A Jaded Heart

DEDICATION

To my brothers and sister, even though we don’t see one another as often as we use too, I know you still have my back as I still have yours. To the readers who still contact me asking if I’m writing another book. Thank you for your loyalty and support. This book is truly for you. To my family of the heart. It was one of the best days of my life when you chose me as one of your own.

Love all you guys.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Thank you, to my Awesome Family, who always puts up with my crazy ways. I wouldn’t be who I am if you weren’t who you are.

All my Love!

Denise.

DISCLAIMER

This is a work of fiction. All Names, character, places, business establishments, incidents, and descriptions are entirely coincidental. If you enjoyed this book, please encourage your friends to download their own copy from their favorite authorized retailer.

This book is intended for mature audiences only.

Thank you for your support.

Prologue

22 Years Earlier

North Carolina

Eight-year-old Mackenzy Richards was so happy it was Saturday. Friday was the first day of spring break, and her, her mommy, daddy, and big brother Kenny were going to Myrtle Beach for the week. The day before when Mac got home from school, her daddy had said her mommy was feeling under the weather and they may have to postpone their trip. Mac wasn’t worried. She knew that by morning, her mommy would be all better.

Excitedly, Mac drug her already-packed suitcase from beneath the bed. Mac’s mommy had helped Mac pack her suitcase the week before, placing Mac’s new outfit, a white blouse with a pink letter M on the front, and pink and white polka-dot skirt on top of the already folded clothes.

Mac was bursting with energy and excitement. She was going to see her cousins on her mommy’s side that she had never met. Mommy had told Mac that two of her cousins had little girls around Mac’s age. Mac’s daddy’s sister, Thelma and her husband Walter, would be there as well. They didn’t have any children, but that was okay with Mac. She loved her Aunt Thelma, and her Uncle Walt was funny. Mac was so happy and excited that even though she took a bath the night before, she decided she was going to take another bath like a big girl. She was going to be dressed and ready when Mommy and Daddy said it was time to go. Being the big girl that she was, Mac knew she had a lot to do. So much that she didn’t have time to watch her favorite show ever, Rugrats.

After bathing and dressing, Mac brushed her hair and put it into a ponytail, fixing it the way her mommy always did. It wasn’t exactly the way her mommy styled it; it was more on the top of her head, and the pink scrunchie was looser, but she was happy she did it on her own, and her mommy would be proud Mac had done it on her own as well.

Making her way downstairs, Mac thought it would be a good idea if she helped her mommy with breakfast. That way when Mommy, Daddy, and Kenny came down, they wouldn’t have to do anything. They would gobble down breakfast and head out the door and be at Myrtle Beach by the time Mac’s other favorite cartoon, Recess, came on. Mac and her cousins could watch it before they went down to the beach. Recess came on at 11 am. Mac’s mommy said it would take nearly five hours to get to Myrtle Beach, but her daddy drove really, really fast.

Mac glanced at the time on the microwave. It read 7:46. It took Mac a while to figure the timeframe. It would have been easier with a big clock like the one her teacher had in her classroom, instead of the clock in the microwave. Mac kept getting confused, she couldn’t tell if it would take three or four hours to get to the beach, but she was sure they would make it to Myrtle Beach by the time Recess came on.

Moving a chair from the table to the countertop, Mac retrieved four bowls and four spoons. Hopping from the chair, she promptly set the table and then moved the chair to another part of the counter where she grabbed the can of coffee. Pulling the coffee maker closer to the sink to fill the pot with water, she turned on the tap, filled the pot and poured the water into the coffee maker just like she’d seen her mommy do. Mac saw her mommy put three scoops of coffee into the coffee maker, and her daddy said coffee gave him a lot of energy, but he said it also caused him to go to the bathroom more. Mac decided that if three scoops of coffee gave her daddy a lot of energy six would give him super energy, so much energy he would make it to Myrtle Beach before he even had to go to the bathroom.

Mac moved the chair to the other side of the kitchen, standing on it again so she could reach the cabinet where the box of Frosted Flakes cereal was stored. Placing the box on the table, she smiled, before she moved the chair back in place. There. Now everything was ready.

