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    Hear, Believe, Act: Rethinking our response to domestic violence in the Brotherhood. A Discussion Paper.
    Hear, Believe, Act: Rethinking our response to domestic violence in the Brotherhood. A Discussion Paper.
    Hear, Believe, Act: Rethinking our response to domestic violence in the Brotherhood. A Discussion Paper.
    Ebook166 pages1 hour

    Hear, Believe, Act: Rethinking our response to domestic violence in the Brotherhood. A Discussion Paper.

    By Andrew Weller

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    About this ebook

    A scriptural analysis of the problem of domestic abuse, and how Christadelphian ecclesias and brothers and sisters should be responding to it.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherAndrew Weller
    Release dateJan 2, 2017
    ISBN9781370873272
    Hear, Believe, Act: Rethinking our response to domestic violence in the Brotherhood. A Discussion Paper.

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      Book preview

      Hear, Believe, Act - Andrew Weller

      Table of Contents

      PREAMBLE

      CHAPTER 1: Wolves in sheep’s clothing

      What are we thinking?

      Wiser than the children of the light

      What is the result of this thinking?

      How are we overlooking the wolves?

      Fear and shame – consequences for the victim

      Ongoing consequences to children

      Prevalence

      Preparing the Ecclesia for reports

      Responding to reports of abuse

      Are wolves forever lost?

      The atonement in action to save the wolf

      Taking a stand

      Discussion points

      CHAPTER 2: All domestic abuse is violation of Christ’s Commandments

      We must not accept domestic abuse

      Domestic abuse is categorically un-Christlike

      Should a wife submit to domestic abuse?

      No Conscience

      No empathy

      Characteristic excuses

      Domestic abuse is satisfaction of fleshly lusts

      Entitlement

      The cycle of abuse

      What domestic abuse do we notice?

      Sexual abuse even in marriage

      What domestic abuse have we missed?

      Can an abuser be rehabilitated?

      Taking a stand

      Prevention is better than cure

      Discussion points

      CHAPTER 3: How does family and domestic abuse hide in the Ecclesia?

      A carefully cultivated environment

      Sometimes our hands are tied

      False Choices

      Discussion points

      CHAPTER 4: The Ecclesia’s response: refuge for the victim

      Ecclesial Responsibility

      The primacy of victim safety

      Believing the victim

      Confidentiality of the report

      Warning the victim

      Involving professional counsellors

      Supporting the victim

      The involvement of sisters

      Responsibilities to the law of the land

      What are signs we may see in a friend that may point to abuse?

      How to raise the subject

      Practical help

      What if I witness potentially abusive un-Christlike behaviour?

      What if I witness or overhear physical violence or threats?

      Discussion points

      CHAPTER 5: The Ecclesia’s response: saving the abuser

      How to support the abuser

      Dealing with manipulation and control

      Abuser support ground rules

      Avoiding being complicit in the abuse

      Professional counsellors

      Spiritual help

      Counselling the abuser

      Spiritual Counsellors

      Discussion points

      CHAPTER 6: Investigation & discipline

      Abusers and qualifications for ecclesial responsibilities

      Fellowship

      The relationship with law enforcement

      Restoring for the abuser

      Investigating Domestic Abuse – judging rightly

      Matthew 18 processes do not apply to long-standing domestic abuse cases

      Matthew 18 is a conflict resolution plan

      Scriptural principles

      Available approaches and their consequences

      Leading to repentance – a scriptural alternative

      A spiritual counsellor’s approach

      When spiritual counselling fails

      Appointing spiritual counsellors

      Early commitment to see it through

      The purpose of spiritual counselling

      Spiritual counselling and professional help

      The scope of spiritual counselling

      Measuring progress

      Feedback to the professional counselling

      Taking it slowly

      The Role of the Arranging Brothers

      Dealing with the pity play

      Dealing with denial and denials

      Accepting true repentance

      A word about repairing families

      Discussion points

      CONCLUSION

      Preparing the brotherhood

      ADDENDUM: Cumberland Ecclesia Family & Domestic Violence Policy

      PREAMBLE

      Family and domestic violence is a pattern of behaviour based on the use of power and control by one person over another in family relationships. Abusers use different ways to do this; it may take the form of physical, sexual, verbal or emotional and economic abuse.

