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    Stop Ostracising Your Negative Friends and Family
    Stop Ostracising Your Negative Friends and Family
    Stop Ostracising Your Negative Friends and Family
    Ebook154 pages1 hour

    Stop Ostracising Your Negative Friends and Family

    By Leah Thomas

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    About this ebook

    Love no matter what! It is time for some gutsy change within families to bridge the gap between conditional and unconditional love. Stop ostracizing your negative friends and family is based on Leah Thomson's experience and insights of life, love and family over the past 45 years. From humble beginnings in labour work, take-away joints, worksheds, child care education, foster care, aboriginal education to education management in a prison. This book contains the tools, strategies and techniques Leah embraced to re learn how to love unconditionally and maintain her personal power along the way. If Leah and many others, who have been hurt by those they love, can love unconditionally, then you can too. This book gives you the opportunity to learn: Why people do what they do and ostracise negative family and friends The difference between conditional and unconditional love How to love negative family and friends unconditionally How to maintain your personal power and values without ostracising.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherLeah Thomas
    Release dateNov 26, 2016
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      Book preview

      Stop Ostracising Your Negative Friends and Family - Leah Thomas

      STOP

      OSTRACISING YOUR NEGATIVE FAMILY AND FRIENDS:

      LOVE NO MATTER WHAT!

      First published in 2016 by Leah Thomas

      Adelaide, South Australia

      Smashwords Edition

      © Gutsy Change Education and Coaching

      The moral rights of the author have been asserted.

      This book is a SpiritCast Network Book

      National Library of Australia Cataloguing-in-Publication data:

      Author:

      Thomas, Leah

      Title:

      STOP Ostracising Your Negative Family and Friends:

      Love No Matter What!

      ISBN 13:

      978-1539680826

      ISBN 10:

      1539680827

      Subjects:

      Family Relationships, Unconditional Love, Ostracising, Coaching, Self debelopment, Life coaching, Self help.

      All rights reserved. Except as permitted under the Australian Copyright Act 1968 (for example, a fair dealing for the purposes of study, research, criticism or review), no part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, communicated or transmitted in any form or by any means without prior written permission. All enquiries should be made to the publisher at insert relevant email address.

      Editor-in-chief: Anita Saunders

      Cover Design: Bliss Inventive

      Disclaimer:

      The material in this publication is of the nature of general comment only, and does not represent professional advice. It is not intended to provide specific guidance for particular circumstances and it should not be relied on as the basis for any decision to take action or not take action on any matter which it covers. Readers should obtain professional advice where appropriate, before making any such decision. To the maximum extent permitted by law, the author and publisher disclaim all responsibility and liability to any person, arising directly or indirectly from any person taking or not taking action based on the information in this publication.

      This Book Is Dedicated to

      My Mum, My Brothers, My Sister, My Nieces and Nephews

      With Lots of Love Always,

      No Matter What

      xoxo

      ***

      Most people will gladly apply principles of success to business ventures or their careers but will totally neglect to do so in matters of their heart. Is this not another definition of insanity?

      —Alice Haemmerle, Instant Insight Academy.

      "The soul would have no rainbow,

      had the eyes no tears"

      —Author unknown.

      Everybody, every person on this planet, just wants to be loved, needed, and appreciated, for who we are, warts and all, especially by our family and friends.

      TABLE OF CONTENTS

      Foreword by Pauline Ladhams – Leah’s Mum

      How to Read This Book

      Why I Wrote This Book

      Brief Behind the Scenes

      PART 1: WHY PEOPLE OSTRACISE

      1) People Ostracise People for a Reason

      2) The 4 Reasons

      3) The First Reason – To Avoid Pain

      4) The Second Reason – To Meet Our Six Core Needs

      5) The Third Reason – We Put People on a Pedestal

      6) The Fourth Reason – We Perceive Perfectionism as Right and Imperfection as Wrong and Not to Be Trusted

      PART 2: HOW TO BRIDGE THE GAP FROM CONDITIONAL TO UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

      1. We must manage our own emotions first

      2. We must meet our six core needs more resourcefully

      3. We must stop putting people on pedestals or in pits

      4. We need to change our focus, perceive imperfection as just different instead of wrong or untrustworthy

      5. We must stop beating ourselves up for REACTING or not managing our emotions effectively all the time

      6. We must be clear on what is our ideal family, how do we want our family to be? What are our family values

      and what does family mean to us?

