Immortal Light: Wide Awake (Book 1)

Immortal Light

Wide Awake

John D. Sperry

For sarah

If ever there was a woman more lovely and more beautiful, more

brilliant and more wise, she must certainly be a fairy tale character. My Sarah is my fantasy come true.

Part I

Preface

It didn’t hurt; not yet, anyway. He told her there would be pain and Lucy wasn’t going to underestimate someone who was trying to kill her. She wanted to do something about it, but that would only make things worse for Kat and even Benjamin and his brothers. All Lucy could really do was wait.

The tide of the bay was rolling in softly and Lucy’s anxiety had subsided enough for her to find her favorite spot on the beach: an ancient, weatherworn tree that had probably fallen centuries before from the cliff above. As she walked to it, she picked up sand dollars and pebbles. Looking at them in her hand, she was still amazed at how real they seemed. They were only creations of her memories, her subconscious, yet they were perfect in every way; even the gritty texture of the sand dollar made her fingertips tingle.

The crook of the tree was cozy and Lucy was comfortable with dying there, even if it was only in her haven. She pushed the reality of the forgotten and mildew-ridden motel where her body lay out of her mind. She hoped that Kat would be released or might find a way out, because it would be an awful place for her to die.

With a sudden gust of uncharacteristic wind, Lucy looked up at the waves that were starting to crest into whitecaps. It wasn’t normal; he must have started already. In what she perceived to be her last moments, Lucy gave in and thought of Benjamin. She tried to keep him out of her thoughts; he would try to stop her and she loved him for that, but this was not to be stopped. It was the only way to save him and everyone she loved.

For a brief moment, she was carried back to summer when she first met Benjamin and how far away that seemed. The time hadn’t been long enough; she wanted to rewind the clock and do it all over again, but the pain was starting and the clock was about to stop ticking altogether.

Chapter 1

You heard what he said, Kat. It’s going to take me two weeks at least, but I’m not going to give him the satisfaction of seeing me upset about it.

Yeah, but you could at least ask him one more time. I mean, today’s your first day, Luce.

No! No way. I’m not going to grovel. I’ll do something; I don’t know what, but something. If it doesn’t work, then I’m going to suck this one up.

Lucy, you know you don’t have to prove anything to him. He’s been wrapped around your finger since you were born.

Lucy sighed into her phone as she found her purse and the right shoes.

I know, but this is big. It’s not like I’m five, asking for a candy bar in the checkout line. No. I’ll do anything but beg. Just then she saw the brightest possibility of hope. And I have just the thing. Lucy smiled as she uncorked the rubber stopper on the purple piggy bank she’d had since she was three years old.

I don’t know what you’re going to do, but don’t make it worse on yourself, Kat warned.

I won’t. This will work. She smiled at her own cunning. Okay, gotta go. Love you.

Lucy listened as Kat lightly giggled at her friend’s absurdity.

Love you, too. Call me later.

I will. Lucy slapped her phone shut and dumped the piggy bank full of silver coins into her purse and headed to breakfast.

She walked as casually from her room and down the stairs as she could. There was no sign of her father anywhere. He was either still in his room or already in the kitchen drinking his coffee. Lucy threw her purse over her shoulder, the sound of coins jingling around as the purse came to rest.

As she walked through the kitchen, she saw her mother, Laura, standing at the stove, flipping pancakes. Her father, James, was at the coffee pot.

Perfect, Lucy thought to herself.

She walked over to the kitchen table with a deliberate blankness on her face. Without looking at or greeting either of her parents, she pulled her purse from her shoulder and carefully turned out the trove of silver coins onto the table. They slid out onto the wood and formed a handsome pile. Lucy sat down in a chair and immediately started separating the nickels, dimes, and quarters from one another.

Morning, Sweetheart. Pancakes for breakfast? Laura’s voice was pleasant.

Lucy just shook her head as she focused on her task. She didn’t want to lose track of what she was doing. At least that’s what she wanted them to think.

James Higgins walked over to the table and casually placed the morning paper next to his daughter. Lucy could feel his presence behind her and she tried not to let the sipping of coffee distract her. She was hoping he would ask what she was doing. Counting out change for the bus, Daddy, was the response she had ready in her head. But, he said nothing and continued sipping.

