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    Nelson to the Rescue
    Nelson to the Rescue
    Nelson to the Rescue
    Ebook59 pages40 minutes

    Nelson to the Rescue

    By Snooks

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    About this ebook

    Fed up with living in a PC world? If so, then Nelson to the Rescue is here to restore your sanity.

    Nelson to the Rescue is a collection of ten humorous short stories related from the viewpoint of a very non-PC feline. King-of-the-cats Nelson tells it like it is, with nobody escaping his waspish observations and wicked sense of humour.

    Meet Malcolm, his faithful manservant, the universally challenged Doris Gasgoine, and Fatboy Johnson, Nelson’s arch-enemy from next door, and see how Nelson twists them all round his little finger.

    And then there’s his devoted girlfriend Delia, and his long-suffering and slightly dimwitted sidekick Chalkie, who thinks the sun shines out of Nelson’s you-know-what and so can never understand why his food is always going AWOL.

    With Nelson around, there’s only ever going to be one winner.

    If you like Garfield, then you’re just gonna love Nelson.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherSnooks
    Release dateJul 31, 2017
    ISBN9781370187645
    Nelson to the Rescue
    Author

    Snooks

    Although I was born and grew up in Wales, I now reside in Portugal, where I share a house with Mrs Snooks and four cats. I have been writing for over twenty years and keep the wolf from the door by ghostwriting, which while being a pleasant way to earn a crust, leaves me little to no time to pursue my own projects. This book of short stories is, I hope, the first of more works to come. I can be contacted via snookeroo15@gmail.com.

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      Book preview

      Nelson to the Rescue - Snooks

      Nelson to the Rescue

      Published by Snooks at Smashwords

      Copyright 2017 Snooks

      This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to your favourite ebook retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

      Nelson to the Rescue is a collection of humorous short stories about a very non-PC cat based on my observations of the feline species over more years than I care to remember.

      Table of Contents

      To the Rescue

      A Roof with a View

      The Birthday

      Tea for Two

      Christmas Spirit

      Pond Life

      Picture This

      One Good Turn

      The French Connection

      With this Ring

      Acknowledgements

      About the Author

      To the Rescue

      Is that you, Nelson?

      Every time I come home, I get this. I mean, who does he think it is nipping in through the cat flap? The Norwich City football team? Of course it’s me. What that thing needs is a silencer. Now, where’s that food? Oh, bad news. Empty Bowl Syndrome. EBS always means I’ve got to go and remind him about proper room service. OK, Nelson, get your motor running, head out to the hallway.

      *

      Hello, Nelson, I thought that must be you.

      Huh, what a name. I was called Nelson after our local Kiss-me-Hardy big-shot. I mean, I wouldn’t mind, only I can’t abide water myself and there’s nothing wrong with my eyesight. Still, at least he was a winner. No, I see myself as more of a land-based hero. Someone like Roger Federer. Yes, I wish he’d called me Fed. I mean, I’ve got the speed, and the style, and the looks, to say nothing of the figure, if you know what I mean. Ah well, I suppose I’d better play up to find out what’s on the menu. I’ll jump onto his lap and give him the works.

      You’re pleased to see me, aren’t you? I bet you want some food.

      Great minds, Dad.

      Mrs Gasgoine will be here in a minute with my shopping and I’ll ask her to open you a tin of something nice. How about some of those pilchards in tomato sauce? I know you like those. I asked her to get you some specially.

      Sounds good to me, Dad. And a drop of fresh milk wouldn’t go amiss. I’m drier than a box of kibbles. There’s the door. That’ll be her. Mrs Gasgoine. The universally challenged.

      Yoo-hoo, Malcolm. Don’t get up, it’s only me, Doris, with your shopping.

      See ? ‘Don’t get up’. I mean, if he could get up that easily he’d be doing his own shopping. Still, mustn’t be too hard on her, she’s got my pilchards.

      I’m in the lounge, Doris, with Nelson.

      Hello, Malcolm. I got nearly everything on your list, except the pilchards. They seemed awfully expensive to me, just to give to the cat…

      JUST TO GIVE TO THE CAT!

      "... so I got a tin of pilchard-flavour cat food instead. I hope you don’t mind, but it was less than half

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