How to Sing Your Own Song of Success: And Transform Your Life

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INTRODUCTION

At some point or another during the course of existence, most humans find themselves wondering about the offerings of life. Is this all there is? people often ask as they toil for answers. Many question themselves—and life—in this respect to the very end of their lives. Believing that life surely must hold more promise than they experience, they search endlessly for the magical elixir. Despite all of this, however, humanity seems no closer to providing a satisfactory answer to the question that continues to plague so many. As a result, growing numbers of people sadly fall victims to the pervasive ills of stress, anxiety, and depression.

A man once told me that the best place to hide is right under the noses of the people who are looking for you. In that spirit, I tackle our age-old question from a different perspective. I suggest that our enduring question continues to haunt us because we seek answers in all the wrong places. Instead of ranging far afield in search of solutions, perhaps we should learn to look right under our noses.

Part of the difficulty we face in terms of living exceptional lives emanates from our interactions with society. As the socialization process unfolds, we quickly discover a world that excels in the art of teaching us to value, idolize, or worship others but fails miserably in educating us to appreciate ourselves. Oh sure, the world offhandedly tells us we are great, wonderful, special, and so on, but it actually demonstrates to us that we are largely insignificant. Then, confronted with a dichotomy between the telling and the teaching, we generally heed the ages-old adage that actions speak louder than words.

Consider, for instance, how little you experience on a daily basis that champions your own existence: it is as though the world is too busy and has no time for you. Contrast this reality with the fact that the world can barely contain its glee as it assails you with information attesting to the greatness and notoriety of others. Television shows like Entertainment Tonight and Extra, inundate you with stories about Hollywood heroes. You have also witnessed the rise of reality TV shows such as The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, and seemingly hundreds of others that ask us to believe the lives of those on TV are somehow more interesting and important our own. Of course, the media chime in often to thrill you with tales about your favorite political heroes and villains, who rarely display much interest in the people they rule. Reporters also toss in tidbits on money regulators, business tycoons, and mass murderers to round out your daily viewing opportunities. All seem to demand your attention, pointing to the glorified importance of everything else and everyone else.

In school, history presents you with an endless procession of personalities that you should forever adulate. You learn about kings and queens, emperors and dictators, and explorers and conquerors. You learn to honor, praise, and appreciate others; you learn much about the greatness and grandeur of others but precious little about the qualities that mark you as a unique and special human being. All this despite the fact that, in the end, your essential characteristics foretell far more about the success you will experience in life than your knowledge of others’ achievements ever could.

You progress through life hearing so much regarding the magnificence of others that, in time, you succumb to the idea that the omniscient world must hold the solutions to all your problems. As a result, you cease looking right under your nose and resolve to search the world for the elusive keys to happiness, contentment, and achievement. This approach has played out since times immemorial, and in the process, led people down dead end trails filled with heartbreak and despair. I propose a better way.

I wrote this book for two fundamentally important reasons: (1) I view each human being as precious, priceless, and truly unique; and (2) I formulated a process that people can use to discover and draw upon their most significant qualities to live uniquely successful lives. Far too many define themselves only with respect to objective data such as what did the boss say, what does the Bible state, what do others believe? Those externals—though they may contain useful information—often adversely affect individuals by suppressing the sense of self. Then, over periods of time, many stop listening to the encouraging voice from within that sings of their own virtues and strengths and conversely learn to measure their worth only with respect to scales found in the outside world. As people ascribe greater and greater value to the messages they receive from without, the roar of the messages flowing in drowns out the song of the precious little bird within until many no longer hear it and sometimes forget that it ever existed.

The true route to a healthy, happy, and fulfilling life originates within. When you listen to your inner voice, you strike a chord that initiates an enduring dialogue with yourself. You learn your own drives, motivations, and ambitions; and you grow to recognize your own uniqueness. You shun self-abuse and self-condemnation, not because anyone told you to, but because you value yourself in a unique, genuine, and holistic way—a way derived from you that works best for you.

Often, as we suffer through years of the world’s neglect or abuse, we lose sight of the very real power we possess. For instance, think about times in your life when you have felt bad; then, reflect upon the actions you took to improve your state of mind. Perhaps you listened to music, headed out for a walk, talked with a friend, or decided to watch a movie. The important point lies in the fact that you assessed the situation and took the action required to bolster your mood. You seized command and remedied the situation—you triumphed.

Consider a time when you faced an important deadline regarding some project or event and doubted your ability to rise to the occasion. Again you sprang into action: you prayed, you pushed yourself, you tapped into the powers of your imagination, and you drank lots of coffee. You did whatever you had to in order to ensure a successful outcome. You demanded the best from yourself, and you produced your best when you needed it most. You again demonstrated your immeasurable self-worth.

