Recluse: Zi - Empyreal Dialectics, #2

ZI 2

EMPYREAL DIALECTICS

RECLUSE

CARITAS Z. VELTROCCASUS

© 2017

CARITAS Z. VELTROCCASUS

All rights reserved.

CONTENTS

Empyreal Dialectics

January

February

March

April

May

June

July

August

September

October

November

December

Releases

EMPYREAL DIALECTICS

Zi, 2.

For those who often find themselves pondering over the many mysteries of life, existence, and the human condition, Empyreal Dialectics is a candid exploration of the deeper nuances, ideas, and phenomena pertaining both society and the impossibly multifaceted state of individual being.

Existing as an experimental serial recount which utilizes memoir style to narrate the dramas, tragedies, and comedies of thought genesis grandé, Empyreal Dialectics may be said to be an artistic exercise in existential free association.

While being a fluid, semi-fictional pseudo-narrative which articulates allegorical consciousness by form, the ideological and philosophical sentiments that Empyreal Dialectics all the while presents are tangibly relevant to the times.

With its heavily speculative orientation, Empyreal Dialectics exists as an incitement of philosophical and existential deliberation for the contemplative who regularly observe the many parallels, paradoxes, and contradictions of thought and ideology. It most prominently serves as a source of inspiration for all of the deep thinkers who often find themselves contemplating novel and unorthodox angles and ways of thinking pertaining society, the world, and the human condition.

JANUARY

XXVI.XXI.MMXV – I.I.MMXVI

The rest of the previous year’s festive Christmas season was spent either wasting away time with no great purpose in the virtual world along with Rezo who had relocated here with his partner, Thriftya, or refining Dreams of Eden’s first stream with the help of Zyrxes. I also sought the counsel of Sigwald, La’Shon, and Alastair during this period. Their input will be invaluable.

The last day of the past year was spent taking photographs and creating memoirs of this locality of my residence in its current state and then of fireworks in the evening which were launched from the lagoon.

This day in particular was defined by calm and serene.

II.I.MMXVI

Much of the second day of the new year was spent preparing and planning the specifics of a 20th anniversary celebration scheduled to take place the following day.

I learned that Jolie spent the entirety of the season halfway across the world. She gets to travel to so many different places.

Preparations for the celebration continued late into the night and Rezo was in fact up until the early morning doing his part in formulation and verification of the agenda.

III.I.MMXVI

Attendees there were a substantial amount fewer than en masse and it appeared that the key players were predominantly absent from the scene on this particular occasion.

The period following was spent preparing the venue for the celebration in the evening. Pastel tablecloths were a wonderful touch and the packages were all quite heavy.

And then I ended up locking myself away to practice that piece I had to perform during the evening. A lot of ground was there to be made up to say the very least.

I feel like I have already worn all of the many possible outfit combinations at this stage.

The evening went very smoothly, and was doubtless memorable for both Goddard and Jwila, which is the important thing.

A less pressing matter was that I fell into that spiral of depressive discontent again. I don’t think that my resolve wavers more than I feel the weight of anxiety that grows evermore in the face of the titanic task which is ahead of me and how little progress I have yet made towards that goal. It seems that there is no solution but to work harder.

It was a jovial evening, though, and with it, everyone was content. A big well done must also be said to Panfilo, who served as the master of ceremonies, as well as to Lilo, who with her company catered for the event.

IV.I.MMXVI

The entire day was quintessentially spent viewing a multifaceted artistic piece which served as a deconstruction of a particular pop culture media genre. The fifth episode was really of foremost artistic quality. The entire cathedral scene was so well-managed. I am beginning to understand exactly why it is that the aforementioned series is considered the best of the best.

V.I.MMXVI

An outing with Florene which has really been long overdue was organized during the day.

In the midst of journal updating and other writing, Rezo and Thriftya definitively obtained their own residence. The birthday of Vicenta’s father at their place followed in the evening and it was nice to be greeted by Vicenta and her family again; all jovial and joyous.

It was a little chaotic; of the environment I speak; as the children shouted and beckoned all around.

I was happy at the end to find respite in light of the chaotic world. Adora would be returning to our place for the day to follow.

VI.I.MMXVI

Almost woke up past the point where Adora was meant to arrive but learned through a morning correspondence with her that she required fetching in light of new circumstances.

It so happened that Athena was still asleep in spite of it being near the mid-point of the day as well as deathly hot.

And so there then occurred a thematic re-visitation of the notions and sensations of the surreal, otherworldly, miserable, inspirational, and uplifting vibe of the triumph of that sentiment. I do regard it as an original masterpiece though recognize on this third run the small-scale confinement of the plot and not-so-diverse range of characterizations. They are indeed something close to cardboard cut-outs, yet the score and plot motifs ensure the depth and quality of the piece as a whole.

