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    This Book Is Full Of Spiders: Seriously Dude Don't Touch It
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    This Book Is Full Of Spiders: Seriously Dude Don't Touch It
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    This Book Is Full Of Spiders: Seriously Dude Don't Touch It
    Ebook539 pages8 hours

    This Book Is Full Of Spiders: Seriously Dude Don't Touch It

    By David Wong

    4/5

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    About this ebook

    Fan favourite David Wong takes readers to a whole new level with this blistering sequel to the cult sensation John Dies at the End, now a movie starring Paul Giamatti. As the sequel opens, we find our heroes, David and John, again embroiled in a series of horrifying yet mind-bogglingly ridiculous events caused primarily by their own gross incompetence. The guys find that books and movies about zombies may have triggered a zombie apocalypse, despite a complete lack of zombies in the world. As they race against the clock to protect humanity from its own paranoia, they must ask themselves, who are the real monsters? Actually, that would be the shape-shifting horrors secretly taking over the world behind the scenes that, in the end, make John and Dave kind of wish it had been zombies after all. Hilarious, terrifying, engaging and wrenching, This Book Is Full of Spiders, the next thrilling installment, takes us for a wild ride with two slackers from the midwest who really have better things to do with their time than prevent the apocalypse.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherTitan Books
    Release dateOct 2, 2012
    ISBN9781781164563
    Author

    David Wong

    DAVID WONG is the pseudonym of Jason Pargin, New York Times bestselling author of the John Dies at the End series as well as the award-winning Zoey Ashe novels. He previously published under the pseudonym David Wong. His essays at Cracked.com and other outlets have been enjoyed by tens of millions of readers around the world.

    Read more from David Wong

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    Reviews for This Book Is Full Of Spiders

    4/5

    411 ratings23 reviews

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    Review must be at least 10 words

