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    YOUR LIFE, YOUR DEATH, YOUR CHOICE: How to Have Your Voice to the End of Your Life
    YOUR LIFE, YOUR DEATH, YOUR CHOICE: How to Have Your Voice to the End of Your Life
    YOUR LIFE, YOUR DEATH, YOUR CHOICE: How to Have Your Voice to the End of Your Life
    Ebook139 pages1 hour

    YOUR LIFE, YOUR DEATH, YOUR CHOICE: How to Have Your Voice to the End of Your Life

    By Mark B. Peterson and ED.D.

    ()

    Read preview
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherHillcrest Media Group
    Release dateOct 6, 2016
    ISBN9781635053388
    YOUR LIFE, YOUR DEATH, YOUR CHOICE: How to Have Your Voice to the End of Your Life

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      Book preview

      YOUR LIFE, YOUR DEATH, YOUR CHOICE - Mark B. Peterson

      E

      ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

      I am grateful for the support and encouragement of many people over the last six-year period. Special thanks to Adam Bruner, PhD., Director of the Osher Life Long Learning Institute who took a chance on my idea to teach a course on end of life issues to older adults. Many students have shared their own personal experiences in those classes and continue to send me newly published articles, videos, pod casts, and related material on the subject.

      I owe a debt of gratitude to friends who have offered support and encouragement – Don Friedman, Susan Anderson, Julie Cotton, Brandy Sieber. In particular, I am indebted to Gretta Olton who worked patiently with me in designing the cover for this book, and to my daughter-in-law, Darci Pappano, for her endless assistance with formatting and graphic design.

      Special thanks go to my family for their loving and technical support, even as they occasionally rolled their eyes at the mention of yet another new publication I’d discovered on this topic.

      My deepest appreciation is to my wife, Carol, who has provided editorial advice, counsel, patience, and wisdom. I am grateful for her loyal and steadfast support as I prepared this manuscript. It would not be complete without her efforts.

      ABOUT THE AUTHOR

      Mark Peterson, ED.D. received his BA in Psychology at Bucknell University and his Master’s and Doctoral Degrees at Boston University in Counseling and Psychotherapy. He taught at the Boston University, the University of Maryland, the University of Pittsburgh, and concluded his full time teaching career at Antioch New England University where he was Chair of the programs in Counseling and Psychotherapy that are now under the Department of Professional Psychology.

      He maintained a full time psychotherapy practice in Dublin, NH for 20 years as a Certified Psychologist until his retirement in 1998. One of his greatest interests is how emotions influence both our decision-making and our behavior.

      PROLOGUE

      My mother was a small woman, 5’1", and weighed about one hundred pounds. She raised four sons, was an avid golfer, read voraciously, and wrote poetry. She smoked unfiltered Lucky Strikes for sixty years until she was diagnosed at age seventy-five with emphysema, now called COPD (Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease). She returned the unused packs of cigarettes to the local drug store and got her money back.

      Not long after, she was tethered to an oxygen concentrator 24 hours a day that rattled in the house while she went about her life. She was adamant about not entering a nursing home, which was the only alternative in 1985. At age seventy-eight, with little quality of life left, she announced at Thanksgiving that she wanted to die. She had not been able to play golf, was becoming forgetful about her medications and was losing her sight.

      My family and I were startled and really didn’t know how to respond but tried to understand and be reassuring. We later discovered that she went to her tax accountant and asked whether, for tax purposes, it would be better to die later that year or in the following year. My guess is that he was brought up short by the question but managed to tell her that it would be better to die in the new year.

      On January 9th, she stopped eating and drinking and ceased taking the medications which helped her to breathe. She went to bed and panted for four days, dying on Sunday morning, January 13, 1986. Even though my brothers and I were present, there was no fanfare, no deep conversations - just a resolute intent to die.

      It was death on her terms. Sadly, we never had any talk about how she wished to die. She was never one to express her feelings except in her very private world of poetry. As a result there were no goodbyes, no statements of love or expressions of forgiveness. She just left!

      I wish that Hospice and Palliative medical care could have been available so that she would not have had to suffer for the last few days. But she left us with the gift of knowing that she had departed the way she wanted.

      Her example planted a seed for this book that is an effort to help you to understand that you do not have to suffer from pain or any drastic medical procedure you do not want. It is your body and your life.

      INTRODUCTION

      THE HOW TO OF ADVANCED MEDICAL DIRECTIVES

      Planning for the potential of a medical event that would make it impossible for you to advise health care workers of your wishes is essential for people of all ages. Unfortunately medical events and accidents take place at any age.

      The following pages will illustrate for you that even when you decide what medical treatments you would want, or "find your voice," you are not necessarily guaranteed to have that voice heard or choices honored in a medical situation. There are countless stories which illustrate advanced medical directives either being ignored or overridden by medical proxies, families, or doctors, because of the stress of decision making or because of the failure to communicate about the implications of treatments, surgeries, or procedures. Reading this book and following the links will provide both information and tools to assure that you are more likely to have your voice to the end of your life.

      You may find this book useful to propose to and/or to read with others such as older and/or ailing parents. Everyone over the age of 18 should complete an advanced medical directive so this is also written with readers of all ages in mind.

      THE LIMIT OF THIS BOOK

      This book is entirely focused on planning and executing advanced medical directives, not providing legal or medical advice. It is designed to help you understand the complexity of decision-making and emphasizes preparing you and your loved ones, thereby reducing the stress associated with critical possibly end-of-life decisions. If questions remain about legal or medical issues, you are advised to consult your physician or attorney.

      The book is organized as follows.

      Chapter 1 WHY DO THIS? presents a rationale for why you need to complete an advanced medical directive so you can find your voice

      Chapter 2 THE FORMS TO PREPARE provides guidelines for selecting the best person to speak for you if you cannot speak for yourself. It also includes a variety of forms to help you to consider and decide what you want in different medical situations. Forms dealing with four of those situations are provided.

      Chapter 3 GOING DEEPER / BEYOND THE FORMS goes into a more in-depth analysis about the implications of your choices and does not mince words about various treatment options.

      Chapter 4 OTHER IMPORTANT ISSUES informs you about some additional implications and challenges that require your consideration and that can compromise your choices.

      Chapter

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