Some significant emotional tension erupted between Athena and Jwila that night as an outcome of some kind of ego conflict.

I am not sure whether the imposition of prohibition can ever truly be a permanent solution to any issue.

The conflict ended up impeding upon our designs to pay a visit to Rezo and Thriftya at their new place of residence.

VII.I.MMXVI

Today was a happy day spent with my dear friend, Florene. Again, I dared the border of lateness and awoke significantly behind the schedule set on the previous day. There existed a literal twenty minute gap between preparation and arrival at the meeting venue.

In the end, I got there, encountering a waiting Florene about one minute before the departure of the commute we had decided upon taking, though we boarded successfully in spite of my fumbling in an uneasy make-up of composed lackadaisicality. It was such a pleasant relief that my companion was such a good sport and lighthearted about everything; the jumbled mess she was beholding and all.

Such pleasant conversation was had. I lament not being able to recall every single harmonious line and slice of syncopated conversational chemistry that comprised our many exchanges all throughout the day as we traversed the city’s many districts of commerce, culture, and leisure. Exiting the commute prematurely in a precautionary measure against the realistic prospect of bureaucratic troubles as it would be most unfortunate for my repute to be tainted by the vexing deed of fare evasion regardless of the accidental context, I was dismayed to find that a particular membership of mine had been subjected to an indefinite cancellation. And so the system profited from my pocket the price of a luxury fare.

Talk with Florene made the process and ensuing wait for the next commute another pleasant experience as we talked on her humorous episodes in the workplace with shoplifters and all, as well as her delightfully bright dreams of the future and beyond. Sooner or later in our neat exchanges, we arrived at the city centre and promptly made our way through the busy city to the Courts.

Then again, the two of us were off through the escalating heat and spoke on matters light and heavy; including the nature of distant nations from which our respective families had originally hailed, changing the broken world, and the neatness of the cafeterias in this city. Most from here who have not been beyond their home range often miss the perspective which allows them to appreciate the safety and comfort afforded to them here.

En route, Florene’s musings at the scale of the city and the university were heartwarming displays of youthful wonder. It was just a little unfortunate that the halls were undergoing maintenance when we paid a visit, but it did not seem to dampen my companion’s resolve all too much.

A long, hot walk later, and we had arrived at our personal favorite ice cream parlor where sorbet flavours combatted the heat, though they seemed to trigger some of Florene’s sniffling.

We shared five revolutions of the wheel above the city; bearing witness to countless paper people living paper lives in a paper world. I wonder what will become of us further down along the twine.

The main street was bustling as always, and we stopped by my companion’s favourite scent store on the corner.

Observation of ‘Florene’s Squad’ in their adolescent mischief was also amusing right as we returned home.

She really does have the sweetest heart. We parted ways, but all in all, it was a delightful day spent with a most delightful soul.

It’s amazing how film dogs are trained to perform so sequentially perfectly on set.

I cannot help but note that Florene and I are, in many senses, a match made in heaven; and wonder how our dynamic will unfold. The thing is, there is so much to be said and so much to be done before I can indulge in the luxury of such warm, comforting thoughts. But here, I must say that I bear nothing but love for that sweet soul.

VIII.I.MMXVI

The entirety of this time was spent with the family; first out and about in a place of pools and the addicting scent of chlorine, and then partaking in the consumption of crepes at a very aesthetically appealing manor.

Walking through the mall was a grueling process.

A little stagnant, but you can tell that the little things will develop together into a large-scale conclusion of thematic fire and flames.

And our irritating antagonists returned with pestering feats.

IX.I.MMXVI

A staggered awakening comprised the outset of the morning and I was predominantly occupied with a combination of counter-productive time-wasting and research upon the possibilities of my academic future.

Freedom from the chains of tuition should not be a novelty, but rather the norm, hence my interest in potentially taking this mind across the ocean. Two particular cities specifically look especially appealing. Since when was any price relevant to the right to knowledge and knowing?

Macroeconomics is an area that has caught my interest. After all, I need to know the ins and outs of the world I intend to take apart. Henceforth, knowledge of the finer nuances of economics are necessary if only to come to a conclusion as to how best to dismantle its current systematic form and re-assemble its constituents effectively.

I honestly talk such a big game, and cannot help but wonder if and how I am possibly going to follow through. Yet another part of me scolds the doubter and really does find itself driven by an infinity of confidence and belief both in the rightness of my cause, and my position as the instrument of that destiny. I am conflicted in every sense. It doesn’t really take much in the way of insight to be able to tell.

