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    Drama Detective: A Nicky and Noah Mystery
    Drama Detective: A Nicky and Noah Mystery
    Drama Detective: A Nicky and Noah Mystery
    Ebook238 pages3 hours

    Drama Detective: A Nicky and Noah Mystery

    By Joe Cosentino

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    About this ebook

    Theater professor Nicky Abbondanza is directing a Sherlock Holmes musical in a professional summer stock production at Treemeadow College, co-starring his husband and theatre professor colleague Noah Oliver as Dr. John Watson. When cast members begin toppling over like hammy actors at a curtain call, Nicky dons Holmes’ persona on stage and off. Once again Nicky and Noah will need to use their drama skills to figure out who is lowering the street lamps on the actors before the handsome couple get half-baked on Baker Street. You will be applauding and shouting Bravo for Joe Cosentino’s fast-paced, side-splittingly funny, edge-of-your-seat entertaining fifth novel in this delightful series. Curtain up, the game is afoot!

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherJoe Cosentino
    Release dateOct 28, 2017
    ISBN9781370423514
    Drama Detective: A Nicky and Noah Mystery
    Author

    Joe Cosentino

    JOE COSENTINO was voted Favorite MM Mystery, Humorous, and Contemporary Author of the Year by the readers of Divine Magazine for Drama Queen, the first Nicky and Noah mystery novel. He is also the author of the remaining Nicky and Noah mysteries: Drama Muscle, Drama Cruise, Drama Luau, Drama Detective, Drama Fraternity, Drama Castle, Drama Dance, Drama Faerie, Drama Runway, Drama Christmas, Drama Pan, Drama TV, Drama Oz, Drama Prince, Drama Merry, Drama Daddy, and Drama King; the Player Piano Mysteries: The Player and The Player’s Encore; the Jana Lane Mysteries: Paper Doll, Porcelain Doll, Satin Doll, China Doll, Rag Doll; the Cozzi Cove series: Cozzi Cove: Bouncing Back, Moving Forward, Stepping Out, New Beginnings, Happy Endings; the In My Heart Anthology: An Infatuation & A Shooting Star; the Tales from Fairyland Anthology: The Naked Prince and Other Tales from Fairyland and Holiday Tales from Fairyland; the Bobby and Paolo Holiday Stories Anthology: A Home for the Holidays, The Perfect Gift, The First Noel; and the Found At Last Anthology: Finding Giorgio and Finding Armando. His books have won numerous Book of the Month awards and Rainbow Award Honorable Mentions. As an actor, Joe appeared in principal roles in film, television, and theatre, opposite stars such as Bruce Willis, Rosie O’Donnell, Nathan Lane, Jason Robards, and Holland Taylor. He received his Master of Fine Arts degree from Goddard College, Master’s degree from SUNY New Paltz, and is a happily married emeritus college theatre professor residing in New York State.

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      Book preview

      Drama Detective - Joe Cosentino

      Table of Contents

      Cast of Characters

      Chapter One

      Chapter Two

      Chapter Three

      Chapter Four

      Chapter Five

      Chapter Six

      Chapter Seven

      Chapter Eight

      Chapter Nine

      Epilogue

      About the Author

      Praise for the Nicky and Noah mysteries:

      Joe Cosentino has a unique and fabulous gift. His writing is flawless, and his use of farce, along with his convoluted plot-lines, will have you guessing until the very last page, which makes his books a joy to read. His books are worth their weight in gold, and if you haven't discovered them yet you are in for a rare treat. —Divine Magazine

      a combination of Laurel and Hardy mixed with Hitchcock and Murder She Wrote…Loaded with puns and one-liners…Right to the end, you are kept guessing, and the conclusion still has a surprise in store for you. —Optimumm Book Reviews

      adventure, mystery, and romance with every page….Funny, clever, and sweet….I can’t find anything not to love about this series….This read had me laughing and falling in love….Nicky and Noah are my favorite gay couple. —Urban Book Reviews

      For fans of Joe Cosentino's hilarious mysteries, this is another vintage story with more cheeky asides and sub plots right left and centre….The story is fast paced, funny and sassy. The writing is very witty with lots of tongue-in-cheek humour….Highly recommended. —Boy Meets Boy Reviews

      This delightfully sudsy, colorful cast of characters would rival that of any daytime soap opera, and the character exchanges are rife with sass, wit and cagey sarcasm….As the pages turn quickly, the author keeps us hanging until the startling end. —Edge Media Network

