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Big Brother

Ratings:
68 pages1 hour

Summary

I logically point, “The other aliens are looking for your guys, not me. However, if the other aliens talk to a 16-year-old boy, they will fall for damn near anything, as adults think they're so much more clever than a 16-year-old boy. If you can hook me up with the other aliens, I can then offer to lead the other aliens to your guys. Only, I don’t lead them to your guys, I lead them to the FBI instead.”
The alien leader shakes his head slowly, in disbelief (an earth gesture he uses only with me. His people don't use that gesture.) He then asks, “You think that the other aliens and the FBI will start fighting, just like that?”
(Since I suspected that would be the leader’s reaction, I'm able to keep from laughing in the guy’s face.) Instead, I say, “No, the FBI won't kill aliens if there's any other way. Why, the aliens might be ambassadors of a highly advanced race! Why, the only thing to do is to keep the aliens at bay while the FBI bucks the problem up the ranks.”
“Similarly, the aliens can't war with the FBI, at least the FBI here on this planet. Starting a war with primitives has to be against some alien law or the other.”
The alien leader cogitates on the matter for while. He finally says, “What you suggest is actually ingenious. It's impossibly risky and has far too many ways to go wrong. However ...”
I finish for him, “It's the only way that offers your guys even a fighting chance for survival.”
The alien leader thinks for a long time. He finally, reluctantly says, “Right.”
We then have a meeting of the aliens and myself. Actually only the top echelon of the aliens are at the meeting. It's just as well. My plan is the only thing that will work. (Actually, it'll only work for me and my sister, but I neglect to tell the aliens that.)
“What I'm going to do is to contact the other aliens. The other aliens will, of course, capture me. However, I will, as a naïve, scared 16-year-old, offer to lead the other aliens to the evil, awful criminal aliens who have committed the crime of breaking down on a primitive planet.” (Actually, my aliens are thieves and murderers. However, a man can't be all that choosy about whom he deals with when he's just 16-years-old and also has a 14-year-old sister to support.)
“I'll come back to scout out a hole in the perimeter patrol of my aliens so that the other aliens can sneak up and capture my aliens. However, I won't really come back to my aliens. I'll instead go to a small atmospheric craft planted by my aliens. Since my aliens aren't at the small atmospheric craft, I'll then lead the other aliens to the FBI and escape while the two other forces battle it out. Actually, there will be no battle, as the politicians on each side will begin the long slow process of dealing with each other.”
“In the meantime, my aliens can finish the repairs of their spacecraft and escape from both the FBI and the other aliens.”
The leader of my aliens points out that his guys will still require several months to complete the repairs to their ship.
I point out that they would would require several months if we do all the work ourselves. However, I'll arrange for earth machine shops to do almost all of the work. This last will blow the alien’s cover completely. However, the government will allow the parts to be completed and delivered, because they'll then be able to trace the delivery of the parts. Of course, my aliens will simply steal the finished materials and the other aliens can then figure out how to cover up the whole mess.
Being adults, my aliens think of a million reason why my plan won't work. (Mainly because I'm too young. Apparently, even advanced civilizations judge people by counting years instead of judging ability. I guess it seems easier that way for mental defectives.)

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