My Opportunities Just Dress Up As Obstacles

For Faja

Copyright 2015 Ashley Gowanlock

Published by Ashley Gowanlock, agowanlock@gmail.com Surrey, BC, Canada

www.ashleygowanlock.com

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, by any means, without prior written permission from the publisher. Exceptions: brief quotations/passages in printed reviews, and use by the author.

Managing Editor: Sue Robinson, suanthro@gmail.com

First Editors: Sue Robinson and Ashley Gowanlock

Second Editor: Annette Yourk, writerontherock@gmail.com, www.thescribes.ca

Back cover material, inside material and layout: Sue Robinson and Ashley Gowanlock

Front and back cover design, and inside design: Erica Hargreaves, ehargreaves@live.com, www.thescribes.ca

Front Cover Photo Credit: Deborah Thiessen. Location, Airies Inlet, Australia

All Photos used in this publication are the property of Ashley Gowanlock unless otherwise acknowledged in the caption. Due care has been taken to credit photographer, if known. The publisher welcomes any missing information. Due care has been taken to credit the rightful owner of names, characters, descriptions or comparisons. The managing editor cites Nominative Fair Use doctrine.

Acknowledgements

Sue Robinson: To my editor-in-chief and main encourager from nearly 10 years ago. Write it ALL down. Don’t delete ANY thing. You ARE going to need it when writing your book. No one would be holding this book in their hand if it wasn’t for you. For that I will be forever grateful.

Thank you for the countless hours that you spent in front of a computer screen: reading, re-reading, editing, researching, initially designing my book, creating and managing my Kickstarter campaign, helping create my website and blog, and finally, coordinating all the bits and pieces that go into the final product. I am not going to lie, I am not going to miss your text messages at one or two in the morning asking me to clarify something in the book. Your endless questions, edits, and sheer stubbornness helped me discover the process of what it means to actually create a book that readers will cherish.

Thank you for coming along with me on this journey and for making sure that my voice and spirit remained strong and true from the first page to the last. That is a precious piece of this puzzle you insisted upon, and succeeded in accomplishing.

Brandy Wood: After so many years of friendship, you have probably heard most of these stories a hundred times. You still agreed to read my book in its infancy, and after reading from beginning to end, you said that it was a book you would definitely buy. Thank you!

Garret Beadon: You agreed to read through my book in its infancy. Your willingness to admit that my stories moved you, gave me the courage to take the book from pages on my computer to what you are holding in your hands. Thank you!

Vicki Bowker: I sat across the table from you a number of years ago and told you that I wanted to write a book. Your gentle spirit and endless encouragement is something that I will never forget. Your fresh eyes while reading through my book and your honest questions about its overall purpose were invaluable. Thank you!

Ryan Robinson: You sir, are one of the most patient, gracious people that I have ever worked with. When I think back to the day that we filmed the video for the Kickstarter Campaign, it makes me cringe. I was a horribly unprepared subject in the midst of a crazy week of planning to fly a horse to the other side of the world and not at all focused on providing you with useable material for a video. Through all that, you kept a smile on your face, and a steady calm about you which I truly appreciated. The Kickstarter Campaign would have had a gaping hole in it if it weren’t for your video. Thank you!

Annette Yourk & Erica Hargreaves, The Scribes.ca: Thanks to both of you fabulous ladies for coming in at the 11th hour, and helping put the finishing touches on my book. The timing couldn’t be more perfect, your insights and skills more appropriate, and your ability to really see me more heart-warming. Thank you! Thank you!

Mandy Dhillon: You are a bright light, and with a skip in your step and a smile on your face you allowed yourself to be roped into my book launching team, even though you knew very little about me. Your down-to-business demeanor, ability to find joy in reading the fine print, and assistance with the Kickstarter Campaign took a huge load off my shoulders. Thank you also for dealing with the technological side of promotion by creating my website: ashleygowanlock.com Thank you!

"My Opportunities Just Dress Up As Obstacles’’ is a brilliant read! A fresh and fun glimpse into Ashley’s journey to becoming a world-class athlete and mentor.

Her contagious energy, humour and love of life shine through on each page, serving as a reminder that all challenges serve as opportunities if you have the right perspective. Ashley’s journey is an inspirational story that is sure to motivate and entertain you.

