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    Baddest of the Bad: Badderer: The Chronicles of Stygius of The Nefarians
    Baddest of the Bad: Badderer: The Chronicles of Stygius of The Nefarians
    Baddest of the Bad: Badderer: The Chronicles of Stygius of The Nefarians
    Ebook90 pages1 hour

    Baddest of the Bad: Badderer: The Chronicles of Stygius of The Nefarians

    By Gregor James

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    About this ebook

    A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away, a 10 year-old emperor of a solar system is throwing one hell of a tantrum.

    This is Emperor Stygius Ghenghis Brian Anthrax Doom Inferno of Nefaria, and despite a brilliant plan of cunning and deviousness, he has failed to become the winner of the all-coveted Galaxy Weekly Baddest of the Bad Awards.

    But it wasn't all his fault. He had a bit of bad luck. A crop of suitably despicable rival contenders from around the galaxy emerged from nowhere, and proved too temptingly awful for the judges. So if Stygius is going to have one more crack at winning the title he's going to have to out-bad heartless gossip columnists, investigate sinister sausage factories, and visit some of the most unpleasant and foul-smelling planets in the galaxy to either boost his fearsome reputation, or destroy those of his rivals. Only then can he maintain the family legacy and become Baddest of the Bad.

    This is the final part of the tales of Stygius. For now at least...

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherGregor James
    Release dateJul 1, 2017
    ISBN9781386490678
    Baddest of the Bad: Badderer: The Chronicles of Stygius of The Nefarians
    Author

    Gregor James

    Gregor James is a psychology graduate from the University of Leeds who - after a career in IT - has begun putting together 20 years of productive daydreaming into the plots of fantasy and sci-fi books for adults and older children. He has written 3 books to date.

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      Book preview

      Baddest of the Bad - Gregor James

      For Katie, Ollie and Hannah

      Chapter 1

      News from the Stars

      Greetings from beyond the stars! My name is Mande Lular, and for those of you needing a guide to what’s what in the hottest parts of the galaxy, I am most certainly your guy.

      Well...sorta. I’m actually a fake Mande Lular, a computer generated copy used to give a personality to a punchbag used by the coolest emperor in the world (I have to say that or he’ll hit-

      THWACK!

      Oww! The coolest emperor in the world, Stygius I of the Nefarians.

      Those of you who have been paying attention will already know that the Nefarian royal family are a proud breed, famous for behaviour regarded by them as entertaining, but by their subjects as cruel and unusual; stuff designed to make people afraid of challenging them for the privilege of running the place. Like gory tributes where the unworthy are pushed into a ravine or chased through a maze dressed as a banana by hungry ginormo-gorillas - that sort of thing.

      Stygius has had the job ever since his uncle, the last emperor, and his parents were killed when a triceratops ran amok in a Beeteljuician zoo 2 years ago.

      Uncle Noxious, or Most Exalted Emperor Noxious 4th to you snivelling worms, was picking up the trophy most prized among the wicked of this Galaxy when he met his end - the Galaxy Weekly tm Baddest of the Bad Award. The old BOTB is truly the last word in who’s who in the world of the vicious despot, mean megalomaniac or evil impresario. If you aint there, honey, you’re nowhere.

      This left Stygius inheriting his uncle’s mantle, and his first go at this came last year, but let’s face it folks – he wasn’t really up to the job-

      SOCK!

      Oww! Ok then – how do I put this more diplomatically? He was only 10 years old, and hadn’t yet had the training of how to be an evil overlord beaten into him. So he finished 4th. Third was Bradaman the Impaler, host of the Carnage Games. Second was Appolonius Wexford, the scary-toothed headmaster of the Happy Learners Academy, and Numero Uno was Jif Dasani, the entertainment mogul responsible for the ruin of billions of pairs of ears and the injury and humiliation of still more (people – not ears) courtesy of his talent show Entertain Me Or Die.

      With just a little help from his intelligent, handsome robot butler St3v3 (it is just possible he may have had some influence in my programming here) Stygius came up with a cunning plan that didn’t rely entirely on evil overlord-style tribute ceremonies, which can get boring after a while. They worked out – and demonstrated to the galaxy - that Bradaman’s manly stunt of setting himself on fire was a big swizz involving teleports. Then they managed to find some footage of Jif which made his worst talent show contestants look positively inspirational – boy that was fun - I think it’s safe to say we won’t be seeing him again. Oh - and during that time poor Mr Wexford met with a nasty accident involving some sabre-tooth tigers.

      So that meant that Stygius rose right to the top, right? The new Baddest of the Bad?

      Err – not exactly, no.

      Turned out that during this time four more people had been flamboyantly naughty enough to attract the attention of the panel:

      Firstly there was Wanda Cheetham, head of AstoriaCorp. ‘Now what’s a boring Chief honcho of a boring Space Cruiser company in boring Elutia doing in our rogue’s gallery?’ I hear you ask. Well apparently the coffee machines in her latest batch of Space Cruisers don’t work. OK – maybe you’re right – maybe she needed to do better than that to make the list. Let’s just say that they didn’t just put too much foam in your macchiato. Instead, they transported the poor schmuck who ordered the macchiato – and their fellow passengers - to another dimension. And by another dimension I don’t mean Party Planet – more like Funeral City. Wanda is claiming it’s not her fault, but – well – ya would wouldn’t ya? What with the army of angry lawyers and relatives banging down the door...

      Now finally we come to third in the list. And there can be none more fabulous, none more delicious, none more deserv-

      WHACK!

      Oww! I get the feeling my unappreciative host wishes me to move on. Let’s just say my ability to spot a schmo, a weasel, or a badly co-ordinated shirts and slacks combination has finally been given due recognition. Your most auspicious host – Mande Lular – came third.

      Now trudging reluctantly up to number two we find Phulgar, the Prince of Trubius. As you’ll know if you’ve been to any landmark in the galaxy, the Trubians are the world’s most annoying space tourists, constantly clogging the place up with their guided tour hoverbarges and floating robo-selfie-cameras. Phulgar has long been taking it much further than that however, and has been assuming that - because he’s some big posh princeling - the rules about not invading Ugg planets don’t apply to him.

      (I know you’ll know this, scandal fans, but they want me to explain that Ugg planets are places where their inhabitants aren’t advanced enough to know about all of us yet, so spend their time bashing rocks together, worshipping their sun or fighting over the who gets the best sunbathing spot on their one tiny planet. How delightfully quaint).

      So anyhoo - Phulgs has long been illegally dropping in on the Uggs, for whom aliens of course are just crazy talk. He waits for one to be on its own, then kidnaps them and drops them off 3 days later. The poor creature then runs off to the police or newspapers or whatever, goes on about being abducted by little green men (though he’s more grey than green really) and nobody believes them. All good fun, but now Phulgar has come up with a novel twist. He’s now been using the Monster-Me-Uptm fancy-dress products to turn himself into an even more hideous disturbing creature, and hiding under little kiddies’ beds, or in their wardrobes. Then he waits for junior to go to bed, makes a little noise and

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