      7. We must draw boundaries that support our values and integrity with our family, in a loving way

      8. We must seek to understand first before we seek to be understood, change the meaning of their behaviour

      9. We must see engagement with negative friends as a challenge instead of a chore

      10. We must improve our communication skills

      11. We must minimise not ostracise, if all else fails

      12. We must forgive our family and friends

      13. We must be grateful for the lessons of our perceived negative family and friends

      Conclusion

      Appendices

      Endnote

      Acknowledgements

      Meet The Author

      My Products and Programs

      Workshops/Seminars

      Public Speaking

      Future Books

      Praise for Leah’s Coaching

      Praise for Gutsy Change Education Workshops

      Praise for Gutsy Change For Leaders Workshops

      Find Leah Online

      Glossary

      FOREWORD

      BY PAULINE LADHAMS

      – LEAH’S MUM

      Firstly, I would like to take this opportunity to pay Tribute to and Congratulate My Daughter

      Leah P Thomas

      My daughter told me before she took this challenge that she was going to write a book about a subject deep within her heart, of the difference between conditional love and unconditional love. She hoped she would be able to explain to me and others how to understand what that meant. She also explained to me that she would be using her own life story as a reference!

      Boy! did I have to suck that one up quick smart!

      I was so scared of what she would write and how she would write it and how her life would be portrayed in this book, I nearly had a heart attack!

      Leah ensured me she would only write `in a loving way’, and to trust her.

      So with much trepidation I waited with heart in hand for this book to happen.

      I must explain to you all that, throughout our lives as mother and daughter, from the moment Leah was born she argued with me, and until today, both Leah and I have fought like cat and dogs, to be quite blunt, it has had its many challenges. (I was really worried about this book) but I said I would trust her, and I would.

      Our relationship has been on a roller coaster, loving and fighting all the way, sometimes we have hated each other, been hurt to the extreme by each other, and going without speaking for days, and forever saying `we have had enough of this, no more’, threatening to cut each other out of our lives for good, and believe me we have wanted to! I did not know about loving conditionally and unconditionally all I knew was I loved my daughter no matter how much it hurt.

      Finally, Leah emailed me a copy of the finished book, (before it went to press). I was nervous at first to open it, and really took a deep, heart in hand breath beforehand.

      I am so glad that I did.

      I took the time to read this book, with an open mind and wanting to understand why Leah felt she had to write it, knowingly, openly, bearing her soul and experiences, and me as her mother reading it. I was scared of what I would read, knowing our past family history, hearing how, she experienced her life through her eyes and heart. I am proud of her strength and it has given me the insight I never had before and I love her for being so open, honest and brave. (And told me things I did not know as a mother lol)

      To Love no matter what ….. to love unconditionally or conditionally, is explained by comparisons in this book, using Leah’s own life experiences, thank you sweetheart for being so strong. I hope other people will gain personal growth by this and may your siblings and other family members take this opportunity to grow along with them.

      Thank you my darling daughter for loving me, your siblings and extended families with your whole being, heart and soul. I love you no matter what.

      May you continue to write books to help and encourage others to extend themselves to be `Gutsy’

      HOW TO READ THIS BOOK

      The fact that you are reading this book means that you are seeking to understand how to love all people unconditionally, especially your own circle of family and friends. It means that you want to understand how you can bridge the gap from conditional love to unconditional love. To learn where to start this unconditional love thingamajig right now, so that you can give and receive love more freely and be the heart-centred human that you were born to be. I invite you to read this book, without judgement of my family and friends, in the stories I share with you.

      If you are like me, then you can feel the calling to free yourself of unresourceful judgement and pain by trusting yourself that you will accept, love, and honour all the people I refer to in this book, regardless of mine or other individuals’ previous actions and behaviours, thoughts, feelings, or beliefs.

      Throughout this book, I will talk about my life experiences and about my family and friends and I will be talking from two different voices: one from the voice of conditional love and one from the voice of unconditional love, so I will be giving two sides of the story, so to speak, from my perspective, which may or may not be the actual way it happened in real life, it is just my perspective.

      Please keep the fact that this is my perspective in mind and I will explain more about people’s differing perceptions later. For example, the conditional love voice in me says, I shouldn’t have to tell people HOW to read this book, they should know, by now, not to judge people, and the unconditional voice in me says, "Leah, remember that everyone is doing the best that they know how and that they are here to learn, even more, than they know now and we all need reminding including yourself, they all need reminding and keeping on track of how to love unconditionally, so

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