Questions for Terrible People: 250 Questions You'll Be Ashamed to Answer
By Wes Hazard
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About this ebook
Would you rather attend a funeral while high on laughing gas or go to your own wedding doped up on horse tranquilizers?
Which famous figure, living or dead, would be the most terrifying to be tickled by?
Which is greater: The number of times you've given money to a panhandler on the street or the number of times you've dropped change on the ground and left it there because you didn't feel like bending over?
If you seriously considered these questions, this book is for you. If you didn't, don't worry--you're probably still a terrible person. Use the other 247 questions in this book to find out just how terrible that is.
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Wes Hazard
Wes Hazard was named one of “Boston Comedians to Watch” by The Boston Globe Magazine. Wes brings wit, energy, and honesty to the stage and the page, qualities that have made him a regular performer in Boston venues as well as at the Boston Comedy Festival and the Women in Comedy Festival. Wes is a multiple-time winner on The Moth StorySLAM stage and he’s appeared as a guest on the Comedy Bang! Bang! Live! podcast. He is the author of Questions for Terrible People.
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Questions for Terrible People - Wes Hazard
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Contents
Title Page
Copyright Page
Acknowledgments
Introduction
Questions
Questions for Terrible People
250 Questions You’ll Be Ashamed to Answer
Wes Hazard
Adams Media logoAvon, Massachusetts
Copyright © 2016 Simon and Schuster
All rights reserved.
This book, or parts thereof, may not be reproduced in any form without permission from the publisher; exceptions are made for brief excerpts used in published reviews.
Published by
Adams Media, an imprint of Simon & Schuster, Inc.
57 Littlefield Street, Avon, MA 02322. U.S.A.
www.adamsmedia.com
ISBN 10: 1-4405-9752-9
ISBN 13: 978-1-4405-9752-7
eISBN 10: 1-4405-9753-7
eISBN 13: 978-1-4405-9753-4
The questions in this book are for entertainment purposes only. Any allusions to illegal activities involving animals or narcotics are only meant to make you laugh. We do not advocate the breaking of any law. Neither the publisher nor the author is responsible for injuries to your mental psyche or damage to your social life incurred as a result of these questions. The authors, Adams Media, and F+W Media, Inc. do not accept liability for any injury, loss, legal consequence, or incidental or consequential damage that results from reading the questions or commentary provided in this book.
Cover design by Alexandra Artiano.
Cover images © Agnieszka Murphy/123RF; iStockphoto.com/Step_Pe; -VICTOR-.
Acknowledgments
I’d like to thank my mom for always being there, my best friend Dave for enduring endless text message exchanges about the relative morality of grave-robbing vs. allowing every panda on the planet to perish, and my graduate degree in poetry writing for giving me the necessary sense of the ridiculous for this project. Finally, my editor Eileen has my eternal gratitude for making this delightful insanity possible.
Introduction
Perhaps it all started when I got an e-mail from my food delivery service informing me that my pizza order was canceled because the driver was in an accident. Instead of feeling bad for the guy, my first reaction was to think, Damn, I guess it’s a steak and cheese sub again.
Or maybe it was during a recent 30-minute odyssey to find a parking spot when I started fantasizing about which physical impairment I’d agree to in order to get a handicapped parking pass. In any case, regardless of the exact moment it dawned on me, I’ve come to realize that I can be a less than stellar person on the regular. Terrible even.
After talking to some good friends (and wading through the comments section on any given viral web article) I realized that I’m not alone. Maybe, just maybe, there are some literal saints among us. But for the most part, we’ve all had our share of whispered insults, elaborate revenge fantasies, hypothetical devil’s bargains, and twisted thought experiments about what awful thing we’d do to get out of the awful situation we presently find ourselves in. And it’s okay.
That’s why this book was written. To help you find out what you, your friends, your family, or that person you just met at a party would do when the choices get weird and a person’s true character is revealed. Some of these questions are just for laughs and others might make you reconsider ever turning your back on your best friend again. Either way, you should learn a lot about yourself and