    • 4/5
      I liked this book - in some ways its better than "John is Dead" and in others, it is worst. I like the real life scariness feel of this book - invisible spider things turn people into scary, nightmare inducing zombies. Its up to John and David to save the world (Kind of), With a bit of help from their friends.The best part of this book is just how real the quarantine is- it will leave you with nightmares. There is also a bunch of ethical questions - that at times, don't quite fit with the story line, but at other times - fits in perfectly. As I stated with the last book, a good editor would have made a good book into a great book.
    • 4/5
      Better storywise than the first one but way less insane.
    • 4/5
      Ich mag das Buch -auch wenn es stellenweise doch sehr, sehr abgedreht ist! Am Anfang tat ich mich etwas schwer, in die Geschichte einzutauchen - und auch der Teil mit der Anstalt ist etwas zäh - aber alles in allem ein aussergewöhnliches Leseerlebnis mit einem mal etwas anderen Thema. Nicht schlecht.
    • 4/5
      I enjoyed Spiders even more than John dies at the End. Wacky, bizarre, and funny, also with some scary and truly disgusting moments... A fun audiobook.
    • 3/5
      This was a fun enough listen and it grew on me the longer I listened. Or perhaps it got over its juvenile obsession with all things scatalogical (or did I?) and settled into just telling the story with the odd detour and penis joke.The humor is a little like a blunt hammer and there's very little subtlety in the book, but, then, I don't think that's what you're looking for from it. As a quick read (listen) that boils along, has some zombies, magical portals around town, haunted quarantine hospitals, this one is all of that.
    • 4/5
      I enjoy the kind of book where the writer just throws everything out there, absurd, obscene, or flippant, and somehow makes it all hang together. He makes a point of the way the plot is a tangled mess, though he does a pretty good job at keeping the reader from getting derailed. I even think he's making a serious thematic point about how badly adapted human beings are to the global issues we face, though I don't think the way the three heroes defeated the Big Bad in the end necessarily means anything deep. For writers, it is a very good illustration of how much sheer nonsense your reader will swallow as long as the characters are engaging, with the first person viewpoint character being a screwed up shlemiel, his friend John the essence of cartoon violence, and his girlfriend Amy being the moral center of the book (unless that role belongs to Amy's dog Molly, I'm not sure). I read this without having read the first one in the series which I'll probably go pick up some time also.
    • 5/5
      I. Hate. This. Book.Okay, not really, but the ending, which I won't spoil, was upsetting.So let me tell you, this book was well and truly full of spiders. Gross. It made me shudder just reading about them!!!! This sequel was all together creepier, and more serious than it's predecessor. John Dies At The End, while creepy, and it had it's sad parts, was a lot lighter and more humorous. Things in this book escalated quickly. Stuff got serious within the first chapter or two.It doesn't take away from the book at all. This was equally good, and it was evident that things clearly had to get worse this time around. John and Dave are thrown into save-the-world situations, again, only this time they get separated and have to work toward the same goals while apart. It definitely made for some anxious moments and the reader routing for them to make their way back together. There was still humor, and John and Dave's shenanigans will probably always be epic. I am very much looking forward to the next installment!
    • 3/5
      The plot in this second novel was a lot more intense in terms of action, never really letting up. I felt that this detracted from the story somewhat. I also didn't find this as humorous as the first book; although there were a few instances of laugh-out-loud sentences or scenarios, I found the first novel funnier and more engaging. Still, it was a good read and worth it.
    • 3/5
      I just re-read my review of John Dies at the End, and I feel it was pretty much on point. Moments of genius that didn't hold together very well. And my hopes for a better sequel. Alas, those hopes were dashed about 20 pages into This Book Is Full of Spiders.That's not to say I didn't enjoy Spiders, because I did. It was a fun read. Wong created a wholly new story revolving around some of the same characters from the original novel in the same town of [undisclosed]. He didn't really delve into the mythology he created in the first book, rather he piggy-backed off of it to drive forward a new story. Nothing wrong with that. It worked. And it was a fun read. I'll go so far as to say it was funny as well, but not really as funny as the first one. Some of his jokes seemed forced. Others fell flat. I only LOL'd a couple times, but I did LOL, true enough. As for the story, it was mediocre. Characters didn't act uniformly. Motivations were weak. And the writing was, at best, sophomoric. Certain conventions were way over-used. (Note to self: do not use, and especially not over-use, the literary simile of "he looked like [insert character's name] from [movie character was in].")So it may sound like I'm picking this book apart. Perhaps I am. I had higher hopes and expectations. But on its own, it was fine. Just not sure I'm looking forward to the movie version, that's all.John Dies in the End vs. Book Full of SpidersI spent a good deal