Lucy’s three piles of coins were nearly separated and James had yet to say anything at all to her; she was running out of time. He wasn’t even going to have to call her bluff because she would be forced to beg.

No begging! She reminded herself of the morning’s motto.

Just as hope was dwindling, Lucy saw her father move out of the corner of her eye. He leaned down near her and reached out his hand. He was still too far around her side that she couldn’t see what he was setting down. She closed her eyes and prayed it was what she thought it was. But when she opened them, her heart sank and a grimace crossed her mouth as she looked at four dollars and ninety-nine cents worth of irony. Next to her on the table was her father’s World’s Greatest Dad coffee mug, a mug she had gotten for him nearly a decade earlier on father’s day.

She felt his presence disappear as footsteps lead to the stove where he was undoubtedly picking at the pancakes still on the griddle.

Stop it, James. Those aren’t done yet, Lucy heard her mother say, followed by the sound of plastic slapping fingers.

Ouch! James hollered with a laugh.

Lucy felt him close behind her again, but he only picked up his drink, took the last sip of coffee and walked his World’s Greatest Dad mug over to the kitchen sink, and turned on the water. Finally, he addressed his only child, who sat visibly dejected at the table.

Interesting story on the front page today, Goosey. You should take a look; I think it’s right up your alley.

"I don’t have time, Dad; I have to catch the bus."

Usually referring to him as Daddy, her words were prickly with disdain.

You sure? It’s a great article.

Lucy cocked her head sideways and glared at him. Yeah, I’m sure, she said, shooting daggers.

There was no more pretending. She had lost, and she was going to live with it. No begging today.

Okay, suit yourself, James said, picking up the newspaper.

As he did, Lucy heard something slide out of the folded paper and hit the table with a familiar clank and thud. It was a familiar sound, the sound she heard every day when her father would get home from work; it was the sound of keys hitting the table. She froze. Looking down, she saw a small set of keys resting right next to her. It was a set she had seen only once before. The slightly worn Chevrolet logo stared up at her as if to say, Hello. Eyes wide, she slowly reached for them, and looked up at her father who was standing over her with an expression on his face that seemed to say, What do you say?

Quickly grasping the keys, Lucy jumped up, questioning, Really?

Yeah, really, he mumbled.

Oh thank you, thank you, thank you, Daddy! You’re the best! She threw her arms around her father’s sturdy frame and squeezed him with all her might.

You’re welcome, but remember, thirty-five dollars a month for insurance and you pay for gas.

I know, I know, I promise.

Lucy grabbed her purse and pushed the coins back into it. Her excitement was nearing critical mass.

You should have enough gas to last you two weeks if you only drive to work and back. Don’t waste it. His tone had turned to a lecturing timbre as Lucy raced around the kitchen grabbing her things.

I’ll see you at dinner, love you, she called to both of her parents and then turned around again. She ran to her father and gave him another big hug. Jumping up, she kissed him on the cheek and thanked him again.

Trying to hide his joy, he responded with a surly, You’re welcome, and encouraged her to thank her mother.

Lucy raced over to the stove, repeated the sentiment with a hug and a kiss, and was out the door before anyone could change their mind.

Laura stood with her hands on her hips and shook her head with a smile. You’re such a softy. You know that, right?

James glowered at his wife. I just wanted to see if she knew I was serious about paying for the privilege of driving, that’s all.

He leaned over and kissed his wife goodbye. She simply rolled her eyes and smiled.

***

Lucy drove her beige Chevrolet Cavalier, a present she got three months earlier on her sixteenth birthday, to her first job ever. She was told she had to pay for insurance up front if she wanted to drive it. That meant she had to get a job. That job was at the Coos Bay public library.

Pulling into the small parking lot, Lucy looked for some sort of employee parking spaces, or at least a designated zone, but she saw none, so she parked near the front of the library. The clock on her stereo read 9:19 AM. She was early. That worked to her advantage, as she didn’t want to make a bad impression with her new boss her first day on the job.

The library opened at 10:00 AM so Lucy knew she had a good thirty minutes of training ahead of her, but there wasn’t a single other car in the lot and didn’t seem to be any life inside the library.

She turned off the car, removed her keys and for a moment admired the way they looked in her hand; her very own keys to her very own car. It felt good to finally be driving it.  Unbuckling her seatbelt, she pulled the door handle and stepped out into the parking lot. The door slammed with a nice solid click. Just the sound of it made her smile because it was her slamming door and her solid click.

