The Ministry of Unladylike Warfare

After taking part in the uncovering of a Russian plot in the Mongolian town of Saynshand, Li Bic is sent to England to be trained as a secret agent for the British Empire. Her first mission is to Manchester's Chinatown.

The Ministry of Unladylike Warfare

by

Lesley Arrowsmith

39,921 words

Smashwords Edition

Copyright 2017 Lesley Arrowsmith

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Notes:

In the musical evening scene, The Nightmare Song is from Iolanthe, by Gilbert and Sullivan.

Champagne Charlie is a music hall song made popular by George Leybourne.

Johnny Tod is sung to the theme of Z Cars (1960s and 70s police series set in Liverpool)

Speak low to me, my Saviour, low and sweet is by Elizabeth Barrett Browning.

There was movement at the station.... is The Man From Snowy River, by Banjo Paterson.

Daisy, Daisy is a music hall song by Harry Dacre.

The bell ringing code comes from The Nine Tailors, by Dorothy L. Sayers.

The Playfair code comes from Have His Carcase, by Dorothy L. Sayers.

I got a lot of invaluable information about handling firearms from Popular Handguns, by Larry Koller, published in 1957.

The title comes from the World War Two nickname for SOE.

In Manchester, the Mitre Hotel still exists, but was never run by Mrs Colenso - she was my gran's best friend of over fifty years, who at various times ran a boarding house in Blackpool and a pub in Ireland - and she did have a shelf behind the counter to stand on!

There was no Chinatown in Manchester in the 1890s - the Hong Kong Chinese started arriving en masse in the 1960s, mostly moving up from Liverpool. But this is my version of Manchester, so they arrived in the 1860s. The Kwok Man is a real restaurant, owned by the Yip family, and really is famous for its dim sum. Anything else about it in the story is purely fiction.

Longquan Temple in Beijing has a robot monk called Xian'er.

Chapter One: A Stately Home in England

I say, are you Miss Lee? The speaker was a stout, middle aged English lady wearing an old fashioned bonnet and cape.

Bic was, at that moment, sitting on her steamer trunk (now decorated with several new labels from the aerodromes she had passed through), wondering what to do next. It had been very pleasant to drift across the world with nothing more strenuous to do than look out of the windows at the passing views, and it had been two days since she last set foot on terra firma. It was chilly enough for her to have dug out her only thick coat from the steamer trunk on her arrival, this being her Mongolian del. She had no suitable hat to wear with it - the bonnet trimmed with yellow was far too frvolous, and the straw hat altogether too summery for the beginning of October in England, so she had merely wrapped a silk scarf around her head.

She had taken full advantage of the customs check, changing into the coat while the uniformed official checked her luggage. He had raised an eyebrow at the Webley pistol stowed in the bottom of the trunk, but one look at the invitation card Bic showed him, which she had been carrying since she received it at the British Embassy in Peking, was enough for him to make no comment and to quietly bury the pistol under the skirts of her afternoon gown.

And then she had, gradually, been left alone. The dozen or so passengers who had travelled with her from Canada had already left the frankly primitive wooden shed on the edge of the landing field when the older woman arrived.

I'm Li Bic, she said, with some relief, jumping up from the trunk to shake the woman by the hand. And you...?

I'm here to escort you to the Hall, Miss Li, the woman said, getting the pronunciation of Bic's last name exactly right at her second try. I have a cab waiting outside to take us to the station. She shook Bic's outstretched hand. I'm Miss Franklin, and since I happened to be going in the same direction, it seemed sensible for me to pick you up on the way.

So, are you one of the students, too? Bic asked brightly.

I'm the cipher instructor, Miss Franklin said, smiling slightly. And do, please, ask to see my credentials next time - you don't want to be going off with just anybody, in a strange country, do you? As she spoke, she was opening her handbag, to reveal an invitation card the twin of the one in Bic's own purse.

Bic took it out to compare. I guess I'm still not quite there yet with mistrusting everybody until I'm sure about who they are, she said. But that's what I'm here to learn, isn't it?

The cab driver soon stowed Bic's trunk and other luggage, and drove them the short distance to Northolt Junction. It was very dark, and Bic only got an impression of soot darkened brickwork and a platform with a couple of wooden benches bolted to the ground. Then the train arrived in a cloud of steam and gritty smoke, and they were rattling their way out of the station and into an area of dimly seen houses huddled together, quickly followed by trees and fields.