of time as I was reading Spiders comparing it to its predecessor, critically (you might notice), and wondering what was bothering me about this book. I had some issues with the original, no doubt, so did this one really fall flat? Didn't I express an interest in a proper beginning, middle and end? Didn't I get just that?Sure. But as I thought about it, I realized that what I really liked about John was the almost random chaos of the story, something inherent in a novel written over the course of many years (new chapters appearing on subsequent Halloweens, if you believe the author's own admission). Sure, he didn't know where he was going. Sure, he simply stopped writing when it got big enough. No, it didn't make a lot of sense. But it was fun, and probably mostly fun because of that random chaos. If I could really sum up my negative feelings about that first book, it would be that I just wished he'd found a way to tie that chaos together in the end.This book had no chaos. (Sure plenty in the plot, but none in the telling.) Therefore there was nothing to tie together. Fine. Same thing as most books. No real complaints there. But I was hoping for so much more.Frankly, if I didn't know better, I'd say this book was written by a different David Wong. The first David Wong, a young carefree who-gives-a-f*ck internet writer who probably wrote a good portion more than a little stoned. The second David Wong, an older, presumably wiser, definitely more practiced author who wanted to get his new book out before the movie from his first book was released (good for sales). Ho hum.
    • 4/5
      Wong writes for Cracked.com, which should tell you what you’re going to find here. I read the book before this, John Dies at the End, and found it entertaining enough to continue. David Wong is also the narrator’s name, because that’s the kind of book it is. He lives in [Undisclosed], where weird and horrifying stuff happens, for example spiders that only he can see attacking people and turning them into monsters. With the unreliable aid of his best friend John and the hope of getting to his girlfriend Amy, he struggles to survive the resulting massacres, quarantines, and general disasters. I liked that the story honored both competence and luck—the rain fell on the just and the unjust alike, but there was still a point to being just.
    • 5/5
      Man! That was a fun book to read. The only problem with it was that I couldn't find a place to stop and do other things because it is filled with action and spiders!
    • 5/5
      The comedy/horror sequel to David Wong's previous comedy/horror novel John Dies at the End. The first book was a bizarre mess of a story, with a sometimes rather crude and juvenile sense of humor, but I found it ridiculously entertaining. And this one, I think, is better than the first one. More polished, more coherent... Well, OK, comparatively speaking, it's more coherent. I was going to say it also has fewer dick jokes, but it turns out it was mostly saving up to make one great big one at the end. But it's wonderfully funny. (The book as a whole, I mean, not the giant dick joke.) There were long stretches where I found myself laughing with pretty much every page. It's also a surprisingly good horror novel, with sections that are genuinely suspenseful and creepy, and some really imaginative monsters.It's definitely not a book for everybody, what with the gore and the smart-assed humor and the high levels of general insanity. And it does have some flaws: a bit of dragginess in the middle, an almost literal deus ex machina ending, one tiny but annoying plot hole that bugged me way more than it should have. In the end, though, I'm not sure I cared; it was engaging enough, and hilarious enough, to pretty much get away with it all. It was also exactly what I was in the mood for right now, and I enjoyed the heck out of it.
    • 5/5
      "You know how sometimes when you’re drifting off to sleep you feel that jolt, like you were falling and you caught yourself at the last second? It’s nothing to be concerned about, it’s usually just the parasite adjusting its grip."David Wong, This Book is Full of Spiders (Seriously Dude, Don’t Touch It)If the above quote does not interest you, then skip this genius sequel to John Dies at the End.
    • 5/5
      Ah. The sequel to John Dies at the End. I mean, how can you resist a book with a disclaimer like this:WARNING: THE FOLLOWING CONTAINS FRANK DESCRIPTIONS OF MONSTERS AND MALE NUDITY.I'm going to attempt to do this without spoiling this one or JDATE. So, we're back in UNDISCLOSED and it's under attack by horrifying inter-dimensional spider-parasites. As is its wont. The parasites themselves are invisible to all but an (un)lucky few who have been exposed to Soy Sauce (the semi-alive drug introduced in JDATE). Of course the spiders don't really care whether or not you can see them, they still just want to hunker down in your skull and have their parasitic way with you. Things quickly spiral out of control as more and more people are infected. Fear reigns and with an information blackout and a military quarantine it becomes apparent that the parasite may not even be the scariest thing inside the quarantine let alone outside of it.It's not a zombie story (it totally is), but it nails that social commentary/monster genre George A. Romero loves so much. Except it's a lot funnier. It also takes a well appreciated pause to explain why you should be horrified by the teleportation in Star Trek.
    • 4/5
      There are surely worse worlds in the multiverse than the one in which David Wong gets to write all of the books.

