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    The Staple of News
    The Staple of News
    The Staple of News
    Ebook163 pages1 hour

    The Staple of News

    By Ben Jonson

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    About this ebook

    Benjamin Jonson (1572-1637) was a Renaissance dramatist, poet and actor, known best for his satirical plays and lyric poems. His career began in 1597 when he held a fixed engagement in "The Admiral's Men", and although he was unsuccessful as an actor, his literary talent was apparent and he began writing original plays for the troupe. Although Jonson attained a long and thriving career, the majority of his major works for which he is revered were produced between 1605 and 1620. Part of his late comedies, dubbed by Dryden as his "dotages," "The Staple of News" is a satire on the newspaper and news agency business that was quickly developing at the time. The plot draws on at least five plays by Aristophanes, and tells the story of the plutocratic Lady Pecunia, an array of wooers and jeerers, and a group of women who represent "females out of control," a common theme of Jonson's work.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherDigireads.com Publishing
    Release dateJan 1, 2011
    ISBN9781420941982
    The Staple of News
    Author

    Ben Jonson

    Benjamin Jonson (c. 11 June 1572 – c. 16 August 1637 was an English playwright and poet. Jonson's artistry exerted a lasting influence upon English poetry and stage comedy. He popularised the comedy of humours; he is best known for the satirical plays Every Man in His Humour (1598), Volpone, or The Fox (c. 1606), The Alchemist (1610) and Bartholomew Fair (1614) and for his lyric and epigrammatic poetry. He is generally regarded as the second most important English dramatist, after William Shakespeare.

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      Book preview

      The Staple of News - Ben Jonson

      THE STAPLE OF NEWS

      A COMEDY.

      BY BEN JONSON

      A Digireads.com Book

      Digireads.com Publishing

      Print ISBN 13: 978-1-4209-4095-4

      Ebook ISBN 13: 978-1-4209-4198-2

      This edition copyright © 2012

      Please visit www.digireads.com

      CONTENTS

      DRAMATIS PERSONAE

      THE INDUCTION.

      THE PROLOGUE FOR THE STAGE.

      THE PROLOGUE FOR THE COURT.

      THE STAPLE OF NEWS.

      ACT I, Scene i.

      ACT I, Scene ii.

      ACT I, Scene iii.

      ACT I, Scene iv.

      ACT I, Scene v.

      ACT I, Scene vi.

      ACT II, Scene i.

      ACT II, Scene ii.

      ACT II, Scene iii.

      ACT II, Scene iv.

      ACT II, Scene v.

      ACT III, Scene i.

      ACT III, Scene ii.

      ACT III, Scene iii.

      ACT III, Scene iv.

      ACT IV, Scene ii.

      ACT IV, Scene ii.

      ACT IV, Scene iii.

      ACT IV, Scene iv.

      ACT V, Scene i.

      ACT V, Scene ii.

      ACT V, Scene iii.

      ACT V, Scene iv.

      ACT V, Scene v.

      ACT V, Scene vi.

      THE EPILOGUE.

      Aut prodesse volunt, aut delectare poetæ:

      Aut simul & jucunda, & idonea dicere vitæ. Hor. in Art. Poet.

      DRAMATIS PERSONAE

      Peniboy (junior), the son, the heir and suitor.

      Peniboy (canter), the father, the canter.

      Peniboy (senior), the uncle, the usurer.

      Cymbal, master of the staple, and prime jeerer.

      Fitton, emissary court, and jeerer.

      Almanack, doctor in physic, and jeerer.

      Shunfield, sea-captain, a jeerer.

      Madrigal, poetaster, and jeerer.

      Picklock, man o' law, and emissary Westminster.

      Piedmantle, pursuivant at arms, and heraldet.

      Register, of the staple, or office.

      Nathaniel, first clerk of the office.

      Thomas Barber, second clerk of the office.

      Pecunia, Infanta of the mines.

      Mortgage, her nurse.

      Statute, first woman.

      Band, second woman.

      Wax, chambermaid.

      Broker, secretary, and gentleman-usher to her grace.

      Lickfinger, a master cook, and parcel poet.

      Fashioner, the tailor of the times.

      Linener.

      Haberdasher.

      Shoemaker.

      Spurrier.

      Customers, male and female.

      Porter.

      2 Dogs.

      Grooms.

      Fiddlers.

      Nicholas, the boy.

      Chorus: Gossip Mirth, Gossip Tattle, Gossip Expectation, Gossip Censure

      The Scene:

      London.

      THE INDUCTION.

      [The Prologue enters. After him, Gossip Mirth, Gossip Tattle, Gossip Expectation, and Gossip Censure, four gentlewomen ladylike attired.]

      PROLOGUE. For your own sake, not ours —

      MIRTH. Come gossip, be not ashamed. The play is the staple of news, and you are the mistress and lady of tattle; let's ha' your opinion of it. Do you hear, gentleman? What are you? Gentleman-usher to the play? Pray you help us to some stools here.

      PROLOGUE. Where? O' the stage, ladies?

      MIRTH. Yes, o' the stage; we are persons of quality, I assure you, and women of fashion; and come to see, and to be seen. My Gossip Tattle here, and Gossip Expectation, and my Gossip Censure, and I am Mirth, the daughter of Christmas, and spirit of Shrovetide. They say it's merry when gossips meet; I hope your play will be a merry one.