After sitting for what felt like hours, but was in all actuality 20 minutes, Mac thought it might be best to see what was taking her parents and brother so long. Maybe they overslept. No that wasn’t it. How could they oversleep when it was time to go on vacation? Nobody overslept when it was time to go to the beach. Myrtle Beach was almost as exciting as Christmas Eve and waiting for Santa.

When Mac made her way to her parents’ bedroom, she found her mommy lying in bed and her father sitting beside it. Mac was immediately heartbroken. Mommy was still sick, and if mommy was still sick, that meant that they would not be able to go to the beach. Mac was so sad and angry. It wasn’t fair. Why did mommy have to be still sick? Why didn’t she take some medicine so that she could be better by morning? When Mac had a tummy ache, mommy would make Mac take medicine before she went to bed, and the following morning Mac was usually all better. Why didn’t daddy tell mommy she had to take some medicine?

Gina, I don’t understand this? I don’t… I just don’t understand it. Why are you doing this? Why can’t you just get the treatment? Why can’t you just?

Kenneth, you know why…

It’s because of that, that thing! Ken Senior bellowed, I don’t care about that thing, I just care about you. You’re my wife. The mother of my children… he let out a sob. I can’t lose you. I can’t do this without you.

Kenneth, Ken. Please. Please understand. You won’t have to do it without me, but understand that I have to. I have to do this.

Mommy? Mac said peering at her parents from the doorway.

Go downstairs, Mac, Mac’s father said before she stepped further into the room.

But? Mac said, large innocent eyes going to her mother.

Damn it; I said take your ass downstairs!

Tears welling in her eyes, Mac turned and ran. She raced down the hallway, down the steps, across the kitchen, and out the back door.

Sniffling and wiping her tears, she plopped down on the back steps. Something was wrong. Mommy was very sick. She had to be. Mac’s daddy never yelled. He had what Mac thought of as a big voice, but Mac hardly ever heard him yell. And he never ever yelled or cursed at Mac. Mac cried and cried. She thought that it was the worst day ever. Her mommy was sick, and they could not go to Myrtle Beach.

After that morning, there were no more trips to the beach, no more exciting mornings, and no more smiling daddy for Mac. Not for a very long time.

Eight years later. New York

Shaking his blond-tipped hair from his face, Gavin Duvall bounced on the tips of his toes as the surge of energy and excitement zinged through his system. At 19-years old, he was whipcord thin, wiry, and always full of unspent energy. This was it. After two years of playing concerts in what felt like every city, state and several countries – from the hole-in-the-wall clubs in England to Charlotte Metro Credit Union Amphitheatre in Charlotte North Carolina – they had made it. Madison Square Garden. The screams and chants of almost 20,000 excited people waiting to see the new music sensation, Sons of LA. The youngest member of the group, Gavin, was thought to be an idealist. So many, from his teachers to the media called him a music prodigy. By the time he was eight; he could play the guitar and horn better than some professionals with 20 years of training. When he was 12 years old, his speaking voice was like that of a boy going through puberty, but his singing voice was that of a man in his thirties.

Everyone had things they wanted for him, and things they thought he should want for himself. His agent wanted Gavin to add two solo numbers to the bands 87 performance tour, saying the band should remain together, but that Gavin could do awesome with a solo album as well. His cousins thought that what should be uppermost in his mind, what he should want above all else was to make lots of money and get laid as often, and by as many girls as possible. His parents wanted him to be careful, respectful, stay away from drugs, and always remember whom he was and where he came from.

But Gavin? There were two things, only two that Gavin wanted. The first thing he wanted was to make music. Gavin loved music. When he was three years old, and his parents took him and his sister to any of their shows, Gavin was not shy by any means of the word. It was nothing for the three-year-old to pull himself up onto whatever chair, table or box that was around and perform for the crowd. He loved the adoration, and he lived for the cheers.

Glancing to his right, Gavin grinned at his cousins, Vic, Westley, Justin, and Caleb, who with Gavin made up the five-man group. They all looked at him with a combination of expressions on their faces ranging from concern to abject pain. The other thing that Gavin wanted was to marry the love of his life, Kelsey. Yeah, he was only 19-years-old, and his cousins told him he could have his pick of most women, but Gavin didn’t care about that. Vic who was the oldest and most cynical thought that most women wanted them for the fame and notoriety.