Before heading to the front door, she looked herself over once in the reflection of the side window. It was hard to look at herself sometimes because during her middle school years she went through what her mother called an awkward phase. If awkward meant being too skinny and too tall to fit into any clothing, having teeth that didn’t seem to fit into her mouth, and having zero curvature to her body, then Lucy agreed that she had gone through an awkward phase. It was just before her fifteenth birthday that she finally started to see a little bit of real femininity in her design.

Her hair had always been beautiful, long and blonde with just the right amount of body, and for that she was grateful. As she looked at her reflection she realized that the rest of her might not be half bad. She had sparkling blue eyes. Her porcelain skin looked perfect with just a little bit of make-up and under her name-brand clothing she saw fullness and curvature she was sure hadn’t been there yesterday. To her own surprise, she might have even considered herself a little bit hot by high school standards.

Arriving at the front door, she pulled on the handle. The force of it jarred her a little bit when there was no give. The door clattered and remained in position.

They don’t open until ten, a warm voice said from behind her.

Turning around, she saw a guy about her age walking toward her on the sidewalk. The first thing she noticed was that he was tall, more than six feet for sure. He wore beige cargo shorts with flip flops, which wasn’t exactly surprising in Coos Bay during the summer. Hanging loosely on his torso and over the top of his shorts was a white button-down shirt rolled up at the sleeves. The contrast of the white accented the perfectly tanned shade of his skin, but it wasn’t a summer tan; from what she could tell, the color was native to his skin. She could see that his hands and forearms were toned, as were his legs. While her heart fluttered at the sight of his chiseled jaw and perfect features, his most dazzling feature was his eyes. They were spectacular green emeralds glowing in the daylight and framed by dark, black locks of hair that fell around his face. His gaze seemed to grab Lucy’s attention and hold it hostage.

Oh, uh, I know. I work here, was all she could manage to say.

And you don’t have a key?

Well, I mean, today is my first day; I was kind of expecting someone to be here already.

He stopped in front of her, gripping a backpack over his shoulder. He just raised his eyebrows and stared. Lucy froze in the silence wondering why he was just standing there. A moment turned into seconds and the awkwardness was becoming palpable. Lucy pined for something to say, but the newcomer spoke first.

Are you going to sit down? He gestured to a bench near the library door that Lucy had not realized she was blocking.

Embarrassed, she stepped out of the way, and the boy gave her a closed mouth smile, dropped his backpack to the bench, and sat down.

Lucy tried to hide her flushed face. She had never felt so rattled in the presence of someone her own age, so she just stood, arms crossed, staring into the parking lot.

"Would you like to sit down?" she heard him ask from behind her.

Her mortification was obviously not going to be relieved.

No, uh, I’m fine, thanks.

Lucy walked over to the opposite side of the door and started pacing a groove into the sidewalk. After a minute of torment, she was granted a reprieve. She and her new morning companion looked up as the screeching sound of a car in need of some serious repair pulled into the parking lot. Navigating the vehicle to a spot at the edge of the lot, the driver turned to look at Lucy. He was pale to a near sickly degree, young, and gaunt. His expression was blank, his thin pink lips clamped together. He couldn’t have been more than twenty-five years old and the sight of him was just creepy enough to send a cold chill down Lucy’s spine. Lucy hoped he wasn’t coming for a visit to the library. As he turned his gaze back to maneuvering into the parking space, Lucy saw a long, black, stringy ponytail that hung  down his back without being affected by the wind through his open window.

With a squeaky slam of his car door he approached the library, holding a black briefcase. He was so skinny that the navy blue long-sleeved shirt he wore hung loosely on his bony torso. Walking up to the door, Lucy watched the expression on his glistening, damp face change from a stern, miserable glare to a slightly softer, more innocent look.

Are you Lucy? he asked in a high sort of whiny, though not totally unpleasant, voice.

Lucy looked at him confusedly for a moment then thought she should answer him.

Yes, I’m Lucy.

Kenny, he said, leaving the keys in the lock and holding a sweaty hand out to her. I’m the librarian here.

Lucy’s heart sank as she took his hand. His fingers were almost ice-cold with a thin, vaporous layer of moisture. 