Sometimes I wonder if more value is to be found in being brutally honest in the thoughts and ponderings I express. Whether there is a greater sense of truth or validation to be found in such expression, and whether attainment of such things are worth shedding the filters of self-aggrandizing and self-assuring fabrication and rationalization. Would I feel greater accomplishment if I were to share my thought streams in such an unmitigated way or would there be naught but embarrassment to be found?

Why would there be embarrassment to be found? Have we all somehow been conditioned to be embarrassed by the purest forms and essences of ourselves?

I realize that I write as I do not for my own self’s pursuit of purity and truth, but rather to craft a piece that can be taken by the rest of the world and utilized as some kind of guide to Eden. Mankind’s beacon of hope, or something like that. It is for my cause, and not for my soul, but are the two not inseparably intertwined?

Perhaps there is value to be found in a separate piece of brutal, unfiltered honesty on my perceptions, thoughts, and experiences. Through such an endeavour; in confrontation of my inner demons; these existences that I shy from, perhaps true growth of the internal soul will I find. But the state of this world comes first.

They are all so lost.

Florene was in attendance too, though a sort of odd tension kept us from really interacting aside from a lightheartedly merry goodbye.

Millicent was her usual overbearing self, but it was a neat thing to see them all together for the beginning of the new year.

So here I am again; writing to the rhythmic pitter-patter of raindrops, having gotten a little carried away earlier by my honesty in thought epiphany.

I would be blatantly lying if I were to deny the historical and present existence of people with greater cognitive capacities, proficiencies drawn from more diverse life experiences, and genuinely more evolved, explored, and defined worldviews, but I continue to find legitimacy, assurance, and placement among the stars in the nature of my cause and what I see as the will of heaven’s mandate.

My cause, my belief, and my intertwinement with celestial destiny are what have compelled the task. This all sounds very off-the-rails, especially without the benefit of subjective context, but again, the legitimacy of one’s cause and destiny can only be determined by the ultimate outcome. Teleological justification and all.

I wonder if I will be able to formulate, develop, and execute the scale concept with Dreams of Eden. One thing is certain, though, and that is that I will give it my all. A particular quote resonates with me in some regards.

90% of success is showing up.

A lot of the rest is confidence and strength of will.

Dialogues with Jwila then concluded all of this as we compared the scale, depth, and thematic brilliance of another piece which I still regard as a masterpiece of media and literature.

Here at the end of this particular book, I am the same, but also in many senses different than I was at the beginning of this record. The me of then is gone, and yet is still here.

X.I.MMXVI

I don’t actually know for certain of the existence of God or the spiritual, divine, and metaphysical. What can be said at this point, though, is that in spite of the impossibility of proving empirical existence or non-existence without tangible nor constructive evidence for or against the matter, my life and times are quintessentially dedicated to the ‘finding of God’ in many respects. Whether my dedication is misguided is a question that only the future and the outcome will be able to answer.

If I fulfill this mandate of heaven before me and my destiny foretold is validated; is that not a point for? Especially given the twine between the omnipotent creator of life and modern notions of the forces that be. It all ultimately lies with the people and with destiny. Will people respond to messages divinely inspired as delivered by that messiah thousands of years ago? Is mankind made of something more than what we see every day? Or is this world indeed nothing more than a hell of cyclical inconsequentiality? Much ado about nothing? An abstract mess?

Are people worth preserving if there is nothing more to every individual than ego, id, and hedonistic greed? I have yet to find ‘God’ and the truth, but only time will tell; and all will fall thereafter.

I find myself pondering of the wondrous capacities of the human mind and of the human collective. There are ideas and syntheses numerous and countless that I with my singular mind could only dream to fathom; such as the ideas of programmers, visual artists, mathematicians, physicists, and scientists of other disciplines.

My most recent view on human thought; namely of its operation being of linear synthesis function predominantly; yields overwhelming imagery of an infinite cycle of growth; synthesis building upon synthesis time and time and time again. Such imagery almost rests even my ambitions upon a place meagre when set against a context of comparison. The act and role of uniting humanity is by scale miniscule, though nevertheless significant in the grand scheme, in the face of what the human collective is capable of; what it has and may still yet accomplish in past, present, and future in this world we live in.

In terms of the day itself, though, quite subpar. The ghost of my past was there again in the morning. I do not know how far depression can travel with disappointed bitterness. I do look back upon this that has yet to be opened. My first point of adoration; a path that I could have taken in another life. Maybe I will look back upon all of it with fond eyes when all is said and done; but indeed; all has yet to be said and done.