But to Gavin, that was bull. They thought he was a stupid kid who didn’t know his heart. He knew his heart, and he knew Kelsey. Gavin had met Kelsey during his freshmen year in high school. She knew him when his cousins and he played at crappy parties and proms. She was there when he was a nobody, with nothing. She was his best friend, the love of his life. In a few months, she would be his wife. If possible, Gavin’s smile grew even wider. He knew that Kelsey was in the audience. After the show, she would meet them backstage, and from there they would go to the after party. During the after party was when Gavin planned to ask her to be his wife.

<<>>

When the five band members and Kelsey walked into the 4000-foot home where the after party was being held, Gavin immediately left Kelsey to seek out his manager Tim Goodson. Even though Tim had tried to convince Gavin that marrying Kelsey was paramount to committing professional suicide, he still agreed to help Gavin set up everything for the proposal. Two hours into the party all the guests would be gathered in the backyard to watch a spectacular fireworks display. But the last explosion of fireworks would be different from the rest. It would be an explosion of colorful hearts and in the middle would be the words ‘Kelsey, marry me?’

After meeting with Tim, Gavin went in search of Kelsey so they could mingle with the guests before the announcement that the fireworks would start. After looking in all of the rooms on the first floor, Gavin hurried to the second floor in search of Kelsey.

When Gavin didn’t find Kelsey in their bedroom or the second-floor parlor, he turned, going in search of her on the first floor again. As he passed one of the guest bedrooms, he heard a voice coming from inside. Normally, he wouldn’t pay this any mind. Often when they had parties at the house, some of the guests would steal away for a little alone time.

What made Gavin pay attention was that the voice sounded like Kelsey’s, and he couldn’t imagine why she’d be in the guest room instead of their bedroom? Stepping close to the door, Gavin listened intently. His hand grasped the knob before he had realized he was doing so and he turned it slowly.

Easy there, Luv, said a strong British accent.

Oh yeah, right there, baby, Gavin heard the woman murmur. Mmm, you’re so big.

Oh Luv, that’s it. So wet. So sweet. You’re going to make me…oohhh.

Before he pushed the door open, Gavin dropped his hand and stepped back from the door. No, that’s not Kelsey in there. It had to be someone else, he tried to convince himself. He turned, walking away from the door. He had to be mistaken. That had to be someone else in that room. Kelsey wouldn’t be in a room alone with another man. She was probably downstairs searching for him. A few feet from the door, Gavin paused. He had only taken a few steps from the door and while he had convinced himself the woman on the other side of that door wasn’t Kelsey, something within him wanted him to confront the couple. Gavin knew in his heart Kelsey wasn’t the woman in that room, it couldn’t be. But whoever that woman was, whoever the couple was, he wanted them out of his home. Something deep inside told him that he needed to tell this couple to go. Get away from him, get away from Kelsey.

Gently opening the door, Gavin froze when he heard the rustling of clothes and the voice of the woman saying, When do you want me on the set?

Auditions aren’t for another three weeks.

Audition? Gavin heard the woman in the room say in a whiny familiar voice, and he felt his world crumble. He sucked in a deep breath, holding it as he listened.

You said that I didn’t need to audition, she continued. You told me last month that I didn’t have to.

I know, Luv. And you don’t, not really. It’s just for the producer.

There was more rustling, and then he said, What I don’t understand is why you want to be an actress? Your boy toy is a goldmine. If you can convince him to marry you, you will be a very wealthy woman.

Oh, he’ll marry me, no doubt about that. But it’s not just the money. I want to be famous, and not for being Mrs. Gavin Duvall. Besides… she let out what sounded like a half snort half snicker. I like to fuck.

And your boy toy?

He’s not my boy-toy, the woman Gavin now knew was Kelsey snapped.

Sure Luv, if you say so.

He’s not. He’s my boyfriend, she paused before saying. Gavin is a good lay. Great even. But I like variety. I like fucking different men. And Gavin. She sighed. He just wouldn’t understand that. He has this whole faithful, till-death-do-you-part idea going on. And I’m cool with that, she hesitated before saying. I guess I am. I mean, once we get married I’ll honor that, but until then.