– Amie O’Shaughnessy, Director of High Performance, Equine Canada

I am fortunate to know Ashley Gowanlock as a graduate of The Centre for Child Development of the Lower Mainland, as an ambassador for our mission of helping children with special needs reach their potential, and as one of the most endearing speakers on the topic of overcoming life’s adversities. Knowing the potency of Ashley’s storytelling in person, I can hear Ashley speaking directly to me throughout My Opportunities Just Dress Up As Obstacles.

Ashley is frank about the deep pain and triumphs of navigating the multi-faceted challenges of cerebral palsy, her father’s multiple sclerosis and about the role of her faith in helping her to see the blessings in her life. She is also disarmingly self-effacing with just enough sassy to draw your smile!

You will find yourself living vicariously, through Ashley, as you read about her adventures, and share in her joy from changing the world, all the while wondering how she possibly does it...and feeling just a little more emboldened to pursue your own dreams.

– Gerard Bremault, MSW, RSW, Chief Executive Officer, The Centre for Child Development of the Lower Mainland, Child Development Foundation of British Columbia & Sophie’s Place.

Photo credit: Alysia Jeske

She woke up and realized she had forgotten the definition of the word ‘impossible.’ She decided it must not have been that important.

– Monique Duval

Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.

– Margaret Mead

Expect Miracles

– Dr. Wayne Dyer

I am not going to lie, I make new friends by losing my cane and Overheating my scooter.

– Ashley Gowanlock

Preface

You are about to read my book. Wow, that is a crazy sentence to write. First and foremost, I must confess I am definitely not a professional writer. I have not had any training, and I am not particularly eloquent when writing. I have been told that I am an entertaining storyteller however, and that is how many of the stories you are about to read came to life.

Early on in my quest to qualify for my first Paralympic Games in Beijing 2008, I was aware there was a number of people who helped me reach my larger than life goals, but who would not be able to travel with me to see them be realized. This large group of people, whom I loved, were getting the short end of the stick, putting in all of the work with no reward. I couldn’t have that.

And so I created a virtual suitcase of sorts. I decided to write updates about my travels and post them on social media. Not just bland, obligatory, today we did this and tomorrow we will be doing that, updates. I wanted my family and friends to feel like they were there with me, seeing and feeling all the experiences I was having.

As you read this book I hope you will close your eyes and picture me sitting across from you at your kitchen table, recounting my misadventures with all of the hand gestures, facial expressions, zeal, and emotion that they deserve.

On another level it would make my heart sing if, as you flip through the pages of this book, you start to seek out your own departure gate quiet places, and become more aware of the shining moments that are designed specifically for you. It is my sincere hope that this book, just maybe, is the spark that fans a flame deep within your soul.

To Him be all the glory. All the love, Ash

Photo Credit: Caroline Archambault. Location: Mulhouse, France.

Blessed With Superhero Parents

If you had asked me at the age of two what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would have said a newspaper delivery girl on a skateboard. By four years old, I would have said I wanted to be a ninja turtle, but by six years old I would have looked you square in the eyes and told you I was going to be in the Olympics, and ride horses all over the world one day.

Now, looking at me you might say, Oh that seems like a really nice goal to have, but let’s be honest, going to the Olympics is probably not in the cards for a girl who is disabled.

I was born two months early and by the age of two I was diagnosed with Cerebral Palsyi, which is a condition caused by abnormal development or damage in your brain before or during birth. Cerebral Palsy affects my entire body but is more prevalent in my legs, which is why I walk with a cane and have difficulties with my balance and coordination. My parents were told that I would never walk, talk, or have the mental capacity to pass grade two. I had four major surgeries on my legs and back before I turned six years old, all in the hopes of allowing me to walk one day under my own power.

First time parents eagerly await their little bundle of joy who is supposed to have ten functioning fingers and toes. I can’t imagine the crushing weight my parents must have felt when they found out I had a disability. Parents are supposed to be able to indulge in lofty dreams for their children as they rock them to sleep at night. Maybe she will be a teacher, or a doctor, or a world leader, a world changer for sure. Instead my parents were left with a whole lot of question marks, and doom and gloom predictions from various doctors. Dreaming about the future was not a luxury afforded to my mom and dad, it became a day to day struggle to make my life as normal as they possibly could.