During these and similar trials, we instinctively look to ourselves for the answers that will enable us to excel; then, with the crises averted, we downplay our achievements and hurriedly focus our attentions upon the world again. This all suggests to me that we realize our true powers lie within, awaiting our commands; if not, why would we look to them during our times of greatest peril? The evidence indicates that we know what works best for us, and so when the chips are down, we look to the tried-and-true. The key to long-term success, however, means habitually relying on the tried and true as a way of life; therefore, we must reestablish the habit of drawing upon our innate gifts to soar on a daily basis if we are truly to fulfill our potential in life. If we can look to ourselves when our ships face difficulty, we can also look to ourselves when we sail blissfully along. The answers to our challenges lie not far off in the world, but very close at hand.

As mentioned previously, too many of us tend to lay our greatest attributes aside until trouble comes calling. As a consequence, we then experience lives that are constantly punctuated by highs and lows as opposed to the smooth, gentle flight provided by a Boeing 747. We counteract such trends by living in a manner that naturally requires our greatest assets on a daily basis. We then move forward to create the conditions in our lives that militate against crisis-plagued existences and instead foster the zest for living that enhances life itself.

To completely transform your life, you will employ techniques that lie all around you and have enhanced your life from birth. You will use tools that have already contributed greatly to your existence and can be found right under your nose. As opposed to passively manipulating the tools, however, you will actively use them in a manner that allows you to play the music of your life with energy and gusto. All the processes involved will draw upon your greatest gifts—not merely during periods of crisis, but as a way of life.

You have always owned all the instruments needed to assemble an award-winning orchestra that rivals the greatest ever produced. Now you will combine all the elements in a manner that yields the musical score of your own life. Whether you possess great musical talent or completely lack any understanding of the musical scale makes no difference, for you will now enter a musical wonderland where you learn to sing proudly and distinctly your very own song of success.

CHAPTER ONE

An Index Card And A Pen

As a teacher, I always introduced my students to a magical idea illustrated with the simple tools of an index card and a pen. I found that most held some familiarity with the idea; in fact, some had even performed a version of the experiment in the past although few had devoted much thought to it. To begin, the students would take an index card and fold it in half lengthwise. Then they would draw a birdcage on one side of the cage and a cute little bird on the other side. They would color the bird brightly. They then would tape the card to their pen or pencil with the bird and birdcage featured prominently on the outside. They would now rotate the pencil back-and-forth in their hands and as they did so, they created an optical illusion where the bird seemed to rest happily inside the cage.

This simple little trick reveals how easily the mind may fall victim to treachery or deceptiveness. Out in the world, we encounter abundant phenomena that fool the mind and often leave us bewildered. The card and the pen trick teaches us to step back from our observations and question if we are accurately interpreting reality. In so doing, we learn to discipline ourselves and develop better approaches for interacting with the world.

Consider, for example, how the world bombards us with messages—sometimes ones that suggest we are not good enough or that we fall short in some important area. Such indications assume a variety of forms from the supermodels gracing the covers of magazines to the hunks advertising men’s suits on television. Some of the ads may imply that we are too tall, too short, too black, too white, or too lacking in some supposedly essential area. Other messages suggest that we lack intelligence or confidence (I wonder why?) or the qualities of a winner. As we develop as children, we may discover that parents and teachers like some kids better than others, and we become increasingly aware that our friends often enjoy bigger homes and more expensive toys. Faced with this unsettling array of information, many of us begin to doubt ourselves, to question if we are okay. Such manifestations led me to write this book to remind people of their own irrefutable self-worth and to gently guide them back into the empowering world of self-appreciation. After all, the world can only deceive us if we allow the deception to endure, and only our confusion permits such an unfortunate set of circumstances to stand.

Think, for instance, about something you once believed was true that you no longer view as valid. Peeking back into childhood, you likely feared many make-believe monsters such as those under your bed and the bogey man. You probably entertained concerns over ghosts, witches, werewolves, and the like as well. Despite all those worries and nightmares, though, you found a way to overcome, and you moved on in life with courage and strength. Rest assured that if you surmounted those fears of deepest dread, you can handle anything else that the world might throw at you.

Despite our early triumphs, however, as we progress through life, we generally develop a tendency to pay greater homage to messages from the outside world and dismiss the information that arises from within. However, we must always remember that our uniqueness—our truly special gift—emanates from within. Think about the simple reality, for instance, that nobody can convince you to like a song if you don’t. Songs that you like simply resonate with you in a special way. Proceeding along the same lines, who can tell you whom you should love? We often find it impossible to explain why we love a person—we just do! What moves you to fall for a specific dog or cat? Even with respect to activities such as dancing, drawing, running, and so on, we all exhibit our own unique styles. Contemplate the fact that in all of existence, no person’s mind has functioned in exactly the same way as yours. While we generally acknowledge and appreciate these things about ourselves, we often still fall victim to honoring messages from the world far more highly than we value those from within. At such times, we must remember to reach for an index card and a pen.