The sound of more rustling had reached his ears before Gavin heard Kelsey say, Come on and zip me up. Anyway, once we’re married I’d be faithful and dutiful and all that shit, but until then, I don’t see me getting a little strange every now and again as cheating. You know, as long as were not married yet.

There was a masculine snicker followed by, Like I said, whatever you say Luv. Just as Gavin stepped into the room.

Once he stepped into the room, Gavin’s gaze zoomed in on Kelsey. She was on the other side of the room reapplying her lipstick.

Hey, there he is. The man of the hour, Gavin heard the other man say. Giving the other man a quick glance, Gavin thought he was vaguely familiar. Maybe he was one of his manager’s associates? Gavin wasn’t sure. If someone asked him to pick the man out of a lineup five minutes later, Gavin probably would not be able to do it if his life depended on it. His focus was only in one place. Kelsey. He could not take his eyes off Kelsey.

Hey, baby, Kelsey turned from the mirror. Were you looking for me—? Kelsey’s words died off when she met Gavin’s gaze. And he could tell by the widening of her eyes and the blush that blossomed on the tops of her cheeks that she knew he’d heard them. That he knew what she had done.

Baby, she took a step toward Gavin, tears immediately filling her eyes. Baby, I’m sorry. I can explain—. Kelsey was saying, but Gavin was already turning for the door. He was down the hallway and onto the elevator before she began to run down the hallway in her four-inch, spiked heels.

Leaning against the elevator wall, Gavin raised his face skyward and blinked his eyes hoping to stave off the hot tears that threatened to fall. He could not believe how quickly things changed in the last 10 minutes. Everything he felt was gone, everything he wanted had changed. He didn’t want to be famous anymore. He didn’t want to make music anymore. He didn’t want to marry Kelsey anymore. The only thing he felt was an unbearable pain in his heart. He made his way through the crowded room filled with party revelers. Everyone seemed to want to stop him and talk. To tell him how much they loved his performance. How great he was, but he pushed past everyone that stepped in his path. The only thing he wanted was for them to get out of his way. Gavin didn’t want to hear any of it. He wanted to go home. Back to Louisiana. Home to his mom and dad.

Five years later

Jesus. I’m dying here, came a baritone moan. It’s too damn hot. Why is it hot as hell, and it’s only June?

In the Kandahar Province, June wasn’t the only hot month. It was also hot in May, July, August, and September.

And why are they still praying? It’s not just in the morning or evening that they pray. It’s at noon, in the afternoon and late at night. What the fuck? All of that damn praying ain’t enough to make God look at this country.

Looking over his shoulder at the complaining man, Sergeant Gavin Duvall turned away, trying to tune him out and wishing like hell that he’d shut the fuck up. Gavin had served two tours in Afghanistan. The last few weeks had been peaceful. So peaceful that Gavin had convinced himself that he had found peace from the turmoil that his life once was. He had found a little peace in a place called Kandahar. Despite that, Gavin knew that this peace was only temporary. It had to be; this was Kandahar. Even though Gavin felt more at peace at that moment than he had in quite some time, he could not wait to go back to the states.

Seven more days! Staff Sergeant Eric Milford, the owner of the voice that was constantly complaining and nagging said. Reaching into his pocket, Milford withdrew his pocket calendar, crossing off another day. Seven more days, and we’re out of this shithole!

Gavin couldn’t agree more. Seven days and then back to the states for them. He was more than ready to be away from Kandahar, away from Afghanistan, away from Eric Milford.

After breakfast and their usual morning workout, the Marines made everything ready for the last reconnaissance patrol in their tour of duty. During some of the patrols, the greener guys thought that things would be quiet and uneventful since the route was planned out so perfectly. They believed the Taliban did not have any chance to attack or forming an ambush. The seasoned Marines often said: You never know what goes on outside of those walls.

And Gavin? He thought things weren’t always what they seemed. Everything could be going fine, and then boom, you’re in the middle of a shit-storm, dead bodies everywhere, with you trying to figure a way out, so you’re not included amongst the deceased.

