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    At the Edge of Life: Conversations When Death is Near
    At the Edge of Life: Conversations When Death is Near
    At the Edge of Life: Conversations When Death is Near
    Ebook106 pages1 hour

    At the Edge of Life: Conversations When Death is Near

    By Richard Morgan

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    About this ebook

    Drawing on 60 years of experience as pastor, hospice chaplain, volunteer, and friend to dying persons, Richard Morgan offers perspective and advice to people coping with a family member, friend, or patient who is approaching the time of death. These 30 meditations take us from accepting our own mortality and the impending death of someone we care about through "making preparations," "finding closure," and "dying moments." In each meditation Morgan uses personal stories and scripture to lead into a reflection question and prayer. The result is a sense of peace that gives readers confidence as companions to the dying.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherUpper Room Books
    Release dateSep 1, 2014
    ISBN9780835813341
    At the Edge of Life: Conversations When Death is Near
    Author

    Richard Morgan

    Richard L. Morgan, a retired Presbyterian (USA) pastor, stays busy writing and volunteering in pastoral care and as chapel director at the Redstone Highlands retirement community near Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. In addition to his seminary training, he has an MA in Counseling and training in clinical pastoral education. He is the author or coauthor of 20 books. For more information, see Morgan's website: richardmorganauthor.com. Two PowerPoint presentations are available through his website: "Dementia and Beyond" and "Pilgrimage into the Last Third of Life."

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      Book preview

      At the Edge of Life - Richard Morgan

      ACCEPTING YOUR DYING

      The Lord God has given me the tongue of a teacher, that I may know how to sustain the weary with a word. Morning by morning he wakens—wakens my ear to listen as those who are taught.

      —ISAIAH 50:4

      1   LISTENING TO THE DYING

      Morning by morning [God] wakens—wakens my ear to listen as those who are taught.

      —ISAIAH 50:4

      Millie, a nurse, knew she was dying from ovarian cancer. Her condition was hopeless. Yet, for the sake of Jim, her husband, she maintained a conspiracy of silence about her condition and played the let’s pretend game. For Jim’s sake, she consented to painful chemotherapy treatments, bearing the pain, even when she knew the treatments were an exercise in futility. Jim, a loving husband, made every provision for Millie’s comfort, even hiring an all-day caregiver.

      As Millie’s pastor, I made frequent visits to the hospital and to her bedside. I felt helpless to say the right word and dreaded the silence that pervaded her room. Her dying made me uncomfortably aware of my own death, for which I felt unprepared.

      As I prayed for guidance, the Spirit led me to the words above that describe the work of the Servant, and I prayed that God would waken my ear to listen to this dying soul. When Millie did speak, I learned to pose questions that invited further conversation: Can you tell me more about this? or How does that make you feel? I never interrupted her or talked about myself. As I sat by her bedside, I felt I was on holy ground.

      After regular weekly visits and much listening to Millie, one day she looked at me and asked, Why me? Why has God allowed this to happen? I simply reflected her questions and replied, It seems to me that you feel God has been unfair to let this happen. She nodded and responded, It’s so unfair for my life to be cut short and to have to leave Jim and my work. More silence. Softly, I said, I know; that’s hard to understand.

      As Millie’s condition worsened, silence punctuated my visits more and more. But I assured her I would be there for her and offered comforting prayers as I left. Finally, as the end drew near, Millie had to go to the hospital. Jim never gave up his hope that she would get well. I was present when she neared the end. Millie’s slow breathing in and out provided the only sound in the room. I went home to rest briefly and returned to discover that Millie had died. With unashamed tears in my eyes, I stood with Jim in the silence. The only words he could muster were these: This is life.

      I learned so much from Millie’s raw courage and honest faith. I learned how to keep a silent vigil with a dying person. As Meister Eckhart wrote, There is nothing so much like God as silence. Silence provides time for our souls to be present. Silence also is simply being present to a dying person when words seem futile.

      CONVERSATION STARTER

      Is there anything you’d like to talk about? I am here for you, whenever you want and however I can be.

      REFLECTIVE EXERCISE

      Have you ever been with a loved one or a friend who is dying? How comfortable did you feel being with her or him? What lessons did that experience teach you?

      When you prepare to visit someone who is dying, pray this prayer.

      Compassionate God, be with ___________________ as she (or he) makes the journey from this life to the next. Surround her (or him) with your love. When the time comes, send your angels to take her (or him) to your heavenly home. Amen.

      2   SMALL DEATHS PREPARE US

      But Ruth said, "Do not press me to leave you. . . . Where you go, I will go; where you lodge, I will lodge; your people shall be my people, and your God my God. Where you die, I will die—there will I be buried.

      —RUTH 1:16-17

      Sue seemed puzzled. She served as the primary caregiver for her aged mother who was slowly dying at home. Her mother, Margaret, was greatly depressed and, despite the care given by visiting nurses, refused to accept the fact of her impending death. Sue accepted her mother’s denial of death but felt the time had come to talk about death with her mother.

      One rainy afternoon, Sue said to her mother, Mom, can you recall some significant moments in your life when something ended, only to bring new beginnings? Margaret’s face brightened. Oh, yes, she replied. I‘ll never forget how hard it was for me to move from the country to a big city. At first I was angry at your daddy for making me leave our beautiful home and all our friends. I hated to say good-bye to familiar surroundings but soon learned to love the city with its big libraries and concerts, and I made new friends."

      Margaret paused, as if deep in thought, and then went on to say, You’ll never know how hard it was for me, Sue, when your father left us and later married another woman. He left me to raise you children with little money and no job. I thought I would die. But after going to a Beyond Divorce support group, I learned to mourn the loss of my marriage and moved on. Now I realize God worked in a wondrous way. I met Harry at church. His wife had died. We married, and he became a wonderful stepfather to you children. But it’s been so hard since he died. Sue sat in silence, for she too loved her stepfather and mourned his loss. She held her mother’s hand as mother and daughter sat in mutual grief.

      Then Sue said,

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