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687 One-Liner Jokes
687 One-Liner Jokes
687 One-Liner Jokes
Ebook124 pages57 minutes

687 One-Liner Jokes

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About this ebook

If it’s laughter you want, then this is the book for you. Short one-line jokes covering a broad variety of topics and ideal for many different occasions. If you are simply searching for a few funny jokes to share with friends, or if you're a professional speaker, or entertainer; you are bound to find some new material within this treasure trove of modern one-liners.

SHORT ONE-LINE JOKES FOR EVERY OCCASION

40 is the new 30? Try telling that to a speed camera!

Do not touch, must be the scariest thing to read in Braille!

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

I have a fear of German sausages! Yes, I fear the wurst!

I invented a new word! Plagiarism!

My recliner and I - we go way back.

Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of!

The zoo is a pretty safe place to fart.

I have a contact lens problem. I have no contact lens solution!

You know what really floats my boat? Buoyancy!

LanguageEnglish
Release dateDec 1, 2016
ISBN9781370890484
687 One-Liner Jokes
Author

Wolfgang Riebe

Wolfgang began his career as a magician on British television on BBC & ITV, later traveling around the world as a headline act on cruise liners before tackling expeditions throughout the Arctic & Antarctic where he performed world-class illusions to thousands of international passengers.In later years he relocated to Cape Town from where he focused on the EMEA market combining strategically planned illusions with speaking in order to reinforce corporate messaging throughout Africa, Europe and the Middle East. He completed a thesis in Complexity Thinking and its affect on Innovation amongst leadership in multi-national organisations at the York St John university in the UK.In 2012 the National Speakers Association (NSA) awarded Wolfgang the CSP (Certified Speaking Professional) designation, which is the highest award given to any professional speaker in the speaking world. This designation is currently only held by less than 800 professional speakers globally.His passion is to share life truths and connect people through logical thinking and fun, as can be validated through his You Tube channel (inspiringtheworld) with over 1000 videos. In 2015 he appeared as a TEDx speaker and is currently based in Geneva, Switzerland where he focuses on the English Speaking meetings & events market and has performed in over 165 countries during the last 30 years.From symposiums, conferences, strategic planning sessions, cruise liners, television to expeditions, his vast variety of incredible life experiences make him the perfect host as your Keynote Speaker, Master of Ceremonies and Celebrity Comedy Entertainer, turning your whole event into an unforgettable sophisticated experience where creates Memorable Magical Moments for everyone.

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    Book preview

    687 One-Liner Jokes - Wolfgang Riebe

    FOREWORD

    Welcome to many, many laughs! The layout of this book is really simple... as from the next page there are 687 random one-liner jokes collected over the last 3 years, covering a variety of subjects. Occasional picture jokes of the one-liners are included as well.

    I am an entertainer & inspirational speaker and 3 years back I launched a website called, www.positivpeople.com where I offer to inspire people every day for a whole year at a time. Within about three weeks of launching this site, a subscriber suggested I add in a few one-liner jokes every fortnight. Hence after 3 years of collecting jokes, this book is now the result.

    A genuine mix of topics with up to date one-liners ideal to use in any situation. Whether you are an entertainer, comedian, speaker or just want to have a good chuckle, I am positive you find some inspiration and laughter within these pages.

    *****

    BONUS FREE COMEDY VIDEOS

    Below is a collection of FREE videos with links that should give you many additional laughs.

    10 Jokes in 90 Seconds!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GJu-Qu-UYN8&index=22&list=PLOlj0zd222BK2cjv99qlrGqi1s0DpL0T-

    10 Jokes in 90 Seconds Part 2

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=McbFJNu0uAM&index=23&list=PLOlj0zd222BK2cjv99qlrGqi1s0DpL0T-

    10 Really Lame One-Liners Jokes

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2NmBZApicgY&index=14&list=PLOlj0zd222BK2cjv99qlrGqi1s0DpL0T-

    Funny Diet Quotes

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1EYY3gMchh8&index=17&list=PLOlj0zd222BK2cjv99qlrGqi1s0DpL0T-

    Funny Offensive things to say when people irritate you

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C0N8XOCvckU&index=16&list=PLOlj0zd222BK2cjv99qlrGqi1s0DpL0T-

    Funny Quotes

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bfAdGHTal9Q&t=21s&list=PLOlj0zd222BJozkKlWrw6VjZGRsPzGQw8&index=3

    George Burnes Classic One Liner Jokes

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5LVgL_2xjgI&index=13&list=PLOlj0zd222BK2cjv99qlrGqi1s0DpL0T-

    Joan Rivers Classic One Liner Jokes

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aqei7pAqPIk&index=12&list=PLOlj0zd222BK2cjv99qlrGqi1s0DpL0T-

    Milton Berle Classic One Liner Jokes

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d8Ob718Hk3o&index=11&list=PLOlj0zd222BK2cjv99qlrGqi1s0DpL0T-

    Murphy's Law: 10 Crazy, but True Laws of Life: Part 1

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxc52ThutFw&t=20s&list=PLOlj0zd222BJozkKlWrw6VjZGRsPzGQw8&index=2

    Murphy's Law: 10 Crazy, but True Laws of Life: Part 2

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sHxDP2arKjo&t=14s&list=PLOlj0zd222BJozkKlWrw6VjZGRsPzGQw8&index=1

    The Magician & the Parrot

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mRH4UzPRv3Y&index=18&list=PLOlj0zd222BK2cjv99qlrGqi1s0DpL0T-

    *****

    40 is the new 30? Try telling that to a speed camera!

    A beggar asked me if I had any loose change, 
I said, No mate, it's nice and secure thanks.

    A blind man walks into a bar, a table and a chair.

    A blonde just texted me asking, What does idk stand for? I texted back, I don't know!' And she replied, OMG, nobody does!"

    A boiled egg is hard to beat!

    A Chinese man faked his own death, but his family were suspicious,
 they didn't bereave him.

    A container ship full of blue paint has collided with a container ship full of red paint, 
the crew have been marooned.

    A dog walker was found dead in the local park, police found the dog, but as yet, they have no lead.

    A fireman runs into a classroom holding a screwdriver and yells: 
Quick, everyone get out. This is not a drill!

    A fisherman was trying to learn the alphabet. 
He got lost at C.

    A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

    A Higgs Boson walks into a church. The priest says We don't allow Higgs Bosons in here. The Higgs Boson replied, Well, without me, you can't have mass.

    A hot blonde orders a double entendre at the bar. The bartender gave it to her.

    A hungry traveller stops at a monastery and is taken to the kitchens. A brother is frying chips. Are you the friar? he asks. No. I'm the chip monk, he replies.

    A man goes to the doctor with a carrot up his nose, and a parsnip in his ear, the doc said, clearly you’re not eating properly.

    A man has died after falling into a vat of coffee... it was instant.

    A man usually feels better after a few winks, especially if she winks back.

    A man walks into the butchers and asks, Can I have an ox tail please? The butcher replies, Once upon a time...

    A man was arrested

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