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    Lose, Love, Live: The Spiritual Gifts of Loss and Change
    Lose, Love, Live: The Spiritual Gifts of Loss and Change
    Lose, Love, Live: The Spiritual Gifts of Loss and Change
    Ebook139 pages2 hours

    Lose, Love, Live: The Spiritual Gifts of Loss and Change

    By Dan Moseley

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    About this ebook

    Change and loss are constants in life. If you've ever lost a loved one, a friend, a pet, a job, a home, a leg, or a dream, this book is for you.

    In Lose, Love, Live Dan Moseley tells about his journey of discovery after experiencing multiple losses. He explores 10 dimensions of loss and change and the gifts of grace that can be found in each part of the grief journey.

    Moseley invites you to take the time you need to grieve, suggesting companions to seek out along the way. This book includes a journal that will help you learn about yourself while you're going through times of loss and change.

    Stories from Moseley's life and from the lives of others, accompanied by scriptures and a light theological touch, make this a comforting book for anyone dealing with loss.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherUpper Room Books
    Release dateApr 1, 2011
    ISBN9780835811675
    Lose, Love, Live: The Spiritual Gifts of Loss and Change
    Author

    Dan Moseley

    Dan Moseley is a writer, consultant, and coach who lives in Indianapolis. He is professor emeritus at Christian Theological Seminary. Before he taught at CTS, Moseley was the executive minister of Vine Street Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) in Nashville, Tennessee, for 15 years. He also served other churches in Kansas and Oklahoma.

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      Book preview

      Lose, Love, Live - Dan Moseley

      What Others Are Saying about Lose Love Live

      If you have experienced a loss and are looking for a spiritual companion rather than a fix, then you have found an answer to prayer in Dan Moseley and this book. He speaks with the authority of a fellow pilgrim who knows a subject from the inside. My Clinical Pastoral Education students have found it an excellent resource to help them get with people in their grief.

      Dr. James R. Coffman

      A CPE Certified Supervisor

      Methodist Healthcare System

      Memphis, Tennessee

      Loss of a significant loved one threatens our world as we see and experience it, which can lead to serious questioning of one’s faith. Dr. Moseley deals with these questions openly and honestly in a manner intended to lead to a new life and deepening of one’s faith.

      Dr. Moseley’s integration of his years of pastoral experience and seminary teaching has resulted in a practical understanding of grieving and a gentle guide through the valley of the shadow of death into a new and unexpected life. Lose Love Live may be a blessing for any congregational ministry to bereaved members. Grief support groups could easily use it.

      Rev. Kenneth E. Reed, PhD

      Developer/Author of Healing through Grieving: Learning to Live Again

      In this, the most helpful book I have read about loss and grief, Moseley invites the reader to enter into his pilgrimage of living through love and loss into new life, giving pointers for one’s own pilgrimage, highlighting the role of helpful companions, emerging as a blessing for those who read it—a much needed resource for pastors, church libraries, and required reading for Stephen Ministers.

      Wayne H. Bell

      President Emeritus

      Lexington Theological Seminary

      Lose Love Live: The Spiritual Gifts of Loss and Change

      Copyright © 2010 by Dan Moseley

      All rights reserved.

      No part of this book may be reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission of the publisher except in brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews. For information, write Upper Room Books, 1908 Grand Avenue, Nashville, TN 37212.

      The Upper Room Web site: www.upperroom.org

      A version of this book was originally published as Living with Loss, © 2007 by Dan Moseley, by Xyzzy Press. www.xyzzypress.com.

      UPPER ROOM®, UPPER ROOM BOOKS®, and design logos are trademarks owned by The Upper Room®, a ministry of GBOD®, Nashville, Tennessee. All rights reserved.

      Unless otherwise indicated, scripture quotations are from the New Revised Standard Version Bible, copyright © 1989 National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

      Cover image: Shutterstock.com

      Cover design: MTW design, Nashville, TN / www.mtwdesign.net

      Interior design: PerfecType, Nashville, TN

      First printing: 2010

      Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

      Moseley, Dan.

      Lose, love, live : the spiritual gifts of loss and change / by Dan 

      Moseley.

      p. cm.

        Rev. ed. of: Living with loss.

      Includes bibliographical references (p. ).

      ISBN 978-0-8358-1043-2

      1. Consolation. 2. Loss (Psychology)—Religious aspects—Christianity. 3.

      Change (Psychology)—Religious aspects—Christianity. I. Moseley, Dan.

      Living with loss. II. Title.