I’m sorry we haven’t met until now. I was at a library conference in California. That’s why the city HR people did the hiring.

Kenny seemed almost out of breath with every word as his boney fingers fumbled at the lock. The process looked laborious, as though each tumbler weighed a ton.

Once Kenny had the door open, Lucy looked to the boy sitting on the bench. His face was buried in a book, so she didn’t say anything to him; she simply followed Kenny through the door that felt like the stone entrance of a tomb for all the trouble it gave him.

Are you familiar with the library? Kenny asked in his weak voice, not looking at Lucy as they walked through the entry way. It was obvious he was a rather timid person. Do you read books? he followed up. He also didn’t seem to have well-developed social skills.

Yeah, Lucy replied, not sure to which question she was responding. I used to come here all the time.

And now you don’t?

I haven’t really had time. I sort of got busy with life and …

Kenny slipped behind the circulation desk and disappeared into a darkened office. It was obvious he wasn’t listening, so Lucy stopped talking. Seconds later, all the lights were on and Lucy’s immediate impulse was to head to the fiction aisle, grab a copy of a favorite book, and hide from her weird, new boss in the children’s section, curled up on a beanbag chair.

Kenny reemerged from the back and stood behind the desk.

So, this is going to be your job.

He pointed to a chair behind a computer immediately adjacent to a large wooden box that was no doubt the book return.

It’s really a lot of scanning books into the computer and putting them back on the shelves. He spoke as kindly and as professionally as he could. It was almost like someone had trained him to sound like that; it was almost robotic.

Walking around the back of the desk, she saw her computer and a scanning gun. Kenny punched some keys and picked up the gun to demonstrate how the computer interfaced with the scanner. It was a simple process that didn’t really require the twenty or so examples Kenny made of the books sitting on a cart behind them, but Lucy let him do his job. As he scanned, she would catch him glancing at her. Every time she caught him he would quickly go back to what he was doing. When he was done, Kenny stood up and placed the books he had scanned back onto the rolling cart.

When you finish, all you have to do is put the books back where they belong on the shelves.

Lucy acknowledged him with a nod.

Any questions?

No, she said with a tight smile.

Okay.  I’ll be in there then.  Kenny pointed toward his office and Lucy just smiled and nodded.

The remaining stack of books took Lucy only a few minutes to scan, and as she prepared to reshelf them, Kenny came out of the office holding an American flag under one arm and two rolls of toilet paper and a package of paper towels in the other. Lucy jumped at the opportunity to help. Wanting to make a good impression, she hopped up from her perch and walked swiftly over to where Kenny was having a difficult time holding everything in his arms.

Can I do anything to help?

Uh, sure. Can you do the flag? This other stuff is for the, uh, Men’s Room so, uh …

He looked a little embarrassed to be on the subject of the men’s bathroom, so Lucy grabbed the flag from his pile.

I’ll get this one, she said with a weak smile as she headed for the door.

Behind her, she heard Kenny call out, You’ll need my keys to get back in.

In his pale, bony fingers he held a set of brass colored keys.

It’s the big square one.

With the keys in her pocket, Lucy headed outside. Looking to her left as she exited, she noticed the same guy still sitting on the bench. He didn’t look up, nor did he say anything as she walked by.

Approaching the flagpole, she realized she had no idea what to do, having never raised a flag in her life. Surveying the pole and line, she saw that it was a rope wrapped around a cleat, but she didn’t see where the flag attached. On the line going up the pole, she saw two clips like one might see on a construction worker’s keys. She looked at the flag that was tightly folded into a triangle. There was no sign of any place to clip onto. She decided to untuck the edge and let the flag unravel like a bed sheet onto the ground.

It isn’t supposed to touch the ground, came a voice from near the library entrance. Lucy cringed as she recognized immediately who it was.

I’m sorry? she replied to him, not wanting to be completely rude.

The flag isn’t supposed to touch the ground.

First he embarrassed her and now he was giving her a lesson in flag etiquette.

Well, how else am I supposed to do this?

He laughed as he spoke, You’ve already defeated that method. Would you like a hand?

Embarrassment had turned to frustration with her new friend and she glared at him as he approached her.

Sure. Show me what you’ve got, Captain America.

He chuckled. You don’t think it’s important to know the rules of your country’s flag?

