grew up in a small town in southeast Texas called Woodville with my single mom and two older brothers. At birth, I weighed 13 pounds so I always was the center of attention and didn’t shy away from it.

    Growing up in a small town definitely had its advantages and disadvantages. I knew who my friends were and had the same familiar faces in my inner circle from birth through high school. Although we didn't have much growing up, I could always depend on my grandmother for emotional and financial support. My two brothers and I spent summers and evenings after school at my grandparents’ house with a host of other cousins and family members. Throughout my childhood years, we all played together and still remain close to this day. My grandparents had approximately 30 grandkids, so there was never a dull moment. We would play, eat, and laugh together.

    Although I knew who my father was, I never had meaningful conversations with him or saw him that much growing up. At times when he and I would cross paths, there was an instant sense of apathy from me. I didn't care to have thought-provoking conversations with him because he was incoherent most of the time due to his drinking. The only memory of us as a family was sitting in the living room and watching television together, my father sitting on the couch with a can of beer. According to my mom, the relationship quickly dissolved and I did not want to embrace the hurt that came with asking too many questions. The concept of sweeping things under the rug started at that point and contributed to the pain that I caused others and my inner demons that could have easily ruined my life.

    2

    No Turning Back

    Thirty desperate minutes after arriving home from a counseling session, I sat at the kitchen table, forehead pounding, and palms overcome with sweat. I didn’t know what my next decision would be. Thoughts of what to do were suddenly flooding my mind. I knew that I could no longer delay the inevitable. At that moment, I felt as if I was having an out of body experience, yet consciously knew that this was real. The second hand of the clock ticked, yet, simultaneously stayed still. How could this be? I asked myself. How could the end or new beginning of this relationship come down to this very moment? No matter the decision, at this time, I had to endure the heat or get out of the kitchen. The answer could not come from friends or family but from myself. This insanity had to end today!

    The front door opened and there she stood. Her eyes locked in on mine and I knew this was the moment of no return. I quickly looked away as if this would make her disappear. Nevertheless, she seemed to still be directly in front of me. My breathing intensified! I could no longer hide from my inner demons. I knew I had to take control of my life. The choice was mine. No one could save me. She stopped and placed her car keys on the kitchen counter. The time read 5:35 p.m. So, what is your decision? she calmly asked. I slowly turned around and stood up. My mouth became extremely dry and it felt as if I had just been run over by a freight train. I…

    The venue booked, dresses and suits paid for, invitations sent and received, and thousands of dollars paid—

    I’m sure you say that I’ve left you hanging; however, this moment in my life did not just happen. It was not as if time zipped by and there was nothing that led up to this point in the relationship. There were a series of events, red flags, and bad choices that led me to this pivotal point in my life. It is my duty to inform you of what to do and what not to do (from my perspective) when it comes to being in a healthy relationship and making wise decisions. The purpose of this book is to give you the blueprint of healthy dating in an attempt to prevent you from having to ever be in the position that I found myself in. Ask yourself: Who am I, what do I stand for, and what do I want out of life and my relationships? My hope is that you know who you are, have a vision and purpose, and want the very best from this short life that you have. Don’t worry. You will definitely know the details of that day at the end of this book. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the journey of my story.

    3

    No Self-Control

    Merriam-Webster’s definition of self-control: restraint exercised over one's own impulses, emotions, or desires.

    I had no self-control in my relationship with my ex. Most of my relationship with her was based on immaturity and a sense of entitlement. It is correct that it takes two to make a relationship work; however, I was not willing to put the time and effort into making our relationship flourish. I did not accommodate or adapt to my ex-fiancé in the four years that we dated. Self-control is a necessity in a dating relationship because it builds trust and intimacy. This is essential to knowing your partner and being known. Your mind, body, and soul must be in agreement in order to reap the benefits from life. I had no clue of who I was as a man and brought this chaos into a dating relationship. I thought that living together and testing the waters would create self-control and boundaries. This was far from the truth because more problems surfaced. I did not create the circumstances that ensured that I would be a successful partner. I constantly ran into brick walls because of my stubbornness and lack of focus.

    A disciplined individual is someone who stays the course throughout life and is consistent in whatever he or she does. I sabotaged everything while in the relationship. One key way of destroying this control was in the way my mind operated. I thought by not addressing important issues, they would instantly disappear. Out of sight, out of mind! It was very difficult hiding and suppressing these uncontrollable tendencies. The more I thought about ending an unhealthy activity while in the relationship, the more it reared its ugly head.

    Heidi Grant Halvorson, Ph.D., wrote an article titled How You Are Sabotaging Your Self-Control. She found that:

    "In a new study, undergrads who smoked at least a half-pack a day on average were asked to keep track of their smoking for several weeks. For all of Week 2, some of the students were asked to try to suppress any and all thoughts about smoking. Not surprisingly, they smoked significantly fewer cigarettes during Week 2 than non-suppressers. But during Week 3, when these students were no longer required to suppress thoughts of smoking, they smoked significantly more cigarettes than non-suppressors!

    While they were at it, the researchers who conducted this study looked at students' stress levels across all three weeks. Not surprisingly, suppressors reported a dramatic rise in stress during the week they were suppressing (while non-suppressors stress levels remained unchanged). So not only does the thought-suppression strategy backfire, it feels terrible while you are doing it.

    Such as in this study, the more that I tried to not think about the problems, the worse and worse those problems became.

    "Respect your efforts, respect yourself. Self-respect leads to self-discipline. When you have

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