I do not have my own children yet, but I have a sneaking suspicion that it had to be heartbreaking, if not absolutely overwhelming, to sit down at a table surrounded by doctors and surgeons, and discuss your child having a Rhizotomyii at just two years old. Eighty five percent of the nerve endings in my spine were eliminated because they were creating more spasticity in my body. I was in a full body cast from my chest to my feet for two months following the surgery. That was only the beginning of the journey my parents experienced with Cerebral Palsy.

Luckily, my parents are superheroes and never treated me like a child with a disability while I was growing up. My mom opened a daycare so she could stay home with me, and to be honest, I think that is one of greatest gifts my parents could have given. I was constantly surrounded by able bodied kids, and allowed to participate in any way I could in all of the activities. I have a younger brother Alex. He and two other boys, Kevin and Corey, (who I affectionately refer to as my brothers from another mother) also attended my mom’s daycare for most of their childhood.

These boys, along with my best friend Michelle, were sweet to my soul. They didn’t see Cerebral Palsy when they looked at me and so neither did I. They didn’t care that I walked funny, or that I had a cane. I was just one of the gang. Every day after school we would go outside and play. If we played ball hockey I was the referee, if it was soccer I was the goalie, if they wanted to race around and ride their bikes, I was given a stopwatch with the very important job of telling them how fast each one of them could do a loop around the neighbourhood. Lap after lap they would come back and check their time, making me feel like it was absolutely necessary for me to be there cheering them on.

I remember one day after school when I was about ten years old the boys and I, along with some of their friends from school, were outside playing ball hockey. During the game one of Kevin’s friends fell over while using his roller blades and I went over to offer my hand and ask him if he needed some help getting up. He looked at me, rolled his eyes and said, I don’t need help from a cripple like you. He got up and off he skated. I remember being a little bit stunned at how rude he was, but honest to goodness my first thought was, cripple, who is a cripple? My feelings were hurt only later that night when I told my mom and dad what he had said.

When I saw how upset they were, I understood how insulting he had been.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not claiming to have never been teased in my life because of my disability. I have heard my fair share of obnoxious comments and laughter behind my back since then but I think that reaching the age of ten and having never heard someone call me a nasty name, or even having the realization that I was different from anyone else, speaks to the champions that I had in my life. However, make no mistake about it I was never quite so kind to silly little boys who said mean things to me ever again.

I would not be the person I am today without the love and support of my younger brother Alex, and Cory and Kevin. Thousands of people have joined my journey along the way, but the spark started with my relentlessly loving parents and my boys. They unashamedly accepted me for who I am, and in so doing gave me permission to accept myself. I didn’t realize all of that when I was younger, but looking back on it now they were heaven sent. It was never out of the question for me to want to go hiking through the bushes. They would simply take turns pushing my wheelchair and driving it like Evel Knievel¹. To conquer tree climbing, one would push me up the tree while another pulled and a third stayed on the ground ready to catch me if I fell.

It is my hope that every human being gets to experience unconditional love in their lifetime. As a disabled person, it is easy to fall into the trap of feeling like a burden to family and friends, or thinking people are only being nice to you because they feel sorry for you, but those cheeky boys left me with no doubt that the sky was the limit for me. Clearly, I was different and would face some struggles but those boys didn’t just include me or play with me because my mom was making them do it. As Kevin so often said over and over again, our adventures just wouldn’t be the same if you weren’t on them. If you don’t go I won’t go.

My parents were true warriors, fighting battles for me that I was not yet old enough to fight on my own. All the while they left me blissfully unaware of how much of an uphill battle a girl with Cerebral Palsy would face in a world built for walking people. My mom and dad made sure that I went to mainstream school, and took swimming and karate lessons. I was even on a baseball team. I tried every wheelchair sport imaginable. I am blessed with parents who stood up and shouted for me when they had to. They were my voice when I had not yet found my own.

When I was younger my dad started calling me Crash.

You can imagine that, as a young girl with huge balance issues, I was uncoordinated. I was trying out different sports for the first time, which meant that I found myself face down in the dirt much more often than most kids. Yet, my mom and dad never told me I wasn’t allowed to try something because I was going to get hurt. I am sure they inwardly cringed, envisioning the scrapes and bruises I might acquire, but they never let their desire to protect me hinder my desire to dive into the world head first. Countless times I can remember walking into my house with various war wounds ranging from road rash, to bumps and bruises and my dad would say,