It was an idea which soon burst into flames when we encountered the goods.

It cannot be helped, I suppose. That is just what happens when one is not a part of that world for months and months.

I still have all of the resources and skills which put me on track to being the best once upon a time; but I have just neglected that whole world for so long that the said time now feels so long ago. I suppose that for onlookers resigned and confined to those circles, there is real tragedy in the mere fact that I really could have been the best; but the reality is that the battle; my struggle and my place, is on another plane, now.

I thank them all who made my youth so colourful and filled with excitement, challenge, and joy, and helped to shape and harden the fortitude of this soul, and can only ask for their continued belief as I set out to fulfill this infinitesimally loftier, more overwhelming destiny.

My past will always be a part of me. I can only be thankful for everything it has given me. The triumphs and the tribulations, the happinesses and the heartbreaks. All of the memories, experiences, and friends. I’ve been taught so much.

The time has come for us to part ways. You have prepared me for this most difficult journey, and given me everything in the singular hope that I can save your children and everyone else’s. And I promise to validate that hope with the same relentless drive and obsession that I showed you day-in and day-out, once upon a dream.

Maybe in some other reality; a peaceful world where I don’t bear the burden that I bear, or even maybe later, if I make it out to the other end, I can spend more time with you. But for now, until we meet again.

I wonder what tomorrow will bring.

XI.I.MMXVI

It was quite the impressive gathering of young egos and performers under burning morning sunlight.

Payment for what, exactly? Everyone is milking everyone else who don’t themselves have much for everything that they have. For what, and to what effect?

Things got a little more profound during the library episode which thereafter followed. Some machination of fate or coincidence manufactured a moment in time where I encountered a translation of Dante’s ‘The Divine Comedy.’ Not much can be said about that masterpiece of literature other than that it provided to me a lot. I wonder of the constitution of souls such as Dante’s. Perhaps, in fact, his was similar to mine, or even was mine. The other me. How could a prophet such as he be so certain of the coming of one deliverer? They were all confident that the deliverer would know themself on observation of everything. I wonder if they were right.

The evening which followed was far from fruitful as I conversed with Sigwald on the literature piece I had just read, queried my crew, and wandered in something of a counterproductive rut. Priscillia got back to me noting how she was heading off on a vacation.

The music group was quite active as well in cyberspace.

XII.I.MMXVI

Visions of Jolie ended up being the lucid theme including backdrops of celebrations, sunsets, beaches, oriental abodes, and later on, apocalyptic reckonings.

My dreams have always been odd in that they have been constant allegorical glimpses into scenes which lie in the future. Perhaps I can attribute it to especial attunement to the fabric of this existence. That sounds absolutely wild and outrageous as many of my statements have been, but I only write the truth as I perceive it in the easiest and most efficient way that it can be expressed. Not the easiest way, actually. Rather, the most natural way that the truth of a perception can be expressed.

I cannot really move forward without the necessary visuals. Perhaps this predicament is what will compel the manifestation of scenes foretold.

And it is also Prosaic’s birthday today. I had best give him a call. Time really just slips by all of the time.

Speaking of time, it appears to have slowed down again at long last. I have to strive to preserve the integrity of this serenity.

XIII.I.MMXVI

I was meant to meet with Sindy today justifying my agreement to once again awaken at an ungodly hour.

They’re right, though. These things really are little more than fabrication shows of false, authoritative pretense.

We browsed the store’s wares in light of their interest-free promotion.

The context really is quite feudal, dark-age vibe, but impressive nevertheless, taking into account the scale, scope, and synthesis-imagery originality of the piece as a whole.

Those constructs have effectively carried over to comprise today’s tangible imagery of those metaphysical notions.

Their food was impressive. Though time spent there invoked in me thoughts of the falsity of capitalistic hospitality. It is as if I find cause for annoyance in every aspect and nuance of society and the human condition. A difficult psychological predicament, and I hope that its sharpness eventually dulls given time and happy vibes. The rest of the evening was spent customizing clothing.

XIV.I.MMXVI

A happily laid-back and lazy sort of day today with Thriftya downstairs. The first portion of the day was essentially wasted in pondering as to how to address Jolie in an appropriate context.

That obstacle was overcome duly in a bout of impulsive, devil-may-care bravado, though I would be lying if I were to say that approach in any circumstance does not evoke great quantities of nervousness in the more rational side of me. The end tends to justify the means, though.

Three themes of the day; social networks, music, and law.

Hopefully everything will come together by the end of the day if I just keep plugging away at the tasks at hand. I have already fulfilled the preliminary