As another poignant example of knowledge that flows from within, consider the concept of your own intuition and the intuitions of others. How many times have you heard people bemoan the fact that they—knew—something would occur before it happened, and yet they failed to act? How many times have you done the same? Many express such regrets with respect to sporting events: baseball games, horse races, boxing matches, and the like. We also witness evidence of the same phenomenon with respect to games of chance—the sense that one simply knows the outcome intuitively and yet doubts oneself, hesitates, and perhaps loses the opportunity of a lifetime.

Whether you choose to express such knowledge as confidence, a hunch, a feeling, or intuition, reflect upon some examples from the sporting world; for instance, how could Joe Namath have absolutely known that his New York Jets would upset the heavily favored Baltimore Colts in Super Bowl III? How could Muhammad Ali proclaim himself the greatest before he had defeated anyone of note? How could Roger Bannister believe that he could break the four-minute barrier in the mile when no one had done it before? Think of all the people who intuitively believe they can accomplish incredible things despite all evidence to the contrary, and yet they shock the world and prevail.

We all hold familiarity with such manifestations as revealed in stories and confessions from others, but can you think of examples from your own life when you just knew that a certain outcome would result, and yet you failed to positively act? Did you distrust the information because it came from you; did you doubt yourself? How might your life have changed had you trusted yourself a little bit more? How many times have you expressed remorse for choosing to ignore your own hunches?

Intuition, hunches, and spontaneous bursts of insight can make us rich, and they can also protect us from harm. A hunch about the performance of a certain stock could mean millions; similarly, betting big in 1980 that the U.S. Olympic Hockey Team would upset the dominant Soviet squad could have greatly aggrandized your life.

Our intuition often delivers warnings, too. For example, how often have you sensed that you should not trust another person only to disregard the conviction and later pay a significant price for doubting yourself? I knew I shouldn’t have trusted him has become a refrain often uttered by the victimized. Sadly, many of us fall short of learning the lesson and commit the same mistake over and over again.

All these things we already know, and yet, we largely ignore them because they emanate from within. Blinded and mesmerized by the sights and sounds of the outside world, we often ignore our own harmonious songs and tune to the shrill and deceptive ones that flow from the world. An index card and a pen can remind us that things are not always what they seem, that unwariness can lead to deception. Pondering this idea helps us to understand that we can identify the world’s pyrite as fool’s gold and reject it in favor of mining our own precious metals that lie within.

We also often stand witness to our deepest sense of self-belief when others challenge us or dare us to attempt something—usually something regarded as beyond our capabilities. At such times, we respond in ways that surprise even ourselves. I refer to this general set of circumstances as the African Lion Syndrome because the reactions that we show in such situations parallel those of the great predator. If you recall, the lion sleeps most of the day and often appears lazy and unmotivated; in fact, the beast frequently seems incapable of brushing aside an annoying pest, behaving as though such an activity would require too much effort.

However, let a rival male or a potential prey suddenly enter the king’s territory and we observe a completely different animal. Displaying enormous energy, the great king bounds to his feet fully prepared for action. The disinterested loafer of moments ago has disappeared, replaced by an engaged—and perhaps enraged—animal that now pulsates with power.

Many humans demonstrate similar tendencies in response to challenges and dares. We may drag through our normal daily activities without showing much pep or pizzazz until someone steps and challenges us. Once this happens, our energy levels elevate and we rise to meet the objection. If you dare us to deliver that speech, we will perform like the world’s greatest orators. If you challenge us to run a marathon, we will prepare with everything we’ve got to ready ourselves for the undertaking. Suggest that we cannot complete the project, and we will move heaven and earth to accomplish the task. Tell us that we can’t and we will stop at nothing to show you that we can.

All of this indicates that we remain aware of our capacities to achieve fantastic things, but like the king of beasts, we sometimes require a powerful stimulus to act. With the foregoing in mind, I suggest that we cease awaiting an action from some outside agency and learn instead to dare and challenge ourselves on a daily basis. Then we regulate our own behavior and begin automatically responding with great enthusiasm as we merrily pursue our own goals and objectives.

Another aspect of our inner power reveals itself when we find ourselves in the zone. People who participate in sporting events are familiar with the concept because they have likely found themselves in the zone many times. I recall once watching an NBA finals game where Michael Jordan made six of seven shots in a row at