      A laugh and a murder, done in the style we have all come to love….This had me from the first paragraph….Another wonderful story with characters you know and love! —Crystals Many Reviewers

      These two are so entertaining….Their tactics in finding clues and the crazy funny interactions between characters keeps the pages turning. For most of the book if I wasn't laughing I was grinning. —Jo and Isa Love Books

      Superb fun from start to finish, for me this series gets stronger with every book and that’s saying something because the benchmark was set so very high with book 1. —Three Books Over the Rainbow

      The Nicky and Noah Mysteries series are perfect for fans of the Cozy Mystery sub-genre. They mix tongue-in-cheek humor, over-the-top characters, a wee bit of political commentary, and suspense into a sweet little mystery solved by Nicky and Noah, theatre professors for whom all the world’s a stage. —Prism Book Alliance

      This is one hilarious series with a heart and it just keeps getting better. I highly recommend them all, and please read them in the order they were written for full blown laugh out loud reading pleasure! —Scattered Thoughts and Rogue Words

      Books by Joe Cosentino

      The Nicky and Noah Comedy Mystery Series:

      Drama Queen

      Drama Muscle

      Drama Cruise

      Drama Luau

      Drama Detective

      Drama Fraternity

      Drama Castle (coming soon)

      Drama Dance (coming soon)

      The Cozzi Cove series (NineStar Press):

      Cozzi Cove: Bouncing Back

      Cozzi Cove: Moving Forward

      Cozzi Cove: Stepping Out

      Cozzi Cove: New Beginnings

      The Dreamspinner Press novellas:

      In My Heart: An Infatuation & A Shooting Star

      The Naked Prince and Other Tales from Fairyland

      Bobby and Paolo Holiday Stories: A Home for the Holidays and The Perfect Gift

      The Jana Lane Mysteries:

      Paper Doll

      Porcelain Doll (The Wild Rose Press)

      Satin Doll (The Wild Rose Press)

      China Doll (The Wild Rose Press)

      Rag Doll (The Wild Rose Press)

      Drama

      Detective

      A Nicky and Noah Mystery

      Joe Cosentino

      Copyright © 2017 Joe Cosentino

      Print ISBN-13: 978-1973942436

      Print ISBN-10: 1973942437

      Printed in the United State of America

      Smashwords Edition

      First Edition, 2017

      This is a work of fiction. All characters, places and events are from the author’s very vivid imagination and should not be confused with fact. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, events or places is purely coincidental.

      All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in any material form, whether by printing, photocopying, scanning or otherwise without the written permission of the author.

      This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you are reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to your favorite ebook retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

      The content of this book is not meant to diagnose, treat, or prevent any illness or condition. This novel is for mature readers.

      Cover Art and Design

      by Holly McCabe

      Editing and Interior Design

      by Fred Wolinsky

      DEDICATION

      To Fred for everything, to the readers who begged for another Nicky and Noah mystery, and to everyone who loves a good mystery and a good detective.

      Cast of Characters

      Cast and Crew of the new Sherlock Holmes musical at Treemeadow College:

      Nicky Abbondanza, Professor of Play Directing, Play Director, Sherlock Holmes Understudy

      Noah Oliver, Nicky’s husband, Professor of Acting, Dr. John Watson

      Martin Anderson, Theatre Department Head/Professor of Theatre Management, Langdale Pike

      Ruben Markinson, Martin’s husband, Producer, Porky Johnson Understudy

      Shayla Johnson, Theatre Department Office Assistant, Mrs. Hudson Understudy and Irene Adler Understudy

      Taavi Kapule, Nicky and Noah’s adopted son, Butch a Baker Street Irregular

      Tony Abbondanza, Nicky’s Brother, Choreographer, Professor Moriarty Understudy

      Richard Richardson, Sherlock Holmes

      Delilah Dream (Richardson), Richard’s wife, Mrs. Hudson

      Trevor Worth, Professor Moriarty

      Harvey Snigger, Porky Johnson

      Bruno Lucho, Inspector Lestrade

      Adena Said, Irene Adler

      Corey Sundance, Alumnus of Treemeadow College, Stage Manager, Inspector Lestrade Understudy

      Mark Melody, Author, Musical Director, Langdale Pike Understudy

      The Family:

      Valentina (Mama) and Giacomo (Papa) Abbondanza, Nicky’s Parents

      Bonnie (Mom) and Scott (Dad) Oliver, Noah’s Parents

      Law Enforcement:

      Detective Jose Manuello

      We’ll Never Tell:

      Tyrone Richardson, Richard Richardson’s father, Broadway legend

      Fr. Pedro File

      Buck Nutterlander, Broadway Producer

      Ghosts of Treemeadow College’s founders Harold Tree and Jacob Meadow

      CHAPTER ONE

      The Victorian, lamppost-lined London street was forebodingly dark. Prostitutes in low-cut, shabby dresses dug their heels into the dirty gray pavement. A heavy-set man in an expensive suit signaled to an older, small man with a knowing grin. The jeweler locked up his shop and hurried down the street. One of the prostitutes raised a dagger to the jeweler’s throat, grabbed his bag, and disappeared into a smoky alley, as the prostitute transformed into a well-dressed man with a long nose and beady eyes. Another prostitute screamed. The inspector and his men hurried onto the street.

      Suddenly, a honky-tonk piano introduction led each of them to face front and belt out, Acting Butch on Baker Street, a rousing opening number featuring spinning members of the underworld and a Scotland Yard kick line. At the conclusion of the number, everyone ended with a frozen smile, looking like a pack of right-wing politicians entering a ghetto.

      Good energy, everyone! Let’s take a ten-minute break, I called out from my front row center seat in the audience.

      I’m Nicky Abbondonza, Associate Professor of Directing at Treemeadow College, a quaint college in Vermont named after its benefactors, couple Harold Tree and Jacob Meadow. Or as we call them, Treemeadow’s Adam and Steve. Since you can’t see me, I’ll tell you I’m tall, pretty muscular, courtesy of Treemeadow’s gym and my insomnia, with dark hair, green eyes, and a Roman nose. If you’ve read my other four stories, you know I generally wear a dress shirt, blazer, and slacks. You’ll also know that murder is on the menu as are an assortment of characters (and I mean characters)—suspects and victims—as I try to figure out whodunit. So let’s get the game afoot. Ah, speaking of a foot, you newcomers should know another little tidbit of information. Well, not so little actually. I’m referring to my penis. It would make a porn star blush. My nickname in the gym locker room back home in Kansas was Donkey Donza. Yes, I’m from Kansas, a true friend of Dorothy’s.

      Back to the story. Since it’s summertime, our cozy New England campus is full of multicolored flowers, babbling brooks, warm sunshine, and peace and quiet. So quiet that my department head and best friend, Martin Anderson, Professor of Theatre Management, decided to transform our college theatre into a professional summer stock venue for the tryout of a new Sherlock Holmes Broadway bound musical. True to Martin’s nature, he also took on a role in the play, Langdale Pike (society informer).

      Martin, short, thin, bald, and somewhere between seventy and six-feet-under, stood downstage center (meaning closest to the audience for you non-thespians) in his Victorian gray suit. Nicky, do you think I should act more like a gossip in the opening number?

      You couldn’t act more like a gossip if twenty closet-gay actors from Hollywood left their beards and asked you for advice on whom to date, Martin’s husband said sitting third row house left.

      I’ll explain. Though Martin is a terrific department head and professor, his brainstorms generally end up as headaches for Martin’s long-suffering spouse, Ruben Markinson, who Martin convinced to be our show’s producer. To raise needed funds for this venture, Ruben, the CEO of a gay rights organization, interviewed Broadway chorus boys about their peccadilloes, and then hit up anti-gay Republican legislators to buy shares of the show (and their silence). Next, we held auditions in New York City and found our cast. When our budget had been spent, Ruben (having been bitten by the acting bug in our previous capers) agreed to be understudy for one of the characters in the show, Porky Johnson (agent in the criminal underworld). The rest of the understudies (including yours truly understudying Sherlock Holmes), as well as the ensemble, designers, and technical crews, all came from our college population (including the kids whose parents didn’t want them loafing around at home over the summer).

      Like all of us who love Martin, Ruben is well aware of Martin’s inquisitive nature. Ruben called out to his husband, Martin, you and gossip go together like an HMO customer service representative and the words, ‘not covered.’

      No comments from the peanut gallery, Martin replied from the stage.

      Ruben glared over the laptop on his knees. Don’t make me fire you, Martin.

      You try and I’ll bring you up on charges with Equity.

      Touché, Martin. Ruben blew him a mime kiss.

      Martin caught it and placed it against his heart.

      The true sanctity of marriage. Speaking of marriage, my handsome, kind, and sweet husband, Assistant Professor of Acting Noah Oliver, entered the theatre house looking good enough to eat in his chocolate-colored Victorian three-piece suit. Noah’s long blond hair, crystal blue eyes, and slim frame made him a delectable Dr. John Watson. Sitting next to me, as usual Noah thought only of others. Have you eaten dinner, Nicky?