      PROLOGUE. Or you will make it such, ladies. Bring a form here. But what will the noblemen think, or the grave wits here, to see you seated on the bench thus?

      MIRTH. Why, what should they think? But that they had mothers, as we had; and those mothers had gossips (if their children were christened) as we are; and such as had a longing to see plays, and sit upon them, as we do, and arraign both them and their poets.

      PROLOGUE. Oh! Is that your purpose? Why, Mistress Mirth, and Madam Tattle, enjoy your delights freely.

      TATTLE. Look your news be new and fresh, Master Prologue, and untainted; I shall find them else, if they be stale, or fly-blown, quickly.

      PROLOGUE. We ask no favour from you; only we would entreat of Madam Expectation—

      EXPECTATION. What, Master Prologue?

      PROLOGUE. That your ladyship would expect no more than you understand.

      EXPECTATION. Sir, I can expect enough!

      PROLOGUE. I fear, to much, lady, and teach others to do the like.

      EXPECTATION. I can do that too, if I have cause.

      PROLOGUE. Cry you mercy, you never did wrong, but with just cause. What's this, lady?

      MIRTH. Curiosity, my Lady Censure.

      PROLOGUE. Oh, Curiosity! You come to see who wears the new suit today; whose clothes are best penned, whatever the part be; which actor has the best leg and foot; what king plays without cuffs, and his queen without gloves; who rides post in stockings, and dances in boots.

      CENSURE. Yes, and which amorous prince makes love in drink, or does overact prodigiously in beaten satin, and, having got the trick on't, will be monstrous still, in despite of counsel.

      BOOK-HOLDER. [Within] Mend your lights, gentlemen. [The tiremen enter to mend the lights.] Master Prologue, begin.

      TATTLE. Ay me!

      EXPECTATION. Who's that?

      PROLOGUE. Nay, start not, ladies; these carry no fireworks to fright you, but a torch i' their hands, to give light to the business. The truth is, there are a set of gamesters within, in travel of a thing called a play, and would fain be delivered of it: and they have entreated me to be their man-midwife, the Prologue; for they are like to have a hard labour on't.

      TATTLE. Then the poet has abused himself, like an ass as he is.

      MIRTH. No, his actors will abuse him enough, or I am deceived. Yonder he is within (I was i' the tiring-house a while to see the actors dressed) rolling himself up and down like a tun, i' the midst of 'em, and spurges, never did vessel of wort or wine work so! His sweating put me in mind of a good shroving dish (and I believe would be taken up for a service of state somewhere, an't were known) a stewed poet! He doth sit like an unbraced drum, with one of his heads beaten out; for that you must note, a poet hath two heads, as a drum has; one for making, the other repeating; and his repeating head is all to pieces; they may gather it up i' the tiring-house; for he hath torn the book in a poetical fury, and put himself to silence in dead sack, which, were there no other vexation, were sufficient to make him the most miserable emblem of patience.

      CENSURE. The Prologue, peace.

      THE PROLOGUE FOR THE STAGE.

      For your own sakes, not his, he bade me say,

      Would you were come to hear, not see a play.

      Though we, his actors, must provide for those

      Who are our guests here, in the way of shows,

      The maker hath not so; he'd have you wise,

      Much rather by your ears, than by your eyes;

      And prays, you'll not prejudge his play for ill,

      Because you mark it not, and sit not still;

      But have a longing to salute, or talk

      With such a female, and from her to walk

      With your discourse, to what is done, and where,

      How, and by whom, in all the town, but here.

      Alas! What is it to his scene, to know

      How many coaches in Hyde Park did show

      Last spring, what fare today at Medley's was,

      If Dunstan or the Phœnix best wine has?

      They are things—but yet the stage might stand as well,

      If it did neither hear these things, nor tell.

      Great noble wits, be good unto yourselves,

      And make a difference 'twixt poetic elves,

      And poets: all that dabble in the ink,

      And defile quills, are not those few, can think,

      Conceive, express, and steer the souls of men,

      As with a rudder, round thus, with their pen.

      He must be one that can instruct your youth,

      And keep your acme in the state of truth,

      Must enterprise this work; mark but his ways,

      What flight he makes, how new: and then he says,

      If that not like you, that he sends to night,

      'Tis you have left to judge, not he to write.

      THE PROLOGUE FOR THE COURT.

      A work not smelling of the lamp, to night,

      But fitted for your Majesty's disport,

      And writ to the meridian of your court,

      We bring; and hope it may produce delight:

      The rather, being offered as a rite,

      To scholars, that can judge, and fair report

      The sense they hear, above the vulgar sort

      Of nut-crackers, that only come for sight.

      Wherein, although our title, sir, be news;

      We yet adventure here to tell You none;

      But show you common follies, and so known,

      That though they are not truths, the innocent muse

      Hath made so like, as fancy could them state,

      Or poetry, without scandal, imitate.

      THE STAPLE OF NEWS.

      ACT I, Scene i.

      Peniboy Junior's lodgings.

      [Enter Peniboy Junior, Leatherleg.]

      PENIBOY JUNIOR. Gramercy, Leatherleg: get me the spurrier,

      And thou hast fitted me.

      LEATHERLEG. I'll do't presently. [Exit.]

      [His Shoemaker has pulled on a new pair of

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