      This paper is intended to provide a scriptural analysis of domestic abuse, and to open a dialogue about its impact on the Christadelphian community, and how individuals and ecclesias can respond to it.

      The subject is confronting, but as followers of Christ we need to confront it. The subject is ugly, but we need to recognise the ugliness which taints our feasts of love. From personal experience through numerous examples I know our inclination is to deny family and domestic abuse exists among us. We have a tendency toward dismissing any in-depth discussion as unedifying and not for discussion in polite company. For me I have had to confront the challenge of dealing with reports. It has been a journey of increasing understanding of the problem and how to respond to cases, both personally and as an arranging brother on behalf of my ecclesia. I had the opportunity to draw on the experience of many brothers and sisters (in my ecclesia and elsewhere) when engaged in writing of a family and domestic violence policy for my ecclesia. Many of those brothers and sisters have gone on to share their experiences through further examples for which I am grateful. All this has informed this discussion paper.

      In this paper I speak primarily of domestic abuse by husbands toward their wives. This is universally accepted as the ‘general’ case, but abusers can be male or female, victims can be male or female, abuse can happen between husbands and wives but also between other close family members, including abuse of parents and grandparents by family members.

      "Despite its explosive nature, men are often not afraid of women’s violence and may mock and laugh at their wives’ aggression…Women, however do fear male violence. Apparently, it is clear to many men that they are ultimately in control, even when their wives are violent…While violent women experience themselves as out of control, violent men experience themselves as asserting the ultimate control over their partners." (James, K. (1996). Truth or fiction: Men as victims of domestic violence? Australian New Zealand Journal of Family Therapy, 17(3): 121–125)

      I speak of domestic abuse, but there is a growing body of evidence suggesting that maltreatment of children and domestic abuse may occur simultaneously in the same family and that the presence of one type of abuse may be a strong predictor of the other (Australian Institute of Family Studies (Tomlinson, 2000)). Please consider this when reading this paper.

      To be clear I am not advocating or even suggesting witch hunts or a paranoid anxiety that every brother or even many brothers are abusers. What needs to change is the way we deal with reports of abuse, the victims and the abusers and develop an understanding among all ecclesial members that such behaviour is not acceptable to God.

      Feedback

      If the suggestions of this paper are in whole or in part the modus operandi of some ecclesias today, then I commend them for this leadership and encourage them to support the development of this maturity in the brotherhood more widely. I personally would love to hear of your experience. To the extent what is said may appear critical, it is for the reader to make the application where the criticism is warranted.

      A word of thanks

      I am thankful for the contribution of many brothers and sisters who both directly and indirectly contributed to this discussion paper. This includes victims who have opened difficult wounds and recounted many sad situations, Arranging Brothers responsible for responding to past reports, and brothers and sisters with other first-hand experience with victims and abusers who have reviewed drafts and offered suggestions and input, both for the Cumberland Ecclesia Policy and this discussion paper. Some have invested a huge amount of time encouraging the work, providing brotherly advice and working at the difficult task of editing – I am especially indebted to them.

      My exhortation & prayer

      It is time to rethink our response to domestic violence in the Brotherhood. Let us hear the cries of the oppressed, believe their stories even when they shock us, act to protect them and their children, and save their abusers from the inevitable consequence of un-repented sins.

      May the Father grant that we may be humble vehicles of His justice, His loving-kindness and His Mercy.

      Andrew Weller

      November, 2016

      If you feel at risk it might be better not to leave paper or electronic copies of this discussion paper where they may be inadvertently found. Consider deleting your browsing history and otherwise be careful not accidentally disclose your interest in this topic to a person who is threatening you.

      The best course of action is to make other trusted people aware of how you feel.

      This paper can be downloaded from the internet at http://tinyurl.com/zdo9le4

      This paper may be reproduced or distributed freely but only in its entirety and free from alteration. Contact me (consulting@actualeyes.com.au) for any other desired uses.

      CHAPTER 1: Wolves in sheep’s clothing

      We begin

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