The Crocodile (Unabridged): Satirical novella from one of the greatest Russian writers, author of Crime and Punishment, The Brothers Karamazov, The Idiot, The House of the Dead, The Possessed and White Nights
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Fyodor Dostoyevsky
Fyodor Dostoyevsky (1821–1881) was a Russian novelist and philosopher whose works examined the human psyche of the nineteenth century. Dostoyevsky is considered one of the greatest writers in world literature, with titles such as Crime and Punishment; Notes from Underground, one of the first existential novellas ever written; and Poor Folk, Russia’s first “social novel.”
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The Crocodile (Unabridged) - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
I
Table of Contents
On the thirteenth of January of this present year, 1865, at half-past twelve in the day, Elena Ivanovna, the wife of my cultured friend Ivan Matveitch, who is a colleague in the same department, and may be said to be a distant relation of mine, too, expressed the desire to see the crocodile now on view at a fixed charge in the Arcade. As Ivan Matveitch had already in his pocket his ticket for a tour abroad (not so much for the sake of his health as for the improvement of his mind), and was consequently free from his official duties and had nothing whatever to do that morning, he offered no objection to his wife’s irresistible fancy, but was positively aflame with curiosity himself.
A capital idea!
he said, with the utmost satisfaction. We’ll have a look at the crocodile! On the eve of visiting Europe it is as well to acquaint ourselves on the spot with its indigenous inhabitants.
And with these words, taking his wife’s arm, he set off with her at once for the Arcade. I joined them, as I usually do, being an intimate friend of the family. I have never seen Ivan Matveitch in a more agreeable frame of mind than he was on that memorable morning — how true it is that we know not beforehand the fate that awaits us! On entering the Arcade he was at once full of admiration for the splendours of the building, and when we reached the shop in which the monster lately arrived in Petersburg was being exhibited, he volunteered to pay the quarter-rouble for me to the crocodile owner — a thing which had never happened before. Walking into a little room, we observed that besides the crocodile there were in it parrots of the species known as cockatoo, and also a group of monkeys in a special case in a recess. Near the entrance, along the left wall stood a big tin tank that looked like a bath covered with a thin iron grating, filled with water to the depth of two inches. In this shallow pool was kept a huge crocodile, which lay like a log absolutely motionless and apparently deprived of all its faculties by our damp climate, so inhospitable to foreign visitors. This monster at first aroused no special interest in any one of us.
So this is the crocodile!
said Elena Ivanovna, with a pathetic cadence of regret. Why, I thought it was … something different.
Most probably she thought it was made of diamonds. The owner of the crocodile, a German, came out and looked at us with an air of extraordinary pride.
He has a right to be,
Ivan Matveitch whispered to me, he knows he is the only man in Russia exhibiting a crocodile.
This quite nonsensical observation I ascribe also to the extremely goodhumoured mood which had overtaken Ivan Matveitch, who was on other occasions of rather envious disposition.
I fancy your crocodile is not alive,
said Elena Ivanovna, piqued by the irresponsive stolidity of the proprietor, and addressing him with a charming smile in order to soften his churlishness — a manœuvre so typically feminine.
Oh, no, madam,
the latter replied in broken Russian; and instantly moving the grating half off the tank, he poked the monster’s head with a stick.
Then the treacherous monster, to show that it was alive, faintly stirred its paws and tail, raised its snout and emitted something like a prolonged snuffle.
Come, don’t be cross, Karlchen,
said the German caressingly, gratified in his vanity.
How horrid that crocodile is! I am really frightened,
Elena Ivanovna twittered, still more coquettishly. I know I shall dream of him now.
But he won’t bite you if you do dream of him,
the German retorted gallantly, and was the first to laugh at his own jest, but none of us responded.
Come, Semyon Semyonitch,
said Elena Ivanovna, addressing me exclusively, let us go and look at the monkeys. I am awfully fond of monkeys; they are such darlings … and the crocodile is horrid.
Oh, don’t be afraid, my dear!
Ivan Matveitch called after