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    Letting go of the Need to Control: Hazelden Classics for Clients
    Letting go of the Need to Control: Hazelden Classics for Clients
    Letting go of the Need to Control: Hazelden Classics for Clients
    Ebook28 pages27 minutes

    Letting go of the Need to Control: Hazelden Classics for Clients

    By Ann M.

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    About this ebook

    Control issues are common among those of us who are chemically dependent. This pamphlet provides constructive methods to let go of self-defeating behaviors.

    Control issues are common among those of us who are chemically dependent. This pamphlet provides constructive methods to let go of self-defeating behaviors.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherHazelden Publishing
    Release dateJan 25, 2011
    ISBN9781616491130
    Letting go of the Need to Control: Hazelden Classics for Clients

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      Book preview

      Letting go of the Need to Control - Ann M.

      INTRODUCTION

      I grew up feeling powerless. I felt powerless in a family under the controlling influence of one person’s alcoholism and powerless as a woman in a society that values meekness in women. But I am not a powerless person. It’s just that my family and my society did not teach me what to do with my power. My feelings of powerlessness led me to try to control the behavior of others. I spent a lot of time feeling confused—what I wanted to do didn’t match what I was taught I could do. I often got in trouble when I did what felt right, so I learned how to avoid trouble by doing what others wanted me to do.

      When I began using a Twelve Step program, I heard a lot of talk about people using behavior to control others. They all seemed to know what this controlling behavior was, and they all seemed to agree there was something wrong with it. At first I didn’t understand. When I finally understood, I got mad.

      I felt accused of doing something awful. It made me angry. I had been taught to seem powerless, had learned ways to appease my craving for love, attention, and recognition in indirect ways because it wasn’t acceptable to want those things, much less ask openly for them. But I was now being told it was my own sick, controlling behavior that made others miserable and kept me from feeling close to them. Something inside me screamed, Not fair! Not fair! How could anyone judge what I should be like? They weren’t me.

      It took me a long time to realize that to be controlling was just ineffective. It was keeping me from feeling close to others, and I was tired of feeling responsible for everyone and everything. Maybe

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