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    How to Change Your Thinking About Shame: Hazelden Quick Guides
    How to Change Your Thinking About Shame: Hazelden Quick Guides
    How to Change Your Thinking About Shame: Hazelden Quick Guides
    Ebook99 pages1 hour

    How to Change Your Thinking About Shame: Hazelden Quick Guides

    By Leading Hazelden Experts Staff

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    About this ebook

    Apply practical strategies from the latest expert research to change the way you think and react to feelings of shame.

    Apply practical strategies from the latest expert research to change the way you think and react to feelings of shame.Do you (or does someone you know) have problems with shame? Perhaps you're suffering in silence because of an experience or feeling you have about yourself, or perhaps it’s affecting your daily life and relationships. Shame is a common emotion, and is healthy at times, but when it keeps us from activities and people we once enjoyed, it's a powerfully damaging and painful feeling.Using the research of experts in the field of emotional health, this book outlines a basic understanding of shame and offers healthy ways to process and change our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors to better deal with it. These strategies are based on Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy (REBT), a widely used method of examining our own thoughts to challenge and change irrational beliefs.In this book, you willUnderstand the essence of shame and the difference between shame, guilt, humiliation, and embarrassment.Discover the anatomy of shame and break it into its basic elementsUncover your own sources of shame and how culture, childhood, and current relationships can all reinforce itDiscover how you experience shame through your own thoughts, feelings, and behaviorsReclaim your life from shame by making conscious choices in your thinking, feeling, and acting.About Hazelden Quick GuidesHazelden Quick Guides are short, accessible e-books that draw on the original work and best practices of leading experts to help readers address common addiction recovery and emotional health issues. This first four-book collection applies the proven methods of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) to challenge and change the irrational thoughts and beliefs that contribute to the debilitating effects of shame, anger, depression, and anxiety.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherHazelden Publishing
    Release dateApr 12, 2012
    ISBN9781616494346
    How to Change Your Thinking About Shame: Hazelden Quick Guides

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      Book preview

      How to Change Your Thinking About Shame - Leading Hazelden Experts Staff

      The Essence of Shame

      Shame is a complex blend of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. However, they all stem from a core belief that we are fundamentally flawed.

      Shame is defined as the feeling that something very basic about us is flawed and unacceptable.

      This definition is our starting point in understanding the essence of shame. In addition, there are some important distinctions to make. Start with the difference between shame and guilt.

      How Shame Differs from Guilt

      Shame and guilt are often confused. This is understandable. Both are interpersonal experiences. They signal that something about our relationship to other people needs attention. Beyond that, however, shame and guilt differ in four profound ways.

      Guilt results from a specific behavior that violates one of our values. Guilt is appropriate for the person who makes a vow to be faithful to his marriage partner and instead has an affair. It’s also appropriate for the person who cheats on a test or steals something from a department store. Guilt is a primal message, straight from the gut, that tells the truth: I’ve done something wrong.

      In contrast, shame says: I am wrong. According to shame-based thinking, that fact that we once had an affair, cheated, or stole is rock-solid proof of a much larger proposition—that we have always been, and always will be, defective. Shame is a judgment that goes beyond any specific behavior. It undercuts our belief in our basic worth as a human being, even in our right to exist.

      This difference between guilt and shame is emphasized by many Hazelden authors. In Shame, for example, Tim Sheehan describes shame as a pervasive feeling of worthlessness. He also notes that shame is different from guilt; it is not a simple reaction to our misbehavior. Shame is often a chronic feeling of inadequacy, emptiness, and self-doubt.¹

      In Shame Faced, Stephanie E. puts it succinctly: "Guilt is: I didn’t do enough. And shame is: I am not

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