      The podunk white trash Lovecraftian worlds David Wong writes about, for instance. Worlds which might closely resemble our own but for the presence of Shadow Men and titular parasitic eyeball spiders that get up in people's brains and manipulate first their brains and then their biology and turn them into monsters of various imaginative sorts. Those.

      John Dies at the End (JDATE to fans) was one of the silliest, weirdest, most messed-up and entertaining books I've ever read (the film adapted from it somewhat less so, but it was still a lot of fun), so my expectations going into this sequel were pretty high, perhaps unreasonably so. They were sort of met, but only sort of.

      This Book is Full of Spiders, having a first act like JDATE to follow, did, alas fall short of delivering the same quality of guffaws and jaw-dropping inventiveness JDATE had but I don't think that's what Wong was going for here. For This Book is Full of Spiders gets surprisingly somber at times. Which is all right as far as it goes; while chucklehead slacker heroes John and Dave are terribly amusing to follow, it would be a mistake not to let them learn from their experiences and develop as characters. Which they have done, sort of, at least inasmuch as Dave is a boyfriend now with duties, responsibilities, lots of hand holding and sighing and oh wait, that's Bernard Black. But anyway, you get the idea.

      John, thank goodness, is still John, which might surprise people who have the title of the first John and Dave book in mind, but there he is. He's not making cell phone calls that are unstuck in time this go-around, but he still has plenty of stupid ideas that somehow manage to keep the plot from turning into a straightforward bit of disaster porn (but that also mocks the fans of disaster porn, witness the bunch of college hipsters who load up and RV with a whole gun shop's worth of crap and drive it right into the teeth of the crapstorm and insist that videogames have prepared them for apocalyptic good times and they're the only heroes anybody needs, but I digress).

      For disaster there most certainly is, in the form of the aforementioned parasitic spiders from another dimension that crawl into people's heads and take them over, spiders that only John and Dave can see as a residual effect of last novel's unwitting experimentation with the multidimensional drug they call Soy Sauce. It starts off small, the spider problem. One is discovered in Dave's bed in the wee hours of one fateful morning, chewing on his leg. He reacts Davishly. He gets John involved. Everything goes wrong and spirals out of control. Because John and Dave.

      Along the way, we are treated to more than a bit of pop evolutionary psychology, not all of it coming from Dave's therapist-nemesis, Dr. Tennet; we could read this book as a white trash excursis on the consequences of primate neurology and the fact that our brains are wired to be able to handle a max of about 150 real social connections, but with gunfire and explosions and monsters. This is pulled off pretty well, actually.

      What isn't pulled off so well this time around is the narration. JDATE was all first-person, from the entertaining point of view of Dave, who is an undereducated but wickedly intelligent smart ass of a guy with a talent for undercutting the grandiosity of what is around him by boiling a lot down to fart jokes and the like. TBIFOS, however, intercuts his first person narrative with long stretches of third person omniscient whenever the action goes to John or to Dave's girlfriend, the wonderfully down-to-earth and sensible Amy. That all of these sections are often in anything but chronological order -- we frequently get chapter headings telling us that the next bit is, say, eight hours earlier and the like -- is not as annoying as the shift from first to omniscient third is, to me, but then I like my stories to be a bit wibbly wobbly timey wimey once in a while. What I don't like is when they feel lazy or sloppy, and the narration choices here feel a lot like both. Harumph.

      Still, I had a good time. If there's another sequel in the works, I'll have a look. If a film gets made of this, I'll watch it. Because John and Dave.
    • 4/5
      Very fun book. More polished than JDATE, for both the good and bad that that brings with it.Although the fact that Wong rhymes with dong and wrong suggest limerick is the best form for review, I'll stick with myReview Haiku:The monsters are realThat movement you thought you saw?Maybe you should run
    • 4/5
      It didn't have the strange charm of the first book (especially the first half) but it had a more cohesive story and more consistent quality. Instead of several smaller, disjointed adventures, it was a more traditional story-line. This one is very close to a zombie story -- on the lighter end, like Zombieland, not gritty like 28 Days Later -- except it's invisible spider lobster things instead of a zombie virus or voodoo.John, David, and Amy (and a hilarious Awesome Detective Guy) fight the forces of several government agencies to survive a zombie-like outbreak of evil murderous face-infesting spiders from another dimension -- but mostly they just make stupid mistakes. Realistically stupid mistakes, though.
    • 4/5
      Going to keep this one short and sweet.

      Bottom line: I liked it, and look forward to David Wong's next book.

      Did I like it as much as JOHN DIES AT THE END?

      No.

      Why?

      Because even though the story itself was strong, the quality of the writing seemed rushed and the narrative scattered. The personalities of the main characters shifted quite a bit from what I remember in the original book, and the supporting characters in SPIDERS were paper-thin, usually summed up with a description of a celebrity they looked like. "Then the guy who looked like Jermain Jackson said,", etc.

      The beginning was strong and funny, and offered hope that this book would be as thoroughly pleasing as the original. That hope evaporated as the narrative began hopping from character to character faster than lice through a playground. As though that wasn't confusing enough, the author decided to have the narrative jump forward and backward in time as well, catching the reader up on what every main character has been doing in the meantime. It wasn't terribly confusing, just not particularly pleasing to read in that manner.