Lucy didn’t want to answer. What kind of American would she be if she said no or expressed her true feelings of total apathy?

I suppose. But, I think if I break the rules this once, who’s going to know?

God, the boy said, matter-of-factly.

Lucy jerked her head as the word smacked her in the face. I beg your pardon?

Well, it’s just that the founders of this country held their god in such high esteem that were it not for him, they wouldn’t have been able to establish themselves. So, to them, if you disrespect the flag, you are disrespecting God. And since the Christian god is considered omniscient, God will know if you let it touch the ground.

Lucy was perplexed by his response. She tried to hide her contorted face of curiosity.

Are you okay? he asked.

Yeah, Lucy said, surprised. I just … she looked down at the flag in her hands. Why don’t you save me from God’s wrath and show me how this is done.

He smiled and picked up the end from the ground, then told Lucy to hold tight to her end. Pulling the flag taut, he folded it in half once and then again like folding a table cloth. This seemed easy enough, so Lucy followed suit with her end.

Now, you just stand there and hold on tightly to your end.

His instructions were simple and Lucy lightly scoffed at what she took as condescension; but she held on to her end as instructed.

He folded a ten to twelve inch section of the flag toward Lucy, followed by a ten to twelve inch diagonal fold. He followed this pattern until he reached her hands. As he went to take the resulting triangularly folded flag, he accidentally grasped Lucy’s hand.

She convulsed slightly as his touch sent a somewhat electrifying current up through her arm. It wasn’t an uncomfortable sensation, but it did take her by surprise. He didn’t jump or react to it, but as she looked at him, she noticed that he had frozen for a moment and was looking directly into her eyes. She stared back at his electric green eyes; they were beautiful and brilliant, and for a few seconds she was mesmerized by their penetrating glow.

Returning his attention to the flag, he took the triangle in his hands, and tucked the blue flap covered in stars into the pocket created by the folds. Lucy looked back to what he was doing so as not to seem like anything had happened. She didn’t want to let on that she had felt something, thinking that would just come across as weird, and weird is not what she wanted to portray.

She watched as he unwound the rope from the cleat and let the slack hang down. He maintained his focus on the task at hand and didn’t say a word. Holding the flag in his hands, palms up, he untucked the flap, making sure that Lucy noticed the eyelet on the blue corner of the flag. Pulling the top clip of the rope, he fastened it into the eyelet. Then, holding the flag in one hand, he pulled down on the other end of the rope which scaled the top of the flag upward and brought the second clip to waist level. She could see that the flag was starting to unravel as he clipped it onto the other eyelet at the bottom. Having secured it, he began rapidly pulling down on the rope which sent the unraveling flag toward the sky; and as the wind caught it, Lucy saw how the method was all part of respecting the flag. It gradually unfolded in a crescendo of visual majesty until it waved gallantly in the wind.

Lucy looked back at her instructor, who was admiring the brilliance of his task. He turned and caught her gaze. She smiled and nodded appreciatively. He returned the nod and walked back to his bench. She slowly followed him, veering slightly to the door where she put the key into the lock. As she pulled the door open, she looked to where he was once again sitting and reading. Something about his touch made Lucy curious. For some reason, she felt like she had known him all her life; she felt close to him, but she didn’t even know his name.

Thanks for showing me that, about the flag. I’m Lucy, she said.

Looking up at her, he smiled entrancingly.

I’m Benjamin; and it was my pleasure.

As they momentarily locked gazes, he winked, causing her heart to race a little, and she felt a tightness in her gut that was something she had never felt before; it was like being anxious about something. It was like waiting to go on a roller-coaster: all anxiety and anticipation.

Before walking through the door, she stopped and turned in his direction again.

How did you know that, anyway? That’s not something they teach in school.

Benjamin looked up from his book. I’ve been around, he said with another wink and a smile.

Looking back into the library, Lucy caught Kenny’s eyes staring through the front windows; he seemed to be glaring at Benjamin. When he noticed Lucy, he disappeared.  With one last look at Benjamin, she went in to start her first day of work.

***

You need to get a boyfriend this year, Luce. For three months you’ve done nothing but work at that library. C’mon. Live a little.

Kat’s voice radiated so much excitement about the upcoming school year that Lucy visualized satellites ducking out of the way as her signal spastically approached them.

