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Dear Esteemed Customer Letters, Volume Two

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214 pages3 hours

Summary

This is another collection of 150 deliberate lies. The letters supposedly sent by various companies, businesses, professionals, or government agencies are fakes, each and every one. They include responses, alerts, or announcements from many sources to single persons or whole populations.

They are exaggerations in several modes even if some might seem close to what you have seen in actual communications. They are intended to evoke laughs even as they might make you pay closer attention to the wording in routine communications.

None is intended to be a veiled reference to any actual company, business, professional, or government agency or communication. There are no hidden meanings in them. Some respondents make serious points, it is the letters they are reacting to that presented the laughable statements or questions. Naiveté is a reality.
Slice & Dice Hospital is not preserving tissues from an operation as an art object.

A produce store denies that blood oranges are treats for vampires.

A landlocked town plans a harbor seal festival to attract tourists.

The Pilferpruf Hardware Store offers a foiled shoplifter his pants back.

A college cancels the crop dusing course when all their planes crash.

A salon insists that fake nails are glued on, not screwed on.

An acupuncture center explains what to expect.

A dentist won’t try to transplant hog tusks for a macho look.

A library cancels a “Shoot the author” photo op due to misunderstandings.

State Lottery Headquarters deals with too many winners.

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