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    30 Days of Self-Love: a workshop for gay men.
    30 Days of Self-Love: a workshop for gay men.
    30 Days of Self-Love: a workshop for gay men.
    Ebook122 pages1 hour

    30 Days of Self-Love: a workshop for gay men.

    By Stephan Dahl

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    About this ebook

    The gay scene can be a hard place to accept ourselves and we often focus far too much on our weaknesses and forget to love ourselves. During this 30 day program for gay men focus on, exploring, accepting and loving the most important person in your life: you. Discover ways to inner calm, look at yourself with kindness and accept all the little flaws that make you so loveable.
    This 30 day program packed with daily activities and reflection will help you find the one true love inside yourself.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherStephan Dahl
    Release dateMay 28, 2017
    ISBN9781370141586
    30 Days of Self-Love: a workshop for gay men.
    Author

    Stephan Dahl

    Stephan Dahl (Ph.D., FRSA) is an author, life coach and speaker helping gay guys around the world living happier, more fulfilled lives. He has published 9 books and over 100 articles, including self-help articles and scientific peer-reviewed articles. He held seminars and workshops in Asia, Australia, America and Europe, regularly speaks at international conferences and enjoys working with clients from different cultural backgrounds. He now lives in Portugal where he is establishing a co-living community.

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      Book preview

      30 Days of Self-Love - Stephan Dahl

      Stephan G. Dahl

      30 Days of Self-Love

      a workshop to develop self-love

      for a happier and more confident you.

      urbangay.org

      Smashwords Edition

      © Copyright Stephan Dahl 2017

      Contents

      Welcome to 30-Days of Self-Love

      Day 1  Basics: Self-Confidence, Self-Esteem and Self-Love

      Day 2 Gratitude

      Day 3 Kindness

      Day 4 Self-Care

      Day 5 Forgiving

      Day 6 Generosity

      Day 7 Positivity

      Day 8 Reframing

      Day 9 Friends

      Day 10 Relaxation

      Day 11 Compliments

      Day 12 Act confident

      Day 13 Smile

      Day 14 Small Goals

      Day 15 Exercise

      Day 16 Volunteering

      Day 17 Learning

      Day 18 Body Image

      Day 19 Effects of a negative body image

      Day 20 Triggers of negative Body Image

      Day 21 Challenge short term consequences

      Day 22 Checking and reassurance seeking

      Day 23 Long-term consequences

      Day 24 Challenge your body image

      Day 25 Challenge your assumptions

      Day 26 Building your resilience

      Day 27 Strategies to deal with problem situations

      Day 28 Coping Statements

      Day 29 Your personal gains

      Day 30 The plan ahead

      Self-love seems so often unrequited.

      (Anthony Powell)

      Welcome to 30-Days of Self-Love

      Today’s objective:

      A quick overview of the program and what it entails.

      Welcome to the 30 Days Self-Love! Over the next 30 days this program will focus on developing and fostering your self-love, as loving yourself is probably the most important thing you can do. Without loving yourself, it is hard to develop and keep good relationships, stick up for yourself and support others.

      But loving yourself is not as easy as it sounds: with the stresses of modern, daily life, especially as gay men, it is hard to find time and motivation to look at yourself and see how beautiful you really are. But not only time and motivation are a problem: all too often, it can be the environment in which we live, too. Sometimes even supposedly safe spaces, such as the gay scene, can make it really hard for people to love themselves. With constant demands for being perfect, being young, trimmed, the perfect lover… the scene, the media and people around us can have a seriously detrimental effect on our self-love. With all the demands and stresses related to these constant demands for perfection, it is no wonder that gay men are three times more likely to suffer than straight men.

      In fact, the statistics when it comes to gay men and mental health, especially confidence and self-love are truly shocking: in a recent survey by London gay group GMFA, more than half of the men had suicidal thoughts. Almost a quarter of the men surveyed had actually attempted to take their own lives. 70% of the men talked about low self-esteem, with relationship issues, isolation and not feeling attractive major factors. And while for straight men things get better as they age, sadly, this isn’t the case for gay men: Older gay men suffer significantly more from depression and low self-esteem than both their straight and younger counterparts.

      What can we do about this? The first step is to recognise the issue, and to learn and look at ourselves more objectively, and see how we really are. Just think: if you go into a gay bar, would you think that over half of the guys there think that they are not attractive? Probably not. But that is exactly what the statistics tell us. And I’m not talking measuring men about an abstract beauty ideal here. In fact, more than half of gay men think they are unattractive to all or the majority of other gay men. Is it really surprising then, that so few would even think about themselves as loveable?

      But luckily, you have decided that it is time to love yourself. And that is, after all, the first and probably biggest step to a develop a happier, healthier, sexier and more attractive you, no matter what your body looks like. Because, as the saying goes, there is nothing as attractive as someone who actually loves himself.

      I should briefly add here, that loving yourself shouldn’t be confused with narcissism, arrogance or self-centredness: These are the exact opposites of self-love. Mostly they are behaviours developed to hide crippling self-hate. This is a fact worthwhile remembering when you come across someone like that next: behind a facade of criticising and belittling others, mostly hides someone desperately trying to hide his real self from anyone else.

      But enough of the backstory, let’s begin with some points about how the program will work.

      Basically, the program is divided into days. 30 days exactly (hence the name!). Every day, will consist of a brief introduction of the topic or concept and how it helps to create real and lasting self-love. Each day, there will also be an activity to perform. Most of these will be reflective, but some will be actual physical activities. Some of these activities are designed to be a one-off, like making a list of things you like. Others are activities that you can repeat daily if you want. Each activity will tell you about this.

      After each activity, there are three questions to help you reflect on the activity and to deepen your learning. If you are following the program online or using an eBook version, I suggest you invest in a small note book to keep the notes for each day. If you are using the printed version of the program, it will have the boxes to put your notes in printed.

      Importantly: please don’t skip these questions! They may seem trivial and it is often tempting to just focus on the activity. But it is only by reflecting on the activity by using the questions that you can really create actual change.

      The program is divided into three parts: The first part of the program introduces a few basic principles, such as gratitude, kindness, positive thinking and some skills, such as reframing. These form the basic tool kit for the main program. The second part then uses this tool kit to develop self-esteem and confidence, and identifies strategies for longer lasting, positive change in the way you see yourself. The third part focuses on developing a realistic body image and identifies strategies and ways to deal with body image issues, including assumptions about the perfect body and challenging negative thinking. In the round-up, the program focuses on developing resilience for the future.

      Before we start though a little word of caution: much can be achieved in 30 days. In fact, many people who have followed a 30-day program are often like changed people. However, change

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