        BV4905.3.M69 2011

        248.8'6—dc22                               2010040996

      Printed in the United States of America

      To Deborah

      for her faithful love and encouragement

      Contents

      Acknowledgments

      Prologue

      Introduction: Life Is Fair

      1Naming the Loss

      2Feeling Pain

      3Anger

      4Remembering

      5Guilt

      6Forgiving

      7Gratitude

      8Play

      9Practice

      10Becoming New

      Epilogue: What Matters Most

      A Discovery Journal

      Notes

      Recommended Reading

      Acknowledgments

      Thanks to all who have walked with me through my life. Thanks to all those friends and family, strangers, and therapists who listened to me long enough that I woke up and discovered my life.

      I am especially grateful to my colleagues at Christian Theological Seminary in Indianapolis, who gave me a place to discover myself through sharing with students the stories that shaped my ministry and life. I am grateful to all the church people, professional and nonprofessional, who invited me to talk with them about loss and its effect on growth. I am also grateful to the groups of people who were grieving losses of children and friends who invited me to share their journey. Through their grace I discovered that I was not alone.

      I give thanks for my children, their partners, and my grandchildren for the contacts and encouraging words that kept me pursuing the discoveries that can come through shared losses.

      I am deeply and eternally gratefully to my wife, Deborah, for her confidence in me and her patient help in encouraging me to put this out for others. Living into the life you have been given is not always easy. Deborah has been a loving and grace-filled companion to me as I have discovered my new life.

      Prologue

      This book is for you if you’ve ever lost a lover, a friend, a dog, a job, a partner, a championship game, a leg, an eye, a baby, a dream, a breast, a house, a car, a business.

      It is for you if you have ever wondered what good people can do when bad things happen to them.

      It is for you if your city of residence, your job, your family structure, your school, your physical ability, your beliefs, or your worldview has ever changed.

      And it is for you if you have ever traveled to other cultures, become acquainted with strangers, had a baby, been betrayed, been abused, gotten married or divorced.

      If any of these things have happened to you, this book is for you because this is a book about discovering new life through the losses of life.

      You see, each of these events, and any other events that create a significant change in your self-understanding result in the experience of loss. Whether we choose the change or not, each change produces loss. If we marry, we lose our single life. If we become pregnant, we lose our sense of independence. If our lover dies, we lose our sense of being loved.

      However, each loss is more than one thing. When we have significant changes in our lives, each loss has multiple meanings. This book is a book about the multilayered losses we experience in the living of our lives.

      Moreover, this book is about what people do in the face of these changes and losses that results in some amazing and wonderful discoveries. It is about how loss is the central component in our desire to discover new dimensions of ourselves. It is about how the creation of space caused by change is exactly what is needed if we are going to become more than we have been. It is about how faith can open the spirit to the new world that is emerging.

      While this book is about loss and the sadness that accompanies our losses, it is also about the discovery of more life and the excitement and adventure of that discovery. It is about the abundant life available to those who are awake and attentive to the possibilities that come to them in loss and emptiness.

      However, if you are looking for a book on how you can do more to make these losses less painful or how to avoid them altogether, this book is not for you. This book assumes that loss plays a central part of being alive and that to avoid loss is to avoid life.

      If you want a book that tells you the right way to live with and through loss, this book is not for you. If I were to tell you how to live your life in loss and then you couldn’t figure out how to do what I said, your attempt would just produce guilt—and anyone who has had significant loss doesn’t need someone else pointing out that he or she is doing it wrong. People who do that just make others feel more inadequate than they already feel and do not contribute to living our strength and confidence through these losses.

      This book is not a list of stages or steps to follow in your journey through loss. There is no right way to do this any more than there is just one right way to live your life. Your life is unique. There is no straight line from here to there. When we think of life as a series of steps that, followed rightly, will get us what we want and prevent any pain, we start making judgments about ourselves from the beginning. If someone says we should be at stage three after four months of missing the spouse who has left us, but we are only at stage one, then we have to deal not only with our feelings but also with our guilt for not being where we ought to be. Among the most painful things about grieving loss are our expectations and the expectations of others that make us feel we are not doing it right.

      This book is not about doing it right. This book is about living life through its losses, an invitation to follow the scenic route through life, to pay attention to your life, to notice what is happening, and as you do, to receive it as a gift. The journey of our lives is one in which there are wanderings, roads that double back on themselves, which allow us to revisit old sites even as we wend our way toward new sights. This book is an invitation to wake up to your life, to live your life as you go, and to love your life as you experience it.

      This is not a book with answers. It is a book with clues that have come from my life and the lives of people I know. Someone has said that if the path ahead is clear, it is not your path. Your life is a mystery. No one can give you all the answers. However, when we share honestly with each other, we can glean hints from one another about what might be our way.

      Come with me on a journey of discovery. I will share with you what

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