One day you feel as if you’re on top of the world, a heartthrob with millions of teenage girls screaming your name, dying to be with you. But the only girl on your mind, the only one you care about is the one who you thought loved you with all of her heart

The next thing you know, it’s three days after the attacks on the World Trade Centers, and you were standing in a Marine enlistment office signing your life away. You’re trying to convince your family that you’re doing this because you love and want to defend your country when they all know the truth. You enlisted because your so-called girlfriend got screwed literally and figuratively by a movie producer that promised her a role in his movie, and she won’t stop coming to and calling your house, even after your crazy sister kicked her ass.

You enlisted because you can’t stand having your cousins calling you and begging you to come back to the band, or the looks of sadness and pity on the faces of everyone who knows what an idiot you were for believing that lying bitch ever loved you.

Hey boys, it’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood, and papa’s got plans for you kiddies, Milford said as he slid behind the steering wheel, slamming the door of the Humvee.

Most of the men in their group could not understand how Milford was able to be so relaxed all the time, even during a patrol. This was one of the reasons many of the men respected him as their leader, and why so many liked to hang out with him, his laid back nature seemed to put them at ease.

Among the few who found Milford’s relaxed and free nature unsettling was Gavin and William ‘Bill’ Reid. Gavin and Bill thought Milford’s behavior was reckless and, at times, immature and would eventually land them in trouble, or worse dead.

Man, Bill called out from the passenger seat of the Humvee. You need to calm your ass down, this is not Florida or Las Vegas, and your ass is not on vacation. This is fucking Kandahar! Man, people are dying around us, and you act as if this is a joke. Milford just rolled his eyes, shooting Bill the bird.

Like Milford, Reid was an easy-going guy, when things were going crazy, Reid kept his head. But unlike Milford, Reid’s easy-going nature stemmed from his ability to see things objectively and to plan, usually two clicks ahead of his opponent. Milford was more of a shoot-from-the-hip and wing-it sort of guy.

Shaking his head; Bill gritted his teeth saying, Why you always trying to piss me off man?

Milford only grinned.

The three Humvees raised the dust as they left the base. A great cloud of dust that settled over everything surrounding it. A cloud of dust that was always full of fear and suspicion in Afghanistan.

The convoy turned on a local road full of holes, traveling several clicks when Milford radioed to the other two vehicles that they were to turn to the city of Kandahar.

Shifting his eyes away from the hillside, Gavin watched Reid’s leg bounce nervously and his brown skin noticeably flush. Looking back out the window, Gavin peered closer at the hillside for any trouble. In the seven months that Gavin had known Reid, he had never seen him nervous. Seeing Reid anxious, only increased Gavin’s anxiety more.

Dude, that isn’t on the route, is it? Reid asked.

No. We’re just taking a little detour. I wanna buy a souvenir for my little girl.

Wouldn’t it be better to buy a gift when you land back home? Chris Dawkins, the Private First Class that sat in the back seat next to Gavin, asked.

We all have families, Gavin finally spoke up. And we all would like to get gifts for them but not here, not like this. Shaking his head, Gavin clutched his weapon tighter. Man, I don’t wanna get my ass blown off for a fucking toy!

Duvall, calm down. We’re just going to go to town, buy a few gifts and be back on route in no time, he grinned at Gavin through the rearview mirror, and it took everything in Gavin not to punch the other man in the back of the head.

What the fuck now? Milford said looking in his side view mirror, seeing the two following vehicles stopped. The drivers of the two vehicles met Milford as he exited the lead Humvee. Milford, we can’t do this. Gavin heard one of the other drivers say, We’re not driving into the city. Man, this is suicide.

So what are you gonna do? Sit on the side of the road? Milford asked with a smirk.

We’re heading back, the second driver said.

Inside the Humvee, Gavin nervously tapped his finger on his weapon. Scanning the hillsides as he half listened to the conversation between Milford and the other two Marines. He caught sight of a man standing on a nearby hill. Peering closer, Gavin noted that he was using a cell phone.

You never know what goes on outside of those walls, Bill murmured, from the front seat. Gavin noted that Bill was looking in the same direction that he had been, and had seen the man on the hill. Gavin and Bill’s gazes met before