      I ate a turkey on whole wheat sandwich while we did the lighting cue-to-cue rehearsal. Or maybe I was just thinking about the show being a turkey.

      Noah put his arm around my shoulder and kissed my cheek. It felt warm and comforting, like home. Nicky, as the tech week saying goes, ‘take one nervous breakdown at a time.’

      Dad’s right. Hang loose, Pop, said our son Taavi sitting at my other side.

      When lecherous stage mothers flooded our New York City auditions with children who made Rosemary’s baby look like an angel, I became Papa Rose and cast our newly adopted eight-year-old son, Taavi Kapule, as a Baker Street Irregular. Hailing originally from Hawaii, Taavi shot me the hang loose sign, which made me giggle, since Taavi wore Dodger blue knickers, long socks, a shirt, vest, and cap.

      Taavi said, The show’s going to be great.

      And you’re terrific in your role. Noah beamed like an agent with a client nominated for an Oscar.

      Taavi gazed at the stage as if it were heaven. Being on stage is such a high.

      The acting bug has bitten. I’m glad you’re having a good time, Taavi.

      But the best thing about being in the play is spending so much time with you and Dad. Taavi put his little arms around me.

      Noah and I smiled at each other, both blinking back tears.

      I love you guys more each day.

      If Taavi doesn’t make it as an actor, he can be a politician.

      Suddenly, student designers of the sets, props, costumes, lighting, and sound flooded around me like ants at a clumsy man’s picnic. I screamed like the victim of a chain gang attack. So Noah lined them up one by one, and then I answered their questions as Noah took Taavi off to the bathroom.

      When the crowd had dispersed like environmentalists at a fracking site, Corey Sundance, our stage manager, called the break over, and the actors shuffled back on stage like horses in an old western movie. Corey, sitting at the stage manager’s console off stage left, is twenty-two with ginger hair, turquoise eyes, and a lean, very cut body. After graduating from Treemeadow as a theatre major, Corey starred in a low budget NC 13 indie film that made his naked backside a favorite computer screensaver upload. Unfortunately, the buck stopped there, literally. So Corey auditioned for us and flew into a bad boy tantrum, like his movie character, when I didn’t cast him in our show. After I calmed him down, he took on the job of stage manager and understudy for Inspector Lestrade, because as he said like a true theatre professional, I gotta be a part of this show, dude.

      I’m sure you’re wondering where we found a musical version of Sherlock Holmes. When word got out about town that we were looking for a property to produce, Mark Melody (whose musical based on Dracula, You Suck, had crowned him the Prince of Off-Broadway) sought us out. Mark offered his latest all-sung musical script, Is Holmes a Homo?, as well as his services as musical director and understudy for Martin’s role of Langdale Pike—for a percentage of the show instead of a salary. Since the show was funny, if not inspired, and more importantly the price was right, Ruben signed us up for the tryout at Treemeadow. Try saying that three times fast.

      I turned around to face Mark sitting behind me. Please work with the cast to clean up the harmonies in the opening number before every dog in Vermont is at our stage door.

      I know, Mark replied with a groan. This is fast becoming The Little Show of Horrors. Mark, at thirty, tall, dark-skinned, and thin, rose from his seat. "I think I Can-Can. I think I Can-Can." As you musical theatre savvy folks can see (and I bet there are quite a few of you), Mark talks in Broadway musicals. Want to guess his sexual orientation?

      When Mark was in the orchestra pit looking up at the singers (I use the term singers broadly), Corey called out to him from the stage manager console in the wing, Showing some skin might help the number.

      Mark’s face lit up like a jack-o-lantern at a bomb site. "Nicky, can we replace the opening number with ’You Gotta Have a Gimmick’ from Gypsy?"

      No! I called out to the theatre ether.

      Mark shrugged, sat behind the synthesizer, and got to work with the cast.

      I noticed Harvey Snigger (Porky Johnson) on stage approaching my pal Martin (Langdale Pike) to rehearse their dance in the opening number. Harvey is a chubby, balding, round-faced sitcom star, who came to us seeking a legitimate theatre credit. With visions of couch potatoes laying down their potato chips and cash at top ticket prices for a look at Harvey in the flesh, Ruben as producer signed Harvey up to play the agent in London’s criminal underworld.

      After a bit of their rehearsal, Harvey placed his hand on his hip, did a double take, and shook his jowls like a turkey in November.

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