      I had a great time reading most of this book.

      After the story switched narrators for an extended period of time about 100 or so pages in, I got so bored I almost (unthinkable) lost interest in the book completely. I soldiered on, and thankfully the plot got interesting again and kept me reading and engaged up to the end.

      Overall, I think I would have enjoyed a shorter, more succinctly-told tale with a higher wit-to-words ratio, focusing on the main character -than the rambling, undisciplined book it ended up being. Also, pop-culture name-dropping references doesn't equal funny, it equals pandering fan-service to the target audience. Fine in moderation, but it wears thin when done too often, like product placement in a movie.

      Also, as other reviewers have mentioned, I thought the book seemed to be using the second half to work it's way up to making a STATEMENT, some sort of BIG IMPORTANT social commentary at the end; I'm glad to see that the author decided to let that aspect fall away rather softly and gracefully at the end. Not the right book for preaching, and for that I thank you.

      That being said, it's still one of the best stories I've read all year, full of imagination and delightful.

      I highly recommend reading it, warts and all.
    • 4/5
      Great book and a fine sequel to John Dies at the end.
    • 5/5
      Brilliant fucking book. I had a hard time putting it down.
    • 5/5
      This Book Is Full of Spiders: Seriously, Dude, Don't Touch ItWritten by: David WongNarrated by: Nick PodehlThis Book Is Full of Spiders: Seriously, Dude, Don't Touch It (John Dies at the End #2) by David Wong is soooo good! I got the audible because I watched the movie for book one and thought listening to the book would be close to 'watching' book two. If you haven't read book one, read it first or watch the movie first. I watched it on Netflix. It is important to know certain details in that book for book two. They must of changed the end of the story a bit but it doesn't matter for this book. The key things are in the movie. This book is so silly and fun. I laughed, giggled, and snorted my way through this. I didn't hurry my way through because I wanted it to last. These two books are a must read! So fun! A stress relief, a get away from reality, a total no-brainer. Give it a try! I will say, "You're Welcome" now. The narrator is spot on! He makes the book even funnier! Too perfect!
    • 5/5
      I was really impressed with the quality of “Futuristic Violence and Fancy Suits“. I was underwhelmed by the quality of “John Dies at the End“. This book is closer to the former. It’s a solid story all the way through. In fact, take the content of “John Dies at the End” and put it in the tempered style of “Futuristic Violence and Fancy Suits” and this is the result. Of course, this doesn’t help if you haven’t read either.I’d categorize this as a horror-comedy. If you like movies like The Evil Dead and Killer Klowns from Outer Space, this is for you. Better even, because it touches into the philosophy behind movies like that… as one would drunk with your friends at two in the morning by the fridge… but still fun. David Wong is to horror as Douglas Adams is to space opera.In summary, it’s a zombie apocalypse novel, but that doesn’t do it justice. Nothing about it is run-of-the-mill. It’s fresh takes on everything. There’s a lot of tension, never knowing what’s going to happen next. It’s almost bizarro, except somehow the characterization keeps it grounded (i.e. everyone acts like you’d expect them to act). It even goes into the POVs of the titular John (and some others). It feels like an epic tome, like Swan Song but with more butt humor.
    • 5/5
      With a cover and title that lower the contents to the level of a Darren Shan type horror story for teenage boys, I have no idea why I picked up David Wong's second novel, but I'm glad I did. I have never laughed so much in ages, and at one point I think I was actually hysterical, though that could just have been me. A clever and funny take on the zombie genre, which has never appealed to me before - vampires, check, shambling undead mutants, no thanks - Wong combines action, conspiracy theory, gore, parasites in spider form and that droll, adolescent type of humour that American writers are so good at (of the 'Boom, bitches!' variety). All hell breaks loose in a small, 'undisclosed' midwestern town, and only two guys, David and John, and David's girlfriend Amy are able to save the day. Of course. Brilliant fun, and kudos for the reference to Star Trek (never really thought of the transporters like that!)