They passed through several stations, and a lot more countryside, and Bic had absolutely no idea where they were when Miss Franklin looked up from the mitten she had been knitting and announced that the next stop was theirs.

Bic saw a station sign for Bletchley illuminated by an oil lamp overhead, and then there was the whole rigmarole of finding a cab outside, and getting the luggage stowed. Miss Franklin also had a trunk, as well as the enormous carpet bag she carried with her, which seemed to be entirely full of knitting supplies.

The cab drive took maybe twenty minutes - Bic got the general impression of more fields and trees beyond the hedge at the side of the lane they were trotting down - and then they were on the driveway of a real, honest to goodness English stately home! It was a smallish one, but the square bulk of it seemed very much like the big houses in the States that were intended to be copies of the originals, especially back East. Wide windows spilled light onto either side of steps which led up to the central front door. The drive circled a stone fountain on a small lawn, and there were lower buildings to one side.

Take that, Lizzie Peabody! Bic thought in triumph. None of the Boston girls she had been to school with had ever stayed in a stately home in England!

Servants from the house came out to take the luggage, as the cab driver was paid off, and Miss Franklin led Bic up the steps to the front entrance.

Inside, it was not quite so grand as it had first appeared. The entrance hall was plainly panelled in dark wood, with a main staircase to the back. There was a counter like a hotel lobby to one side of the front door, where an old man was reading a newspaper. He was wearing a shabby cardigan, unlike the smartly dressed servants who were carrying her trunk, and Miss Franklin's, to the bottom of the staircase.

Evenin' Gertie, he said, as Miss Franklin hove into view. What we got here then?

Miss Li, the American young lady, Miss Franklin said, with a slight hesitation over the word 'American' as if it was something one didn't mention in polite company.

The old man stood up and perused a rack of keys at the back of the counter. Ere we go, miss, he said. Room three. Top of the first set of stairs and turn right. You're one of the first to arrive, so you get one of the best rooms. Dinner's at seven thirty, so you've only just got time to change.

I think I'm wearing the only decent clothes I've got left! Bic said, ruefully. The clothes I brought from China are kind of an odd mix....

He looked at her Mongolian coat, and smiled. Not to worry, miss, he said. Tomorrow morning, after breakfast, you and me can have a nice sit down with a cup of tea and the Army and Navy Catalogue, and you can send off for anything you need. Everybody does, when they come here.

That's a relief, Bic said. But - do I have to pay for that? I'm not sure I'll be able to afford it.

All part of the service for new recruits, miss, he said. We get you the right kit to start with, and see how it goes from there.

She smiled, shook hands with Miss Franklin, and set off up the stairs in the wake of the men carrying her trunk. Room three was clearly marked, and she stepped through the door to find the fire lit in the grate. The servants heaved her trunk to a position against the wall opposite the bed, and left.

She bounced a little on the bed - a decent mattress, she was pleased to see. The bunks in the airship berths were comfortable enough, but narrow, and after a while, quite hard, but here was a comfortable bed, an armchair by the fire, wash stand, wardrobe and chest of drawers - everything she would need for the next ten weeks.

She flipped up the lid of the trunk and frowned at the contents. When she left the British Embassy in Peking, she had given back the evening dresses she had borrowed from Eileen O'Conor, the Ambassador's daughter. Eileen had been rather more - buxom - than Bic anyway, so they had never really set off Bic's figure to best advantage. On the various airships she had been travelling on, it had not been necessary to dress for dinner, so her sober travelling dresses were quite adequate, but here, she wasn't so sure. After all, she was in a British stately home, even if it was also a training school for spies. She needed to go shopping, desperately, but she had no idea where the nearest town with an adequate seamstress might be, or if she would be allowed off the premises to indulge in a shopping trip. She wondered if the Army and Navy catalogue was anything like the Sincere department store in Shanghai.

There was a laundry basket by the door, and she started picking out the dirty clothes to put in it. Down near the bottom of the trunk were the clothes she had worn while travelling up the Grand Canal. The gym clothes were so obviously unsuitable that she didn't even consider them, but there was something there that might be considered to be evening attire. So, since Miss Franklin at least knew she had just arrived from China (and there was no disguising her features) she changed into her prettiest cheong sam.

What ho, boys! Oriental beauty ahoy! The remark was half whispered, but Bic still heard it plainly enough. There were three young Englishmen at the other end of the dinner table. Two were dressed in the usual black suits with white shirts - one of these was raising