Would you just let it go, already? I’m not getting a boyfriend this year. It’ll be just like every other year.

You know, Steph said she heard someone talking about you the other day at Cranberry Sweets. And she couldn’t be sure, but she thinks it was Mark.

Lucy’s eyes lit up as though Kat could see her through the phone.

Really? She thinks Mark Thompson was talking about me? Wow, Lucy said in a stunned daze.

Why is that so amazing to you? I’ve told you since the seventh grade that he’s got a thing for you. I think he’s just too chicken to ask you out.

More like he’s too chicken to go out with the nerdy girl. Lucy’s tone had become disdainful.

You can’t be serious. Have you looked in a mirror lately? Lucy, you’ve always been gorgeous, but now you’re totally hot. How could he not want to go out with you? He’s so sweet, too.

Lucy practically melted at Kat’s suggestion that she and Mark could ever be an item. If Steph’s information was true, maybe all Lucy had to do this year was be patient.

So are you coming on Saturday? Kat pulled Lucy back to earth by changing the subject.

What’s on Saturday?

You haven’t heard? Chad’s folks are letting him throw an end-of-summer party. They’ll be there, so your dad should let you go, right? It’s not like there’s going to be booze or drugs or stuff. So, how about it?

Kat was, in almost every way, the opposite of Lucy. She was a socialite and was never really without a boyfriend. The list of physical differences between the two girls started at the top and went all the way to the bottom, beginning with Kat’s dark brown hair; it was full and thick and it had a natural wave to it that made her look like a super model. She had skin so rich with color and so clear of blemishes that she never had to wear make-up. Her eyes danced like brown sequins in the sunlight and she had a smile that went on for days. She stood five-foot-six in the 7th grade and had gained an inch every year since. Being a long distance runner—one of the best Marshfield High School had ever seen—she had the stamina of a cheetah and the legs of a gazelle. To top it all off, she had had curves in all the right places since she was twelve. Kat was all the things you might find in a Greek Goddess.

Yeah, it sounds like fun. I’ll ask my dad. What time?

I think it starts at six, but we should be fashionably late, you know?

I’ll take your word for it. Should I pick you up?

Yeah. You should come right after work so we can get ready at my place.

You got it. I’ll let you know what my dad says. The two girls said their farewells and hung up.

Walking into the library, Lucy saw Mrs. Breen behind the checkout desk. Her glasses were perched at the tip of her nose and their silver braided chain swung gently around her neck. She was typing away at the computer while talking on the phone.

Good Morning, Sandi, Lucy whispered loudly to Mrs. Breen, who flashed a sunshiny smile full of perfect, white dentures.

Mrs. Breen raised her hand and wiggled her fingers in jovial greeting, despite the business being conducted over the phone.

Any sign? Lucy then whispered with a distorted look of improbable hope.

Mrs. Breen shook her head. I’m sorry dear, she mouthed apologetically.

Mrs. Breen was the only person privy to the one little secret she hadn’t shared with anyone. Lucy had been obsessed with Benjamin Raven all summer, in spite of the fact that she hadn’t seen him since the flag incident. It was such a trivial thing to think about and she had told Kat about him, but she had never told her that he was almost the only thing that occupied her thoughts constantly.

Lucy smiled and shrugged her shoulders as she sat down at her computer. Sliding her keyboard toward her, she noticed a small dark object lying just under the computer monitor. It looked like a moth and as she looked closer, she couldn’t be absolutely positive, but it appeared to be dead. Grabbing a tissue from the box in front of her, she nudged the little creature. It didn’t move and it felt quite stiff. As she stared at it, she started to feel a little sad that it was dead. She even felt a little bit of that throat choking sensation of crying and had to pull herself together.

Having moved the keyboard away from the computer, she gently stroked the top wing of the moth with her index finger. It was soft and barely noticeable to the touch. She carefully scooted the small, lifeless body to the edge of the desk and brushed it into her other hand. Cradling her hands under the creature she headed for the front doors.

I know you’re dead, little guy, but the flower bed is probably better than the garbage can.

Lucy approached the doors of the library, and before pushing them open she could hear the whistling sound of the heavy winds that mark the coming of fall to the Oregon coast. Protecting the moth from being blown out into further insult in death, she cupped both hands around it like a shelter.

Gusts enveloped Lucy’s body in